My Name is Ann and I am a Codependent...still
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My Name is Ann and I am a Codependent...still
I have been thinking a lot lately about my codependency and how I handle it and life today...my addicted son has been gone missing for over 10 years, lost in his addiction somewhere and I am no longer living in the chaos of all that...and yet, I find myself aware of traits that I thought were long gone, of codependency not yet addressed.
Yesterday, for example, my husband (who neither drinks nor drugs ever) had cataract surgery in one eye, the second will be done a few weeks from now. Although it is a simple procedure we were both a little nervous, as people get when having new procedures. Here's what I had to tell myself...
I am not his mother, my husband is a grown man fully capable of checking in at the desk with his health card and ID and answering the questions correctly...without my help or explanation.
He is entitled to feel how he feels, nervous is okay, edgy is okay, not wanting to talk is okay when sitting waiting to have someone do surgery on your eye...or any time he pleases. His feelings are his to share or not share...and I need to just butt out and let him be unless he asks for my help or input.
His edginess is not about ME...I need to back off and let him relax rather than take offense at his shortness or unwillingness to talk
He is capable of listening, understanding and following direction. Aftercare of his eye isn't complicated (keep it clean and safe and apply medicated drops as prescribed). I need to relax and let him take care of himself, helping only when asked. He knows I am there and will assist anytime, so I don't need to remind him or ask "are you okay?" a hundred times.
He is entitled to his opinions and thoughts about anything. He doesn't have to agree with me. My way and thoughts aren't the only way and because we have a difference of opinion doesn't make one of us right and the other wrong...it means we think differently about something...and that is okay, it's human and we should respect each other with dignity.
I think you get the gist. It's really true that I no longer run the world, but I need to remember that and stop trying to care for everyone, particularly those who don't want or don't ask for my help. Do you see from the highlighted parts that indeed I do play a part in how the day and situation goes? I am responsible for my part, for my actions and reactions, and need to remain aware of that.
Sometimes it's good to just encourage or support what another person wants, especially when the situation is about them and not us
Sometimes it's good to just back off, be quiet, and let the other person process their own thoughts and information...and not sit there in a funk because they want to do it on their own.
My time will come, with my own medical stuff (we are both well today but have a lot of follow up stuff after our cancers) and I realize even now, typing this that all those things above that I need to remind myself of...are things my husband already knows and does. Not a codependent bone in his body...I could learn from him.
I thought I'd share this here because our codependency isn't all about another person's addiction, it's about US and how we feel and how we respond and interact with others. I use the 12 step program in my recovery, but what I learned is that I need to practice my recovery in all areas of my daily life.
What about you...what lessons have you learned about yourself and codependency that simply apply in everyday life...are you, like me, still learning after all these years?
Yesterday, for example, my husband (who neither drinks nor drugs ever) had cataract surgery in one eye, the second will be done a few weeks from now. Although it is a simple procedure we were both a little nervous, as people get when having new procedures. Here's what I had to tell myself...
I am not his mother, my husband is a grown man fully capable of checking in at the desk with his health card and ID and answering the questions correctly...without my help or explanation.
He is entitled to feel how he feels, nervous is okay, edgy is okay, not wanting to talk is okay when sitting waiting to have someone do surgery on your eye...or any time he pleases. His feelings are his to share or not share...and I need to just butt out and let him be unless he asks for my help or input.
His edginess is not about ME...I need to back off and let him relax rather than take offense at his shortness or unwillingness to talk
He is capable of listening, understanding and following direction. Aftercare of his eye isn't complicated (keep it clean and safe and apply medicated drops as prescribed). I need to relax and let him take care of himself, helping only when asked. He knows I am there and will assist anytime, so I don't need to remind him or ask "are you okay?" a hundred times.
He is entitled to his opinions and thoughts about anything. He doesn't have to agree with me. My way and thoughts aren't the only way and because we have a difference of opinion doesn't make one of us right and the other wrong...it means we think differently about something...and that is okay, it's human and we should respect each other with dignity.
