Worry-Signal or Noise?
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Worry-Signal or Noise?
Handling Worries as "Signals"
The first thing to do is to distinguish whether these worries are "signals" or "noise.." Are they "signals" that you have a legitimate problem to address or that true danger lies ahead? Are they alerting you to take some action? If they are "signals" then you want to pay attention to them.
Or are these worries simply "noise": distractions, ways to make you uncomfortable. If they are noise, then you will need some special skills to stop them from intruding. You want to get that noise out of your head, to clear your mind so that you can have more enjoyable and productive days.
Any concern that you dwell on can be a signal or noise: you have a presentation due in three days; your son is late getting home from his date; you've been experiencing a headache for six hours; you're not sure whether you turned the iron off after leaving for work. If you have been having anxiety traveling lately and if you are considering driving to a new location in a few days, then your mind will probably begin to dwell on the upcoming trip. If these become repetitious, unproductive thoughts, they are worries that you should respond to. But are they a signal or noise?
Remember, worries as "signals" means there is some action we need to take; we can ignore worries that are "noise". If they are legitimate concerns (signals), we will handle them by studying the problem and taking action. If they are a noisy racket in our head, we will handle them by various techniques that reduce their annoyance. (That's the next section.) The most direct way is to find out is by attempting to make these unproductive thoughts into productive ones. In other words, treat all worries as signals until you decide that they are noise. Begin to think in a structured manner regarding your concerns.
When you hear yourself worrying, turn your attention to the details of the worries. Assume they are asking you to take some kind of action. Assume that if they are important enough to be intruding into your mental time, they are important enough to address in a structured manner. Put your worries through these four steps that lead to action.
First, define specifically what the problem is. Sit down with paper and pencil to define the concern and its components -- everything that worries you.
For example, your definition of the problem might be, "I am not prepared for the drive on Friday." List the details under it:
I'm not sure of all the places to pull off.
I don't know where phones are along the route.
I don't know how far it is between those two exits on I-40, and I'm not sure I can handle more than a 2-mile span without an exit ramp.
What if I have a panic attack while driving?
Second, write down all possible solutions. Take the items on your list, one by one, and generate different ways to handle the concerns. These may include gathering more information, turning to experts or other knowledgeable people for advice, recalling your learnings from past successes, practicing skills. It can also include courageously taking actions even though you are uncertain of the outcome.
In this case, the items might include: taking a ride through the route as a passenger, identifying the pull-off locations, the phones, and the distance between those exits. Most importantly, it includes recalling any successes you have had in the past when responding to panic, identifying the specifics of how you would handle a panic attack in this situation, and practicing those skills ahead of time. Another obvious solution is to avoid the drive altogether.
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ACTIVELY RESPONDING TO WORRIES AS "SIGNALS"
1. Define your current problem, and list all the components of the problem.
2. List all the possible solutions. What is necessary to handle each concern?
3. Decide whether to go forward or retreat.
4. Take action based on your possible solutions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Decide whether to go forward or retreat. Most worries have this option: you either pursue or you pull back. Worrying offers you a way to sit on the fence and not commit to a decision. So if you want to handle most worries, you need to force yourself to choose a direction.
You have a presentation due in three days: you cancel it, or prepare for it.
Your son is late getting home from his date: you wait for another half hour, or you start calling his most likely locations.
You've been experiencing a headache for six hours: you take another analgesic and wait to evaluate the problem again in the morning, or you call the doctor.
You're not sure whether you turned the iron off after leaving for work: you decide it is safe to wait until you get home from work, or you return home now to check.
You are considering driving to a new location in a few days: you go or you cancel.
You do not have to commit to the entire action from start to finish, only to walking along the path. If driving is your concern, you can decide to ride as a passenger through the route, identifying the pull-off locations, the phones, and the distance between those exits. You can then review your choices after you have experienced that step and decide whether to take another step toward your goal. You can outline the steps you want to take if you might panic while driving. You can plan to practice those skills and even list them on a cue card for the drive. You can then decide whether to take the next step of actually getting in your car and driving.
You have a right to decide to withdraw from the action. You may have to handle certain consequences of the decision -- if you cancel a luncheon date, your intended guest might be upset -- but you have the right to control your behaviors instead of being controlled by others or by some strict standard of action. You get to decide what is in your best interest at this time.
And, fourth, take action based on your possible solutions. Action gets you off the fence, where worries tend to sit. Move forward from identifying the problem, move forward from thinking about all the possible solutions. Begin to act on one or more of those plans. Again, remember that with certain projects you can commit to each stage of action without committing to the final task. Review your direction toward your goal anytime you think you have new knowledge or experience that will influence your decision.
The first thing to do is to distinguish whether these worries are "signals" or "noise.." Are they "signals" that you have a legitimate problem to address or that true danger lies ahead? Are they alerting you to take some action? If they are "signals" then you want to pay attention to them.
Or are these worries simply "noise": distractions, ways to make you uncomfortable. If they are noise, then you will need some special skills to stop them from intruding. You want to get that noise out of your head, to clear your mind so that you can have more enjoyable and productive days.
Any concern that you dwell on can be a signal or noise: you have a presentation due in three days; your son is late getting home from his date; you've been experiencing a headache for six hours; you're not sure whether you turned the iron off after leaving for work. If you have been having anxiety traveling lately and if you are considering driving to a new location in a few days, then your mind will probably begin to dwell on the upcoming trip. If these become repetitious, unproductive thoughts, they are worries that you should respond to. But are they a signal or noise?
Remember, worries as "signals" means there is some action we need to take; we can ignore worries that are "noise". If they are legitimate concerns (signals), we will handle them by studying the problem and taking action. If they are a noisy racket in our head, we will handle them by various techniques that reduce their annoyance. (That's the next section.) The most direct way is to find out is by attempting to make these unproductive thoughts into productive ones. In other words, treat all worries as signals until you decide that they are noise. Begin to think in a structured manner regarding your concerns.
When you hear yourself worrying, turn your attention to the details of the worries. Assume they are asking you to take some kind of action. Assume that if they are important enough to be intruding into your mental time, they are important enough to address in a structured manner. Put your worries through these four steps that lead to action.
First, define specifically what the problem is. Sit down with paper and pencil to define the concern and its components -- everything that worries you.
For example, your definition of the problem might be, "I am not prepared for the drive on Friday." List the details under it:
I'm not sure of all the places to pull off.
I don't know where phones are along the route.
I don't know how far it is between those two exits on I-40, and I'm not sure I can handle more than a 2-mile span without an exit ramp.
What if I have a panic attack while driving?
Second, write down all possible solutions. Take the items on your list, one by one, and generate different ways to handle the concerns. These may include gathering more information, turning to experts or other knowledgeable people for advice, recalling your learnings from past successes, practicing skills. It can also include courageously taking actions even though you are uncertain of the outcome.
