What is the most important advice most often rejected by newcomers?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: East Coast U.S.
Posts: 153
Originally Posted by kzaug2014 
"One more thought...advice which is rejected by newcomers"
As a newcomer, it was actually the "lack of advice" from addicts which discouraged me ( but, only for a min.!
)
I'm persistent ( but, what about all others? )
As a newcomer, it was actually the "lack of advice" from addicts which discouraged me ( but, only for a min.!
)I'm persistent ( but, what about all others? )
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by Ultramarathoner
(1) Framing becoming alcohol free as a choice not a punishment.
(2) Embracing, accepting, and committing to 'forever' as early as one is comfortable doing so.
(2) Embracing, accepting, and committing to 'forever' as early as one is comfortable doing so.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
As alcoholics we want quick fixes, threads wanting to "test" sobreity, "I'm heading to a party. I'm heading to a bar" and "I have to go"!!
Such threads are usually filled with words of wisdom such as "don't go" . . . more people need to heed this sound advice.
Sobriety is a slow building of a new lifestyle, it won't happen overnight, it's gonna take time, and rushing out to put it to the test can be a disaster!!
Trust those that have been there and got the box of T-Shirts to show for it, we're not making this stuff up!!
Such threads are usually filled with words of wisdom such as "don't go" . . . more people need to heed this sound advice.
Sobriety is a slow building of a new lifestyle, it won't happen overnight, it's gonna take time, and rushing out to put it to the test can be a disaster!!
Trust those that have been there and got the box of T-Shirts to show for it, we're not making this stuff up!!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
thinking that drunkeness is the problem and that by not getting drunk anymore, the rest of life will magically fall into place.
Kinda like thinking if you cut the rust out of an old car, the engine, transmission and upholstery will magically restore themselves.
Or putting a new roof on a run down house is a "full renovation "
Stopping drinking does bring magnificent results for a minority of people, but the majority need to put in far more work.
Human nature being what it is..... The minimal approach is very appealing.
So..... Good luck convincing people of the need for actions and work.
Kinda like thinking if you cut the rust out of an old car, the engine, transmission and upholstery will magically restore themselves.
Or putting a new roof on a run down house is a "full renovation "
Stopping drinking does bring magnificent results for a minority of people, but the majority need to put in far more work.
Human nature being what it is..... The minimal approach is very appealing.
So..... Good luck convincing people of the need for actions and work.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
1) Be ready to do whatever it takes.
2) Nothing changes if nothing changes
Typical answer
yeah but......
Also I think that too many people approach sobriety as "getting on the wagon" (I can't stand that expression) instead of a lifestyle change. It s not about depriving ourselves, it is about looking at life and handling it in a different fashion.
2) Nothing changes if nothing changes
Typical answer
yeah but......
Also I think that too many people approach sobriety as "getting on the wagon" (I can't stand that expression) instead of a lifestyle change. It s not about depriving ourselves, it is about looking at life and handling it in a different fashion.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
It's hard to add much to the terrific responses so far. Some real wisdom here on SR.
One thing that strikes me is that newbies who are really struggling tend to view sobriety as some sort of punishment. That somehow, it's "just not fair" that they cannot have a drink. Just as often as not, a day or so later, they return remorsefully.
The sooner we start looking at sobriety as freedom, the better. I suspect it would make that first drink look like a bad choice.
One thing that strikes me is that newbies who are really struggling tend to view sobriety as some sort of punishment. That somehow, it's "just not fair" that they cannot have a drink. Just as often as not, a day or so later, they return remorsefully.
The sooner we start looking at sobriety as freedom, the better. I suspect it would make that first drink look like a bad choice.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
One thing I think people ignore is the premise that addiction is addiction is addiction. "But my drinking is different. If you had my problems you would see that." Terminal uniqueness coupled with a "yeah, but, I'm different."
I also want to second, third, fourth the "but I absolutely have to go to this function." No one has to go anywhere they don't need to be but newcomers test limits. Woefully returning a week, month, couple of months later. Just say NO!
I also want to second, third, fourth the "but I absolutely have to go to this function." No one has to go anywhere they don't need to be but newcomers test limits. Woefully returning a week, month, couple of months later. Just say NO!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Costa Mesa, CA
Posts: 214
These are all excellent. The only other thing is sometimes when we have not hit our bottom or necessarily lost anything "yet", we don't believe we are "as bad as some of the others". I made this mistake in 2008 and didn't stop when I should have...Most of the "yets" occurred for me between 2008-2012.
So I guess the message would be...look for the similarities and not the differences between you and other alcoholics.
So I guess the message would be...look for the similarities and not the differences between you and other alcoholics.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yep, try asking anyone who still has a job, a spouse, a car and a house and is drinking a lot if they think life might be a tad unmanageable?
Materially everything is still in place, so most of them will answer with a resounding... NO
Of course what has been missed is the obvious.......... If everything is fine and manageable........ Why do you need to go home and numb yourself with booze night after night after night?
Externals don't equate with internals.
Yep, try asking anyone who still has a job, a spouse, a car and a house and is drinking a lot if they think life might be a tad unmanageable?
Materially everything is still in place, so most of them will answer with a resounding... NO
Of course what has been missed is the obvious.......... If everything is fine and manageable........ Why do you need to go home and numb yourself with booze night after night after night?
Externals don't equate with internals.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Two Wolves
An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life...
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied,
"The one you feed."
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied,
"The one you feed."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
TeeBee hit on something, one thing we do not put enough emphasis on and I believe it is very important. It kind of goes along with not doing this alone. Tell someone. And I don't mean sneak off to an aa meeting or come here and tell us. Tell someone significant in your life. Even if it is only one person who is close to you. Being able to get that out and share it with someone in your life is an incredible relief. And that person can and will - should - support you. If you have a "significant other" who still is drinking and will not stop to support you, then let someone else know about it.
Too often we shelter ourselves, whether it be from guilt or shame, when chances are it is not as big a secret as we think.
Tell somebody.
Too often we shelter ourselves, whether it be from guilt or shame, when chances are it is not as big a secret as we think.
Tell somebody.
Better when never is never
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by Ruby2
I also want to second, third, fourth the "but I absolutely have to go to this function." No one has to go anywhere they don't need to be but newcomers test limits. Woefully returning a week, month, couple of months later. Just say NO!
Originally Posted by Thanos
Hi Sober wolf, what are the two wolves? Sorry I don't know what it refers to.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