I think you get the gist. It's really true that I no longer run the world, but I need to remember that and stop trying to care for everyone, particularly those who don't want or don't ask for my help. Do you see from the highlighted parts that indeed I do play a part in how the day and situation goes? I am responsible for my part, for my actions and reactions, and need to remain aware of that.
Sometimes it's good to just encourage or support what another person wants, especially when the situation is about them and not us
Sometimes it's good to just back off, be quiet, and let the other person process their own thoughts and information...and not sit there in a funk because they want to do it on their own.
My time will come, with my own medical stuff (we are both well today but have a lot of follow up stuff after our cancers) and I realize even now, typing this that all those things above that I need to remind myself of...are things my husband already knows and does. Not a codependent bone in his body...I could learn from him.
I thought I'd share this here because our codependency isn't all about another person's addiction, it's about US and how we feel and how we respond and interact with others. I use the 12 step program in my recovery, but what I learned is that I need to practice my recovery in all areas of my daily life.
What about you...what lessons have you learned about yourself and codependency that simply apply in everyday life...are you, like me, still learning after all these years?
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Well put, Joie.
Hovering and helping when it isn't needed, wasn't requested and is clearly unwanted, is my downfall.
Thinking about this today, a lot of my codependency is based on the fear of something bad happening to people I love (based on some traumatic childhood experiences). So I am worse, much worse, when I am in a stressful situation where someone I love is sick or needing medical attention.
And the funny thing is, I probably worry more about them than myself under the same circumstances. Maybe it's a control thing...I can control me and my thoughts but not anyone else's.
I never stop learning and am pretty sure I'm learning even more here today.
Hovering and helping when it isn't needed, wasn't requested and is clearly unwanted, is my downfall.
Thinking about this today, a lot of my codependency is based on the fear of something bad happening to people I love (based on some traumatic childhood experiences). So I am worse, much worse, when I am in a stressful situation where someone I love is sick or needing medical attention.
And the funny thing is, I probably worry more about them than myself under the same circumstances. Maybe it's a control thing...I can control me and my thoughts but not anyone else's.
I never stop learning and am pretty sure I'm learning even more here today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by Ann 
What about you...what lessons have you learned about yourself and codependency that simply apply in everyday life...are you, like me, still learning after all these years?
I want to be open to continue to learn and also to continue recovery steps.
Honestly, though, some days, (especially when I'm under stress and/or not feeling well/more vulnerable!) old habits and not constructive ways of coping pop up and prevail and I have to remember to be very aware and conscious of what is going on and to do my best to "redirect" myself.
For example, I've been back tracking and also feeling sorry lately about how things turned out in my relationship with my son but do realize I can't get stuck in that and have to walk and work through it, can't get stuck in obsessing and then trying to control outcomes.
Your guidance and that of others here at SR has helped greatly to encourage me to stay the course.
Best wishes and prayers for you and your husband. One eye down, one to go. 
As did your husband, a coworker of mine had cataract surgery on two occasions - one for each eye - and she did well; she was relieved to have those cataracts gone!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Great post Ann and very thought provoking!
For me, I learned to remove simple words from my vocabulary. I.e. "You should," "you need to" and "I would. "I would" can often be a manipulative way of saying "you should!"
I am fine now with listening and saying "ok," "interesting" or "I understand."
I have learned to be a good listener without offering unasked for advice. Heck, I ran my own life into hell. How in the world did I ever think I was qualified to give advice to anyone else? Codependency is truly the disease of our egos!
Even now, when asked for advice.....I sometimes (jokingly) say "that's way above my pay grade" and let the person know....I have no advice!
Sometimes, I feel like I have become selfish and uncaring about other people's problems. But the realty is that I know they can find their own solutions without my 2 cents.
My mantra has become "not my monkey, not my circus." Then I give it to God and leave it there!!
P.s. Glad to hear you and Mr. Ann are taking good care of yourselves!
For me, I learned to remove simple words from my vocabulary. I.e. "You should," "you need to" and "I would. "I would" can often be a manipulative way of saying "you should!"
I am fine now with listening and saying "ok," "interesting" or "I understand."
I have learned to be a good listener without offering unasked for advice. Heck, I ran my own life into hell. How in the world did I ever think I was qualified to give advice to anyone else? Codependency is truly the disease of our egos!
