Authenticity III
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Good morning, Robby!
Just catching up on what happened here in the past couple days.
Melissa, that was such a powerful share and you touched upon a very delicate subject -- thank you for posting it.
I'm at a conference right now and will be for three more days. Still trying to soak in the new environment and experiences, and my feelings about them. A small challenge I need to deal with right now is meeting my alcoholic ex here at the conference, for 5 days. I have only seen him once for half a day last year, also in work related context, in NY, since 2012 January. That was also at a conference, and I was stupid enough to get back on with him, for those few days physically but mentally had to start the whole "separation" process from almost ground zero. And my drinking got worse than ever for a while. None of these will happen now, no way. But I can't hide and not go to these types of conferences forever just because he gets invited to most of them.
On the hospitals and doctors' attitude... I have experience with it from a different side, having worked at hospitals (usually not in the clinic though) and with doctors. Not familiar with the system in Canada, but it's interesting that sometimes they want to get rid of the patient and kick them out far too early, and other times keep them unnecessarily long. From what you are describing, and with your condition, perhaps postponing a decision and start of chemo is more the responsible doctor's fear and uncertainty than anything else... perhaps she avoids dealing with it because she thinks it's no longer a life / death question in this case but is afraid of making a mistake still. Which is, of course, not a responsible attitude at all. I've seen similar attitude when I worked with physicians treating cancer patients in the past. They actually often delayed surgeries in this way.
I'm very glad it's a beautiful day there and you are enjoying it
Just catching up on what happened here in the past couple days.
Melissa, that was such a powerful share and you touched upon a very delicate subject -- thank you for posting it.
I'm at a conference right now and will be for three more days. Still trying to soak in the new environment and experiences, and my feelings about them. A small challenge I need to deal with right now is meeting my alcoholic ex here at the conference, for 5 days. I have only seen him once for half a day last year, also in work related context, in NY, since 2012 January. That was also at a conference, and I was stupid enough to get back on with him, for those few days physically but mentally had to start the whole "separation" process from almost ground zero. And my drinking got worse than ever for a while. None of these will happen now, no way. But I can't hide and not go to these types of conferences forever just because he gets invited to most of them.
On the hospitals and doctors' attitude... I have experience with it from a different side, having worked at hospitals (usually not in the clinic though) and with doctors. Not familiar with the system in Canada, but it's interesting that sometimes they want to get rid of the patient and kick them out far too early, and other times keep them unnecessarily long. From what you are describing, and with your condition, perhaps postponing a decision and start of chemo is more the responsible doctor's fear and uncertainty than anything else... perhaps she avoids dealing with it because she thinks it's no longer a life / death question in this case but is afraid of making a mistake still. Which is, of course, not a responsible attitude at all. I've seen similar attitude when I worked with physicians treating cancer patients in the past. They actually often delayed surgeries in this way.
I'm very glad it's a beautiful day there and you are enjoying it
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Good morning all. I have been thinking a lot about your post Melissa. It will be about 3 more weeks before I can get my 18 year old daughter into a physiatrist. Her symptoms have been horrible this past week and I almost ended up taking her into the ER because she was talking suicide. We didn't end up going because she just wanted to go to bed. I had to let her make the call because I didn't want her to be afraid of saying what she felt incase I went off the deep end. It's a hard line to walk between advocate and trying to take over.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Norfolk, MA
Posts: 792
It is a gorgeous day in Ottawa today. Birds and squirrels going all out for the Sunday Buffet around the little tree I have hung my new bird feeders in. And one little chipmunk, Puffy, who lives down a hole at the brick edging. I always throw a few peanuts down there just for him.
I am really under the weather with a nasty cold, no doubt picked up from 3 weeks of day to day visits to the Thoracic unit at Ottawa General. Thanks a lot, guys!
However, I am so happy to see Robby enjoying his black and white movies and eating hot dogs and loving life again. He is remarkably energetic in his mind as his body is still trying to play catch up. He greets each home nurse with a smile as they each have different techniques for doing the same job.
We are sitting outside on the deck watching river traffic, a seaplane just scooted by, and enjoying the smells and sounds. Quite the life!
A serene and happy day is wished to all.
Silent run: I empathize completely. As parents its sometimes hard to recognize the slight difference between caregiver and caretaker. I am always so grateful when my teenagers open up to me about their feelings of angst and anxiety. But I Immediately want to find a solution, which sometimes risks continuing confidences. Trust yourself. You will know when to listen and watch and when to listen and act.