In this case, the items might include: taking a ride through the route as a passenger, identifying the pull-off locations, the phones, and the distance between those exits. Most importantly, it includes recalling any successes you have had in the past when responding to panic, identifying the specifics of how you would handle a panic attack in this situation, and practicing those skills ahead of time. Another obvious solution is to avoid the drive altogether.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ACTIVELY RESPONDING TO WORRIES AS "SIGNALS"
1. Define your current problem, and list all the components of the problem.
2. List all the possible solutions. What is necessary to handle each concern?
3. Decide whether to go forward or retreat.
4. Take action based on your possible solutions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Decide whether to go forward or retreat. Most worries have this option: you either pursue or you pull back. Worrying offers you a way to sit on the fence and not commit to a decision. So if you want to handle most worries, you need to force yourself to choose a direction.
You have a presentation due in three days: you cancel it, or prepare for it.
Your son is late getting home from his date: you wait for another half hour, or you start calling his most likely locations.
You've been experiencing a headache for six hours: you take another analgesic and wait to evaluate the problem again in the morning, or you call the doctor.
You're not sure whether you turned the iron off after leaving for work: you decide it is safe to wait until you get home from work, or you return home now to check.
You are considering driving to a new location in a few days: you go or you cancel.
You do not have to commit to the entire action from start to finish, only to walking along the path. If driving is your concern, you can decide to ride as a passenger through the route, identifying the pull-off locations, the phones, and the distance between those exits. You can then review your choices after you have experienced that step and decide whether to take another step toward your goal. You can outline the steps you want to take if you might panic while driving. You can plan to practice those skills and even list them on a cue card for the drive. You can then decide whether to take the next step of actually getting in your car and driving.
You have a right to decide to withdraw from the action. You may have to handle certain consequences of the decision -- if you cancel a luncheon date, your intended guest might be upset -- but you have the right to control your behaviors instead of being controlled by others or by some strict standard of action. You get to decide what is in your best interest at this time.
And, fourth, take action based on your possible solutions. Action gets you off the fence, where worries tend to sit. Move forward from identifying the problem, move forward from thinking about all the possible solutions. Begin to act on one or more of those plans. Again, remember that with certain projects you can commit to each stage of action without committing to the final task. Review your direction toward your goal anytime you think you have new knowledge or experience that will influence your decision.
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Handling worries as "noise"
Worries, like panic, take on a life of their own.. When you have charted a path to walk and the noise of unhelpful thoughts follows you, then it is time to shake them. You must first take a firm stand against the worries: "These thoughts aren't helpful. I'm not going to let them control me." You can't be wishy-washy about this decision.
For instance, if you believe that every panic attack is a potential heart attack, you must settle this issue before you can move forward against panic. Many people make this mistake. They have all their medical evaluations, ruling out any heart problem. They feel reassured. But each time symptoms begin, they say, "I think this is just anxiety." Underneath that thought is, (" . . . but it could be a heart attack.") A stronger voice is, "I'm going to treat these symptoms as anxiety. I've gotten a clean bill of health. I'm willing to risk the slight chance that this is something else."
STOPPING THE NEGATIVE OBSERVER
I have adapted this technique from a procedure, called thought-stopping, that the field of behavioral psychology has applied for over twenty years. Use it when you want to dispatch quickly with intruding thoughts. This is how it goes.
Stopping Negative Thoughts
Listen for your worried, self-critical, or hopeless thoughts.
Decide that you want to stop them. ("Are these thoughts helping me?")
Reinforce your decision through supportive comments ("I can let go of these thoughts.")
Mentally yell "stop!" (Snap rubber band on wrist.)
Begin Calming Counts.
To break such a pattern, first you must begin to notice the moments when you are focusing on Negative Observer comments (See Don't Panic, chapter 14). Often we are not aware that our minds are rushing through negative thoughts. As you begin to pay attention to such thoughts you will start to notice these moments more frequently.
The most straightforward way to stop your doubts and worries is to do it as quickly and powerfully as possible, before they get your mind caught up in them. Once those worries strike -- when you become aware of repetitive, unproductive, negative thoughts -- mentally step back and observe them. Are your worries a signal of something you should pay attention to right now? Or are they just more noise in your day?
Ask yourself, "Are these thoughts helpful to me right now?" This is a great question; it will help you in a powerful way by confronting your automatic, negative thinking. Please don't ignore it! Simply by asking the question, you have momentarily disrupted your negative thinking, which is a good move. This is your Supportive Observer (See Don't Panic, chapter 16) in action: it notices what you are thinking and decides if those thoughts are supporting you.
If the thoughts are not helpful -- if they are noise -- then consciously decide that you want to stop the racket. These thoughts are powerful and will draw you to them. They are drama, and your brain seeks out drama. Let your Supportive Observer reinforce your decision with statements such as, "I'm in control of my thoughts. I don't need to be run by these ideas. It's OK to stop focusing on this."
You must make a firm decision of "not now." One way is to yell, "STOP!" inside your mind. I know that sounds like a silly thing to do. But you yell "stop" as a way to disrupt the drama of your worries. You fight fire with fire. It derails your current thought process and permits you to begin a new one.
If you need a little more stimulus to draw your attention, then wear a rubber band on your wrist. When you yell "STOP," snap that rubber band at the same time. "Ouch!" Exactly! Now what are you paying attention to? That stinging wrist. For a split second you have left your worries and shifted to some other experience. You have created a space for a new focus of your attention.
Take advantage of that moment! Fill that space by practicing Calming Counts. (Remember that breathing technique of one deep breath and ten gentle breaths?) This will be the most effective part of your intervention, because Calming Counts will accomplish two important goals.
First, it will disrupt your typical pattern of worry. Instead of continuing to worry, you have to stop and think about how to do this highly specific breathing technique. You have to exhale all the way, take a deep breath, exhale again as slowly as possible, loosen and relax your face. Then you have to follow the next ten exhalations, counting each one, but counting backward, and seeing that number in your mind. Boy, that's busy work! And that's exactly what we are looking for: something to keep your mind so busy that it doesn't drift back to your worries. Calming Counts takes about a minute and a half. That's a wedge of ninety seconds between you and your noisy worries.
Second, you will be busy performing a technique that actually calms down your body. Calming Counts can help reverse any anxiety that starts to build in response to your worried thoughts. As you get physically calmer and as time passes, you will gain perspective on your worries and have a much easier time resisting them.
Even if your negative thoughts return a minute later, you have briefly disrupted them. This is a method of bringing your Observer to the foreground during a time of trouble. Several minutes later you may want to disrupt those negative thoughts again with a second set of Calming Counts. Slowly, you will begin to "step back" and see your worries from a new perspective. You will become less preoccupied, and your tension level will have a chance to decrease.
This technique is adaptable to many public situations. For instance, you can begin Calming Counts while waiting to give a speech. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts such as, "Everyone will notice that my hands are shaking" or "I know I'm going to make a fool of myself," you can preoccupy your mind by keeping track of your counts.