Even now, when asked for advice.....I sometimes (jokingly) say "that's way above my pay grade" and let the person know....I have no advice!
Sometimes, I feel like I have become selfish and uncaring about other people's problems. But the realty is that I know they can find their own solutions without my 2 cents.
My mantra has become "not my monkey, not my circus." Then I give it to God and leave it there!!
P.s. Glad to hear you and Mr. Ann are taking good care of yourselves!
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I opened an old book today and the bookmark fell out. On it was printed this lovely printing about Strength. It ties into what I was talking about and is something I really needed to read. Coincidence? I think not.
STRENGTH
While still new in the Program, some of us can already see some personal improvements. Attitudes improve and behavior changes.Some individuals claim to have gained the following personal strengths from their own efforts in the Program.
1. Today I am open and willing to recognize areas of
my denial.
2. Today my goal is to work through my emotions of
fear so that they will no longer limit me, hinder me,
or interfere with my progress. I can now take
whatever action is necessary for my own well-being.
3. Today I have the courage to stand up for myself. By
using the Steps and Traditions in my Program, I am
learning to "confront" in a healthy way.
4.Today I am no longer rooted in my family
history of shame.
5. Today I know I have choices. I accept accountability
for my life decision and have no need to blame
others or myself for "perceived failures."
My mistakes are actually my opportunities for growth,
for which I am grateful.
6. I am learning what my wants and needs are and how to ask for
them.
7. I am enough. Self perfection is no longer a requirement.
8. I am able to decide for myself when to listen, when to speak,
when to act, and how to respond.
9.I am learning to set boundaries and say "no" when I
mean, "No" . My "yes" cannot really mean, "Yes!"
until my "no" really means, "No!"
10.I deserve a break
11.When I focus on my feelings-not on the feelings of others I
experience freedom.
12.I am learning to empower myself: I do not give mypower away.
13.I am learning to love myself.
14.I have a new appreciation for clarity. I am learning to make my outgoing messages
clearly understandable, and I ask others for their clarification.
Assumptions and expectations can be dangerous to my well-being.
15.I give myself permission to remove myself from
unhealthy situations and people.
16.I make amends immediately so the pain is not internalized.
When I need to, I can forgive myself
17.I am able to make healthy relationship choices.
18.I make conscious efforts to maintain recovery from
my other addictions so that I can be available and
accountable for my relation
ships today.
19.I seek balance and equality in my relationships. I acknowledge
my share of responsibility for my relationships,
both past and present.
20.I am willing to negotiate in my relationships.
21.I am willing to be flexible in every aspect of life.
22.I am learning to allow joy into my life.
23.I am learning how to have fun!
24.I am learning to love myself.
The above is from "A newcomers introduction to
Co-Dependents Anonymous and the CoDA 12-steprecovery
program" It is reprinted here with permission. Reprinting is
allowed for your personal use and for CoDA discussions but is protected by copyright for any commericial use or printing.
STRENGTH
While still new in the Program, some of us can already see some personal improvements. Attitudes improve and behavior changes.Some individuals claim to have gained the following personal strengths from their own efforts in the Program.
1. Today I am open and willing to recognize areas of
my denial.
2. Today my goal is to work through my emotions of
fear so that they will no longer limit me, hinder me,
or interfere with my progress. I can now take
whatever action is necessary for my own well-being.
3. Today I have the courage to stand up for myself. By
using the Steps and Traditions in my Program, I am
learning to "confront" in a healthy way.
4.Today I am no longer rooted in my family
history of shame.
5. Today I know I have choices. I accept accountability
for my life decision and have no need to blame
others or myself for "perceived failures."
My mistakes are actually my opportunities for growth,
for which I am grateful.
6. I am learning what my wants and needs are and how to ask for
them.
7. I am enough. Self perfection is no longer a requirement.
8. I am able to decide for myself when to listen, when to speak,
when to act, and how to respond.
9.I am learning to set boundaries and say "no" when I
mean, "No" . My "yes" cannot really mean, "Yes!"
until my "no" really means, "No!"
