Step Study For Codependents
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tartfest 2007
Posts: 831
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Why, oh why, did it take me so long to "find' this forum, this link???? I was too focused solely on Al-Anonism and Al-Anonites. Codeism is my sickness.
Ann, I hope you don't mind, but I have you on a pedestal, bunny slippers and all.
I can't add to this thread, not yet. I'm just beginning, but SO glad to be here! I'm starting from square one, starting a new notebook.
I thought I had accepted being powerless over others and their actions but in the past few days, that's true w/only a few relationships around me right now, like I'm only powerless on a part-time basis. I didn't find it difficult to accept being powerless over the A in my life...he's in residential treatment, he's not going anywhere, he's being taken care of and more importantly, he's taking care of himself (except when he asks for something or for me to do something for him because I'm a "mom"...I'm not HIS mom, but it's because I'm a Mom I want and will do for others in a heartbeat...that nurturing thing). It's mainly my relationships w/my soon to be ex and my mom that are giving me fits.
I'll be here often, I'll bring the punch and cookies next time.
(((((((((To All)))))))))
Ann, I hope you don't mind, but I have you on a pedestal, bunny slippers and all.
I can't add to this thread, not yet. I'm just beginning, but SO glad to be here! I'm starting from square one, starting a new notebook.
I thought I had accepted being powerless over others and their actions but in the past few days, that's true w/only a few relationships around me right now, like I'm only powerless on a part-time basis. I didn't find it difficult to accept being powerless over the A in my life...he's in residential treatment, he's not going anywhere, he's being taken care of and more importantly, he's taking care of himself (except when he asks for something or for me to do something for him because I'm a "mom"...I'm not HIS mom, but it's because I'm a Mom I want and will do for others in a heartbeat...that nurturing thing). It's mainly my relationships w/my soon to be ex and my mom that are giving me fits.
I'll be here often, I'll bring the punch and cookies next time.
(((((((((To All)))))))))
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Do you people realize the strength you each bring here? It's so inspiring for me to read, and JT you have been my special inspiration for a long time.
There are no pedestals here (however the punch and cookies sound wonderful, LOL), but there is a ton of experience, strength and hope and that's all we need to work these steps together.
Here's where I would like to begin to tie in Steps 1 and 2, because Step 1 does tend to flow nicely into Step 2. When I began to have even a little comprehension of what "powerless" meant and how very unmanageable my life had become, I recognized the insanity of it all, and that scared me. I felt like if I gave up the "Power" that I thought that I might have, that I would crumble into a heap and I just didn't know what to do. I was so afraid to let go of the only ways I knew to deal with my codependency, because the only change I had ever made was to "try something else" in an attempt to get "The Power". Nothing worked. Oh sometimes it appeared to work for a very brief time, but it really didn't to anything except maybe put a "pause" on the chaos.
So, even while I struggled with Step 1, I looked ahead to Step 2, which says "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". I had no idea how this could ever happen, or even if it would, but again I looked at those who went before me and I could see that it worked for them. So, with as much trust as I could find, I came to believe...I didn't arrive there instantly, but slowly began to believe that a power (for me it was God) just maybe might help me. That was enough for the time, just to believe even a little bit that I might somehow someday become sane again, with help that only God could give me. I had to decide who and what I thought God was, and I'll get to that later in Step 3, but in admitting my powerlessness, afraid of the unmanageablility of my life, I really NEEDED to believe that something could help me.
I'm not saying that to rush anyone past Step 1. I just want you to know that if you feel a lot of fear in giving up your "power", that you will be strengthened in the steps ahead.
This is a great discussion, and I want to hear more from you, how this works for you, and what helped you get through Step 1, or what keeps you there if you are having difficulty.
Hugs
Ann
There are no pedestals here (however the punch and cookies sound wonderful, LOL), but there is a ton of experience, strength and hope and that's all we need to work these steps together.
Here's where I would like to begin to tie in Steps 1 and 2, because Step 1 does tend to flow nicely into Step 2. When I began to have even a little comprehension of what "powerless" meant and how very unmanageable my life had become, I recognized the insanity of it all, and that scared me. I felt like if I gave up the "Power" that I thought that I might have, that I would crumble into a heap and I just didn't know what to do. I was so afraid to let go of the only ways I knew to deal with my codependency, because the only change I had ever made was to "try something else" in an attempt to get "The Power". Nothing worked. Oh sometimes it appeared to work for a very brief time, but it really didn't to anything except maybe put a "pause" on the chaos.