This same negative thinking process takes place when we anticipate facing our fears. For example, imagine you plan to attend your neighbor's party tonight. You usually avoid such parties because you become nervous in groups. But this week you decide you will fight your fears by attending this gathering of friends. It is now 11:30 A.M. You notice that you have spent the last thirty minutes repeating useless Worried Observer comments silently in your mind: "I can't do this. I'll never last. What if I get trapped there? I don't want to get trapped. I can't go. I just can't handle it. I'll never last." At this moment your Observer breaks in.
OBSERVER: "I keep repeating the same thoughts in my head about tonight. I'm scared. I've decided to go, but I keep thinking about how to avoid it."
SUPPORTIVE OBSERVER: "These thoughts are only making me more scared. They aren't helpful. I need to stop them."
ACTION: Mentally yells "stop!" Sits down for a minute and does ten Calming Counts.
OBSERVER: "Now that I am quieter, I notice how tense my stomach is. I'm still scared."
SUPPORTIVE OBSERVER: "Probably I'll be a little anxious all day. It's OK to be somewhat tense since I'm taking on a challenge tonight. I need to pace my day and keep myself fairly busy until it's time to get ready. That's a good way to take care of myself. I also want some support tonight so I don't feel like I'm going through this alone."
ACTION: Makes a list of a few worthwhile projects for the day that require some concentration. Shares concerns with a supportive person who will be attending the party. Monitors stomach tensions periodically through the day, using the Calming Breath to relax the stomach muscles when needed.
Notice what happened at the beginning of this example. I described the Observer as "breaking in" during your negative, obsessive thinking. This is probably something that already takes place within you now. You will become entangled in some negative thinking, then all of a sudden, some part of your mind will "step back" and comment on what you are doing. This is the moment you want to seize; this moment is the opportunity for change.
Begin to listen to your Observer rising up. When you notice it, keep it! Let yourself gather the facts of the moment objectively, then shift to some suggestion or plan that will take care of you and at the same time support your positive goals. If you begin criticizing yourself or making comments of hopelessness, simply notice them and then let them go ("Thinking that thought isn't helpful to me right now.")
You will now learn about five ways to handle worries that are noise: stopping them, postponing them, modifying them in two ways and, surprisingly, increasing them.
Worries, like panic, take on a life of their own.. When you have charted a path to walk and the noise of unhelpful thoughts follows you, then it is time to shake them. You must first take a firm stand against the worries: "These thoughts aren't helpful. I'm not going to let them control me." You can't be wishy-washy about this decision.
For instance, if you believe that every panic attack is a potential heart attack, you must settle this issue before you can move forward against panic. Many people make this mistake. They have all their medical evaluations, ruling out any heart problem. They feel reassured. But each time symptoms begin, they say, "I think this is just anxiety." Underneath that thought is, (" . . . but it could be a heart attack.") A stronger voice is, "I'm going to treat these symptoms as anxiety. I've gotten a clean bill of health. I'm willing to risk the slight chance that this is something else."
STOPPING THE NEGATIVE OBSERVER
I have adapted this technique from a procedure, called thought-stopping, that the field of behavioral psychology has applied for over twenty years. Use it when you want to dispatch quickly with intruding thoughts. This is how it goes.
Stopping Negative Thoughts
Listen for your worried, self-critical, or hopeless thoughts.
Decide that you want to stop them. ("Are these thoughts helping me?")
Reinforce your decision through supportive comments ("I can let go of these thoughts.")
Mentally yell "stop!" (Snap rubber band on wrist.)
Begin Calming Counts.
To break such a pattern, first you must begin to notice the moments when you are focusing on Negative Observer comments (See Don't Panic, chapter 14). Often we are not aware that our minds are rushing through negative thoughts. As you begin to pay attention to such thoughts you will start to notice these moments more frequently.
The most straightforward way to stop your doubts and worries is to do it as quickly and powerfully as possible, before they get your mind caught up in them. Once those worries strike -- when you become aware of repetitive, unproductive, negative thoughts -- mentally step back and observe them. Are your worries a signal of something you should pay attention to right now? Or are they just more noise in your day?
Ask yourself, "Are these thoughts helpful to me right now?" This is a great question; it will help you in a powerful way by confronting your automatic, negative thinking. Please don't ignore it! Simply by asking the question, you have momentarily disrupted your negative thinking, which is a good move. This is your Supportive Observer (See Don't Panic, chapter 16) in action: it notices what you are thinking and decides if those thoughts are supporting you.
If the thoughts are not helpful -- if they are noise -- then consciously decide that you want to stop the racket. These thoughts are powerful and will draw you to them. They are drama, and your brain seeks out drama. Let your Supportive Observer reinforce your decision with statements such as, "I'm in control of my thoughts. I don't need to be run by these ideas. It's OK to stop focusing on this."
You must make a firm decision of "not now." One way is to yell, "STOP!" inside your mind. I know that sounds like a silly thing to do. But you yell "stop" as a way to disrupt the drama of your worries. You fight fire with fire. It derails your current thought process and permits you to begin a new one.
If you need a little more stimulus to draw your attention, then wear a rubber band on your wrist. When you yell "STOP," snap that rubber band at the same time. "Ouch!" Exactly! Now what are you paying attention to? That stinging wrist. For a split second you have left your worries and shifted to some other experience. You have created a space for a new focus of your attention.
Take advantage of that moment! Fill that space by practicing Calming Counts. (Remember that breathing technique of one deep breath and ten gentle breaths?) This will be the most effective part of your intervention, because Calming Counts will accomplish two important goals.
First, it will disrupt your typical pattern of worry. Instead of continuing to worry, you have to stop and think about how to do this highly specific breathing technique. You have to exhale all the way, take a deep breath, exhale again as slowly as possible, loosen and relax your face. Then you have to follow the next ten exhalations, counting each one, but counting backward, and seeing that number in your mind. Boy, that's busy work! And that's exactly what we are looking for: something to keep your mind so busy that it doesn't drift back to your worries. Calming Counts takes about a minute and a half. That's a wedge of ninety seconds between you and your noisy worries.
Second, you will be busy performing a technique that actually calms down your body. Calming Counts can help reverse any anxiety that starts to build in response to your worried thoughts. As you get physically calmer and as time passes, you will gain perspective on your worries and have a much easier time resisting them.
Even if your negative thoughts return a minute later, you have briefly disrupted them. This is a method of bringing your Observer to the foreground during a time of trouble. Several minutes later you may want to disrupt those negative thoughts again with a second set of Calming Counts. Slowly, you will begin to "step back" and see your worries from a new perspective. You will become less preoccupied, and your tension level will have a chance to decrease.
This technique is adaptable to many public situations. For instance, you can begin Calming Counts while waiting to give a speech. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts such as, "Everyone will notice that my hands are shaking" or "I know I'm going to make a fool of myself," you can preoccupy your mind by keeping track of your counts.
