* hope *

Some of you might remember me! I said I would come on all the time but been so hectic i have only had the chance a few times!

Where to start....

After I last posted so much has happened, I gave my mum the ultimaum! She chose ME! .........for two days that is! (this made me think that she really must want to stop! but she hit the bottle even harder this time round). I carried on with my life with my mum in bed all day, the housework to do! the cooking etc(after ive been to work) I don't mind doing this, but its all for the wrong reasons.

One day in mid July I was taking her something to eat when I collapsed on the stairs in agony(with my stomach). I called my B.Fr(who came right over), at the hospital I had the shock of my life. "your pregnant" says the doc! bearing in mind that I have had the Implanon implant put in my arm(under 99.9% get pregnant! this is the last thing i wanted)especially with mum how she is. I was told the stress of doing all this work while (unbeknown to me) I was pregnant had taken its toll.

I didnt tell my mum! Then I had this almost inner person(excuse the pun) telling me that this could be the start of something new, something better! I started to look forward to it, went for check-ups, where they said thing were fine but I had to take it easy!, as you all know this is impossible living with an A!

For the first time in a long time I began to feel happy, me and my B,Fr(who is still a saint) were starting a family. Ok im only 20 but this is the only positive thing in my life! But it didnt last long because on the 15th July I had a misscarriage(I was 16weeks)! For anyome who has been unfortunate to have experienced one you will know that It is the worse thing! Ive become recluse! working and nothing much else. I cant let my B.Fr near me so our sex life has gone down the pan and we are constantly arguing. I cant tel my mum because it will be another excuse to drink, I just feel so alone and I cant take anymore!......I knew the best place to come was here, thanks to anyone who has been kind enough to listen....

She is just getting worse than I can ever remember her being, the last thing I want is to lose my mum aswell as just losing my baby..x

denny57

((((hope))))

I'm sorry for your loss. It seems you may be at a crossroads with a tough decision to make - what do you want for your life? Will it be staying and taking care of your mum and losing the boyfriend you speak so highly of? It appears that is where it is headed.

I hope that you are getting some kind of help for you - therapy, Al-Anon, support groups, etc. Take care of yourself.

bugsx2

You have gone through so much emotions over the last few months. I am sorry that this has happened. Hold on to the positives in your life and learn to be strong for yourself and take care of your feelings.

* hope *

Denny:

Thank you for your reply, I think deep down I know that I will lose him, I wouldnt blame him if he left, sometimes I tell him that e doesnt have to stay out of sympathy! Thats the only time he gets annoyed saying that he is with me for me and is prepared for anythin that comes with me(including mum). We have been together a while but I sometimes wonder why he ever stayed in the first place? most people would have run a mile right?

I have to get her better! I just can't leave! I have always been the strong one in the family, I never opened up until coming to this forum to anyone, but I think my mum/the alcohol is slowly grinding me down! I could never live with myself if i left and she carried out the threat she often makes of ending her life! she has tried in the past (SEVERAL TIMES) only surviving as I have always been no-more than a few feet away?

cmc

hi,
I am sorry for your loss. I know that it seems so hard to sort things through right now. Please keep coming around and keep reading all the information in the stickys. You might also want to visit a few of the other forums that you may relate to. There are so many people here with stories to share that I know will offer you some hope and help you to decide your own path.
You appear to be a very wise, and mature person for your age! Forgive that remark, but I have kids older than you, so I am entitled to give you that compliment!
Please know that there can be better days ahead.
cmc

denny57

I didn't mean it as a threat - I think you might know that, but just wanted to clear it up. I lost a number of important people in my life while with my AH, including my best friend from kindergarten, and I'm working my way back to them all.


Sounds to me like he loves you and you have a good relationship. I hope your mom's addiction doesn't get in that way of that.

It would be very sad if she carried out that threat, but that is manipulation on her part. I thought I could get my AH better, too. I did learn I could not. I'm not saying you can't be of help, but only if she wants to get well in the first place.

(((* hope * )))

notsleepingwell

*Hope*.... I'm soooo sorry for your loss. I can hear the anguish in your posts, and just want to hug you soooo tight!!!
I am so sorry you are going through this with your mom. You need to read the stickys on the top of the forums, and start looking after you!!!

You will learn through the reading that there is not too much for you to do in regards to your mom's addiction. Perhaps it is time for you to separate and live on your own. It is not your job to look after your mom (actually the reverse is true), and I'm sorry this disease causes all this turmoil in families.
you need to do a lot of reading ....can recommend....Co-dependent No More....Melody Beattie.....
Hang in there dearheart.....funny....see what's written under my name...lol.

* hope *

Thank You so much to everyone who has took the tim e to read my posts.