So, even while I struggled with Step 1, I looked ahead to Step 2, which says "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". I had no idea how this could ever happen, or even if it would, but again I looked at those who went before me and I could see that it worked for them. So, with as much trust as I could find, I came to believe...I didn't arrive there instantly, but slowly began to believe that a power (for me it was God) just maybe might help me. That was enough for the time, just to believe even a little bit that I might somehow someday become sane again, with help that only God could give me. I had to decide who and what I thought God was, and I'll get to that later in Step 3, but in admitting my powerlessness, afraid of the unmanageablility of my life, I really NEEDED to believe that something could help me.
I'm not saying that to rush anyone past Step 1. I just want you to know that if you feel a lot of fear in giving up your "power", that you will be strengthened in the steps ahead.
This is a great discussion, and I want to hear more from you, how this works for you, and what helped you get through Step 1, or what keeps you there if you are having difficulty.
Hugs
Ann
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Re: Step Study For Codependents
A couple of weeks ago, I began to realize my life was spinning out of control, so I started praying. I tried letting go, but without surrendering. I was still holding on and trying to let go at the same time, which doesn't work. That's why step 1 is before steps 2 and 3 - you can't let go if you haven't truly given up on the illusion of control.
Boy have I been struggling. Now I see I was doing it backwards. I had to hit bottom, again, and I had to surrender, again.
Boy have I been struggling. Now I see I was doing it backwards. I had to hit bottom, again, and I had to surrender, again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: on the road
Posts: 110
Re: Step Study For Codependents
It has taken me a while to accept step one. My DA was 17 and a high-school senior when I discovered she was a heroin addict. She has also been diagnosed as bi-polar... so she has been progressing to this point since she hit puberty.
I found it hard to separate what I thought was being a good parent from being a parent of an addict. At 17 I let her drop out of school. It was then that my process had started. She had been ordered a drug test from the school. She begged me to let her go to night school...it was the pressure of school. I bite line and sinker.
One month later she was court-ordered to go to rehab. It was just two weeks before her 18th birthday. (she blames me for her trouble...I told her juvenile probation officer she was using).
Finish rehab... Escated to IV heroin use. By February she brought herself back to rehab.
Jump foward to today. She is traveling with her A bf (hopefully clean - who knows?) I think she may or may not be using, but with her out of state, it has been easier for me to accept that I have no power over this situation.
I really have no choice but to surrender at this point.
I will offer her medical attention if she asks for it (she is covered by my insurance until she is 19, and longer if she is a full time student).
I know she is bright, she has alot to give, but it is not up to me anymore. I am actually relieved. I am carrying less of the guilt that I was. I don't care what people think. It is what it is.
Step 2 - I am ready. I really really hope my hp can help me, can help her. I pray many times a day. I remind myself to not judge others. Someday I hope my experience will help another.
jeepgirl
I found it hard to separate what I thought was being a good parent from being a parent of an addict. At 17 I let her drop out of school. It was then that my process had started. She had been ordered a drug test from the school. She begged me to let her go to night school...it was the pressure of school. I bite line and sinker.
One month later she was court-ordered to go to rehab. It was just two weeks before her 18th birthday. (she blames me for her trouble...I told her juvenile probation officer she was using).
Finish rehab... Escated to IV heroin use. By February she brought herself back to rehab.
Jump foward to today. She is traveling with her A bf (hopefully clean - who knows?) I think she may or may not be using, but with her out of state, it has been easier for me to accept that I have no power over this situation.
I really have no choice but to surrender at this point.
I will offer her medical attention if she asks for it (she is covered by my insurance until she is 19, and longer if she is a full time student).
I know she is bright, she has alot to give, but it is not up to me anymore. I am actually relieved. I am carrying less of the guilt that I was. I don't care what people think. It is what it is.
Step 2 - I am ready. I really really hope my hp can help me, can help her. I pray many times a day. I remind myself to not judge others. Someday I hope my experience will help another.
jeepgirl
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Reading through the questions that Osier posted helps me a lot, not just to work the steps again, but to assess myself and discover the areas where I still have problems.
As well as I think I am doing in my recovery, there is always a stone unturned, a new discovery about myself that only surfaces when I open my heart and my mind to what is really going on with me.
