Dr. Phil Follow Up Show
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
And so it continues
Announcer: We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for this special bulletin. The Dr. Phil Show has been taken over by a renegade group of recovering Alanon women. Let's go live and see how Dr. Phil is faring.
Dr. Phil: Okay do ANY of you go by your real name?
Debbie: I guess I do. I used to be BarbieDeb, but now I'm just plain Debbie.
Dr. Phil: Thank God. Now Debbie, can you tell me what it is that you women are trying to say here?
Debbie: Well, we say a lot of things Phil. Try to be more specific.
Dr. Phil: Maybe I should try someone else. How about you? What's your name?
Emotional Meg: Hi Dr. Phil. I'm Emotional Meg.
Dr. Phil: Okay, emotional...now that is something that I can discuss. Let's talk about your emotions.
Emotional Meg: You really don't get it at all, do you Phil? We're not in this program to ramble endlessly about ourselves and our problems. We come together to share experience, strength and hope.
Dr. Phil: Well that won't work. If someone isn't whining, crying or complaining, my ratings will plummet. I need something outrageous here.
Debbie: Oh, you want outrageous? Ladies, maybe we should start discussing tiaras and cheesecake.
To be continued...
Dr. Phil: Okay do ANY of you go by your real name?
Debbie: I guess I do. I used to be BarbieDeb, but now I'm just plain Debbie.
Dr. Phil: Thank God. Now Debbie, can you tell me what it is that you women are trying to say here?
Debbie: Well, we say a lot of things Phil. Try to be more specific.
Dr. Phil: Maybe I should try someone else. How about you? What's your name?
Emotional Meg: Hi Dr. Phil. I'm Emotional Meg.
Dr. Phil: Okay, emotional...now that is something that I can discuss. Let's talk about your emotions.
Emotional Meg: You really don't get it at all, do you Phil? We're not in this program to ramble endlessly about ourselves and our problems. We come together to share experience, strength and hope.
Dr. Phil: Well that won't work. If someone isn't whining, crying or complaining, my ratings will plummet. I need something outrageous here.
Debbie: Oh, you want outrageous? Ladies, maybe we should start discussing tiaras and cheesecake.
To be continued...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Looking befuddled, Dr. Phil turns to a refined lady sitting politely back and says...
Dr. Phil: "And your name would be...?"
MG: "Morning Glory, Phil. I am the D.I.A. for this group"
Dr. Phil: "D.I.A.? Could you explain?"
MG: "Duck Intelligence Agency, Phil. We sniff out our ducks and find where they hide their stashes, and we spot quacking as soon as their lips turn into beaks"
Dr. Phil (checking his lips): "Could you give me an example?"
MG: "Most certainly, Phil. Let's use you as a decoy. Now slowly and sincerely say "I lost $20 and cannot eat" and then say "I need to pay my rent or I will starve to death".....slowly, now Phil"
Dr. Phil: "Okay...I guess..."I lost $20 and QUAAAACK!!! OH MY..."I need to pay my QUAAACCCKKKK!!!"
MG: "I told you I was GOOD, Phil. Can't fool the D.I.A."
As Dr. Phil waddled off the set to repair his lip damage...we paused for a brief intermission.
And our next guest will be....?
Dr. Phil: "And your name would be...?"
MG: "Morning Glory, Phil. I am the D.I.A. for this group"
Dr. Phil: "D.I.A.? Could you explain?"
MG: "Duck Intelligence Agency, Phil. We sniff out our ducks and find where they hide their stashes, and we spot quacking as soon as their lips turn into beaks"
Dr. Phil (checking his lips): "Could you give me an example?"
MG: "Most certainly, Phil. Let's use you as a decoy. Now slowly and sincerely say "I lost $20 and cannot eat" and then say "I need to pay my rent or I will starve to death".....slowly, now Phil"
Dr. Phil: "Okay...I guess..."I lost $20 and QUAAAACK!!! OH MY..."I need to pay my QUAAACCCKKKK!!!"
