Step Study For Codependents
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Wow, Diane, that just touched my heart. I love it when God just reaches down and lets us know that He is there. And with your father as a guardian angel, I just know that Step 2 will be a smooth ride for you.
Hugs
Ann
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: With Good Spirit
Posts: 378
Diane, your story really touched me and reminded me of something that happend to me almost 9 years ago.
My father had just passed away. I was laying in bed and I remember the pain now like it was at that time. I had no comfort and I was laying in a bed of tears.
I remember reaching out with mind, body and spirit for God as I knew him to stop my pain. At that time I felt his arms embrace me. I FELT it. It was not just in thought..he was there. I will never ever forget that moment when I felt that I truly laid in God's arms. I was his child..
I have only shared that story with a few......and it is something that I have kept with me and will keep with me forever. Some may not believe..but at that moment I knew what it felt like to surrender to God, and my faith was eternal....
God Bless!!!
HOPE2055
My father had just passed away. I was laying in bed and I remember the pain now like it was at that time. I had no comfort and I was laying in a bed of tears.
I remember reaching out with mind, body and spirit for God as I knew him to stop my pain. At that time I felt his arms embrace me. I FELT it. It was not just in thought..he was there. I will never ever forget that moment when I felt that I truly laid in God's arms. I was his child..
I have only shared that story with a few......and it is something that I have kept with me and will keep with me forever. Some may not believe..but at that moment I knew what it felt like to surrender to God, and my faith was eternal....
God Bless!!!
HOPE2055
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
I too have been hugged by God and it was incredible, peaceful, awe inspiring. The belief in GOD has never been a problem for me at all.
In step 2, it's the word SANITY that got me. And the concept of being "restored" to sanity. That would presume that (1) I knew what sanity was, and that (2) I had actual been sane at one time, since the concept was to be restored to sanity.
For the longest time I couldn't swear to either of those things. I had family of origin issues, perception vs reality issues, public vs private life issues, etc - it was hard to determine what part of that might have been sane. My sainted sponsor finally had me write out what insanity looked like to me. Then we determined that the opposite of INsanity must be sanity... and THAT was what I strove for. It was such a relief to think that maybe, JUST maybe I could be restored to that kind of sanity even if I couldnt really remember ever being there before.
Step 2 was a great comfort to me. and step 3 was the natural next step!
Hugs
Barb
In step 2, it's the word SANITY that got me. And the concept of being "restored" to sanity. That would presume that (1) I knew what sanity was, and that (2) I had actual been sane at one time, since the concept was to be restored to sanity.
For the longest time I couldn't swear to either of those things. I had family of origin issues, perception vs reality issues, public vs private life issues, etc - it was hard to determine what part of that might have been sane. My sainted sponsor finally had me write out what insanity looked like to me. Then we determined that the opposite of INsanity must be sanity... and THAT was what I strove for. It was such a relief to think that maybe, JUST maybe I could be restored to that kind of sanity even if I couldnt really remember ever being there before.
Step 2 was a great comfort to me. and step 3 was the natural next step!
Hugs
Barb
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi all,
I don't believe it was God that patted me on my shoulder, I believe it was my father. It's what he did, all those "atta-girl" things.
Maybe it was right before he arrived at the gate? I shall never be scared to die, as I KNOW for a fact, that God, and heaven exists.
P.S. God must be a real forgiving kind of guy, my father could be a real terror when he was drinking.
P.SS. As for step two....I never felt like I WAS insane, I just felt the craziness of my actions....Yelling, screaming, worry, fear, passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation....well, gee, listing some of those maybe I was a bit insane....
For me, step two is a cinch.....It's just sometimes I DONT ask for help, I am determined to fix me, without my H.P.'s help.....but, boy..it sure is easier if we just hand it all over isn't it?
I don't believe it was God that patted me on my shoulder, I believe it was my father. It's what he did, all those "atta-girl" things.
Maybe it was right before he arrived at the gate? I shall never be scared to die, as I KNOW for a fact, that God, and heaven exists.
P.S. God must be a real forgiving kind of guy, my father could be a real terror when he was drinking.
P.SS. As for step two....I never felt like I WAS insane, I just felt the craziness of my actions....Yelling, screaming, worry, fear, passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation....well, gee, listing some of those maybe I was a bit insane....
For me, step two is a cinch.....It's just sometimes I DONT ask for help, I am determined to fix me, without my H.P.'s help.....but, boy..it sure is easier if we just hand it all over isn't it?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Diane,
I've gotten some "atta-girl" pats from my Dad since he crossed over.
I went out for a walk with my Dad, one strange fall day when he was in the midst of his Alzheimer's crazieness.
I had just had to get into all his financial stuff to figure out how to carry on where he left off when the disease took him out of the loop.
Doing that made me realize what an amazing and resilient person he had always been.
So, while we took that walk, I told my Dad how proud I was of him for being the amazing and wonderful person he had always been. And how proud I was that he built his remarkable and respectable Coast Guard career, despite my mother's alcoholism.
He listened to all that without saying a word. Then he stopped and looked me straight in the eye and said, "I'm real proud of you too."