Sometimes I have days when there is nothing really wrong, when I should feel happy and free, but infact I feel edgy, or blue, or emotional, and those are the times that I take a few minutes to think about what might be troubling me. Usually there is something, and once I recognize it I can address it and move on.
Answering the questions posted is good for my soul and good for my recovery. Periodically, as you work these steps, go back and read the questions again. Some that may have looked tricky the first time through will begin to make sense.
Hugs
Ann
As well as I think I am doing in my recovery, there is always a stone unturned, a new discovery about myself that only surfaces when I open my heart and my mind to what is really going on with me.
Sometimes I have days when there is nothing really wrong, when I should feel happy and free, but infact I feel edgy, or blue, or emotional, and those are the times that I take a few minutes to think about what might be troubling me. Usually there is something, and once I recognize it I can address it and move on.
Answering the questions posted is good for my soul and good for my recovery. Periodically, as you work these steps, go back and read the questions again. Some that may have looked tricky the first time through will begin to make sense.
Hugs
Ann
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Re: Step Study For Codependents
I have heard the first 3 steps summarized a few different ways. Both of these have really worked for me. Simple, yet POWERFUL in their own ways
Step 1: I came
Step 2: I came to
Step 3 I came to believe
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He Can
Step 3: I'll let Him
Again, it sounds so easy, but we all know how terribly difficult this stuff is. Sometimes it really does help to put it in the simplest of terms.
Hugs and Love
Barb
Step 1: I came
Step 2: I came to
Step 3 I came to believe
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He Can
Step 3: I'll let Him
Again, it sounds so easy, but we all know how terribly difficult this stuff is. Sometimes it really does help to put it in the simplest of terms.
Hugs and Love
Barb
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Everytime a problem pops up in my life I can hold it up to the steps and work it out. I may be powerless over people, places and things but that in turn reminds me that I DO have power over me and my choices. I am obligated to God to take care of me...I believe HE expects that of me. I know I expect that of me.
If a person is on my last nerve I can't change that person but I CAN change how I relate or if I choose to relate at all. I can take advantage of that moment in time before I react to stop and think about what is best for me in the situation.
Sometimes I think it seems like all we hear is what we shouldn't do...we shouldn't enable, we shouldn't have expectations, we shouldn't react. There is so much more that we CAN do...we CAN remove ourselves, we CAN take time before choosing, we CAN contol our own destiny and stop riding on that black wave that the addict creates.
When we give up our illusion of power over others we gain more power than we ever dreamed!
Hugs,
JT
If a person is on my last nerve I can't change that person but I CAN change how I relate or if I choose to relate at all. I can take advantage of that moment in time before I react to stop and think about what is best for me in the situation.
Sometimes I think it seems like all we hear is what we shouldn't do...we shouldn't enable, we shouldn't have expectations, we shouldn't react. There is so much more that we CAN do...we CAN remove ourselves, we CAN take time before choosing, we CAN contol our own destiny and stop riding on that black wave that the addict creates.
When we give up our illusion of power over others we gain more power than we ever dreamed!
Hugs,
JT
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Re: Step Study For Codependents
I am glad we are starting the step study again. I truly believe the steps are our solution. I am powerless over time right now, so I will be back to learn and share later. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1
Re: Step Study For Codependents
First of all, Ann, thank you so much for getting this thread started again and to Osier59 for helping with it too! I spend alot of time here.
I am new to studying the steps but I feel like I had a set back. For a couple weeks, I felt the power that comes from admitting I am powerless. It was wonderful, it felt so good to feel good inside even though AH continued to lead the lifestyle he prefers. I felt really strong inside. Last night we had a huge fight and now I feel bad about myself. I didn't even scream at him, I actually kept pretty calm. But he is making it look like it is my fault. I should have shut my mouth and left the room. But how do you ever discuss issues? If I leave the room and go about my own business taking care of myself, we would never speak. It is always me that has to put it behind and act like it never happened. To him, it is always my fault. And today, I feel that way. I should have left the room and not told him I was tired of being treated like crap. I need to know, how do you resolve issues after you detach?? Thanks, Laurie
I am new to studying the steps but I feel like I had a set back. For a couple weeks, I felt the power that comes from admitting I am powerless. It was wonderful, it felt so good to feel good inside even though AH continued to lead the lifestyle he prefers. I felt really strong inside. Last night we had a huge fight and now I feel bad about myself. I didn't even scream at him, I actually kept pretty calm. But he is making it look like it is my fault. I should have shut my mouth and left the room. But how do you ever discuss issues? If I leave the room and go about my own business taking care of myself, we would never speak. It is always me that has to put it behind and act like it never happened. To him, it is always my fault. And today, I feel that way. I should have left the room and not told him I was tired of being treated like crap. I need to know, how do you resolve issues after you detach?? Thanks, Laurie
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Laurie,
When I first found Al Anon, and recovery, there was a period of time where my A and I didnt talk very much about anything important. It took awhile for me to develop new and healthier ways of communicating. And trust me, some days were better than others. At first, I worked on NOT reacting to all of the triggers... those things that used to "make me crazy"... and then I started to use some of the non confrontational things like "you may be right" and "let me know how that works out for you" (and this was PRE Dr. Phil !!)