10.I deserve a break
11.When I focus on my feelings-not on the feelings of others I
experience freedom.
12.I am learning to empower myself: I do not give mypower away.
13.I am learning to love myself.
14.I have a new appreciation for clarity. I am learning to make my outgoing messages
clearly understandable, and I ask others for their clarification.
Assumptions and expectations can be dangerous to my well-being.
15.I give myself permission to remove myself from
unhealthy situations and people.
16.I make amends immediately so the pain is not internalized.
When I need to, I can forgive myself
17.I am able to make healthy relationship choices.
18.I make conscious efforts to maintain recovery from
my other addictions so that I can be available and
accountable for my relation
ships today.
19.I seek balance and equality in my relationships. I acknowledge
my share of responsibility for my relationships,
both past and present.
20.I am willing to negotiate in my relationships.
21.I am willing to be flexible in every aspect of life.
22.I am learning to allow joy into my life.
23.I am learning how to have fun!
24.I am learning to love myself.
The above is from "A newcomers introduction to
Co-Dependents Anonymous and the CoDA 12-steprecovery
program" It is reprinted here with permission. Reprinting is
allowed for your personal use and for CoDA discussions but is protected by copyright for any commericial use or printing.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
8. I am able to decide for myself when to listen, when to speak,
when to act, and how to respond.
when to act, and how to respond.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Ann, after the scares you and Mr Ann went through, it would seem pretty reasonable for you to get a little anxious! Just my unasked for 2 cents. Lol
Hmmm.....Maybe I should think about removing the words "it would" from my vocabulary too and learn how to just shut up too!
Hmmm.....Maybe I should think about removing the words "it would" from my vocabulary too and learn how to just shut up too!
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
Ann, after the scares you and Mr Ann went through, it would seem pretty reasonable for you to get a little anxious! Just my unasked for 2 cents. Lol
Hmmm.....Maybe I should think about removing the words "it would" from my vocabulary too and learn how to just shut up too!
Hmmm.....Maybe I should think about removing the words "it would" from my vocabulary too and learn how to just shut up too!
Time for me to practice what I preach. Where's the choir when I need them most?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CA.....Hometown : Sioux Falls
Posts: 2,624
Great topic. I don't know if this is relative but I realized something today. A friend pointed out that I may be one who feels other's feelings/emotions. sometimes called an empath. Then I unconsciously try to fix them to make me feel better. When they feel better, then I feel better. Codependency? I'm sure it's one way I practice it! I need to learn to separate mine, feel them and release them so I can help in the right way.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I always found it helpful (lol) to let them do whatever they wanted after they argued about MY way of doing things.....to later just stand there when it went all wrong.....and it always did (lol) - armed crossed, the old disappointed, frustrated look and shout "I told you so."
No, I was never an "I told you so" person. More like an "I knew it" person.
No, I was never an "I told you so" person. More like an "I knew it" person.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Old soul, you have something there. I too would rather fix the problem then deal with people I care about feeling bad. It denies them of their dignity and robs them of the lesson they may need...and here, all these years, I thought I was doing a good thing.
Yup, definitely a codependent trait when we do for someone that which they should and can do for themselves.
LMN, yes, the glory of victory when we are right is an ego thing that lies to us saying that we have some control of the outcome. Some day when you have about 5 hours I will tell you how much I control any outcome. ..the short version is that I am delusional if I think I have control over anyone besides myself. But oh, lordy, how I tried.
Yup, definitely a codependent trait when we do for someone that which they should and can do for themselves.
LMN, yes, the glory of victory when we are right is an ego thing that lies to us saying that we have some control of the outcome. Some day when you have about 5 hours I will tell you how much I control any outcome. ..the short version is that I am delusional if I think I have control over anyone besides myself. But oh, lordy, how I tried.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
Brilliant, Ann! Thank you for that. I know I have done a disservice to my children with all my "helping". Many of my friends ghave very responsible, independent children and I envy them . Part of it was being brought up in the 60's just when feminism was starting to blossom. My dad, who was a great guy, really believed the woman's place was in the home, doing whatever it took to make the man of the house comfy. I think it just trickled down. I'm learning though!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Ann - until now I thought of codependency only as it applied to addiction. I consider myself (as oldsoul mentioned) an empath - and a darn determined one. 