This same negative thinking process takes place when we anticipate facing our fears. For example, imagine you plan to attend your neighbor's party tonight. You usually avoid such parties because you become nervous in groups. But this week you decide you will fight your fears by attending this gathering of friends. It is now 11:30 A.M. You notice that you have spent the last thirty minutes repeating useless Worried Observer comments silently in your mind: "I can't do this. I'll never last. What if I get trapped there? I don't want to get trapped. I can't go. I just can't handle it. I'll never last." At this moment your Observer breaks in.
OBSERVER: "I keep repeating the same thoughts in my head about tonight. I'm scared. I've decided to go, but I keep thinking about how to avoid it."
SUPPORTIVE OBSERVER: "These thoughts are only making me more scared. They aren't helpful. I need to stop them."
ACTION: Mentally yells "stop!" Sits down for a minute and does ten Calming Counts.
OBSERVER: "Now that I am quieter, I notice how tense my stomach is. I'm still scared."
SUPPORTIVE OBSERVER: "Probably I'll be a little anxious all day. It's OK to be somewhat tense since I'm taking on a challenge tonight. I need to pace my day and keep myself fairly busy until it's time to get ready. That's a good way to take care of myself. I also want some support tonight so I don't feel like I'm going through this alone."
ACTION: Makes a list of a few worthwhile projects for the day that require some concentration. Shares concerns with a supportive person who will be attending the party. Monitors stomach tensions periodically through the day, using the Calming Breath to relax the stomach muscles when needed.
Notice what happened at the beginning of this example. I described the Observer as "breaking in" during your negative, obsessive thinking. This is probably something that already takes place within you now. You will become entangled in some negative thinking, then all of a sudden, some part of your mind will "step back" and comment on what you are doing. This is the moment you want to seize; this moment is the opportunity for change.
Begin to listen to your Observer rising up. When you notice it, keep it! Let yourself gather the facts of the moment objectively, then shift to some suggestion or plan that will take care of you and at the same time support your positive goals. If you begin criticizing yourself or making comments of hopelessness, simply notice them and then let them go ("Thinking that thought isn't helpful to me right now.")
You will now learn about five ways to handle worries that are noise: stopping them, postponing them, modifying them in two ways and, surprisingly, increasing them.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Stall Tactics That Work
An excellent stalling tactic is to postpone your worries for a bit. When you notice yourself beginning to worry, then mentally agree to pay attention to those worries. However, choose a specific later time when you will return to them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------Postpone Your Worries
Mentally agree to pay attention to your worries
Choose a specific time in the future when you will return to them.
As that time arrives, either start obsessing or consider postponing the worries to another specific time. Whenever possible, choose to postpone.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
This is like making a mental agreement with your fear. There's a part of you that really believes that you need to pay attention to these worried thoughts. You are not about to say "no" to them. Your fear is there because it thinks it's taking care of you. So you're going to say, "OK, I'll pay attention to you, just not now." You're going to keep the idea that you'll actually worry. You're going to change the idea that you have to instantly respond every time it beckons you.
How long can you postpone? Can you wait an hour? If you can't postpone for an hour, try a half hour. Try fifteen minutes. Five minutes. Whatever it takes, try to break the automatic process of worry. That's what postponing will do, by letting you take control over when and where you worry.
It really doesn't matter how long you pick to start with. It's relative to your capacity. As soon as you postpone even for 10 seconds, you're taking voluntary control over an involuntary process. So start wherever you can, and support yourself in the effort. Use a stopwatch if you need to.
Continue to postpone as long as you can. When you feel incapable of postponing the worry any longer, then go ahead and address it. The key is to let at least some amount of time pass without worries dominating your thoughts during the practice.
Experiment with this technique a few times this week. Whatever your worries -- whatever the unproductive noises are in your head -- practice postponing them. In the process you will be practicing a skill that you can use in preparing for any new challenges panic offers you.
CHANGING THE WAYS YOU WORRY
A momentary worry is not much of a problem. All of us experience them. The trouble comes with how we react to worries. If we follow those noises, if we embellish their story line, if we dwell on the details and let ourselves become upset, then we are bringing on trouble.
Here are a couple of techniques for reducing your attachment to your worries. Remember that the principle behind these techniques is that your are disrupting a thought pattern that is unnecessary, irrelevant and intrusive. You first declare that these worries are noise, then you intervene with one of these techniques. The primary benefit of these two techniques is to change your emotional response to the thoughts -- to help you feel any other emotion beside anxiety.
Write down your worries
How might you change your emotions toward your worries? The first way is to write them down. Carry a pencil and a small pad with you throughout the day. When you begin the noisy worries, write down your exact thoughts. If you continue worried thoughts, keep writing. This doesn't mean a summary of what you said in your mind. This means a verbatim transcript of exactly what you're thinking. As soon as you finish writing down the worry, if you think it again, write it down again, even if it's verbatim what you just wrote down. Act as though you are the stenographer in the courtroom. Every single utterance goes on paper! Don't write down the theme, write down every single repetition of every single worried thought.
Now what's the benefit here? When you worry, you tend to repeat the same content again and again, right? When you write down the worries, you recognize how repetitive and senseless they are. This perspective quiets the noise. After a while you will probably experience the task -- of writing verbatim all the content -- as a chore. Most of us know how easy it is to mentally repeat some worry, like, "I hope this (whatever) turns out." It's easy to say it in your head 400 times. It's a lot harder to write over and over again, "I hope this turns out. What if it doesn't? Gosh, I hope it turns out. But what if it doesn't?" There's no way you can write it 400 times . . . it loses its power. Writing it down makes worrying into an arduous task. It becomes more work to actively worry than to let it go.
That's how the writing will help you. After several extended writing sessions you are more likely to say, "OK, I'm worrying. Now I'm either going to start writing it, or I'm just going to let it go. I can either go through all the bother of writing these worthless thoughts, or just stop worrying right now."
One special note: Don't wait until you want to do this task. Few people are ever in the mood to write out their worries. Start this and other interventions because you are ready to get stronger, regardless of your mood or interest.
Sing a worried tune.
Another way to begin changing your emotional response to your noisy worries is to sing them. (OK, stop laughing and let me explain.) Pick up a short phrase that summarizes your worry. Ignore its meaning for a while. Continue to repeat the words, but do so within a simple melody. Keep up this tune for several minutes. Whenever you feel you are less emotionally involved with these thoughts, let go of the tune and the words. Turn your attention elsewhere.
That sounds pretty silly, doesn't it? Here you are, suffering from very distressing thoughts, and I ask you to hum a few bars. But that's the idea. The process of singing your worries makes it difficult to simultaneously stay distressed. Yes, it's stupid. Yes, it sounds childish. Do it anyway!!
And here's how to do it. Pick up a short phrase that summarizes your obsession. Ignore its meaning for a while. Continue to repeat the words, but do so within a simple melody. Keep up this tune for a few minutes. Whenever you feel less emotionally involved with these thoughts, let go of the tune and the words. Turn your attention elsewhere.
