Five

At it feels utterly, utterly beautiful. No more thick guilt and mental confusion. I have struggled since leaving AA to work out exactly who and what I am. To me AA 'was mind crippling nonesense', but I realise that one mans nonesense is another mans life line. I guess truth is relative too. Anyway. I feel, at last, peaceful.

Peace, 5

equus

Meeeep!!! Quick take action!!

Saw off top section of head
Scoop out brain with large serving spoon
Place brain in microwave and cook on full power for 6 minutes (based on 850 watt oven)
Replace brain in head
Attach top section of head with glue....

Alternatively delve into coffee table psychology reading! (not that I have any axe to grind....)

Five

lol...

Five

Just because I hated it, does not mean others will though.

equus

You weren't meant to do it!!! I was joking - quick get thyself to ER!!

aloneagainor

Very curious Five, was the "thick guilt and mental confusion" part of you for a lifetime even before the active addiction and AA and wherever else your mind has been in searching for a way out of alcohol use? Is it that guilt/ confusion you were trying to escape in using? This peace that you say you feel (that I so seek), curious if you found it from escaping the guilt/ confusion imposed by external sources, relying instead on your own better judgment. Or if you're following the lead of another resource (you reference CBT). Or if you're finding your way because you've rejected the need to follow any "must" rules. Or what. See I'm still confused (though not mired in thick guilt, so I've got that going for me at least...)

Blake

I too am glad I am free of some mindcrippleing nonsense. That nonsense of active addiction that tells me that I can fix myself with and outside source, that I am the most important person in the world, that I am also the shittiest person in the world, that I know everything, that if you didn't agree with me you were wrong. I am free of a closed mind today, which I think is probably the most mind crippleing nonsense out there.

Five

yes, all of those things alone - spot on. A combination of just being free in general and having a flowing mind. Partly due to leaving AA, partly due to being addictoin free, and partly to do with taking control of my life.

equus

I read this and couldn't help but think it isn't about what any of us stop doing - it's about what we start doing.

My bad habits are bad because they cause interuption, because they slow me and don't add to life - if the reverse was true they would be good habits!! I think it's about keeping the flow and removing barriers to life being full.

I don't think progress is about stopping, I think it's about starting.

Five

Yes. I also had to leave a message that I found damaging. Me. That was just me though.

aloneagainor

I love what you wrote about progress, Equus. Hung up on a snag in the river here, the force of the water rushing makes me want to get out and sit on shore for awhile. If I didn't actually enjoy this largely solitary life I lead so much it might be easier to change 'me'. The water feels so cold.