You gave me something to chew on - could it be - I need to back off? Very thought provoking & I thank you.
You gave me something to chew on - could it be - I need to back off? Very thought provoking & I thank you.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Anaya, I meant to respond to what you said about anxiety triggering the worst in us. That's true for me, when I am overwhelmed or anxious the old habits can slip right in.
Fear is my worst enemy, I make a conscious effort each day to sweep my mind free of fear.
For years and years I lived completely in anxious fear...you'd think I would have that one mastered by now.
Prayer helps. Doing my breathing exercises help, and getting out every day into nature and sunshine helps a lot. Keeping a spiritual connection helps more than anything.
Perhaps I have been complacent about my recovery, it's easy to do when things are quiet. I know the drill and will get back on track very soon.
Fear is my worst enemy, I make a conscious effort each day to sweep my mind free of fear.
For years and years I lived completely in anxious fear...you'd think I would have that one mastered by now.
Prayer helps. Doing my breathing exercises help, and getting out every day into nature and sunshine helps a lot. Keeping a spiritual connection helps more than anything.
Perhaps I have been complacent about my recovery, it's easy to do when things are quiet. I know the drill and will get back on track very soon.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
INgal, I hear what you say about other peoples healthy and independent children.
Let me add that I also have friends who had at least one child with addiction issues, big stuff like heroin, and yet they handled it like a sane person would, offering to seek out help for them (and pay if required) and if it was refused, the addicted child had to leave..and then stand by it. They didn't go crazy or melt and let the child back in just because things got hard for them...and in almost every case I can think of, the child is now in some sort of recovery or on methadone (or one recently off methadone after 2 years)...and living functional lives again.
Others, who were very good parents in good homes in good neighbourhoods with good schools...fought the fight too, some won and some lost and some are still pending a decision.
For a codependent like me, diligence is required, just as it is for an addict in recovery.
Hev, I too thought that when the addiction was gone, in short time so would my codependency disappear. Guess it doesn't work that way.
I am grateful for a program that let me escape the dark world of addiction and led me to happy, peaceful days. And most days are just that, no issues and no problems.
But my life didn't get that way all by itself and it won't stay that way if I don't feed fuel to the fire of recovery.
I am so thankful for all the useful input, and hope we get more. Discussing this helps air out the cobwebs and refresh my mind.
Let me add that I also have friends who had at least one child with addiction issues, big stuff like heroin, and yet they handled it like a sane person would, offering to seek out help for them (and pay if required) and if it was refused, the addicted child had to leave..and then stand by it. They didn't go crazy or melt and let the child back in just because things got hard for them...and in almost every case I can think of, the child is now in some sort of recovery or on methadone (or one recently off methadone after 2 years)...and living functional lives again.
Others, who were very good parents in good homes in good neighbourhoods with good schools...fought the fight too, some won and some lost and some are still pending a decision.
For a codependent like me, diligence is required, just as it is for an addict in recovery.
Hev, I too thought that when the addiction was gone, in short time so would my codependency disappear. Guess it doesn't work that way.
I am grateful for a program that let me escape the dark world of addiction and led me to happy, peaceful days. And most days are just that, no issues and no problems.
But my life didn't get that way all by itself and it won't stay that way if I don't feed fuel to the fire of recovery.
I am so thankful for all the useful input, and hope we get more. Discussing this helps air out the cobwebs and refresh my mind.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 90
I learned that I was a codependent a little while before I learned to accept what I was doing with my addict.
When my cancer journey was at its worst, I found myself often staring in disbelief at my husband. There were things he needed to handle that he seemed completely unable to do. As much as I wanted to be like, "I am too sick to do this, what is wrong with you?!?!?" I quickly realized that it was the result of my own actions... For so many years, I had hovered and wanted to handle everything. I filled out his forms at dr's appointments, I made all of the phone calls, I got all of the prescriptions filled, etc. Honestly, when we had to go on health related diets, I didn't just learn the diet and prepare it - I made his plate and weighed his portions. In the course of our marriage, I had "over helped" to the point that I had reduced my big, strong, intelligent husband to someone who just waited for me to handle things. Though he never said it, I know it was because he knew I would just takeover anyway if he had tried to handle them. Bedridden was not a good state for me, haha. It really was, though - it helped us both grow and helped me identify a very toxic part of my personality.
