Overandover

I am so thankful I found this forum, it has helped me to understand what my daughter must be going through. Everytime something happens I think she has reached rock bottom, but then something else happens that is worst then the time before.. I wish someone could give me some advice, I am so close to giving up hope she will ever be clean. She is 38 and probably been using some sort of drug since she was 16. She has been in trouble with the law so many times, she just spent 30 days in jail and wore a tether for 90 days after the jail time, I thought from what she said, that jail was so bad, she never wanted to go there again and would never do drugs again. Well since then her boyfriend of 8 years finally decided he couldn't deal with her anymore, she was drinking allot, so he asked her to leave. To make a long story short, I haven't heard from her in almost a week, I have no idea where she is, I'm worried sick. I found out from a friend of hers, she was doing crack, living in a drug house, but left there, and prostituting, and she must be living wherever she can find a place. I want to help her, but I don't know how, or even if I could if I found her. I am sick with worry. Any ideas, I don't want to give up on her.

eantunes

wow, that was... I don't even know how I feel, Jon's account just made me cry... last night, I found out that my 'recovering' boyfriend is not recovering.
I have been dating the man of my dreams for over four months now. When we first started dating, I knew he was addicted to pot and selling it as well. I also knew he had a colourful history in regards to drug use. I told him that I didn't mind him smoking pot but I didn't need drug selling in my life. He gave it up.
About a month of dating, my birthday came. My boyfriend was acting weird and I asked him about it. He eventually admitted to using percocets. I was quite upset about it, he promised to never use them again and I just asked that he be open about it and tell me when he does. He agreed.
Last night, I was cleaning up the house when a spoon fell out of one of his bags (it was an old bag where he stored his drug paraphanilia). It was burned on the bottom and had a white resin on top. I found another one and recognized them as part of our set of spoons. I tried to deny it. I tried to think that they were from before we were dating, but I also knew we were short spoons and that they were ours. I had to go out last night so I didn't mention it when my boyfriend got home. I planned on sitting down and having a supportive conversation with him in an effort to open up the lines of communication. I came earlier than expected. He was standing at the kitchen counter, freaked out when I came in and ran into the bedroom, throwing something into his bag. I asked him what it was. He said it was his pot, but he knows that I'm ok with him smoking pot. I eventually coaxed him to let me open his bag and found percs and a spoon. He was really sketchy, and I didn't know why. He was foaming at the mouth and all itchy. He put on a shirt, but not long enough to cover the blood on his arm. He had track needles on his arm. He was poking percs. Apparently, he did it the night before and has done it half a dozen times since we've started dating.
I almost kicked him out but that's not going to help him. He asked me to help him. So, here I am.

Don't know what else to say now, still reeling from Jon's account...

Am2Bloved

WHAT ADDICTS DO! You will never know how much reading this his helped me to finally say...ENOUGH...I have finally surrended tonight, I know this is not my battle but my ex...I wish him well!!!

bluegrassviking

Man, this is good stuff for me. I am an alcoholic/addict who just relapsed on prescription drugs after two good years of sobriety, but by the grace of my HP I am clean again and starting all over. What really hit home for me was reading how it feels from the other side, the insanity, the hurt and emotional pain we create by our addictive behaviors. It is so true that when I am using I completely lose touch with all my humanity, my whole life becomes dominated by my uncontrolable need to do more and more, to never run out. Self-centered, self serving, drug using A-hole. When I am in the midst of a run, there is only one thing that truly matters, everything else is dispensable. And I will lie, cheat, steal, and do just about anything when I am in the grips. When I am clean and sober, especially when working the 12 steps, and active in AA/NA, I am one of the nicest, most responsible, caring and loving person you'll ever meet. Well maybe that is a stretch, but my family is happy, my children are happy, and things go well. The insanity goes away. I am truly blessed that my second wife has stood by me. I know I have hurt her many times over and reading all of these posts makes me realize her pain even more. I am befuddled by my addiction, I truly never dreamed as a kid to grow up to be an addict/alcoholic. Perhaps its in my genes, I don't know, but that always seems like a cop out excuse to me. All I know is that I have a desease called alcoholism/addiction and if I take one drink or one drug the mental obsession returns and everything I have will go down the tubes. The wife, the kids, the job, the car, the home and eventually my freedom or life.....adious. The next time I have physical pain and a doctor tries to prescribe some narcotics I will not accept them. The physical pain I may have to endure for a short period pales in comparison to the long term pain that I will cause if I use and then relapse. I for one am unwilling to risk that. I never want to hurt anyone ever again in my life and I am willing to go to any lengths to keep this beautiful gift called sobriety. Thanks to all of you for posting your pain caused by your significant addicted others, it has helped me immensely. One day at a time.....Keep on the sunny side of life.........bluegrassviking

Miss Melinda

Wonderful post!! Sometimes I really do not like to hear the truth.......and I guess that is why the truth hurts sometimes. Thank you for posting that, I needed a dose of harsh reality and the truth!!!!!

Christal

I have been dealing with my husband's drug abuse for the last 14 years. I have confronted him and even left once for a year then came back for our son's sake...but now I know that was a mistake, I've only hurt my son more by him seeing his fathers lifestyle of staying gone all the time and having little to do with him...not to mention giving birth to my beautiful daughter in the middle of all of this and her growing up having to see this too.. He has told me a million times that he doesnt have any interest in quiting drugs and that is the thing he likes to do more than anything else and it makes him happy. We have 2 children together and hearing him say this and knowing it is absolutely true hurts so bad. He chooses drugs over us everyday...and when he doesnt have them he is so depressed, grouchy and withdrawn that I almost wish he would just go and do some and stay away from us. I am going to print this out and hang this on my fridge. I know that he may glance and it or maybe even read it..but it will have no affect on him...he doesnt care. BUT it will help me and my children and thats all that matters to me anymore. Thank you.

