Gambling Addiction

 
Old 02-27-2006, 10:26 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I believe it is time for me to take a trip back to my hometown - need to work on forgiving myself. The world can wait!

I STILL want replies though...
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Old 02-27-2006, 11:51 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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My arss Is following of right now..becuase I broke up with my GF
a recovering Alki. Hmmmmm She's broke , broke again from gamling.
I don't know what her bottom is ...but I guess lossing me, aint enough.

I feel guilty in a way becuase, She never gamle before in her entire
life. I took her. I didn't know we could get addicted to the crap either.
It was innocent just to go out and have a good time and dinner.
Holy shiet...4 years, it basically costed us everything. The wreackage
is the same. it's a freaken nightmare.

So don't be too hard on yourself...I didn't know it was that dangerous
either.

And yes, we would make plans to have weekends get away.
But damn it....we never made it pass the damn casino, weeks
after weeks, months of months..year after years.The progression.

And yes there where times , i would go into a convultion or foam
at mouth, withdraws on weekends that we where broke.

It's bad, bad, bad, between my GF and I, after tax we clear over
$5000 p/month....We were straving at times and had to borrow
$25 just to have food in the house until we get pay again. But
as soon as we get paid...off we go. And of course running around
the damn casino trying get more cash out of thew verious tellers
machines after we max it out.
I drove back and forth three times in one night before (100 miles each way).

We where even late/miss her duaghter's wedding becuase of gambling.
It dosen't hurt others ????? think again.

I join an R/C club and start doing other hobbies or interest to break
this addiction. But of course with tipical addict style. i have a fleet
of R/C planes and nitro cars....Progress lol progress.
You don't want to know how many Guitars I have.lmaf

For me...I can't even walk into a casino PERIOD!!!!!!

You know.."if you hang out around a barber shop long enough,
you're going to get a hair cut"
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Old 02-28-2006, 01:42 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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You're right Nutz, gambling is a rotten stinking disease and I hate it too. I'm, in a way, fortunate that where I am there are no casinos yet I realize now I've been hanging on to the club. I also know if I went south the casinos would be tempting. I've got to and will sever my ties with the club...why flirt with danger.

I know my son hurts because of my gambling. He's grown tired of the promises I've made to stop. He doesn't understand that I couldn't just quit. He doesn't understand that I cannot gamble normally - heck he doesn't understand that I can't drink normally cause he didn't see me drinking. Yeah...other's get hurt. I've apologized and meant it. Now I just have to earn his trust. Time - feels like not enough of it and sometimes too much of it.

On payday I find myself getting excited because I have money to gamble. From the office to my house is a 5 minute ride or a 10-15 minute walk - sometimes that seems so far away. Once I'm home I feel safe and I fight the urge to go play. My patience is thin and the mood swings are bizarre. When it's past closing time - I relax. Shopping for groceries is now done on Sunday because the club is closed. Crazy making..lol.

I mentioned earlier that...

And the days in between...reality! Bills, bills, bills. Not enough of my paycheck to pay them all. I make the calls to those to let them know I will pay the bill next pay and I'm always shocked that they say...no problem, you're credit good with us. Then I realize that I'm making a mountain out of nothing.
When I look at my pay and my bills I panic...then the thought to double what few bucks are left over crosses my mind. Romancing the drink - the disease?!

I got tired of saying that I KNOW, I KNOW - I'd rather say I HAVE A GAMBLING ADDICTION. I have a love/hate relationship with gambling - the high and the low. I hate what it's done to me, to my son, to my life and to my home. I wanna stop for me. I want my life back. I want to move forward..not stay in the muck! I want to move towards sanity. They can keep the money - I'm not going to give up on quitting, they won't have me!

The relationship I was in was not a healthy one at all. The shame I felt then is still with me today which is why I think I need to work on forgiveness. I took responsibility for my part in the breakup - a choice I made for the both of us. It was simple he drank, I didn't. I care about this guy and hope all goes well for him - I just wish I didn't have to make a decision. Again I hate this disease we have.

I trusted then and I was more hurt because of my expectations - which I don't think was wrong for me to expect honesty. I didn't get what I needed so I withdrew and buried my loser thoughts in gambling. Funny...I thought gambling wouldn't be as bad as drinking. I can testify to the fact that we pick up where we left off. Just because I didn't drink didn't mean the disease was gone.