I am really under the weather with a nasty cold, no doubt picked up from 3 weeks of day to day visits to the Thoracic unit at Ottawa General. Thanks a lot, guys!
However, I am so happy to see Robby enjoying his black and white movies and eating hot dogs and loving life again. He is remarkably energetic in his mind as his body is still trying to play catch up. He greets each home nurse with a smile as they each have different techniques for doing the same job.
We are sitting outside on the deck watching river traffic, a seaplane just scooted by, and enjoying the smells and sounds. Quite the life!
A serene and happy day is wished to all.
Silent run: I empathize completely. As parents its sometimes hard to recognize the slight difference between caregiver and caretaker. I am always so grateful when my teenagers open up to me about their feelings of angst and anxiety. But I Immediately want to find a solution, which sometimes risks continuing confidences. Trust yourself. You will know when to listen and watch and when to listen and act.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
Ah Robby......as you know I dont come to SR very much at all these days....Im close to Jeni and she asked me if I remembered you...and my stomach fell...
I said yes...I know you..your my friend...and have been since the beginning of my journey...you have helped me immeasurably sir.
Ive been reading back as much as I could since the beginning of the threads on authenticity...and you my friend are just that....always have been.
Im not going to say im sorry...its gone way beyond that....Im thankful Robby..im thankful to you and Melissa for sharing what you have..and im thankful to you for sharing with me many a time and being on hand to help whenever I asked...Ive always had an affinity....I know you and your lovely wife met here...as did my husband to be and I
Shaun (Trucker) and I send you both our very warmest heartfelt love....I think about you often, as I do a few of the other folks from here who I hold personally responsible along with a few others for sending me solidly on my way..for showing me the pathway to life....my dearest friend...you are an inspiration.... <3
I said yes...I know you..your my friend...and have been since the beginning of my journey...you have helped me immeasurably sir.
Ive been reading back as much as I could since the beginning of the threads on authenticity...and you my friend are just that....always have been.
Im not going to say im sorry...its gone way beyond that....Im thankful Robby..im thankful to you and Melissa for sharing what you have..and im thankful to you for sharing with me many a time and being on hand to help whenever I asked...Ive always had an affinity....I know you and your lovely wife met here...as did my husband to be and I
Shaun (Trucker) and I send you both our very warmest heartfelt love....I think about you often, as I do a few of the other folks from here who I hold personally responsible along with a few others for sending me solidly on my way..for showing me the pathway to life....my dearest friend...you are an inspiration.... <3
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
(((Charmie and Shaun)))
I'm feeling the love and the friendship all the way across the pond. Thanks so much. You know I'm way appreciative as always for our shared friendships. I'm so happy you guys are well and wedding bells will indeed ring and sing with such a celebration of real and lasting love. Awesome times now and then. Thanks for your lovely share my dear good friend Charmie. All my best as always.
I'm feeling the love and the friendship all the way across the pond. Thanks so much. You know I'm way appreciative as always for our shared friendships. I'm so happy you guys are well and wedding bells will indeed ring and sing with such a celebration of real and lasting love. Awesome times now and then. Thanks for your lovely share my dear good friend Charmie. All my best as always.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Hi dear Robby and Melissa,
Sorry I've been rather frenetically engaged in trying to kill off some vicious malware, downloaded via a vicious trojan. [the second lot of new threat software I've just activated found.....nearly 400! sites deep in my computer infested with this stuff. And then killed 'em all.]
That, together with a dead modem/router has me paying through the nose for mobile broadband while I wait for new modem gear. Humph!
Of course, this is all small potatoes (had any lately?) compared to your trials, but you seem to be chugging along ok now you're back home. Melissa's gorgeous post about sitting out on the deck watching the boats and a sea plane.....well, I just sighed with joy for you both.
Much much love as ever,
Troubleshootin' Vic
Sorry I've been rather frenetically engaged in trying to kill off some vicious malware, downloaded via a vicious trojan. [the second lot of new threat software I've just activated found.....nearly 400! sites deep in my computer infested with this stuff. And then killed 'em all.]
That, together with a dead modem/router has me paying through the nose for mobile broadband while I wait for new modem gear. Humph!