MG: "I told you I was GOOD, Phil. Can't fool the D.I.A."
As Dr. Phil waddled off the set to repair his lip damage...we paused for a brief intermission.
And our next guest will be....?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Dr. Phil "and you would be?"
Chy "Chy.. I'm an alcoholic"
Dr. Phil " How is it your mixed with this group?"
Chy " Oh .. I'm proving Alanon's do recover!"
Dr. Phil "I don't get it, your an alcoholic?"
Chy " I drove the bus ...just to prove they do overcome those trust issues! "
Dr. Phil " Ladies, how's that working for you?"
Chy "Chy.. I'm an alcoholic"
Dr. Phil " How is it your mixed with this group?"
Chy " Oh .. I'm proving Alanon's do recover!"
Dr. Phil "I don't get it, your an alcoholic?"
Chy " I drove the bus ...just to prove they do overcome those trust issues! "
Dr. Phil " Ladies, how's that working for you?"
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Announcer: "A representative from PETA is on the phone. Apparently there is some concern about DUCK abuse. Did someone hit a duck with a skillet???"
Dr. Phil: "Ladies, it seems to me you have some real issues here. You're emotional but you're not. You're Just Tired but you seem happy and full of energy"
Just Tired: "Yes, Phil.. I can call you Phil, right? Yes Phil that is correct. When I get really fed up, I go to the boards and see who's there."
Dr. Phil: "Boards? What are boards?"
EmotionalMeg: "Yes Phil. We try to keep the focus on us. Could you get that cameraman over here please? And who has the cheesecake?"
Dr. Phil: "I think I am beginning to understand. You are Constant, Just Tired and Emotional, but you're not. You deal with invisible ducks and track them with an intelligence agency, and you apparently love cheesecake.:
Dr. Phil: "Ladies, how's that working out for you? Have you considered getting PROFESSIONAL HELP? And Oh, by the way, have you read my book?"
Ann: "JT, put down the skillet. PLEASE"
Quick fade to commercial.
Dr. Phil: "Ladies, it seems to me you have some real issues here. You're emotional but you're not. You're Just Tired but you seem happy and full of energy"
Just Tired: "Yes, Phil.. I can call you Phil, right? Yes Phil that is correct. When I get really fed up, I go to the boards and see who's there."
Dr. Phil: "Boards? What are boards?"
EmotionalMeg: "Yes Phil. We try to keep the focus on us. Could you get that cameraman over here please? And who has the cheesecake?"
Dr. Phil: "I think I am beginning to understand. You are Constant, Just Tired and Emotional, but you're not. You deal with invisible ducks and track them with an intelligence agency, and you apparently love cheesecake.:
Dr. Phil: "Ladies, how's that working out for you? Have you considered getting PROFESSIONAL HELP? And Oh, by the way, have you read my book?"
Ann: "JT, put down the skillet. PLEASE"
Quick fade to commercial.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
****{Osier}}} LOL LOL
Okay - I DID warn him.....
A now-weary and confused Dr. Phil, spotted a man sitting with the group, who did not quite look like one of "them" but equally as peculiar with a turkey dressed in a bikini on his lap.
Dr. Phil: "And you, sir, would you like to introduce yourself?"
Jon: "I am the leader of the pack. I provide a quiet "home" for these strange women, where they can come at all hours of the day or night and talk to themselves..errrrr...each other, ya that's what I meant. I give them their own special padded cell....errrr room, where they can vent and scream or laugh themselves to death"
Dr. Phil: "Could you stop playing with your giblets and look at the camera when you speak please? Now would THAT bird be one of the "ducks" previously mentioned by Miss Glory?"
Jon: "No, you bird brained crazy old geezer! What are you ON? You know you don't HAVE to be crazy anymore! Just pick up the phone, make a call....never mind I'll give you a list of 127 meetings right in YOUR neighbourhood, right here and right now. It's okay, I was as crazy as you ever thought of being and look at ME now!!! Do it! Just do it! Come on Phil, you can DO IT!!! All you have to do is reach out and grab it!!