Yes I was devastated when I woke up and realized that I wasted thousands of dollars but I had to let that loss go. I accept that I'm not gonna get rich in this lifetime. I'm not kidding myself when I think that what's really important is ME and getting well. I'm a pretty sick person and I do hope and pray that the desire and compulsion to gamble leaves me soon. I'm sick of the thoughts that come with gambling...sick of it!!!

Til I get there my friend I'm gonna need mega tons of patience and prayers. Hope the others here are listening and pray for us too.

Keeping you in prayer Nutz...God bless and thanks for being there, I, for one, appreciate it.
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Old 02-28-2006, 10:42 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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My prayers are with you too Ideal.

Recognizing all these things is good

Yeap...right were we left off, but worst becuase we're SOBER and
have years of recovery under ourbelts. We're suppose to know better.
The Disease feeds on that. So we just go to AA and say Whooo Hooo
I'm sober.lol But don't share what's really going on.
It all ties back in to drinking. I relapsed into drinking after 11 years
from all the chaos.I now have 1 1/2 year sober and not gambling and
A bounch of other no..no.. I don't do anymore.

My GF at the moment continues to struggle with gambling.
She is also drinking again. She suffered liver damage before.
So can I share in a close meeting about all this?lmaf
When It pretains to alcoholism.

And yeap...the ritual is a rush in itself, just like when I use to
get ready to go bar/club hoping.

And yeap.. schduling our lives around it.

Hmm...Everytime I go AA and hear the reading in the begining of a meeting.
IT's CUNNING, IT'S BAFFLING, IT POWERFUL...that has special/deeper
meanings to me,now.

God bless
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Old 02-28-2006, 05:31 PM
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Wow...I'm printing your post to read again - reading this one did something to me (not that the others didn't)...like matching the colors of the rubicube. Hard to explain. LOL


I'll be back later...hugs!
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Old 02-28-2006, 08:08 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I felt it...someone was praying for me, thank you!! The verse that came to me over and over...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not unto your own understanding - acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your path."

and I sung songs of praise - something that I haven't done in a while. My mind is at peace and I'm happy. Buried treasures

I'm not worried about tomorrow because I know everything is going to be okay...I'm sure of that. He has brought me through many tough times and I know he will bring me through this one...I'm going to let Him.

The agony...the pain when disconnected is most unbearable. I had to be shown...I had to be reminded of the disease I have.

Something I took for granted and today I'm grateful for is that there is a way out! Not a cure but a way for me to take care of myself better one day at a time. Another chance to show love for my life and others.

Nutz...thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will keep you and those you love in prayer. God bless...
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:57 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I know how you feel

I am also a gambling addict amoung others I just changed one addiction for another. I know how you feel, and it is hard to stay away from the casinos, But I lost a lot even my husband because he couldn't understand the addictions. I do go to AA and apply the 12 step to my Gambling problem,, one day at a time. I found a website the Gettingpastgambling.com it has been very helpful and interesting

Good Luck there are many of us who know how you feel...
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Old 03-01-2006, 10:39 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Thanks conejo...hope you stick around and share with us. I'll check out the site you mentioned.

Thought alot today about Nutz' words -
And yeap.. schduling our lives around it.
Got me thinking about how I've been scheduling my life around not gambling living in fear which IS letting gambling control me. So today I went to pick up a few groceries. Yeah...I went shopping in the middle of the week (lol). Had 20 dollars left and my mind started - turn this 20 into more, c'mon just one more time - you could make it 100 dollars and have spending money til payday.

Not sure what others thought of me outside the store when I said out loud...Yeah right!

Got in a cab home, had something to eat and slept til now. I wasn't afraid - just annoyed with the thoughts...with the mind of a gambler. Emotional right now...sorry I didn't realize what I had til it was gone - not the money - the good life I had before.

I got a long way to go and I accept that - I'm not alone. Gonna do some reading now. Thanks for listening...God bless.
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Old 03-04-2006, 11:19 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hi friends!!

Been doing alot of reading (Sharing Recovery through GA) and on the web - mind's on overload now. Too much information can be dangerous...

