Hopeful
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Hopeful
Many times we feel as if we can not go on. WE can not do this deal, keep doing what we are doing. Yet if we would just take some of the suggestions, and apply them to our lives, little by little we start to gain hope and then we do become Hopeful.
My name is Vic and I am an addict. Grateful to be here clean and sober. Most of you know who I am and some of you don't. I know that during my last time out it was quite a run, and it was quite hard. I have never gone to the depths of active addiction drug use as I did the last time out. I had no HOPE at all, I never thought that I would ever be able to draw a clean breath again. I kept coming here, in all desperation, only to find myself high within a few days. I felt as if I had a break through and then within a few days I was high again, unable to understand why. This run lasted from February until May of this year. I was a goner.
It talks in our literature about desperation, and I finally reached that point. Up until that time I didn't feel desperate, although I really couldn't feel anyway. I was caught in the what if, if only, and just one more time. I had to use, I had no choice, my dis-ease had me and I couldn't get away from the grips of the disease. I was using about 5-6 (8-balls of crack) a day. Shooting it up and smoking it, plus whiskey, and meth. I never did anything in my life in moderation. I was a all in one type of person, always have been. I should have been dead, I should have went permantely insane
(sometimes think I am) , I should not be sitting here right now in all reality. Yet I am, and thank God that something happened.
What happen is I had taken a credit card that didn't belong to me, and used it. I was higher than crap, I had plenty of money, yet I did it anyway. I remember using it with no remorse at all being high, and yet in the next day still high, I knew that I had to do something different. I called the guy who's credit card I had used and said, "I would like to do this in person but I feel it can not wait." I told him what I had done, and he said well no wonder the fraud department was after this. I said yes I am probably going to prison. He told me he would call me back in about an hour, not knowing what he had done. When he called back he said that he had taken care of it, that he would take all responsibility for it. I knew then that I had to stop this dang drugs, and knew in my heart that nothing good would ever come over it. This also showed me that people really care even if we don't think or acknowledge that they do.
That was on May 24th of this year, and I haven't had a drug (alcohol is a drug) since then. I have surrendered to my disease, I know that I of myself am nothing, and I also know that nothing good can come out of active addiction. The drugs are a problem but I used drugs to really cover up the main problem and that problem is Vic. I have come to realize that recovery isn't just not using, it is about change. I had to humble myself enough to get the Grace and Mercy of the God of my understanding, and start to live a life that He would have me to live.
I go to meetings everyday, counseling, out-patient, read the Bible, I do many things for my recovery today. I help people but most of all I am helping to make Vic the best person that he can be today. I have started to live the Program of recovery, something that I had never really understood up until now. I now know that in order for me to live the NA Way, I have to do what the book suggest that I do. This is not going to happen if I don't try my best to do this deal. It also says in our literature that we have never seen anyone relapse that has lived the NA Way. The NA Way is in the first 103 pages of the NA Basic Text, this is our road map to living life on life's terms. We are not going to be able to do this perfect but we try.
So if you find that you are struggling with staying clean for today! Why not give yourself a break and go to a meeting. Do what the book suggest in NA, do 90 and 90. Do what the book says, after the first meeting keep coming back and come back clean. JUST DO IT> Your life will get better and better each day. How do I know this? Because it is working for me and if it can work for a JUNKIE like me than it can work for anyone, if they want a new way of LIFE!!!
Love Vic
My name is Vic and I am an addict. Grateful to be here clean and sober. Most of you know who I am and some of you don't. I know that during my last time out it was quite a run, and it was quite hard. I have never gone to the depths of active addiction drug use as I did the last time out. I had no HOPE at all, I never thought that I would ever be able to draw a clean breath again. I kept coming here, in all desperation, only to find myself high within a few days. I felt as if I had a break through and then within a few days I was high again, unable to understand why. This run lasted from February until May of this year. I was a goner.
It talks in our literature about desperation, and I finally reached that point. Up until that time I didn't feel desperate, although I really couldn't feel anyway. I was caught in the what if, if only, and just one more time. I had to use, I had no choice, my dis-ease had me and I couldn't get away from the grips of the disease. I was using about 5-6 (8-balls of crack) a day. Shooting it up and smoking it, plus whiskey, and meth. I never did anything in my life in moderation. I was a all in one type of person, always have been. I should have been dead, I should have went permantely insane
(sometimes think I am) , I should not be sitting here right now in all reality. Yet I am, and thank God that something happened.What happen is I had taken a credit card that didn't belong to me, and used it. I was higher than crap, I had plenty of money, yet I did it anyway. I remember using it with no remorse at all being high, and yet in the next day still high, I knew that I had to do something different. I called the guy who's credit card I had used and said, "I would like to do this in person but I feel it can not wait." I told him what I had done, and he said well no wonder the fraud department was after this. I said yes I am probably going to prison. He told me he would call me back in about an hour, not knowing what he had done. When he called back he said that he had taken care of it, that he would take all responsibility for it. I knew then that I had to stop this dang drugs, and knew in my heart that nothing good would ever come over it. This also showed me that people really care even if we don't think or acknowledge that they do.