Dr. Phil (grabbing the turkey) "I WANT it! I tell ya I WANT it!!"
As another commercial break loomed, the camera caught Phil actually reading the list and grabbing his cell phone.....but who was he calling?
Okay - I DID warn him.....
A now-weary and confused Dr. Phil, spotted a man sitting with the group, who did not quite look like one of "them" but equally as peculiar with a turkey dressed in a bikini on his lap.
Dr. Phil: "And you, sir, would you like to introduce yourself?"
Jon: "I am the leader of the pack. I provide a quiet "home" for these strange women, where they can come at all hours of the day or night and talk to themselves..errrrr...each other, ya that's what I meant. I give them their own special padded cell....errrr room, where they can vent and scream or laugh themselves to death"
Dr. Phil: "Could you stop playing with your giblets and look at the camera when you speak please? Now would THAT bird be one of the "ducks" previously mentioned by Miss Glory?"
Jon: "No, you bird brained crazy old geezer! What are you ON? You know you don't HAVE to be crazy anymore! Just pick up the phone, make a call....never mind I'll give you a list of 127 meetings right in YOUR neighbourhood, right here and right now. It's okay, I was as crazy as you ever thought of being and look at ME now!!! Do it! Just do it! Come on Phil, you can DO IT!!! All you have to do is reach out and grab it!!
Dr. Phil (grabbing the turkey) "I WANT it! I tell ya I WANT it!!"
As another commercial break loomed, the camera caught Phil actually reading the list and grabbing his cell phone.....but who was he calling?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
And the beat goes on
Dr. Phil: Hello, Dr. Laura? This is Dr. Phil.
(Via phone) Dr. Laura: Phil, for God's sake, would you quit calling me when you have issues? You have your own successful TV show now. You have a book on the best seller list. Can't you fix yourself at this point?
Dr. Phil: But Laura, you don't understand. These people are challenging me in a way I've never been challenged before.
Dr. Laura: Suck it up Phil. I've got my own self-help conglomerate to run. *CLICK*
Phoenix: Hey Phil babe, do tough broads challenge you? Do we need to discuss that?
Stephanie: Yeah Phil, maybe you need to work through your feelings of insecurity when it comes to women. You seem to always want to have the upper hand. That can be a problem at times pal.
JoJo: Phil, why don't you take a deep breath, sit down and talk to us about your co-dependent tendencies?
Dr. Phil: ARGH! I DON'T HAVE CO-DEPENDENT TENDENCIES!! Jon, you are the only male here so far. Aren't you going to help me out?
Jon: You have to learn to help yourself Phil. I'm still trying to figure out why you said I was playing with my giblets on national television.
To be continued...
(Via phone) Dr. Laura: Phil, for God's sake, would you quit calling me when you have issues? You have your own successful TV show now. You have a book on the best seller list. Can't you fix yourself at this point?
Dr. Phil: But Laura, you don't understand. These people are challenging me in a way I've never been challenged before.
Dr. Laura: Suck it up Phil. I've got my own self-help conglomerate to run. *CLICK*
Phoenix: Hey Phil babe, do tough broads challenge you? Do we need to discuss that?
Stephanie: Yeah Phil, maybe you need to work through your feelings of insecurity when it comes to women. You seem to always want to have the upper hand. That can be a problem at times pal.
JoJo: Phil, why don't you take a deep breath, sit down and talk to us about your co-dependent tendencies?
Dr. Phil: ARGH! I DON'T HAVE CO-DEPENDENT TENDENCIES!! Jon, you are the only male here so far. Aren't you going to help me out?
Jon: You have to learn to help yourself Phil. I'm still trying to figure out why you said I was playing with my giblets on national television.
To be continued...
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Stephanie: OH MY GOD!!!!! It's Dr. Phil's birthday and I've been sitting in this audience jabbering away and didn't even say Happy Birthday!!! How rude is that!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Dr Phil!!!!