God willing..still plan to make the trip to my hometown - leave tomorrow morning. Skies are clear and blue though it's a bit cold out there. Looking forward to a Sunday drive and attending church service with those who knew me since...well, all my life.

Then a long overdue visit to the cemetary (Mom and sister)...gonna tell on everybody and talk about my own mess. 1998...the year my world fell apart - the year Mom passed away!

Would you please keep my son and I in your prayers, thanks!!

Take care and God bless....hugs
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Old 03-06-2006, 01:09 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Hi friends! Again things don't always go as I plan.

My son was going to drive and last night he told me he didn't feel like going. I said nothing even though I was crushed. I don't drive so I depended on him to take me home today. This afternoon we had a huge argument over this - in the end it all worked out for good.

He had alot of issues with me as his mother, how I had changed since '98 and that I wasn't there for him to listen over the past couple of years. He was angry. He told me the truth and I took it like a man (so to speak). He gave me alot to think about and alot to face.

At first I tried to smooth things over then I got honest and made my amends.

We talked most of the afternoon about our pains, struggles, troubles. We listened to each other, we cried together, we let the past go together and we prayed together. It was a good day of healing - we are so blessed.

The lesson reminded us to always keep God number one and He will take care of the rest. God is good!!

Thanks again for listening...take care
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Old 03-07-2006, 11:32 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Hi again!

It has been a couple of days of getting my priorities straight. Gambling has taken so much from our home and has certainly lost its appeal with me.

Reality is...I gradually stopped doing what I needed to do to 'maintain' my sober way of life. Yes, life was tough then but I didn't do what I needed to do for me - I was expecting others to do for me. It was all about me!

So I'm on a waiting list to see a counsellor for me...where this takes me has to be only good. I've also had the priviledge of listening to a young lady who wants to quit drinking. This is helping me re-learn about the 'disease'...amazing how much I have forgotten while I was consumed with gambling.

Thanks for letting me share...do take care!
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Old 03-11-2006, 02:01 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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The 'craving' to gamble was strong today!! Happened so fast that I couldn't think straight. I gambled and now I'm sitting here in a daze wondering what happened? I hate this disease...I really do! Feel lost and alone. Lord help me!
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Old 03-11-2006, 09:31 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Cool need help, too

Originally Posted by conejo
I am also a gambling addict amoung others I just changed one addiction for another. I know how you feel, and it is hard to stay away from the casinos, But I lost a lot even my husband because he couldn't understand the addictions. I do go to AA and apply the 12 step to my Gambling problem,, one day at a time. I found a website the Gettingpastgambling.com it has been very helpful and interesting

Good Luck there are many of us who know how you feel...
Hey there,
I'm new here. I should have "shook" this gambling problem a while back. I lost my marriage, my sanity..my whole identity. I am still struggling at times. I would like to practice total abstinence. This is the hardest struggle I've had....No G.A. meetings here....Any words of encouragement?
Dollar
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Old 03-11-2006, 12:47 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Today I reached out to a couple of the members of the AA group here in town and both asked me if I was going to play the bingo tonight and said that they were going to try their luck. I'm confused right now as a result. Here I am at step one and at the same time thinking WTF are they thinking? They're in worst shape than me?! How weird is that? Oh God, take my hand and lead me away from this sickness!! Cross my heart I'm thinking that I'm okay now yet I know I'm not?! How pitiful!

For those who have gambled, know how I feel and have some 'freedom from gambling' time...I would so much like to know how you got from a to b to c in your recovery from gambling. What was the in between like? What did you do? The very basics...that's all I'm asking for! I'm not seeking an emotional high - I'm seeking freedom from gambling. It's obvious that I'm not doing something right.
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Old 03-11-2006, 01:49 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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The best I have seen for why we shouldn't gamble is this...

1 Timothy 6:7-10
7After all, we didn't bring anything with us when we came into the world, and we certainly cannot carry anything with us when we die. 8So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. 9But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is at the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.

Solution as well.
8So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.
... with what you have.
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Old 03-13-2006, 09:20 AM
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Thanks Best...I'll keep in touch.
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Old 03-25-2006, 12:55 AM
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Just wanted to let you know that I got out of the rut I was in a couple weeks ago...thanks to a good soul from this site. In a nutshell this I have to offer...

a) that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives
b) that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism
c) that God could and would if He were sought
God bless...take care!
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