Are my parents alcoholics?
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1
Are my parents alcoholics?
I would appreciate any input.
My parents started drinking again last year after 10+ yrs of sobriety. They never did any recovery work, no AA or therapy, just stopped cold turkey. I can't tell you how much they used to drink but they were highly functional drinkers - no eye openers, rarely drunk, always working.
They were having problems with each other. My mother decided to stop drinking and wanted my father to stop as well. Finally, they did. My parents and I have had many conversations about whether they are alcoholics or not - my mother was adamant about YES, they were alcholics and that she used to sneak drinks in private. My father admitted that he had a problem. They both said that they didn't miss it and were always now the "non-drinking" couple. My mother would worry a lot about my brother who tends to be a drinker.
Out of the blue, my parent's started drinking again last year. Now they drink a bottle of wine every single night, on vacation they would drink 2 bottles. My mother says they resolved the problems that made them overdrink many years ago. They are defensive and it's really not a topic that is up for discussion. They know I HATE the drinking, I drink maybe a couple of times a year not even a glass.
It makes me feel confused and scared, especially since my mother railed against anyone who drank all those years she was sober. I talked to my brother about it and he's not concerned and told me to let them die in peace, that he never thought they had a problem to begin with.
I'm worried and I don't know if I should be or if I'm exaggerating things. I hate to see that they never go a night without their bottle of wine now - that seems like a bit of a dependence. I just hate it. None of our extended family members know they are drinking again as they don't drink at holidays, probably so as not to raise anyone's concern about why they are drinking again after having stopped for so many years.
I guess I would appreciate anyone's feedback as I feel confused to be the only one concerned. I don't want to tell other family members to make them concerned when they have their own problems. It just makes me very sad, I love my parents, they know I hate this and still drink when I am over. My sense is if it weren't that important to them, they just wouldn't drink when I was there.
Thanks for listening.
My parents started drinking again last year after 10+ yrs of sobriety. They never did any recovery work, no AA or therapy, just stopped cold turkey. I can't tell you how much they used to drink but they were highly functional drinkers - no eye openers, rarely drunk, always working.
They were having problems with each other. My mother decided to stop drinking and wanted my father to stop as well. Finally, they did. My parents and I have had many conversations about whether they are alcoholics or not - my mother was adamant about YES, they were alcholics and that she used to sneak drinks in private. My father admitted that he had a problem. They both said that they didn't miss it and were always now the "non-drinking" couple. My mother would worry a lot about my brother who tends to be a drinker.
Out of the blue, my parent's started drinking again last year. Now they drink a bottle of wine every single night, on vacation they would drink 2 bottles. My mother says they resolved the problems that made them overdrink many years ago. They are defensive and it's really not a topic that is up for discussion. They know I HATE the drinking, I drink maybe a couple of times a year not even a glass.
It makes me feel confused and scared, especially since my mother railed against anyone who drank all those years she was sober. I talked to my brother about it and he's not concerned and told me to let them die in peace, that he never thought they had a problem to begin with.
I'm worried and I don't know if I should be or if I'm exaggerating things. I hate to see that they never go a night without their bottle of wine now - that seems like a bit of a dependence. I just hate it. None of our extended family members know they are drinking again as they don't drink at holidays, probably so as not to raise anyone's concern about why they are drinking again after having stopped for so many years.
I guess I would appreciate anyone's feedback as I feel confused to be the only one concerned. I don't want to tell other family members to make them concerned when they have their own problems. It just makes me very sad, I love my parents, they know I hate this and still drink when I am over. My sense is if it weren't that important to them, they just wouldn't drink when I was there.
Thanks for listening.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Confussed;
I'm sorry you are dealing with such heart ache. And I know Guy will be here to deal with your questions. I'm here to greet you and perhaps to help along the way.
It would be very helpful if you visited the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum here on SR. (Otherwise known as alanon.) Face to face meetings would help you too. There are plenty in Boston. Here's a link to help you find one near you.
http://207.57.5.145/
Please know your parents are not doing this "to" you. It's not a question of them loving you or not. It's a sickness. Sadly, it is a progressive disease that you didn't cause, you can't control and you can't cure.
Our job is to learn to detach from the chaos of thier addiction with love. Alanon can help you achieve that goal. Because you are responsible for your life only. Make the best of it.
Shalom!
I'm sorry you are dealing with such heart ache. And I know Guy will be here to deal with your questions. I'm here to greet you and perhaps to help along the way.
It would be very helpful if you visited the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum here on SR. (Otherwise known as alanon.) Face to face meetings would help you too. There are plenty in Boston. Here's a link to help you find one near you.
http://207.57.5.145/
Please know your parents are not doing this "to" you. It's not a question of them loving you or not. It's a sickness. Sadly, it is a progressive disease that you didn't cause, you can't control and you can't cure.
Our job is to learn to detach from the chaos of thier addiction with love. Alanon can help you achieve that goal. Because you are responsible for your life only. Make the best of it.
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
My mom did the same, fortunately she recognized it after a short relapse. Mind you all of us kids felt very strongly about pointing it out to her. YOu are in a different situ in that you are the only one with the guts to point it out.
The fact that they are hiding it from the family answers your question quite clearly. If there was no concern or no problem, why do they deliberately not drink in front of the family? Easy, they know inside themselves that there is a problem and they are hiding it from the ones that will call them on it.
Possible Solution: talk to your extended family and tell them what has been happening. Arrange to have people within the extended family that they respect call at a time when you know they will be well into the bottle. Believe me, it is plainly apparent when someone is on their second or third glass... if your mom is the smaller party, make sure she does the talking, the smaller the body mass the bigger the impact ... i.e. more indicia of impairment.
The extended family will raise the issue, then it is not just coming from you. Your brother is avoiding it b/c he doesn't want to have to face the issue either.... YOu are smart, strong and able, if they are important to you, you have to confront the issue, but in the end, they have to be willing to deal with it. If it was no big deal, why were they so opposed to it while not drinking... easy, they never worked it out themselves and were attempting to thwart temptation by being adamantly opposed to it.
The fact that they are hiding it from the family answers your question quite clearly. If there was no concern or no problem, why do they deliberately not drink in front of the family? Easy, they know inside themselves that there is a problem and they are hiding it from the ones that will call them on it.
Possible Solution: talk to your extended family and tell them what has been happening. Arrange to have people within the extended family that they respect call at a time when you know they will be well into the bottle. Believe me, it is plainly apparent when someone is on their second or third glass... if your mom is the smaller party, make sure she does the talking, the smaller the body mass the bigger the impact ... i.e. more indicia of impairment.
The extended family will raise the issue, then it is not just coming from you. Your brother is avoiding it b/c he doesn't want to have to face the issue either.... YOu are smart, strong and able, if they are important to you, you have to confront the issue, but in the end, they have to be willing to deal with it. If it was no big deal, why were they so opposed to it while not drinking... easy, they never worked it out themselves and were attempting to thwart temptation by being adamantly opposed to it.
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