As you begin to work on your OWN recovery, your relationship with other people will change! Your old patterns of communication are like well practiced dance steps. He does this and you do that. He says this and you say that. In my case it got WORSE before it got better. He was accustomed to our fights going a certain way. I started doing things differently and he got more aggressive and angry. He even said, "You aren't doing this right anymore. I say this and you're supposed to say THAT."
It will take awhile before you can discuss some of these issues. And you also have to ask yourself if the issues are really worth discussing!
And dont beat yourself up for having a set back. We all have them, quite often. The good news is that you can start your day over any time you want to.
Hugs
Barb
When I first found Al Anon, and recovery, there was a period of time where my A and I didnt talk very much about anything important. It took awhile for me to develop new and healthier ways of communicating. And trust me, some days were better than others. At first, I worked on NOT reacting to all of the triggers... those things that used to "make me crazy"... and then I started to use some of the non confrontational things like "you may be right" and "let me know how that works out for you" (and this was PRE Dr. Phil !!)
As you begin to work on your OWN recovery, your relationship with other people will change! Your old patterns of communication are like well practiced dance steps. He does this and you do that. He says this and you say that. In my case it got WORSE before it got better. He was accustomed to our fights going a certain way. I started doing things differently and he got more aggressive and angry. He even said, "You aren't doing this right anymore. I say this and you're supposed to say THAT."
It will take awhile before you can discuss some of these issues. And you also have to ask yourself if the issues are really worth discussing!
And dont beat yourself up for having a set back. We all have them, quite often. The good news is that you can start your day over any time you want to.
Hugs
Barb
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Hi guys and gals,
As usual, I'm a day late and a dollar short, but nevertheless, I am so thankful this Step Study has been posted again and I can get in on it. I'm convinced it is a day-to-day thing just like the alcoholics philosophy of "one day at a time."
I am the mother of an addicted daughter. Daughter is coming up on a year sober for which I am VERY, VERY grateful. But....(Oh, ya'll knew a BUT was coming, didn't ya?...lol)...I'm still struggling at times. Why, you ask? Because she is NOT being responsible. Good glory, if she is sober, can't she at least discipline herself to manage her money and her cell phone bill plus pick good boyfriends? Obviously not and there is where my program HAS to kick back in. Sheesh, I used to think I was quick to catch on, but I swuanee, ladies, I have to tell myself I'm powerless about 10 times a day...and that is just in relation to my daughter. The other 90 times I do it has to do with everyone else in my life!!!
I KNOW I am powerless. I KNOW there is a power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity. I HAVE made a decision to turn my life and my will over to my God. So why do I still struggle? I think I'm realizing it's because I do step three but then I take just a tad of my life and just a wee bit of my will back and try to handle it. I guess I think I have to help God out.
(Geeze, didn't I just say I'm quick to catch on? Strike that one!)
You know what, folks? Either I believe these steps or I don't. Either I believe my God is who He says He is or I don't. I have seen these steps work so why do I keep reverting back to my ole stinking thinking at times? I guess I'm human, but my life is more peaceful when I do work these steps. I have to turn my daughter's life as well as mine over to Him if I want peace.
I'm sitting here almost chuckling at myself. What made me think I had the power to start off with? God has always been in control and always will be. I think I should get out of the way and let him do His work.
Now, would ya'll please remind me of that in an hour when I try to take the control back???
Can you tell I need this study????? ....lol.