Go figure on my Dad. I spent twenty minutes telling him what a wonder he was and all he could come back with was what a wonder I was to him too.
He set sail for a better shore, two and a half years ago...I still miss him a lot. But his "atta-girl" pats still visit me more often than not.
Because the best part of him, is the best part of me. And that lives on.
I've gotten some "atta-girl" pats from my Dad since he crossed over.
I went out for a walk with my Dad, one strange fall day when he was in the midst of his Alzheimer's crazieness.
I had just had to get into all his financial stuff to figure out how to carry on where he left off when the disease took him out of the loop.
Doing that made me realize what an amazing and resilient person he had always been.
So, while we took that walk, I told my Dad how proud I was of him for being the amazing and wonderful person he had always been. And how proud I was that he built his remarkable and respectable Coast Guard career, despite my mother's alcoholism.
He listened to all that without saying a word. Then he stopped and looked me straight in the eye and said, "I'm real proud of you too."
Go figure on my Dad. I spent twenty minutes telling him what a wonder he was and all he could come back with was what a wonder I was to him too.
He set sail for a better shore, two and a half years ago...I still miss him a lot. But his "atta-girl" pats still visit me more often than not.
Because the best part of him, is the best part of me. And that lives on.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tartfest 2007
Posts: 831
My dad's been gone for 6 years. I know he's always been proud of me. He's the one I look to when I'm unsure of a situation. I know he'd want me to be happy. I hope I can relay this to my mom when she finds out about soon to be ex and myself.
The loudest I ever "heard" my dad was an hour after his passing. It was a dreary June day. We left the hospital, went back to my mom's to start planning and making arrangements. My mom and my brother had been up all night at the hospital, my sister and I had been up since 2:30 a.m. when we got the call, made the arrangements w/the spouses, children and babysitters and made the travel arrangements and quickly packed our bags. I thought I'd do the "common sense" thing and put on a pot of coffee to relax us, clear our heads, keep us awake to go through the process. Instead, my brother asks "who wants a beer?" (it's not quite noon and nobody on my side of the family is alcoholic so this was unusual for any of us). My brother got one, my sister said she'd take one, even my SIL who prefers wine spoke up. As soon as I spoke up w/"what the heck, I'll take one", thunder boomed. Of us 3 kids, I was probably the most likely to sneak a sip as a child, and in my late teens, early 20's, indulge too much at times and he'd see the results. My dad loved his beer but was very limited due to his heart condition. My response to the booming thunder was "it's only ONE!".
It's not like he was gonna drink it anyway.
I love you Dad!
The loudest I ever "heard" my dad was an hour after his passing. It was a dreary June day. We left the hospital, went back to my mom's to start planning and making arrangements. My mom and my brother had been up all night at the hospital, my sister and I had been up since 2:30 a.m. when we got the call, made the arrangements w/the spouses, children and babysitters and made the travel arrangements and quickly packed our bags. I thought I'd do the "common sense" thing and put on a pot of coffee to relax us, clear our heads, keep us awake to go through the process. Instead, my brother asks "who wants a beer?" (it's not quite noon and nobody on my side of the family is alcoholic so this was unusual for any of us). My brother got one, my sister said she'd take one, even my SIL who prefers wine spoke up. As soon as I spoke up w/"what the heck, I'll take one", thunder boomed. Of us 3 kids, I was probably the most likely to sneak a sip as a child, and in my late teens, early 20's, indulge too much at times and he'd see the results. My dad loved his beer but was very limited due to his heart condition. My response to the booming thunder was "it's only ONE!".
It's not like he was gonna drink it anyway.
I love you Dad!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tartfest 2007
Posts: 831
Originally Posted by Gabe
SWC,
Why do you think you are the cause of his feelings?
That's a pretty heavy rap to lay on yourself my friend.
He chooses to feel the way he does.
He chooses to act the way he does.
None of that has anything to do with you.
Don't own what's his, it doesn't become you.
And you know I think you are the most becoming thing in the world.
Why do you think you are the cause of his feelings?
That's a pretty heavy rap to lay on yourself my friend.
He chooses to feel the way he does.
He chooses to act the way he does.
None of that has anything to do with you.
Don't own what's his, it doesn't become you.
And you know I think you are the most becoming thing in the world.
I'm still working on Step One. I think I have a fantastic grasp on it, but being OC that I am, I'm not settling for accepting that I've "worked it". I'm using all avenues to review myself and the 2 most prominent relationships in my life to make sure I haven't missed anything. I think Step Two will be easier and I can't wait to get there.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Wow, those were powerful stories! I haven't checked in for a couple of days and look what I missed. When my mother died almost 7 years ago, a shell of the woman she had once been, I had a terrible time trying to remember her when she was well, and it really bothered me. Then, one day, when I was going through her things I found some photos that I had never seen before, and they were of my mother at her best, smiling and having fun and at her prime. I don't know where they came from, my mother always showed me her pictures, and I just had a feeling that she saved these until I needed to see them.
All these things are events that we cannot explain, or even prove, but we KNOW and that is what helps me believe, even though I cannot see, prove, or even clearly define what God is to me, I KNOW He is there.
And knowing that, I can believe that He can and will restore me to sanity.
