CBPete

I am unsure whether or not I should say this here but I feel that I should so here goes.

I have, for the first time in quite a while, been out with some friends and had a few beers.

Why am I afraid of this ??

I have enjoyed myself and yes I am a little drunk.

Over the course of my life with my wife I have become actually very afraid of enjoying myself in this way.

The fact is that I do not drink other than on a social occasion but when I do, within reason, I enjoy it.

I have had some real fun tonight but I do not believe that it is because of the alcohol. I believe it's because I let go for a while. But, if I am honest, the beer helped/worked.

I am genuinely sorry if this is the wrong thing to do or say but I just cannot accept thatI should not have a drink and have some fun just because my wife has a problem.

This is very difficult to talk about because I feel so guilty. Is this normal ??

Basically I feel that I refuse to be blighted. It's not my issue and I am fed up to the back teeth with being drawn into it.

I am NOT an alcoholic or any other form addict. Sorry but there it is.

Pete

best

The choice is your choice to make.

Just remember that alcohol can be progressive and for many it can take over before we know it.

If you don't have a problem then there is no problem.

Learning to let go without the alcohol, I have found that I can have just as much fun sober. Still the choice is for you and you alone to make.

denny57

All depends. Did your kids see you drunk? Might confuse and/or scare them.

You're a grown up, Pete, and you know what you can and can't handle.

How's everything else going?

pmaslan

Don't feel guilty CBPete...you did nothing wrong.....

robina

Even though I'm not an alcoholic, I can't drink without feeling guilty.

megamysterioso

Hi Pete and I don't think I've ever officially welcomed you to SR--- so a belated welcome!! Sure, you can say it on this forum and just about anything else that concerns you. I'm a social drinker as well and I refuse to feel guilty b/c my now XAH had/has a problem. Since I've been living on my own, I've had a bottle of wine on my counter and enjoy a drink every once in awhile. It's a relief that I can now do this without worrying if XAH will drink it or think that he can get plowed b/c I drink 1 glass. Don't beat yourself up over it hon.

minnie

Pete - I am guessing you'll get some very different views on this topic. I too am a social drinker, although I dislike the term. My pattern of drinking has changed, though, since being involved with a drinker. I had my time of heavy partying as a student and I am quite shocked by my behaviour back then. I grew out of that and became pretty moderate in my habits with the odd blow-out every now and again. When I was with my ex, my drinking escalated as I joined him in the public drinking to maintain our mutual denial. Now, I drink a few times a week, rarely get inebriated and seem to have a better grip on my limits. That's not to say that I never have one over the odds, however I am perfectly comfortable with my motives.

I have no idea what I would do if I was still involved with an active drinker and I agree with denny about the kids. It might be difficult for them to differentiate between what YOU do and what your wife does.

CBPete

Hi Guys,

Well, woke up this morning without a hangover but a tad tired from being up rather late !!!

Re the point on the kids, I am very fortunate in that my kids appear to clearly understand the difference between my wife's situation and my have a drink now and then.

This is something we have talked very openly about and they have articulated their understanding well enough for me to believe that it is real.

I think this is an important thing for them actually.

To see "normality" in this situation is not a bad thing. At least this will help them to grow properly and with a sense of proportion etc. that will enable them to enjoy their own adult lives without feeling guilt or real fear every time they think of having a drink with friends etc.

Just my oppinion.

Pete

lostnotfound

I like to have a drink once in a while, but with AH around, I was always afraid to open a bottl of wine, because he would pour himself a huge glass ( if he was out of beer) and I even walked in on him chugging out of the bottle one time.

I would like to be able to have a glass of wine without worrying about what he will do.

Zoey

I have a question?? Are you able to take the childern for an outing and relax and enjoy without a drink?? Are you able to go with friends to do things and be able to relax and enjoy without wishing for a drink??

Guess I am kinda hearing that the drink might be too important to you??

You could feel guilty just because you went without family. Makes us feel selfess.
I get the feeling you are wondering about yourself??

Do you by chance have alcoholic relatives?? and how many?? We tend to pick up the gene even from way back.

If I am way off base here, please forgive me.

I am happy if anyone can be a social drinker.

I was a high bottom drunk. (Binge drinker)That was hard to understand, but I had blackouts etc.
My thing was, if I drank the 3rd drink I would drink as long as my body could or would go, all night or 2 days. Also did the alcoholic insanity things.

I flirted with and danced with people I did not want to encourage in the lest, etc.
I never craved until the 3rd drink. Many start craving even with useing mouthwash, or seeing a bottle or the smell of a drink. For them it is the first taste.

Keep us posted. You seem open minded.

Minx1969

Hey Pete -

Everyone on this forum has asked themselves the same question...

I for one am a social drinker too..But for me that means 1 glass of wine or 1 drink before I get tipsy...

I drank alot when I was with my exabf..enjoyed most of it but my drinking slowed down because of all the fights he and I got in..I just felt I could better handle my actions if I didn't argue with him while drunk..

Then I got into Alanon and started going to open AA meetings..my drinking pretty much stopped..lost the taste for it...

Today I enjoy a glass of wine or two...I mainly don't drink much because I"m trying to lose weight and it's empty calories to me..I'd rather have chocolate...

prodigal

When my AH were first seriously dating and until about a year into our marriage, I attempted to keep up with his "partying." Every single time I got sick as a dog. My body cannot tolerate the level of alcohol it takes to get me intoxicated. I was looking at a picture of myself the other day that was taken a few months after we got engaged. I had toothpicks for legs - I was skinny and loved being able to fit into small sizes (great variety of clothing to pick from at the store). Then I realized - I was malnourished. I was living on cigarettes, booze, and a small meal here and there (not to mention junk food).

Yuck - slender but stinky!!! I no longer smoke, drink moderately, and took a serious look at my drinking habits. I enjoy a good glass of wine with dinner, but have no desire to return to my previous lifestyle.

I think we all need to step back and determine for ourselves whether or not we feel we have a problem. I think many of us codies drink along with the addict in our life in order to feel accepted. Jeesh, now if that isn't dysfunctional I don't know what is .... trying to win an addict's acceptance!