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Old 12-01-2008, 02:22 PM   #101 (permalink)
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Reading that gave me the major hee-bee jee-bees.

Now why did I want a relationship?? Heh!! I don't think so.
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Old 12-02-2008, 03:18 PM   #102 (permalink)
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W-A-I-T is a good word Veg.. a very good word indeed.
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Old 08-25-2015, 02:19 AM   #103 (permalink)
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When I was younger I was with a guy who was like this for almost 2 years. It's crazy to think about how I didn't realize what type of person he was back then. I would blame it on the drugs he were doing or other things, but now I realize none of that was the cause of it, it was all his personality to begin with. He was a psycopath to put it simple.
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Old 03-19-2016, 01:41 AM   #104 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahlia View Post
THAT took a lot of work...thank you...I had an abusive ex BF while I was using...ALL of those apply to him.....he is sick and I pray for him now that I ano longer available for him to use me as a punching bag.....he is still abusive and I have done a lot of research also on abuse....usually they never get better unless they get EXTENSIVE therapy....narcissitic personalities....YIKES.....Kahlia
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Old 05-07-2016, 05:44 AM   #105 (permalink)
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I have found men in my past life are full of fear and to combat that they want control.
It doesn't calm their fear.
The calmer I got and less combative the more confused they got.
The more I worked on making sure I was being kind to myself, the further they stayed from me.
I changed, they had to go away.
Love is more powerful than fear.
Getting to that place is sometimes hard.

Especially when dealing with those in high power positions.
There's a reason the [court system] is broken.
Equal doesn't always mean fair.
I learned I don't have to believe what others tell me I have to be stuck in.
I seek out those that are finding new ways to making peace, with ones self, not necessarily abusers. (That can come later.)

Finding another way that worked for me, and leaving unhealthy men, and women, behind was a start.

I still have controlling men that appear in my life, but I practice working on me instead of reacting to them.
I can see the child in them, even if they can't take care with me. I aim to surround myself with others that Choose Empathy. Like you all.

So glad you're here.
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Old 11-10-2016, 08:00 PM   #106 (permalink)
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My exh (narcissistic) would wake me up from a deep sleep "having a go at it" many times over our 10 years together. I hated it and tried to avoid, but half asleep, I don't remember much of it (and this was over a decade ago). Does that constitute rape?
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Old 05-05-2017, 04:00 AM   #107 (permalink)
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To Choicy: Excellent share, positive and inspiring. I hope all continues to go well for you one year later.

I am using the time during an extended period of the "silent treatment" and absence in general from my partner to gather information and consider next steps as well as for self care; I am so grateful for some precious peaceful time alone and to get a break from fear and anxiety.
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Old 03-04-2019, 07:59 AM   #108 (permalink)
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Post All is well and slow going

Learning how to care for oneself takes courage.

I was in a relationship with a beautiful quiet boy-man in NA.

He was not abusive.
I went 9 years alone, and relapsed several times, (relapse has been a necessary part of my recovery, that I unbelievably, lived through.)
I did extend him many opportunities to join me in growing and expanding his life. It was too much too fast. He is gone, but at meetings. His sweet shining (clean!) eyes draw me in and make me ache. I suspect he feels this too. I have had to honor our relationship, him as a human being, not something to Use and be addicted to.

This is hard, learning not to use OUTSIDE of drugs. Recovery continues and I needed Narcotics Anonymous to remind me it was never really about the drugs. I wanted it to be that simple, drugs control me! If I don't use, I'll be free! Nope. Not for me. I want to hole up and not experience connection with risk and failure and success, heart ache, old wounds and also, New Beginnings.

NA is my way of figuring out where Love is. Not the human conditional kind, but love that is there for me if I can let go. (OMG I'm scared in my gut just typing this!) I was once way more of afraid of Love and acceptance, falling and newness, than using and abusing and falling victim to...

Today I want to surround myself with simple things that feel good. It may not sound like risk, but having a cup of coffee, turning the computer on to SoberRecovery instead of pornography, writing out where I am today, responding to girlfriends texts, saying no to my Disfunctional family; these things seem monotonous and scary to me. I am risking moving out of my comfort zone every day. I am getting to know myself. I hope I like her. Then maybe I'll understand why others do.

Why be so surprised? I really enjoy meeting "You" on SoberRecovery, (whoever's reading this), and in life.

Why wouldn't I count too?

Let those old messages go.
There is another way.
You deserve to be heard and held and laughed with.

The anger protects for a while, then it turns around to kill me. Just like drugs.
I don't want to learn through pain anymore. I want to take Your hand and carefully learn how to walk through my day, as we all did once. Free. Safe. It's been so long, I barely remember that safe child. We were once. Do you remember?

I extend the same hand to You, I did to my ever member within my family of origin, and to my former lover, my collegues and children, I offer my presence with the tools of NA or AA or SLAA or CoDA or Ala-non or OEA...you are my Brother or Sister and I love you. Couldn't be here without you. I have missed you!
Let Us Be OurSelves, and it's enough.


Just For Today.
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