I don't expect that you will start singing this little tune and instantly feel happy. In fact, it will probably be hard to feel anything but anxiety when you start singing. But stick with it. And while you're singing, work to become detached from the content of your song. Remember, that's our goal.
An excellent stalling tactic is to postpone your worries for a bit. When you notice yourself beginning to worry, then mentally agree to pay attention to those worries. However, choose a specific later time when you will return to them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------Postpone Your Worries
Mentally agree to pay attention to your worries
Choose a specific time in the future when you will return to them.
As that time arrives, either start obsessing or consider postponing the worries to another specific time. Whenever possible, choose to postpone.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
This is like making a mental agreement with your fear. There's a part of you that really believes that you need to pay attention to these worried thoughts. You are not about to say "no" to them. Your fear is there because it thinks it's taking care of you. So you're going to say, "OK, I'll pay attention to you, just not now." You're going to keep the idea that you'll actually worry. You're going to change the idea that you have to instantly respond every time it beckons you.
How long can you postpone? Can you wait an hour? If you can't postpone for an hour, try a half hour. Try fifteen minutes. Five minutes. Whatever it takes, try to break the automatic process of worry. That's what postponing will do, by letting you take control over when and where you worry.
It really doesn't matter how long you pick to start with. It's relative to your capacity. As soon as you postpone even for 10 seconds, you're taking voluntary control over an involuntary process. So start wherever you can, and support yourself in the effort. Use a stopwatch if you need to.
Continue to postpone as long as you can. When you feel incapable of postponing the worry any longer, then go ahead and address it. The key is to let at least some amount of time pass without worries dominating your thoughts during the practice.
Experiment with this technique a few times this week. Whatever your worries -- whatever the unproductive noises are in your head -- practice postponing them. In the process you will be practicing a skill that you can use in preparing for any new challenges panic offers you.
CHANGING THE WAYS YOU WORRY
A momentary worry is not much of a problem. All of us experience them. The trouble comes with how we react to worries. If we follow those noises, if we embellish their story line, if we dwell on the details and let ourselves become upset, then we are bringing on trouble.
Here are a couple of techniques for reducing your attachment to your worries. Remember that the principle behind these techniques is that your are disrupting a thought pattern that is unnecessary, irrelevant and intrusive. You first declare that these worries are noise, then you intervene with one of these techniques. The primary benefit of these two techniques is to change your emotional response to the thoughts -- to help you feel any other emotion beside anxiety.
Write down your worries
How might you change your emotions toward your worries? The first way is to write them down. Carry a pencil and a small pad with you throughout the day. When you begin the noisy worries, write down your exact thoughts. If you continue worried thoughts, keep writing. This doesn't mean a summary of what you said in your mind. This means a verbatim transcript of exactly what you're thinking. As soon as you finish writing down the worry, if you think it again, write it down again, even if it's verbatim what you just wrote down. Act as though you are the stenographer in the courtroom. Every single utterance goes on paper! Don't write down the theme, write down every single repetition of every single worried thought.
Now what's the benefit here? When you worry, you tend to repeat the same content again and again, right? When you write down the worries, you recognize how repetitive and senseless they are. This perspective quiets the noise. After a while you will probably experience the task -- of writing verbatim all the content -- as a chore. Most of us know how easy it is to mentally repeat some worry, like, "I hope this (whatever) turns out." It's easy to say it in your head 400 times. It's a lot harder to write over and over again, "I hope this turns out. What if it doesn't? Gosh, I hope it turns out. But what if it doesn't?" There's no way you can write it 400 times . . . it loses its power. Writing it down makes worrying into an arduous task. It becomes more work to actively worry than to let it go.
That's how the writing will help you. After several extended writing sessions you are more likely to say, "OK, I'm worrying. Now I'm either going to start writing it, or I'm just going to let it go. I can either go through all the bother of writing these worthless thoughts, or just stop worrying right now."
One special note: Don't wait until you want to do this task. Few people are ever in the mood to write out their worries. Start this and other interventions because you are ready to get stronger, regardless of your mood or interest.
Sing a worried tune.
Another way to begin changing your emotional response to your noisy worries is to sing them. (OK, stop laughing and let me explain.) Pick up a short phrase that summarizes your worry. Ignore its meaning for a while. Continue to repeat the words, but do so within a simple melody. Keep up this tune for several minutes. Whenever you feel you are less emotionally involved with these thoughts, let go of the tune and the words. Turn your attention elsewhere.
That sounds pretty silly, doesn't it? Here you are, suffering from very distressing thoughts, and I ask you to hum a few bars. But that's the idea. The process of singing your worries makes it difficult to simultaneously stay distressed. Yes, it's stupid. Yes, it sounds childish. Do it anyway!!
And here's how to do it. Pick up a short phrase that summarizes your obsession. Ignore its meaning for a while. Continue to repeat the words, but do so within a simple melody. Keep up this tune for a few minutes. Whenever you feel less emotionally involved with these thoughts, let go of the tune and the words. Turn your attention elsewhere.
I don't expect that you will start singing this little tune and instantly feel happy. In fact, it will probably be hard to feel anything but anxiety when you start singing. But stick with it. And while you're singing, work to become detached from the content of your song. Remember, that's our goal.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
FINDING ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT
Do you ever find yourself worrying for days, even weeks, before an event? Your mind thinks it is protecting you by reviewing your performance, checking to see that you are going to act properly. Perhaps you worry more often about someone else. My friend is in the pre-first-ever-prom-of-the-oldest-daughter syndrome. For the next three weeks Ginger's mom will subject herself to the common obsessions regarding prom night. "Will she be safe? I trust her, but what about those other kids? Where exactly will they be? What about all those teens who drink? And I know she won't have sex . . . will she?"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Creating a "Worry Time"
Set aside two daily Worry Times of 10 minutes each.
Spend this entire time thinking only about your worries regarding one issue. (OPTIONS: speak into a tape recorder or talk to a "coach")
Do not think about any positive alternatives, only the negative ones. And do not convince yourself that your worries are irrational.
Attempt to become as anxious as possible while worrying.
Continue to the end of each worry period, even if you run out of ideas and have to repeat the same worries over again.
At the end of ten minutes, let go of those worries with some Calming Breaths, then return to other activities.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The problem is that your mind doesn't know when to quit; the worry begins to intrude on your daily life. The more you think about it, the more anxious you become and the less competent you are at your other mental tasks.
When this occurs, start by addressing the worries as a signal. Identify and respond to the legitimate concerns. My friend already has her prom-readiness plans set, because her worries are not just noise. She will talk with Ginger of her concerns about drinking, defensive driving, and safe sex. She will have a serious talk with the young man and get a schedule of events. And the two mothers will compare notes.
It is possible that handling the legitimate concerns will end your worries. It may at least reduce them down to a manageable level. If you still have noise left, then apply any of the skills from above: thought-stopping, postponing, writing, singing. In many situations one of them will do the trick. But sometimes you may find that your worries are too intrusive and persistent, and these aren't enough to help you gain control.