Denny: you speak many wise words, I knew that wasnt a threat! and maybe starting from getting home tonight I may finally snap and start grieving for my loss which i dont seem to have shead harldy a tear for yet, but am hurting so much inside for! I have always had someone else to worry about but i think this may be me time........I think i may go home and change and go out with my friend(if they still wanna know me?)im sure they will but I have distanced myself and not been out for months with them....im miss that! ill give you an up-date soon x

* hope *

notsleeping well: YOU HAVE FOUND ME...LOL

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it, I suppose things can only heal with time as they say! I need to start moving forward instead of being at a stand still with life in general, I just dont want to get to the point where I lose anything else (my mum, b.fr, friends etc) my mums addiction has already taken so much of my childhood, I think you are right, maybe it is time to detach"for the real life" ahead of me! but as I have said before (easier said than done) I will try though..

cwohio

there is no "right way or time" in the grief process hope - whenever it "snaps" - let it come and walk thru it. you may just be in the early "numb" stage right now.

you are very open and perceptive at so young an age - good for you! take care of you - YOU are the first priority!

Pick-a-name

(((*hope*))) Sending you a big hug. I lost a baby at about that time,too. The week after I started to feel it kicking (it was my second, so I knew it what it was) I lost the baby. It was very scarey (I started bleeding ALOT) and had emergency surgery to save my life, but lost the baby.

It took me a LONG time to get past that. It is a process.

I am so sorry you have all this going on in your life but glad you are here to vent. Take good care of yourself...inside and out.

notsleepingwell

((((*HOPE*))))
The addict in my family is my daughter...and I say family...but I am divorced, so really, she is my family....I had my grandson removed from her home, and am tying up loose ends to return to Canada to take care of him (he's my main family now..*smile*) So believe me when I say....I know it's hard to detach...parents are supposed to protect their children....
Your mother is on her journey, and unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for you (this may be making you into someone with tremendous strength), you are being dragged along in her wake!!
You have a journey to complete as well !!! You cannot be responsible for the twists and turns her journey takes her on....but you cannot be dragged along, as YOU have stuff you have to accomplish!!!!
Remember the 3 C's

You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
and You can't Cure it

Take care of YOU!!!!

P.S. I'm glad I've finally found you!!!!!!!!!! I've been looking for some time...
P.P.S. We're beside you on your journey....so feel free to lean on us....this is a place we all go to for reassurance and support

sunshine003

Hope, I'm sorry you're going through all this.

I just wanted to say, I've had two late miscarriage, both occurring around the 16-18 week mark. It is very painful. You don't know it yet but, you will heal from it. There will come a day where it doesn't hurt anymore, the way it does now. You'll know something lots of others don't....you know, the people who say something in the midst of your grief like, "You can have another one," or something insensitive like that....you'll know how it feels and you'll never repeat those words to someone who is going through that. Instead, you'll let them be said and you'll simply say, "I'm sorry!"

But I will share this with you.....I don't know when or if it'll be with your boyfriend or what your journey in life will be but I do know this....one day, you'll hold a baby in your arms that is all your own and you'll understand that miscarriage took place for a reason and that reason includes so the baby you are holding could be yours as well.

meli2005

So sorry you lost the baby. Of course, you feel a lot of pain. It will take time to get over it. You are going thru tremendous stress. Do you have access to counseling resources? that might help. What about Alanon? You need to take care of you. I'm sorry you have had such a rough time..

* hope *

Thank You again to everyone,

I did it last night.......I went out, I didnt stay at home and look after mum, I looked after me! and you know what........I had a really good time! just at a friends house. I could get used to this! Lol

I know that this will get easier I * hope * so anyway! I am sorry to those of you who have also gone thru somethin like this! Obviously I do know how you feel.

Cwohio: I have never been open before, Its such a relief to get things off my chest! I suppose its all built up and now Its just POURING out! I feel much better for it though! Thanks for caring

cwohio

i am glad you are learning at a younger age than a lot of us that keeping feelings bottled up and stuffed is not a healthy way to live. the more you let it out the easier it will be to let your feelings come naturally - ALL of them - sad, happy, angry. i'm STILL learning after 50 some years of stuffing! take care and glad you were able to get out and kcik up your heels a bit! hugs

August78

Hi, It sounds like you've got alot on your plate adn a lot of good people giving you great advise. My father was an alcoholic and stole most of my childhood as well so I can relate to that. It wasn't until i realized as an adult that he's a human with flaws that I was able to forgive him for not being pefect. Then a few months after I was able to love him for who he was an let go of all my anger towards him for, in my mind, letting me down and killing my youth he passed away. I am grateful I had the chance for closure with him but I sometimes feel robbed of time with him. I wish he could see me now, five days sober and making it happen. I wish you the best of luck, I hope everything works out for you!

SlvrMag

I understand, more than once.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Keep posting here.

Carol Star

there is no difference between a tired 4 yr. old and a drunk

hopeful4

Hello! I am glad you went out and got some face to face time with a friend. Everyone needs that!

You cannot make your mom be well, but you can definitely take good care of YOU! I am so sorry for your loss, take time to grieve however you need to. A good man will understand that. Grief is a process you just have to go through.

Tight hugs, glad you are here!