Kim2002

My sister has had psychological issues all her life but for the past 4.5 years it has been really tough. She is out of control all the time. It is now at the point that her husband does not want her in the house any more and her kids are terrified of her. I have one older sister and none of us live in the same country. She calls me constantly threatening suicide and just screaming, crying, being abusive and just generally horrible. I’m a very soft person. She will not call my older sister as she does not get the reaction she wants from her. She refuses to get help. I beg her. Over the last few weeks it’s gotten even worse. She has ran away from home. Met up with strangers. Drank lots, took handfuls of benzos and smoked meth. She seems to keep me involved in every aspect of her misery. It has gotten to the point where my my life is no longer my own. It’s been spiraling for a while. I see a therapist and last night had a missive row with her. She emotionally blackmails me constantly. My husband and kids have had enough. Im constantly overly anxious, having panic attacks and crying. Last night I blocked her number. I can’t deal with it. But she says I’m the only person she has to talk to. The guilt and anxiety I feel is out of control. I love her but she is toxic. I can’t continue like this but I’m afraid she will kill herself and it will be my fault
I am a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for just over 4.5 years. I used this website for my road of recovery. Could not log in under my original username as I could not remember the password or the email I used originally. Does anyone have any suggestions. Thanks in advance.

Eddiebuckle

Kim,

First things first: you need to take care of yourself. Nobody has a right to be in your life without permission, including family. Blocking your sister sounds like it was necessary, her choices are just that - hers. Since this has been going on for years and she cannot or will not take the steps to take care of her mental and physical health you need to accept that. If she can't do it, surely nobody else can do it for her. Dual diagnosis (mental health + addiction) is really hard and unfortunately not uncommon. Until she recognizes that she has to take care of both issues, she probably won't be able to successfully address either one. In her current state, the most likely outcome of your continuing to interact with her would be you losing your sobriety.

You got sober to live a happier and healthier life for yourself and your family. Should your sister commit to sobriety and doing the things she needs to address her mental health, you can consider bringing her back into your life on some level. Until then, you would be wise to steer clear.

advbike

Welcome Kim,
I'm sorry for your situation. What Eddie said is exactly right. You are not responsible for someone who is actively using, regardless of the causes. What she is putting you through is emotional abuse, really. She needs to ask for help from professionals. At some point we become codependent with the addict and the situation can tear us apart with worry, grief, guilt, etc. Often they can't even remember what they did, due to the effect of the benzos mixed with alcohol.

Remember the 3 C's - you didn't Cause it, can't Control it, and can't Cure it.

I am not an expert on this but we do have a Friends and Family section of the forum where you will be able to read many similar threads.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/