If you are troubled by such a worry that tends to preoccupy your mind throughout the day, consider using the technique of daily Worry Time. This is a paradoxical technique -- meaning that it seems opposite of logic -- in which you purposely worry more instead of less. (See how irrational that sounds! That's how you know it's paradoxical.) Let's say for instance that you have been uncomfortable traveling by plane in the past and you have a flight coming up. You've already booked the flight. It's now about two weeks away, and you begin to worry every day about the flight, or how you're going to handle yourself on the flight. Here's how you would use Worry Time in such a situation.
Set aside, twice a day, about ten minutes that you have designated solely to worry about your problem. Perhaps take the first Worry Time in the morning before you go to work. Sit down in a private place and pay attention to your worries. (I'll describe how to do that in a minute.) Then, at the end of the day, perhaps right after you get off work, sit down again and designate this as your second Worry Time.
When you sit down for this special time, totally devoted to your worries, follow these guidelines. Spend the entire time thinking only of your worries about this topic. Think of nothing positive. Do not try to convince yourself that these worries are unnecessary, do not try to see the positive side or argue in any way whatsoever. Only introduce negative thoughts, and let those continue to come up. More and more of them! As many as you have about the topic! Every angle and aspect of your worries and fears! Just let them come up in your mind, and continue to look for more of them. And try to become as uncomfortable as possible as you review these thoughts.
If, after a while, you run out of worries, recycle the worries you have already stated. Go back to the first ones and repeat them. Your goal is to spend the entire ten minutes focused on your worries, even if you have to repeat them. It is not going to work if you say, "Well, five or six minutes have gone by, and I can't really think of anything else to worry about, so I think I'll stop here today."
No! Don't do that, because there is method to the madness here. I want you to experience, eventually, the kind of frustration that comes with not being able to generate any more new thoughts. People who worry feel as if they worry all day long, but that is not actually what happens. Their worries come in little spurts -- they argue themselves out of the worries, they reassure themselves that things will be okay, or they tell themselves to shut up, or they get distracted -- and then the worries become quiet. But a little later the worries come back, and this battle begins again.
In Worry Time you don't fight or struggle with your thoughts. You clear away your slate, set aside other thoughts, and give total and full attention to your worries. The result is that your worries diminish.
Why does it work? Because it helps you begin to shift your emotions when you think of the problem. During your first few Worry Times, you will probably become upset with your thoughts. After all, you are dwelling on your worst fears, and you are going over them repeatedly (like you usually do in the back of your mind at other times). But what happens when you review the same material in detail twice a day for days? After several days, most people complain about how hard it is to fill the ten minutes. They run out of things to say. Instead of feeling anxious, they get bored. Now wouldn't that be a pleasant change!
That is one of our primary goals. Instead of thinking about a worry and instantly feeling anxious, you begin to have other emotional responses. Your body's emergency system stops kicking in reflexively. If your worry is about airline travel, after a few days you might even catch yourself feeling good about getting to your destination more comfortably (and three days sooner than you would if you took the train).
To make those changes in your emotions you need to follow the guidelines of Worry Time carefully. For instance, don't spend any time during this ten minutes trying to convince yourself that your worries are irrational. Do just the opposite: go ahead and let yourself get worked up. Conjure up all the negative, uncomfortable and distressful feelings that coincide with these thoughts.
At the end of ten minutes, you can let go of your worries and begin to relax. Take a couple of Calming Breaths, shake off those tensions and go about your day.
Don't use Worry Time just once or twice. Ideally, you should place it in your schedule for at least ten days in a row. (This means if you are concerned about an upcoming event, make sure you start to worry early enough!) Expect that after several days Worry Time won't be able to stir up such strong emotions inside you. Don't stop then! Keep up the practice, because that's the kind of change we're looking for. Part of this design is for you to practice even when, try as you might, you can't get emotionally aroused.
There are three ways you can repeat your worries during this time.
The first way is to do it by yourself, silently, by mentally repeating all your worries.
The second way, which some people prefer, is to say your worries out loud, instead of silently, even if you end up talking to yourself. That seems a little silly to people, but of course you'll be in a private place with the door closed, so no one will be listening to you. I recommend that my patients speak their worries into a tape recorder. Recording may help you feel as though you were talking directly to someone instead of talking to the walls. If you try it this way, you don't need to listen to the tape when you're done. Just flip it over and record on the other side the next time.
The third way is to use a "worry coach." This is someone who is willing to listen to your worries and support you in a specific way. Here, the worrier's goal is to keep talking with as little assistance as possible.
The coach's job is to offer a question or a statement only if the worrier can't think of anything else to say. So coaches should let a few moments pass to see if the worrier comes up with another worry. If not, there are a few specific comments or questions that he or she can offer. The first one is to ask you to "say more about being worried." The second is to ask, "What else about this topic worries you?" And third, "What other topics worry you when you think about this problem?" You can see these kinds of comments or questions aren't that different from one another. They simply bring your attention back to the topic at hand, that is, "Keep worrying." The goal is to discuss your worries thoroughly and passionately.
If you run out of things to say, then the coach should say, "Tell me again about those worries you've already mentioned." When you begin to talk about the positive side of things, then the coach should interrupt and remind you to only speak about your worries. (Don't get me wrong. It's fine to reassure yourself, just not during this exercise!)
Do you ever find yourself worrying for days, even weeks, before an event? Your mind thinks it is protecting you by reviewing your performance, checking to see that you are going to act properly. Perhaps you worry more often about someone else. My friend is in the pre-first-ever-prom-of-the-oldest-daughter syndrome. For the next three weeks Ginger's mom will subject herself to the common obsessions regarding prom night. "Will she be safe? I trust her, but what about those other kids? Where exactly will they be? What about all those teens who drink? And I know she won't have sex . . . will she?"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Creating a "Worry Time"
Set aside two daily Worry Times of 10 minutes each.
Spend this entire time thinking only about your worries regarding one issue. (OPTIONS: speak into a tape recorder or talk to a "coach")
Do not think about any positive alternatives, only the negative ones. And do not convince yourself that your worries are irrational.
Attempt to become as anxious as possible while worrying.
Continue to the end of each worry period, even if you run out of ideas and have to repeat the same worries over again.
At the end of ten minutes, let go of those worries with some Calming Breaths, then return to other activities.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The problem is that your mind doesn't know when to quit; the worry begins to intrude on your daily life. The more you think about it, the more anxious you become and the less competent you are at your other mental tasks.
When this occurs, start by addressing the worries as a signal. Identify and respond to the legitimate concerns. My friend already has her prom-readiness plans set, because her worries are not just noise. She will talk with Ginger of her concerns about drinking, defensive driving, and safe sex. She will have a serious talk with the young man and get a schedule of events. And the two mothers will compare notes.
It is possible that handling the legitimate concerns will end your worries. It may at least reduce them down to a manageable level. If you still have noise left, then apply any of the skills from above: thought-stopping, postponing, writing, singing. In many situations one of them will do the trick. But sometimes you may find that your worries are too intrusive and persistent, and these aren't enough to help you gain control.