Thanks guys. Ya'll help me so much.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
As usual, I'm a day late and a dollar short, but nevertheless, I am so thankful this Step Study has been posted again and I can get in on it. I'm convinced it is a day-to-day thing just like the alcoholics philosophy of "one day at a time."
I am the mother of an addicted daughter. Daughter is coming up on a year sober for which I am VERY, VERY grateful. But....(Oh, ya'll knew a BUT was coming, didn't ya?...lol)...I'm still struggling at times. Why, you ask? Because she is NOT being responsible. Good glory, if she is sober, can't she at least discipline herself to manage her money and her cell phone bill plus pick good boyfriends? Obviously not and there is where my program HAS to kick back in. Sheesh, I used to think I was quick to catch on, but I swuanee, ladies, I have to tell myself I'm powerless about 10 times a day...and that is just in relation to my daughter. The other 90 times I do it has to do with everyone else in my life!!!
I KNOW I am powerless. I KNOW there is a power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity. I HAVE made a decision to turn my life and my will over to my God. So why do I still struggle? I think I'm realizing it's because I do step three but then I take just a tad of my life and just a wee bit of my will back and try to handle it. I guess I think I have to help God out.
(Geeze, didn't I just say I'm quick to catch on? Strike that one!)You know what, folks? Either I believe these steps or I don't. Either I believe my God is who He says He is or I don't. I have seen these steps work so why do I keep reverting back to my ole stinking thinking at times? I guess I'm human, but my life is more peaceful when I do work these steps. I have to turn my daughter's life as well as mine over to Him if I want peace.
I'm sitting here almost chuckling at myself. What made me think I had the power to start off with? God has always been in control and always will be. I think I should get out of the way and let him do His work.
Now, would ya'll please remind me of that in an hour when I try to take the control back???
Can you tell I need this study????? ....lol.Thanks guys. Ya'll help me so much.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Re: Step Study For Codependents
((( Hangin')))
BOY can I relate. As a matter of fact, this subject has come up with my sponsor and me a few times. I currently have a sticky note on my computer that says "God, I turn J & D over to your care". I work from home so I see that note hundreds of times during the day. THAT'S how many times I need to be reminded that my sons' lives belong to them and to their HP. The rest? It's like me going outside and arguing with the rain as to whether it will stop or not.
Hugs and love
Barb
BOY can I relate. As a matter of fact, this subject has come up with my sponsor and me a few times. I currently have a sticky note on my computer that says "God, I turn J & D over to your care". I work from home so I see that note hundreds of times during the day. THAT'S how many times I need to be reminded that my sons' lives belong to them and to their HP. The rest? It's like me going outside and arguing with the rain as to whether it will stop or not.
Hugs and love
Barb
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Hangin, Osier,
It FEELS good too! I can't argue with that! When I get out of the way all is right with the world. It doesn't feel like I am swimming upstream anymore. That is when I know I am succeeding.
((((Hugs))))
JT
It FEELS good too! I can't argue with that! When I get out of the way all is right with the world. It doesn't feel like I am swimming upstream anymore. That is when I know I am succeeding.
((((Hugs))))
JT
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tartfest 2007
Posts: 831
Re: Step Study For Codependents
I need a map. I'm feeling so lost right now, I don't even know where to begin. Sure, it sounds simple, "start w/Step 1". I had Step 1 licked (or so I thought) when it came to my A's disease. However, there's alot of Step 1's that don't involve the A in my life...micromanaging my teen daughter, my soon to be ex, releasing the guilt I feel from my mom and she hasn't even been blatant about it? And, I do need to work Step 1 again in relation to my A, not because of his disease, but my happiness is based on his attention to me. How do I separate the relationships so that I feel "successful" in completing Step 1?
I went to my first CoDA Step Study last night. It was good. I didn't stay for the meeting afterwards but I'm thinking to really be a part of this program, I have to find a way to be able to make the meeting.
I should be feeling good, I'm feeling like crud.
I went to my first CoDA Step Study last night. It was good. I didn't stay for the meeting afterwards but I'm thinking to really be a part of this program, I have to find a way to be able to make the meeting.
I should be feeling good, I'm feeling like crud.
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Re: Step Study For Codependents
((((((((SWC)))))))))
Give yourself time. It's not going to happen overnight and it's ok that it doesn't. It took me a long time to accept that I was powerless over many areas of my life, and I've had to do step 1 over again. I'm sure I'll be doing it again in the future.