I'm slowly learning to let go... and finding that life is much easier when you allow others to handle their own tasks. I even get flowers and stuff, now - probably because I feel like his wife again instead of a mother hen! lol
Like a couple of others here, I also identify as an empath. For me, it has been an important part of that journey to learn how to use that gift to encourage and listen and help others try to heal their emotional pain - and not to try and physically relieve their problems.
Other people are just as capable as I am of fixing problems... something I need to remind myself every. single. day.
When my cancer journey was at its worst, I found myself often staring in disbelief at my husband. There were things he needed to handle that he seemed completely unable to do. As much as I wanted to be like, "I am too sick to do this, what is wrong with you?!?!?" I quickly realized that it was the result of my own actions... For so many years, I had hovered and wanted to handle everything. I filled out his forms at dr's appointments, I made all of the phone calls, I got all of the prescriptions filled, etc. Honestly, when we had to go on health related diets, I didn't just learn the diet and prepare it - I made his plate and weighed his portions. In the course of our marriage, I had "over helped" to the point that I had reduced my big, strong, intelligent husband to someone who just waited for me to handle things. Though he never said it, I know it was because he knew I would just takeover anyway if he had tried to handle them. Bedridden was not a good state for me, haha. It really was, though - it helped us both grow and helped me identify a very toxic part of my personality.
I'm slowly learning to let go... and finding that life is much easier when you allow others to handle their own tasks. I even get flowers and stuff, now - probably because I feel like his wife again instead of a mother hen! lol
Like a couple of others here, I also identify as an empath. For me, it has been an important part of that journey to learn how to use that gift to encourage and listen and help others try to heal their emotional pain - and not to try and physically relieve their problems.
Other people are just as capable as I am of fixing problems... something I need to remind myself every. single. day.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
WeakGirl, wow! I had to check your post to see if you were quoting me, if somewhere I had confessed to the same mother-henning and maybe you were quoting it. Our lives and stories are so similar and yet I see through your sharing, my own characteristics that I need to look at clearly.
Most people here know that we both had cancer in 2014 and 2015, and at the beginning we had to face the very real possibility that we both may die. I honestly prayed that he would go first because I didn't think he could handle things without me. How codie is that? In our healthier days he always worked longer hours and I worked part time and handled all the finances and home front problems. It was just a split of chores, not a control thing but now that we are mostly retired I need to teach him to be able to do all those things.
The good news is that we both came through it all alive and well with a lot of medical follow up appointments but we have our lives back and I have a chance to do it right this time.
I hope that your cancer journey is following a good path for you too, WeakGirl, and I will keep you in my prayers.
I believe in the AA Big Book it says somewhere that "we will practice these principles in all our affairs", meaning they will take the program and live in in all aspects of their life. The same applies to codependency, I need to remain diligent and practice what took me so very long to learn...how to live respectfully towards others and myself.
My heart is touched by the sharing here.
Hugs
Most people here know that we both had cancer in 2014 and 2015, and at the beginning we had to face the very real possibility that we both may die. I honestly prayed that he would go first because I didn't think he could handle things without me. How codie is that? In our healthier days he always worked longer hours and I worked part time and handled all the finances and home front problems. It was just a split of chores, not a control thing but now that we are mostly retired I need to teach him to be able to do all those things.
The good news is that we both came through it all alive and well with a lot of medical follow up appointments but we have our lives back and I have a chance to do it right this time.
I hope that your cancer journey is following a good path for you too, WeakGirl, and I will keep you in my prayers.
I believe in the AA Big Book it says somewhere that "we will practice these principles in all our affairs", meaning they will take the program and live in in all aspects of their life. The same applies to codependency, I need to remain diligent and practice what took me so very long to learn...how to live respectfully towards others and myself.
My heart is touched by the sharing here.
Hugs
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