Stephanie: I can't believe it. Does anyone else see how fuzzy those cue cards are. Hellooooo? Where are you guys? I'm not kidding. They are fuzzy and there are little lines going through them.
Stephanie: Everyone is ignoring me so I'll just keep talking. I went out and came back in and the cue cards are STILL FUZZY!!!
This is driving me crazy!!!! And now the dots are missing. What happened to the dots??????? I knew when the commercial was coming when they showed the black dot. NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????????
Stephanie: Helllooooo???? Cue card man???? Can you hear me???? NOW WHAT!!!!!
Stephanie: Well how was I supposed to know it was time for me to shut up for the commercial. YOU took away the dots!!!!! I'm going home and going to bed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Dr Phil!!!!
Stephanie: I can't believe it. Does anyone else see how fuzzy those cue cards are. Hellooooo? Where are you guys? I'm not kidding. They are fuzzy and there are little lines going through them.
Stephanie: Everyone is ignoring me so I'll just keep talking. I went out and came back in and the cue cards are STILL FUZZY!!!
This is driving me crazy!!!! And now the dots are missing. What happened to the dots??????? I knew when the commercial was coming when they showed the black dot. NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????????
Stephanie: Helllooooo???? Cue card man???? Can you hear me???? NOW WHAT!!!!!
Stephanie: Well how was I supposed to know it was time for me to shut up for the commercial. YOU took away the dots!!!!! I'm going home and going to bed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
*LMAO*... Jon.. hope your not cooking those giblets.. *LOL*.. ya'll are to much!
Robin "Phil honey, I think we need to talk about your future guests! I don't think there's much you can do for these folks!"
Robin "Phil honey, I think we need to talk about your future guests! I don't think there's much you can do for these folks!"
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Pheww - it just wouldn't be fun without MG LOLOLOL...
Dr. Phil felt a light tap on his shoulder...
Dr. Phil: "Please take a seat and we'll talk."
Paulie: "I owe you an apology, Dr. Phil, I believe that I was the person who was supposed to remove the giblets, and well, ya know? I just felt that maybe those giblets had a purpose. Maybe when I organized things, I just got to the giblets and thought "What the heck...they're just giblets...what harm? I should have know better and I will do better next time. That's all I can promise you or myself."
Dr. Phil: "You can call me Phil. Are you with these "people?" (he said with a squeaky voice).
Paulie: "Well yes I am and aren't they all just wonderful. They love me and even gave me my own padded cell so I could hold meetings and share wonderful thoughts and just support each other"
Dr. Phil: Well, Paulie....I see your name card says Paulie, may I call you Paulie?....Do you bake cakes in your padded cell errrr room?"
Paulie: "What? Are you nuts! Do I look like Betty @#& Crocker??? That's IT Phil...I'm sitting down and saying no more!"
Dr. Phil: "Okay..I have a lady to my right...and your name is...?
Daff: "Daffodil?"
Dr. Phil: "No thank you, I prefer roses...and your name is...?
Daff: "Daffodil, you silly fool. Like Morning Glory only yellow"
Dr. Phil: And you are here because?...."
Daff: "I brought you something to read, every day, so you can be calm and happy and think about your life"
Dr. Phil: "Why thank you Daffodil, could you move your blossom over there and calm those crazies down?"
Dr. Phil: "And I understand you are Margo? Have you anything to say here?"
Margo: "Ditto to what everyone else said".
Just then Journeygal took Margo by the hand and led her over to the cue cards, pointing to the notation that Margo was supposed to "fill" until the next commercial. But Margo and Journeygal decided that the cameraman was actually kinda cute when he waved his hands and jumped up and down....so they began dancing with him and danced right into the next commercial.
Dr. Phil felt a light tap on his shoulder...
Dr. Phil: "Please take a seat and we'll talk."
Paulie: "I owe you an apology, Dr. Phil, I believe that I was the person who was supposed to remove the giblets, and well, ya know? I just felt that maybe those giblets had a purpose. Maybe when I organized things, I just got to the giblets and thought "What the heck...they're just giblets...what harm? I should have know better and I will do better next time. That's all I can promise you or myself."
