Not Laughing, Not Crying

 
Old 07-25-2003, 03:32 PM
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Not Laughing, Not Crying

Hi,

I have been wondering about this for awhile, now. I cannot bring myself to cry anymore. I have never been much of a crier. But when I hear how so many people here cry...it makes me wonder about myself.

I cannot laugh about the chaos the addict brings with him. I do not see the light side of it, at all. The most these funny posts do for me is bring a smile.

It's not that I don't feel the emotions...they are overwelming at times. Is this just me or is this something that I am to work on?


Always,
Linda
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Old 07-25-2003, 09:58 PM
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Smile

Parent,

I'm on an anti-anxiety medication & I still have the emotions, but I really don't cry much at all & I'm normally a very emotional person. Are you on meds. for depression or anxiety? If you are that would be the problem.
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Old 07-25-2003, 11:59 PM
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Hi Nina,

Thanks for responding. I am not on any medication and haven't been in the past, either. For some reason, I feel I am not crying or laughing like others are..what is it?

Always,
Linda
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Old 07-26-2003, 12:27 AM
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Hi!

When I was a young child, I was trapped under a heavy object.
At first I cried and then I had to will myself to tolerate the pain.
I asked God to stop my tears and numb my legs until help arrived. That is how I survived. It was no different when I found out my only daughter was using drugs. At first the pain almost killed me. And then to survive, I stopped feeling. I stopped feeling pain but I also stopped feeling joy.

My daughter has stopped using and is on the road to recovery.
I am the most grateful mom on the planet for her efforts.
But as sad as it is, the joy is still in the distant. I am terrify of
feeling the joy again only to have her return to drugs. So I put joy on the shelve. I have slowly watch her become her old self.
I thank God every day. But my heart is still waiting. When the
heart has been broken, it takes time for it to heal. I have cried a
river and it will take time to dry up the riverbed.

Mara
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Old 07-26-2003, 02:14 AM
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Thank you, Mara

The way you explain things are so good. I believe that is what I have done to stop the tears...probably way before my son started using drugs. I remember.

Yes, I do not trust the joy and laughter, anymore...so I refrain.
I may put on a good appearance when I have to but it's false. When it is really, it lasts only briefly. Like a fleeting moment of tears and laughter.

What do I do about this? How do I begin to change this? How can I start changing my despair and angry into tears and laughter? I want to find myself, again!

Always,
Linda
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Old 07-26-2003, 05:59 AM
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Parent,

I can relate...when I detached I became numb. When I fully accepted the sorrow and the tears went away.

Then I had to work on finding the laughter and the joy in life. Believe me it is there.

I would be more concerned with my lack of joy and seek that out. Gratitude is a fine place to start...make a list everyday. As hokey as it sounds it is a beginning.

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JT
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Old 07-26-2003, 12:00 PM
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Hi Just Tired,

Wow...that makes sense to me, too! So, the lack of crying is part of my recovery? I am letting go?

I will begin with the list of being grateful. This book I read was mentioning this list but I found it too off the top. I just can't be grateful for the baker for baking my bread that I go get it and pay for it. I know he wouldn't be baking any bread if he wasn't paid, let alone mine!

So, the challenge is to start a simple realistic list. I would love to feel some REAL joy and have it stay with me longer than a fleeting moment.

Always,
Linda
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Old 07-27-2003, 12:10 AM
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Gee your post really hit me! I didn't cry or at least not around anyone and I sure didn't laugh..never.
One day I came across this message board and my world changed. I think I cried the entire time I wrote my first very long post here. It was all the people here that showed me it was ok to laugh again. All the moms that came forward to welcome and help me. It didn't happen until I understood that I could not change my daughter/a...could not control it. I think it was really all the quack..quack post that started me laughing. I started ready them...started laughing and have not stopped! Give yourself time.
Take Care
~~Scooter
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Old 07-27-2003, 01:12 AM
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It is just a matter of time

Hi Linda,
I have been encouraged by so many here. It is so nice to share.
When my mother died. I got so much advice. The gist of it all was that I should stop grieving and move on. Someone told me to be glad. Yes that I should be glad that she was now in heaven with God. I turned to that person and said, I am sorry but I am not comforted by that. God doesn't need her but I do.
With that I turn away. It took me two years to stop grieving.
Two sad years filled with pain and sadness and very little joy.
Well I survived. But the greatest lesson I learned is an age old lesson. It is all about matter of time. Hang in there kid! The best is yet to come.