Of course, this is all small potatoes (had any lately?) compared to your trials, but you seem to be chugging along ok now you're back home. Melissa's gorgeous post about sitting out on the deck watching the boats and a sea plane.....well, I just sighed with joy for you both.
Much much love as ever,
Troubleshootin' Vic
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Yeah, awesome to get out on the back deck and soak up some sun. Such a beautiful day today! Physically I'm still weak as all hell for standing and whatever, but I'm getting stronger daily since Thursday. My appetite has improved a lot too and has me eating regular food in small portions. Things like soft breads and such are off limits as they can get balled up in my throat stent, which would be really dumb at this point requiring a trip to ER. No thank you!
So, as I eat more regular and get around more, my endurance is improving while my chest infection is weakening. I'm still on my antibiotic pump 24/7 until as late as June 12th. I'll know more on Tuesday's consultation.
Met up today with my younger brother by about 4 yrs difference. We'll meet up again, maybe tomorrow. He and I have the kind of same perspective about just how dysfunctional our blood family continues to be. He is the only one who still asks how I and Melissa are doing. I'm okay with the others keeping their distance, as they really have nothing actually positive to offer. They are more comfortable with sorrow and despair over all this and their own lives, and I have zero tolerance for any of that noise. Unless I uselessly cry with them, we got nothing between us. And so be it. Dysfunction is what it is and there is not always an immediate remedy.
As my fatigue clears, so does my thinking, and my anxieties and emotional levels start to fall too. Way cool. The other side of this coin though is coming to grips with the time-limited opportunities, which just less then a month ago, was anything but time-limited. Its surreal.
I was saying earlier how my internal time is slowing down for me, and speeding up around me. Weirdly, I can see I don't have the time I had, and yet, the time I do have seems to be more qualitative and I'm able to accomplish more with less. I dunno, I'm just learning about all this myself. I'm dreaming a lot too. And some tears and tender moments as well. I'm changing from my daily experiences in ways which do not concern me. I am concerned of the unknowns which are in play, but I'm sure this is just natural angst.
Melissa and I shared some funny moments with the visiting nurse today, who happened to be male. We spoke about how he has had classes on ethics, and they pretty well didn't cover the terminal patients having a sense of humor about their statistical chances. This only made me crack even more jokes, and within a minute all three of us are laughing like three fools on just how ironic life can get, and without humor, what the hell is the point of life anyways?!
As a Christian, I've always identified with the Book of Job. I mentioned to Melissa yesterday, I think I'll give it some study. Its been a few years since I picked up my bible. I've read it a few times in the last 45 years, so its not like it's new to me. I'm also going to study deeper into existentialism, as this gives me real comfort too.
Anyways, just wanted you guys to know I'm doing well and feeling good even though circumstances continue to develop. No matter. It's amazing what a bit of practiced opportunities for embracing irony can accomplish, yes?
So, as I eat more regular and get around more, my endurance is improving while my chest infection is weakening. I'm still on my antibiotic pump 24/7 until as late as June 12th. I'll know more on Tuesday's consultation.
Met up today with my younger brother by about 4 yrs difference. We'll meet up again, maybe tomorrow. He and I have the kind of same perspective about just how dysfunctional our blood family continues to be. He is the only one who still asks how I and Melissa are doing. I'm okay with the others keeping their distance, as they really have nothing actually positive to offer. They are more comfortable with sorrow and despair over all this and their own lives, and I have zero tolerance for any of that noise. Unless I uselessly cry with them, we got nothing between us. And so be it. Dysfunction is what it is and there is not always an immediate remedy.
As my fatigue clears, so does my thinking, and my anxieties and emotional levels start to fall too. Way cool. The other side of this coin though is coming to grips with the time-limited opportunities, which just less then a month ago, was anything but time-limited. Its surreal.
I was saying earlier how my internal time is slowing down for me, and speeding up around me. Weirdly, I can see I don't have the time I had, and yet, the time I do have seems to be more qualitative and I'm able to accomplish more with less. I dunno, I'm just learning about all this myself. I'm dreaming a lot too. And some tears and tender moments as well. I'm changing from my daily experiences in ways which do not concern me. I am concerned of the unknowns which are in play, but I'm sure this is just natural angst.