Hugs
Ann
All these things are events that we cannot explain, or even prove, but we KNOW and that is what helps me believe, even though I cannot see, prove, or even clearly define what God is to me, I KNOW He is there.
And knowing that, I can believe that He can and will restore me to sanity.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by Ann
Even though I cannot see, prove, or even clearly define what God is to me, I KNOW He is there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: California
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Gabe
I have had my moments when I know there are unseen forces watching out for me.
I had a prophetic dream and I believe that God sent me a message; My husband and I are asleep in this wonderfully luxurious big bed in a single room building with one glass wall. I wake up to blue skies and soft white curtains blowing gently through the open glass.
I see outside that this building sets on a green rolling field by the sea (Ireland) and the field has many fluffy white sheep grazing. A sheep is calling to me in my mind and he speaks of love and happiness. I look over to my husband and I realize that I have to choose. I look back to the sheep (which is Gods flock) and decide I want to be with them. I want love without the strings and pain.
I try to get out of bed quietly, so as not to wake my husband. I am almost off the bed, heading toward the field, when he reaches up and grabs my arm. Caught. He tells me to please stay, he loves me, needs me and I relent and lay back down.
I was codependant. I didn't have the inner strength to leave even though I knew God was calling me to freedom, to peace of heart & mind.
That was many, many years ago when I was so young. Leaving my AH would have made such a difference in my life back then, when time was on my side. I don't regret my decision to stay and I know God doesn't hold it against me... that I chose the rough road instead. I know he helps me out when I open my heart enought to listen and I love Him all the more for trying in my hour of need. I often think of that dream and wonder what that path would have been.
Baby steps......God Bless
suffering is not a requirement
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: rising above the ashes
Posts: 147
Hi good people
On the suggestion of Speedy wings(she knows who she is.)lol I came up here to put my two cents in. I've been practicing powerlessness over my Alchoholism for years now and by the Grace of God I've been sober for years. It's the people powerlessness that I struggle with most. I have come to realize that no matter how much I beg ,plead.cry,conjole or love them they are not go to stop their addictions! I tried every angle, maybe if I said this or that,Maybe If I did this or that...etc..I felt guilty all the time. Worried all the time. As if I had that much Power to control anything they did! Ok, so being Powerless is humbling in a good way! Now I have Power in being Powerless. The Power to take care of myself and my own life and not theirs. So Now I have Manageable Unmanagability........Ok I'm starting to ramble Thanks all for being here.........Iamunique
suffering is not a requirement
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: rising above the ashes
Posts: 147
Step Two
For me this is a life long step. I am coming to believe I can be restored to Sanity. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results then I'm coming to believe I can become sane. I'm giving up trying to control and change MY A's that was part of my insanity. I believe God has helped me with that. Progress Not perfection 
Iamunique
Iamunique
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to the Step-Study Iamunique!! I remember you and I talking about "powerless" and what that meant a long time ago, and I can tell you that I am still learning the lesson myself even today.
I have to remind myself every day, sometimes many times a day, that I have no power over anyone else, what they think or what they do. And if they change what they think and do, I have no power over that either.
I like what you said about feeling the "power" of being powerless. For me it is very freeing and gives me my soul back. I used to feel like one of those people in horror movies that sold their soul to the devil, and in a way I was like them because I paid the price and for a while the devil of addiction and codependency had my very soul. Today, even though it creeps back ever so sneakily (is sneakily a word? LOL), anyway it sneaks in and that's when I have to remind myself again and again.
And you know what, Iamunique, today was one of those days that I needed to be reminded. No kidding. I actually forgot that I was powerless for a short time today and although I didn't take any codie action, the thoughts were there big time.
So thank you for already contributing to my recovery. And keep coming back because we need all the help we can get to stay sane.
Hugs
Ann
I have to remind myself every day, sometimes many times a day, that I have no power over anyone else, what they think or what they do. And if they change what they think and do, I have no power over that either.
I like what you said about feeling the "power" of being powerless. For me it is very freeing and gives me my soul back. I used to feel like one of those people in horror movies that sold their soul to the devil, and in a way I was like them because I paid the price and for a while the devil of addiction and codependency had my very soul. Today, even though it creeps back ever so sneakily (is sneakily a word? LOL), anyway it sneaks in and that's when I have to remind myself again and again.
And you know what, Iamunique, today was one of those days that I needed to be reminded. No kidding. I actually forgot that I was powerless for a short time today and although I didn't take any codie action, the thoughts were there big time.
So thank you for already contributing to my recovery. And keep coming back because we need all the help we can get to stay sane.
Hugs
Ann
suffering is not a requirement
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: rising above the ashes
Posts: 147
Third Step
I try to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him every morning and throughout the day. Now there are times when I don't. And I'll think to my self Why are things going so bad today. Then I'll think oh yeah I forgot to let God do the driving today! I can't, He can, I'll let him. This is also a life long step to me it involes getting closer to the God of my understanding. And that's a Daily Step. Even when I get into the "crazies" this step helps me the most. I often use the short version of this step which is to look up and just pray"HELP ME LORD" Thanks for listening...Iamunique
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