Dr. Phil: "You can call me Phil. Are you with these "people?" (he said with a squeaky voice).
Paulie: "Well yes I am and aren't they all just wonderful. They love me and even gave me my own padded cell so I could hold meetings and share wonderful thoughts and just support each other"
Dr. Phil: Well, Paulie....I see your name card says Paulie, may I call you Paulie?....Do you bake cakes in your padded cell errrr room?"
Paulie: "What? Are you nuts! Do I look like Betty @#& Crocker??? That's IT Phil...I'm sitting down and saying no more!"
Dr. Phil: "Okay..I have a lady to my right...and your name is...?
Daff: "Daffodil?"
Dr. Phil: "No thank you, I prefer roses...and your name is...?
Daff: "Daffodil, you silly fool. Like Morning Glory only yellow"
Dr. Phil: And you are here because?...."
Daff: "I brought you something to read, every day, so you can be calm and happy and think about your life"
Dr. Phil: "Why thank you Daffodil, could you move your blossom over there and calm those crazies down?"
Dr. Phil: "And I understand you are Margo? Have you anything to say here?"
Margo: "Ditto to what everyone else said".
Just then Journeygal took Margo by the hand and led her over to the cue cards, pointing to the notation that Margo was supposed to "fill" until the next commercial. But Margo and Journeygal decided that the cameraman was actually kinda cute when he waved his hands and jumped up and down....so they began dancing with him and danced right into the next commercial.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! OMG, I just inhaled a piece of apple so far down my throat, I thought it was the end for sure.
Only MG could manage to get in 5 of my actual crises in one post.
I don't think even Oprah could get Dr. Phil's rating back after this episode. Ann who knew you were so funny and creative. You're going to have to get out of the accounting racket. You're going to spoil all of the stereotypes.LOL
Only MG could manage to get in 5 of my actual crises in one post.
I don't think even Oprah could get Dr. Phil's rating back after this episode. Ann who knew you were so funny and creative. You're going to have to get out of the accounting racket. You're going to spoil all of the stereotypes.LOL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
phoenix (arm in a sling):Ya know Phil,you can take it easy.Lots of us aren't as tough as you seem to want us to be.Just the other day I was out cruisin',catchin' some wind,hair flyin' wild,free as a bird,an then suddenly...BAM!!!!!....this kid on a bicycle comes outta left field and broadsides me!
Hey...I don't mind tellin' ya I had tears in my eyes.Especially when it dawned on me that this little rascal was probably not gonna have insurance.But I'm grateful,dig it...we coulda been killed.He got a scraped knee,a sorta boo-boo lookin' knee.And me,I got two boo-boo knees,and a seriously f'ed up collarbone...I mean smashed like a pumpkin,you see where I'm comin' from here,do ya Phil???
I mean,I could be mad at the world,I coulda kicked some butt,or got all strung out on pain meds,but it's a new day,and I'm learnin' a new language.I'm sayin' stuff like,"You wanna make me dinner and wash my dishes,and switch my laundry over?? That'd be wonderful...thanks."
Phil(mouth dangles open):You found a man who would take care of you when you get...ummm...boo-boo knees and a seriously f'ed up collarbone?????????
phoenix (rolls eyes) Phil..Phil..Phil...you don't get it,do ya honey?
See,I figured out that I don't need a man to be complete and to fix everything,and I don't need to fix anyone else.I learned to have friends who are women like myself.Real friends who can help me do what I can't do for myself,and who can stand back and let me do the things I CAN do for me.
Phil: Oh....you're gay...that's wonderful.I can relate to that.Do you want to talk about how that's working for you?
(skillets wave wildly in the background)
phoenix(shakes her head and grins):Phil...I'm sure you can relate to being gay.And i'm glad that's working for you.But I am as straight as straight gets.I don't drink.I don't use.And I don't....