Melissa and I shared some funny moments with the visiting nurse today, who happened to be male. We spoke about how he has had classes on ethics, and they pretty well didn't cover the terminal patients having a sense of humor about their statistical chances. This only made me crack even more jokes, and within a minute all three of us are laughing like three fools on just how ironic life can get, and without humor, what the hell is the point of life anyways?!
As a Christian, I've always identified with the Book of Job. I mentioned to Melissa yesterday, I think I'll give it some study. Its been a few years since I picked up my bible. I've read it a few times in the last 45 years, so its not like it's new to me. I'm also going to study deeper into existentialism, as this gives me real comfort too.
Anyways, just wanted you guys to know I'm doing well and feeling good even though circumstances continue to develop. No matter. It's amazing what a bit of practiced opportunities for embracing irony can accomplish, yes?
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
It's interesting that you're dreaming a lot. Do you always? I'll bet you do. My dreams have been a lot more vivid in the last few months. It's almost like my mind has realized I can cope with fears in dreams that I couldn't before, when I was numbed. I think strong dreams is a sign that you're processing change in healthy ways.
Sleep well & dream well!
Sleep well & dream well!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Hah! A bumper post, if I may say so, young sir. Given the shortened time, I well imagine we'll be hearing more like this, and I for one (sure the others do too) feel so honoured and humbled (moi?) to be part of this amazing and yes, universal, journey towards death with you, Rob.
I remember reading Christopher Hitchens' (The Hitch) musings in the Atlantic, I think it was, as he was dying a few years ago. I doubt he pulled out his Book of Job - although, despite all his fumings and such over the years [and I do love his thought and writings, mind], and given his excellent education and wide ranging mind, I wonder if he might have, surreptitiously. I applaud you for doing so. And yeah, the existentialists, no fantasies there.
Have you ever read Irvin D. Yalom? His book 'Staring at the Sun: overcoming the dread of death' is deeply moving and beautifully written. He's a psychiatrist, wrote the book in his mid-seventies (published 2008). I think you'd enjoy it, Rob. I believe you'd sense him as a fellow traveller.
Really good to hear about you and your brother catching up, and that you have at least a good connection with him. Sometimes you only need one or two people, eh? Separating the wheat from the chaff, and all that.
xx
I remember reading Christopher Hitchens' (The Hitch) musings in the Atlantic, I think it was, as he was dying a few years ago. I doubt he pulled out his Book of Job - although, despite all his fumings and such over the years [and I do love his thought and writings, mind], and given his excellent education and wide ranging mind, I wonder if he might have, surreptitiously. I applaud you for doing so. And yeah, the existentialists, no fantasies there.
Have you ever read Irvin D. Yalom? His book 'Staring at the Sun: overcoming the dread of death' is deeply moving and beautifully written. He's a psychiatrist, wrote the book in his mid-seventies (published 2008). I think you'd enjoy it, Rob. I believe you'd sense him as a fellow traveller.
Really good to hear about you and your brother catching up, and that you have at least a good connection with him. Sometimes you only need one or two people, eh? Separating the wheat from the chaff, and all that.
xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
As usual, my addendum of bits I forgot to say:
yeah, yeah, yeah: a few rip-roaring laughs and irony....frankly, there should be much more of it for the dying. None of this po-faced dancing about the subject. I vividly remember my two sisters and I cracking up with the nurses one time (or more) in Mum's palliative care hospital, Nov '89. Rather like her eldest sister did many years later, Mum appeared to be right at death's door - and lo, within a few minutes, she struggled upright in her death bed, saying 'I've missed the plane for Boston!' [which she'd never managed to get to on her overseas trip years before] and 'where's my cup o' tea?'
yeah, yeah, yeah: a few rip-roaring laughs and irony....frankly, there should be much more of it for the dying. None of this po-faced dancing about the subject. I vividly remember my two sisters and I cracking up with the nurses one time (or more) in Mum's palliative care hospital, Nov '89. Rather like her eldest sister did many years later, Mum appeared to be right at death's door - and lo, within a few minutes, she struggled upright in her death bed, saying 'I've missed the plane for Boston!' [which she'd never managed to get to on her overseas trip years before] and 'where's my cup o' tea?'
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
The book of Job has never been one of my favorites, but I can see how you might relate to that Rob.I have always like Ecclesiastes, esp chapter 3 -
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
I wish you peace at this time Rob.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
I wish you peace at this time Rob.
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