Mara
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Old 07-27-2003, 02:29 PM
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Hi Scooter and Mara,

I am grateful for finding this site, too. It has given me much insight. I talked to a counsellor over five years ago. She asked what I wanted. I answered, "I want to have peace in my life no matter what the outcome of my son. This startled her and I felt that I had said something wrong or she didn't think it was possible either. It was only when I came to this site and meetings that I see others have found a way whether the addict continues to use or not.

It is so hard to picture for myself. I don't know if I will be able to accomplish it. Sometimes, it feels like a dangling carrot. There but not obtainable.

I believe there are many reason that I refrain from crying. Everyone is counting on me...I have to remain reliable and strong.
It is okay that I scream and react but crying...that is scary for my family.

Last year, when I broke down and bursted into tears and asked for help from my family and a counsellor...I was crying and talking to anyone who would listen. That shook up my entire family.

Crying is suppose to relieve stress...I think I need to cry.

Always,
LInda
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Old 07-27-2003, 07:58 PM
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Hi Parent
I usualy post on alanon but check in here too-our lives are intertwined by the effects of the A and N in our life.
I was wondering if maybe we spent so much time with emotional highs and lows that when we reach a middle ground we don't realy know what to make of it ? Do we laugh and enjoy or become fearful and cry ? Do we feel emotionless?
So many feelings that don't seem to have a place of their own.
Our recovery takes time, it took us time to get where we are today.
I like the idea of writing down gratitudes as JT expressed. I have heard it before I need to make the effort and establish a habit of doing just that. I will start with today !

I woke up this morning breathing.
We have had torrential l rains most of the week and although the front property is flooded my home is high and dry.
My daughter has been sober 9days today
We have breyers icecream in the freezer
I love my life and my HP who gives it to me
Thank God for this site where we can share
love
liddy

I
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Old 07-28-2003, 01:22 AM
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Hi Liddy,

I love ice-cream, too.
And I like how you explained being in the middle. Like Looking for a safe home for all our emotions. Perhaps, I have been so busy reacting and taking care of others to be concerned about what was happening to my healthy emotions.

Funny, I just started to check out the Alanon posts last night. I found there is so much to learn from both.

Always,
Linda
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Old 07-28-2003, 04:31 AM
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Angry Don't worry about crying

Hi!

I don't worry about crying. Crying is over rated anyway. Now talking or sharing that is a different story. Today, I felt like I needed to share or talk and I had no one to share with. I can only share with someone up to a certain level. I don't talk to many people because I don't want others knowing my family business. My daughter has a hard enough uphill climb without
people talking about her situation. Most of my friends don't even
know that she was on the wild spin she has been on. So now that she is clean, I don't even mention or want to mention it. And those that do know, I don't encourage them to bring it up. It is
too personal to discuss. Life is so funny. When she was using, I worry constantly about her using. And now that she is clean, I worry that she will use again. I have come to the conclusion that
worry could become as much an addiction as using. The user is addicted to stuff and we become addicted to mental anguish that comes from watching them use. So now we too go through withdrawal. And we can easily replace one worry addiction with another. If I allow myself, I would call her 30 times a days to see if she is ok. This apprehension is insane. I have come to the conclusion that it is because I feel helpless. This is one time I have to wait and see what decisions she makes. I remind myself that she stopped using on her own. And I guess once again, this is one of those thing that I have to toss on God's lap. And I must be grateful for today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
Thank you for letting me share.

Mara
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Old 07-28-2003, 04:59 AM
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Parent

I used to cry at the drop of a hat because my emotions were all over the place and totally unacknowledged and unattended by me.

When I started here, I also went numb for a while because I needed all my strength to just learn and do things that were new to me. I didn't dare feel anything because that would also allow the pain to come through and I couldn't bear that.

I learned, through this program, to feel my feelings, acknowledge them and learn from them, but not to wallow in them. And I learned to laugh when I hadn't laughed for such a long time.

I still cry. Sometimes something I read here just touches my heart, and sometimes I am sad and just find that crying can take that lump our of my throat and wash away the sorrow.

I believe that MG calls this "working through the pain", and it is something we all need to do to get past it and move forward to a more beautiful life.

Be patient with yourself and know that as you let go of the pain and the past, the future will unfold more beautiful than ever and our emotions will become more appropriate and healthier.

Hugs
Ann
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