Phil...chokes..sputters... and calls for a commercial...
Hey...I don't mind tellin' ya I had tears in my eyes.Especially when it dawned on me that this little rascal was probably not gonna have insurance.But I'm grateful,dig it...we coulda been killed.He got a scraped knee,a sorta boo-boo lookin' knee.And me,I got two boo-boo knees,and a seriously f'ed up collarbone...I mean smashed like a pumpkin,you see where I'm comin' from here,do ya Phil???
I mean,I could be mad at the world,I coulda kicked some butt,or got all strung out on pain meds,but it's a new day,and I'm learnin' a new language.I'm sayin' stuff like,"You wanna make me dinner and wash my dishes,and switch my laundry over?? That'd be wonderful...thanks."
Phil(mouth dangles open):You found a man who would take care of you when you get...ummm...boo-boo knees and a seriously f'ed up collarbone?????????
phoenix (rolls eyes) Phil..Phil..Phil...you don't get it,do ya honey?
See,I figured out that I don't need a man to be complete and to fix everything,and I don't need to fix anyone else.I learned to have friends who are women like myself.Real friends who can help me do what I can't do for myself,and who can stand back and let me do the things I CAN do for me.
Phil: Oh....you're gay...that's wonderful.I can relate to that.Do you want to talk about how that's working for you?
(skillets wave wildly in the background)
phoenix(shakes her head and grins):Phil...I'm sure you can relate to being gay.And i'm glad that's working for you.But I am as straight as straight gets.I don't drink.I don't use.And I don't....
Phil...chokes..sputters... and calls for a commercial...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Oh no!
Gabe's skillet left her hand and went flying. It just hit Dr. Phil right in the middle of his shiney bald head. Now he has a boo-boo too.
Someone help Dr. Phil while Gabe says "mea culpa".
Oh no! Gabe is laughing while she is saying that she's sorry. God is never going to take her seriously. Gabe needs a time out. Naughty Gabe.
To be continued...
Someone help Dr. Phil while Gabe says "mea culpa".
Oh no! Gabe is laughing while she is saying that she's sorry. God is never going to take her seriously. Gabe needs a time out. Naughty Gabe.
To be continued...
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
So, you guys, you DO know that on Dr. Phil's website there is a place where you can click and say you'd like to be a guest on the show?
Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyy, do we have an idea or what? Heck, he has shows about interventions which is really good and educational but what about one on us Al Anoners that are making it (on our good days....
).
Oh wait. That would be a 'good news' story. Nevermind. Dr. Phil isn't in the habit of having guests that are sane AND pulled together!.... But then again, a few of us here could do a great imitation of real screwed up codies.... lol.
So here's the deal. I'll submit our names ... "The Codie Crew". But knowing Dr. Phil, he'll think we're the latest boy band, bless his heart! And he thinks tomorrow show is going to provide great ratings????? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! He has no idea, just doesn't have a clue! Oh my gosh, that last statement just reminded me of myself when I first came into Al Anon....lol.
Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyy, do we have an idea or what? Heck, he has shows about interventions which is really good and educational but what about one on us Al Anoners that are making it (on our good days....
).Oh wait. That would be a 'good news' story. Nevermind. Dr. Phil isn't in the habit of having guests that are sane AND pulled together!....
But then again, a few of us here could do a great imitation of real screwed up codies.... lol.So here's the deal. I'll submit our names ... "The Codie Crew". But knowing Dr. Phil, he'll think we're the latest boy band, bless his heart!
And he thinks tomorrow show is going to provide great ratings????? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! He has no idea, just doesn't have a clue! Oh my gosh, that last statement just reminded me of myself when I first came into Al Anon....lol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Hanging from the edge of my pink cloud
Posts: 15
How's this go...ROFLMAO...Oh, I can't stop sniffling. I was laughing so hard that I had to give brief versions to my A so he didn't go get the white jacket w/the ties in the back. I don't think I will ever be able to look at Dr. Phil the same now. This was awesome.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