If you are troubled by such a worry that tends to preoccupy your mind throughout the day, consider using the technique of daily Worry Time. This is a paradoxical technique -- meaning that it seems opposite of logic -- in which you purposely worry more instead of less. (See how irrational that sounds! That's how you know it's paradoxical.) Let's say for instance that you have been uncomfortable traveling by plane in the past and you have a flight coming up. You've already booked the flight. It's now about two weeks away, and you begin to worry every day about the flight, or how you're going to handle yourself on the flight. Here's how you would use Worry Time in such a situation.
Set aside, twice a day, about ten minutes that you have designated solely to worry about your problem. Perhaps take the first Worry Time in the morning before you go to work. Sit down in a private place and pay attention to your worries. (I'll describe how to do that in a minute.) Then, at the end of the day, perhaps right after you get off work, sit down again and designate this as your second Worry Time.
When you sit down for this special time, totally devoted to your worries, follow these guidelines. Spend the entire time thinking only of your worries about this topic. Think of nothing positive. Do not try to convince yourself that these worries are unnecessary, do not try to see the positive side or argue in any way whatsoever. Only introduce negative thoughts, and let those continue to come up. More and more of them! As many as you have about the topic! Every angle and aspect of your worries and fears! Just let them come up in your mind, and continue to look for more of them. And try to become as uncomfortable as possible as you review these thoughts.
If, after a while, you run out of worries, recycle the worries you have already stated. Go back to the first ones and repeat them. Your goal is to spend the entire ten minutes focused on your worries, even if you have to repeat them. It is not going to work if you say, "Well, five or six minutes have gone by, and I can't really think of anything else to worry about, so I think I'll stop here today."
No! Don't do that, because there is method to the madness here. I want you to experience, eventually, the kind of frustration that comes with not being able to generate any more new thoughts. People who worry feel as if they worry all day long, but that is not actually what happens. Their worries come in little spurts -- they argue themselves out of the worries, they reassure themselves that things will be okay, or they tell themselves to shut up, or they get distracted -- and then the worries become quiet. But a little later the worries come back, and this battle begins again.
In Worry Time you don't fight or struggle with your thoughts. You clear away your slate, set aside other thoughts, and give total and full attention to your worries. The result is that your worries diminish.
Why does it work? Because it helps you begin to shift your emotions when you think of the problem. During your first few Worry Times, you will probably become upset with your thoughts. After all, you are dwelling on your worst fears, and you are going over them repeatedly (like you usually do in the back of your mind at other times). But what happens when you review the same material in detail twice a day for days? After several days, most people complain about how hard it is to fill the ten minutes. They run out of things to say. Instead of feeling anxious, they get bored. Now wouldn't that be a pleasant change!
That is one of our primary goals. Instead of thinking about a worry and instantly feeling anxious, you begin to have other emotional responses. Your body's emergency system stops kicking in reflexively. If your worry is about airline travel, after a few days you might even catch yourself feeling good about getting to your destination more comfortably (and three days sooner than you would if you took the train).
To make those changes in your emotions you need to follow the guidelines of Worry Time carefully. For instance, don't spend any time during this ten minutes trying to convince yourself that your worries are irrational. Do just the opposite: go ahead and let yourself get worked up. Conjure up all the negative, uncomfortable and distressful feelings that coincide with these thoughts.
At the end of ten minutes, you can let go of your worries and begin to relax. Take a couple of Calming Breaths, shake off those tensions and go about your day.
Don't use Worry Time just once or twice. Ideally, you should place it in your schedule for at least ten days in a row. (This means if you are concerned about an upcoming event, make sure you start to worry early enough!) Expect that after several days Worry Time won't be able to stir up such strong emotions inside you. Don't stop then! Keep up the practice, because that's the kind of change we're looking for. Part of this design is for you to practice even when, try as you might, you can't get emotionally aroused.
There are three ways you can repeat your worries during this time.
The first way is to do it by yourself, silently, by mentally repeating all your worries.
The second way, which some people prefer, is to say your worries out loud, instead of silently, even if you end up talking to yourself. That seems a little silly to people, but of course you'll be in a private place with the door closed, so no one will be listening to you. I recommend that my patients speak their worries into a tape recorder. Recording may help you feel as though you were talking directly to someone instead of talking to the walls. If you try it this way, you don't need to listen to the tape when you're done. Just flip it over and record on the other side the next time.
The third way is to use a "worry coach." This is someone who is willing to listen to your worries and support you in a specific way. Here, the worrier's goal is to keep talking with as little assistance as possible.
The coach's job is to offer a question or a statement only if the worrier can't think of anything else to say. So coaches should let a few moments pass to see if the worrier comes up with another worry. If not, there are a few specific comments or questions that he or she can offer. The first one is to ask you to "say more about being worried." The second is to ask, "What else about this topic worries you?" And third, "What other topics worry you when you think about this problem?" You can see these kinds of comments or questions aren't that different from one another. They simply bring your attention back to the topic at hand, that is, "Keep worrying." The goal is to discuss your worries thoroughly and passionately.
If you run out of things to say, then the coach should say, "Tell me again about those worries you've already mentioned." When you begin to talk about the positive side of things, then the coach should interrupt and remind you to only speak about your worries. (Don't get me wrong. It's fine to reassure yourself, just not during this exercise!)
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
WORRY TIME - What the Coach Says
Coach: In this practice, the worrier's goal is to keep talking without any assistance. Your job is to offer a question or statement only if the worrier has run out of things to say.
Say the following as often as needed:
"Say more about being worried."
"How else does [this issue] worry you?"
"What else are you worried about?"
(If the person begins talking about the positive side) "Only talk about your worries, please."
(If the person runs out of worries) "Tell me again about those worries you've mentioned."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These statements and questions should be the only ones that the coach uses. Don't let your coach get off the track by playing the "me-too" game: "Yeah, I've had that problem before, too. I can really understand how troubling that must be for you." The coach should keep comments to a minimum; whenever possible he or she should just listen and nod and let you know when your time is up.
Let's assume that you typically resist your worries or try to argue yourself out of them. How well is that working for you? If you're like most people, it's not working very well. It is an understandable approach, but resistance in itself may promote your worries. In Worry Time you actually support the worries. You give them space, you don't fight them. And when you truly let them have all that space, noisy worries change. They may still be there; but if you are not fighting them, their intensity diminishes.
This is one of those techniques that you can never fully trust until you apply it. It sounds too simple to work. Let me tell you that it can work when you apply it to the "noise" of your worries.
Will Worry Time work for you? I challenge you to experiment with it just once. Choose any problem in your life these days in which you have repetitious, unproductive thoughts. Give yourself a full ten minutes of Worry Time, and see if you can even last the whole time without running out of things to say. (Follow the instructions; don't think positively!)