It's overwhelming to try and tackle too many things at once. You can put some things on the back burner and focus on the areas that are causing you the most stress right now. Recovery is a journey and a process. It took years for you to get to this point. Besides, step 1 will always be there when you need it.
I'm glad you enjoyed your CODA step study.
Give yourself time. It's not going to happen overnight and it's ok that it doesn't. It took me a long time to accept that I was powerless over many areas of my life, and I've had to do step 1 over again. I'm sure I'll be doing it again in the future.
It's overwhelming to try and tackle too many things at once. You can put some things on the back burner and focus on the areas that are causing you the most stress right now. Recovery is a journey and a process. It took years for you to get to this point. Besides, step 1 will always be there when you need it.
I'm glad you enjoyed your CODA step study.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Man, I wish I had a CODA group in my area and in my oldest daughter's area of the state, too. I swear, I look at my children and see where this 12 step program can help both of them. My NON-addicted daughter needs it just as much as the addicted one. I try to tell her about it, but she is 24 and heaven forbid that she look 'different' or like she needs help. All I can do is share with her what I have gained and pray she'll have the courage to go one day. The 12 steps are truly life savers. Now I just have to apply them every day...no WAIT, EVERY MINUTE!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Re: Step Study For Codependents
(((SWC)))
Welcome to recovery. Don't overwhelm yourself. Recovery is ever changing. What was ok yesterday may not be today. What is ok today may need improvement tomorrow. It's just a journey we are on. We get better as we go along, but we also discover more we want to accomplish that would improve our life. It's not a bad thing to see areas you want to do better in. You don't have to get them perfect today. We study, we practice, we study, we practice, we get better.
Recovery is to help us feel better. Don't make yourself miserable trying to feel better. You are seeking. It will come. You've got time, and now you have more tools. Everybody's recovery is a personal journey. I try not to limit my resources anymore. Alanon has helped me, but I have found tools for recovery in many places. Relax and don't be too hard on yourself. You have come a long way in a short time. Give yourself some credit. Hugs, Magic
Welcome to recovery. Don't overwhelm yourself. Recovery is ever changing. What was ok yesterday may not be today. What is ok today may need improvement tomorrow. It's just a journey we are on. We get better as we go along, but we also discover more we want to accomplish that would improve our life. It's not a bad thing to see areas you want to do better in. You don't have to get them perfect today. We study, we practice, we study, we practice, we get better.
Recovery is to help us feel better. Don't make yourself miserable trying to feel better. You are seeking. It will come. You've got time, and now you have more tools. Everybody's recovery is a personal journey. I try not to limit my resources anymore. Alanon has helped me, but I have found tools for recovery in many places. Relax and don't be too hard on yourself. You have come a long way in a short time. Give yourself some credit. Hugs, Magic
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Whenever my sponsor asks what step I am currently working? MY answer is always Step 1 AND the current one I am working with fervor. I think I will always be working step one as I am continually reminded that there is just one more thing in this world over which I am powerless. Dont' feel bad if you find yourself back here again and again. It's where it all starts!
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Barb
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Barb
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tartfest 2007
Posts: 831
Re: Step Study For Codependents
Thanks for the replies everyone. I know that to work My Program, I'll be revisiting the steps over and over again. My frustration stems from not knowing where to start...I've overwhelmed myself trying to figure out HOW to start.
Ugh, today just is NOT a good day. I try to learn how to take care of myself, how to find my way to happiness w/MYself and I end up feeling waaaaaaaay down, more so than I have in quite some time. My doctor started me on Paxil yesterday. I know it's not immediately effective (at least not supposed to be), but it sure seems like it has had an immediate effect...in reverse!
I know the answers aren't going to come all at once and I've been a practicing Codie for 20 years (that I'm aware of), it's not going to go away any time soon. I just can't find a "starting" point, find the gate that will lead to my path.
Ugh, today just is NOT a good day. I try to learn how to take care of myself, how to find my way to happiness w/MYself and I end up feeling waaaaaaaay down, more so than I have in quite some time. My doctor started me on Paxil yesterday. I know it's not immediately effective (at least not supposed to be), but it sure seems like it has had an immediate effect...in reverse!
I know the answers aren't going to come all at once and I've been a practicing Codie for 20 years (that I'm aware of), it's not going to go away any time soon. I just can't find a "starting" point, find the gate that will lead to my path.
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