That was on May 24th of this year, and I haven't had a drug (alcohol is a drug) since then. I have surrendered to my disease, I know that I of myself am nothing, and I also know that nothing good can come out of active addiction. The drugs are a problem but I used drugs to really cover up the main problem and that problem is Vic. I have come to realize that recovery isn't just not using, it is about change. I had to humble myself enough to get the Grace and Mercy of the God of my understanding, and start to live a life that He would have me to live.
I go to meetings everyday, counseling, out-patient, read the Bible, I do many things for my recovery today. I help people but most of all I am helping to make Vic the best person that he can be today. I have started to live the Program of recovery, something that I had never really understood up until now. I now know that in order for me to live the NA Way, I have to do what the book suggest that I do. This is not going to happen if I don't try my best to do this deal. It also says in our literature that we have never seen anyone relapse that has lived the NA Way. The NA Way is in the first 103 pages of the NA Basic Text, this is our road map to living life on life's terms. We are not going to be able to do this perfect but we try.
So if you find that you are struggling with staying clean for today! Why not give yourself a break and go to a meeting. Do what the book suggest in NA, do 90 and 90. Do what the book says, after the first meeting keep coming back and come back clean. JUST DO IT> Your life will get better and better each day. How do I know this? Because it is working for me and if it can work for a JUNKIE like me than it can work for anyone, if they want a new way of LIFE!!!
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Lost in translation
Posts: 47
Wow, Vic, that was an awesome post. It REALLY talked right to me and how I'm feeling right now.Thank you for sharing, I know it must be hard to admit things that we are not proud of. I can't even begin, there isn't enough space!! Thank you again, every little bit of insight from others helps.
God Bless
Jen
God Bless
Jen
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: home of the liquid sunshine-Florida
Posts: 294
"I have come to realize that recovery isn't just not using, it is about change. I had to humble myself enough to get the Grace and Mercy of the God of my understanding, and start to live a life that He would have me to live." quote from Vic (sorry i dont know how to use this quite yet :-) )
well said. I completely agree. It is ALL about change.I have started to do that and feel better as a person. And that person doesnt need to use to be.
Star
well said. I completely agree. It is ALL about change.I have started to do that and feel better as a person. And that person doesnt need to use to be.
Star
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by mygirls_mylife
"I have come to realize that recovery isn't just not using, it is about change. I had to humble myself enough to get the Grace and Mercy of the God of my understanding, and start to live a life that He would have me to live." quote from Vic (sorry i don't know how to use this quite yet :-) )
Star
Star
I have been sorry all my life LOL...OK to use the quote simply at the bottom right of whoever you want to quote, click the quote button. It will show up with everything that they said you then reply to anything on the same screen. Now if you want to just highlight part of it, do the same thing hit the quote, then highlight everything that you don't want to show and then push your delete button on the keyboard. OR you see that line that has BI U etc OK just highlight with your mouse what you want to keep and then the 3rd thing from the right below the arrows click on that and it will quote also. If you do this you don't have to click the quote button first. I hope that explains it good if not I am sure someone else will be around to explain it better.
Anyway thanks for all your support.
Love Vic
ndgrace
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: VA
Posts: 72
good post
Vic,
I have been reading your posts, and you are so right! I have been going to meetings since Jan, and kept getting "uptight", plan and I use the word plan strongly , a slip. I have not had more then 45 days straight. Drinking is what I do, dealing with the emotions is not. So here we are with these feelings, and no where to stuff them. We have to work this program 100% to find the freedom, and that is what I want. I have 9 days now, feel a little squirrely, but am not going to give up!Attending meetings is so important to my sanity, and praying, praying, praying. I know God can use us, just waiting to see how.
Thanks for sharing so much of your positive outlook.
Karen
I have been reading your posts, and you are so right! I have been going to meetings since Jan, and kept getting "uptight", plan and I use the word plan strongly , a slip. I have not had more then 45 days straight. Drinking is what I do, dealing with the emotions is not. So here we are with these feelings, and no where to stuff them. We have to work this program 100% to find the freedom, and that is what I want. I have 9 days now, feel a little squirrely, but am not going to give up!Attending meetings is so important to my sanity, and praying, praying, praying. I know God can use us, just waiting to see how.
Thanks for sharing so much of your positive outlook.
Karen
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Originally Posted by luckyv2
Yet if we would just take some of the suggestions, and apply them to our lives, little by little we start to gain hope and then we do become Hopeful.
Hope springs eternal, and then little by little....
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