Shalom

This is my first post, having read the others it's kinda reasuring that I'm not alone and yet the reality of it all really is gut wrenching and heart breaking stuff. My situation with my partner is very much the same as those posted and yet I still continue to live for tomorrow and cling onto the good times, hopes and promises. I fell in love with my addict not realising his problem until several months into the relationship, were now a year on with so many attempts at him getting clean. I began to understand very quickly just how much pain addicts are in together with the blackness of the disease. I live in hope as I know God is knocking on his heart and has other plans - he just cant see it yet and I believe in miracles! It's such a tough journey, one day at a time......

Ann

Welcome, Shalom. Hope you'll come down to the regular threads and join us for a bit.

Hugs
Ann

Tricky

i am in full blown active addiction and i can totally relate to this, by staying with me you enable me, by trying to help it makes it ok for me to use because even tho im using your saying its ok, il take your help and use it to my advantage il take your love and drain you, you can not help or save me if im using i dont want help, if im using i dont want to be saved. i know all of this because this is what ive done to my girlfriend for the past year, im selfish, im devious, im dishonest, . . . most of all im sick. detatch with love that is the only way you can help me, i can not have a rock bottem while your with me, if i have ten pounds left and have a choice of eithier the electric or drugs it will be the drugs every time, because you will not sit in the dark and i can not live with the results of my choice, if you werent there i would have to sit in the dark then i might realize the consequences of what i had done. . . i hope this helps
tricky . . .[trying to get myself clean]

Ann

Thanks Tricky for sharing that. We need to hear often from people like you who are willing to tell it like it is. We can only deal with our side of the problem when we know the reality of what is wrong.

Wishing you well with your recovery, and just know that you've come to a good place for support.

Hugs
Ann

yvonner

I know I am not alone when it come to dealing and living with the addiction problem my boyfriend has. Just earlier this week my honey and I where making plans to go camping this weekend to celebrate his birthday which happens to be today. Well unfortunetly yesterday he decided he needed a couple of drinks and of course drinking leads to drugs. I don't want our love to come to an end because I know even if I am far from him I am going to worry about him and hope that he is ok. I don't know what to do to help him. I have tried looking for a place for him to go to but he sais he does not want to stop having "fun". The other day he popped about 9 pills of X and got very crazy. I am so heartbroken and worried for his safety and health. He is a wonderful man when he is sober but he can't manage to go more than 1 week and a half without doing something. I need help. We need help. This morning I got pushed to the limit and I told him if he wanted to be part of my children and my life he was going to need to look for help. He said he would at first but then after a while he said "forget it!" I don't want help...not right now!". I am now at work any worried sick for him. I think he is out getting high and drinking right now. He keeps text messaging me saying "God, why am I so fine?" and things like that to get to me. Please Help..Anyone!

mendingheart

Thanks Ann. This is just what I needed today. I am in a funk, and am having difficulty dealing with the I love you, but do not call or contact . .......
I am struggling .....this says it all. I am printing this to read when my chatterbox gets the best of me.
You have been very kind.

Petra

Ann I thank you for reposting this message. I too put this on my fridge and it saved my sanity just this week. Everytime my husband hurt me I would read it. Stop being surprised that says it all.

Thanks again

2nd2drugs

I am new to all this and that post "what addicts do" is really hard to read. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is currently in rehab for the first time. I belive in him and i know he will overcome, but deep down the fear of relapse over comes me. How do I deal? I know i must focus on myself, and i do, its just so hard. he will be home in 2 weeks and he sounds so good. i am looking forward to a new future with him. hearing an addict say when i say i love u i lie is like a knife in my heart. Does anyone have a happy ending that could boost my spirits?

mendingheart

I think we always want to have faith in our loved ones, and for those of us who are not an addict I suppose it would just be taken for granted.
I wish I could tell you otherwise, but my Abf has been through the ringer, and relapsed.
It is so sad to look at him and know that all that struggle was gone.
I know things happen for a reason, but I am running out of reasons to look at this any other way at this point.
I hope yours gets the message and is ready to move forward.
Just remember(this is what has helped me tremendously.) DON"T BE SURPRISED
When I accepted this thought, I aleviated a lot of pain I put on myself(I can't believe he did this or that.....cannot believe!!!) I have accepted this and it works much better.
Good luck to you both.....take care of you.

maryzcat

This is the first time I've seen in writing a complete description of my son. What an eye-opening!, it hurts so much, though. It's really hard to face reality.
Maryzcat

Alyssa

Jon-

What about if they are in recovery? Can you trust them?

historyteach

Alyssa;
Let their actions do the talking.
There's an old joke around here...
Q. How do you know if an addict/alcoholic is lying?
A. The lips are moving.
Actions speak so much louder than words....
C'mon down to the naranon forum; meet the gang!
Shalom!

worriedsick

Ann,
Thank you very much for putting What addicts do, it helps me to understand why my son acts the way he does. I threw him out on May 16, I have no idea where he is staying. I gave him 4 options rehab,psychriast and urine tests,go live in different state with sister to get clean and away from all his friends that do drugs, the other was to go live with his dad that is about 2 hours away. It was the hardest thing I had to do, I just couldn't take it anymore, found too many drugs, disrepectful, and I have 3 daughters at home. He blames me of course, I am so depressed and worried about him.

Worriedsick

Worryallthetime

Sad but true!