I bet you won't make it, even if it's a problem you typically dwell on throughout the day! Because I'll also bet that when you worry, you simultaneously struggle against the worry by trying to think more positively or by trying to stop the thoughts. When you stop struggling, and you voluntarily choose to worry, then thoughts that tended to last all day can't even sustain themselves for ten minutes.
Worry Time and postponing can work together as a great team of skills during your day. If you have a designated Worry Time set up already, then when you begin to dwell on your worries at the office, you'll know what to say. "At 5:15 I'm already scheduled to worry about this. I'm going to postpone this worry until 5:15. That's the perfect time to pay attention to these thoughts."
After you have been using Worry Time for a few days, then you may also have trouble filling that ten minutes with worries about that issue. So when your worries spring up unannounced at other times of the day, you might even end up saying, "Hey, I need this worry to fill my time at 5:15. I'm saving this thought!" By investing time twice a day to worry formally, you end up reducing the amount of time you worry during the rest of the day. And those worries begin to get so "old" that they just don't have the punch to them anymore. It will be much easier then to say, "No, I don't really want to think about that anymore. I'd rather [read my book, talk with friends, enjoy my day, get my work done]."
Summary
Each of these five options
- negative thought stopping,
- postponing,
- writing them down,
- singing them, and
- taking "worry time"
will help you gain mastery over your thoughts. They give you the chance to control certain aspects of your worries instead of being controlled by them. Each of them prepares you for the next stage, which is to stop your worries and return to your daily activities.
Most people become physically tense and anxious when they worry. Once you choose to stop worrying, then be sure you take care of any physical tensions you are experiencing. Spend some time letting go of those tensions after you let go of your anxious thoughts. Practice some brief relaxation skills, like taking a few Calming Breaths or Calming Counts. Or, do something more physical, like taking a walk. Even taking a couple of laps around the outside of your house can help release some tensions and refocus your mind.
Coach: In this practice, the worrier's goal is to keep talking without any assistance. Your job is to offer a question or statement only if the worrier has run out of things to say.
Say the following as often as needed:
"Say more about being worried."
"How else does [this issue] worry you?"
"What else are you worried about?"
(If the person begins talking about the positive side) "Only talk about your worries, please."
(If the person runs out of worries) "Tell me again about those worries you've mentioned."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These statements and questions should be the only ones that the coach uses. Don't let your coach get off the track by playing the "me-too" game: "Yeah, I've had that problem before, too. I can really understand how troubling that must be for you." The coach should keep comments to a minimum; whenever possible he or she should just listen and nod and let you know when your time is up.
Let's assume that you typically resist your worries or try to argue yourself out of them. How well is that working for you? If you're like most people, it's not working very well. It is an understandable approach, but resistance in itself may promote your worries. In Worry Time you actually support the worries. You give them space, you don't fight them. And when you truly let them have all that space, noisy worries change. They may still be there; but if you are not fighting them, their intensity diminishes.
This is one of those techniques that you can never fully trust until you apply it. It sounds too simple to work. Let me tell you that it can work when you apply it to the "noise" of your worries.
Will Worry Time work for you? I challenge you to experiment with it just once. Choose any problem in your life these days in which you have repetitious, unproductive thoughts. Give yourself a full ten minutes of Worry Time, and see if you can even last the whole time without running out of things to say. (Follow the instructions; don't think positively!)
I bet you won't make it, even if it's a problem you typically dwell on throughout the day! Because I'll also bet that when you worry, you simultaneously struggle against the worry by trying to think more positively or by trying to stop the thoughts. When you stop struggling, and you voluntarily choose to worry, then thoughts that tended to last all day can't even sustain themselves for ten minutes.
Worry Time and postponing can work together as a great team of skills during your day. If you have a designated Worry Time set up already, then when you begin to dwell on your worries at the office, you'll know what to say. "At 5:15 I'm already scheduled to worry about this. I'm going to postpone this worry until 5:15. That's the perfect time to pay attention to these thoughts."
After you have been using Worry Time for a few days, then you may also have trouble filling that ten minutes with worries about that issue. So when your worries spring up unannounced at other times of the day, you might even end up saying, "Hey, I need this worry to fill my time at 5:15. I'm saving this thought!" By investing time twice a day to worry formally, you end up reducing the amount of time you worry during the rest of the day. And those worries begin to get so "old" that they just don't have the punch to them anymore. It will be much easier then to say, "No, I don't really want to think about that anymore. I'd rather [read my book, talk with friends, enjoy my day, get my work done]."
Summary
Each of these five options
- negative thought stopping,
- postponing,
- writing them down,
- singing them, and
- taking "worry time"
will help you gain mastery over your thoughts. They give you the chance to control certain aspects of your worries instead of being controlled by them. Each of them prepares you for the next stage, which is to stop your worries and return to your daily activities.
Most people become physically tense and anxious when they worry. Once you choose to stop worrying, then be sure you take care of any physical tensions you are experiencing. Spend some time letting go of those tensions after you let go of your anxious thoughts. Practice some brief relaxation skills, like taking a few Calming Breaths or Calming Counts. Or, do something more physical, like taking a walk. Even taking a couple of laps around the outside of your house can help release some tensions and refocus your mind.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Bless you MG, for again posting something so very relevant, and something I need to read again and again. I too have printed it out, and I am keeping it in my "Recovery Binder" so that if worry begins to get the best of me that I have something positive to read and focus on.
I'm going to let this run for a bit and then "sticky" it at the top. Worry and fear are two of the biggest obstacles in my recovery, and the two quickest to reappear.
Thank you, MG, you are awesome!
Hugs
Ann
I'm going to let this run for a bit and then "sticky" it at the top. Worry and fear are two of the biggest obstacles in my recovery, and the two quickest to reappear.
Thank you, MG, you are awesome!
Hugs
Ann
loonie-path
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Oz
Posts: 17
I think it's no coincidence that I found this when I visited the forum today, after being up till almost 5 A.M. worrying myself sick about what was going to become of me & Braindead now that he & I were both no longer working, how being accused of stealing was going to affect my getting another job.
There are times when I'm ok, then there's time when I put everything in God's hands until I'm blue in the face and it still comes creeping back in. I'm printing this out while I write this message. To spend some quiet time reading it.
Thank you SO much!!!
Robin
There are times when I'm ok, then there's time when I put everything in God's hands until I'm blue in the face and it still comes creeping back in. I'm printing this out while I write this message. To spend some quiet time reading it.
Thank you SO much!!!
Robin
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: hawthorne florida
Posts: 5
MG this is so very excellent! So pragmatic and helpful.. I am really happy and releived to have found this site. Some techniques I've used often and that might help others in this same vien is to take "time off from worrying." I tell myself, "I;m not going to worry about anything for 2 days and go back to the work of dealing with my problems on Monday" for example. Then spend those 2 days doing only plesant, comforting things for myself. Another thing is to decide on one positive thing in your life (or create something if necessary), and make up your mind to think about that instead when you find your thoughts drifting to repetative worries. I have changed directions with this techniqe more than once. Thanks again morning glory
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