witsendtrying2

but I will do anything in my power to help my daughter. She is an alcoholic and was recovering beautifully, but over the last few months, has had some serious setbacks eg domestic violence with the BF, loss of self worth, she has attempted suicide and has totally given up on herself. I will not give up on her. I will not.

The reason I am here, I no longer have the skills to help her through this. Last night she was so plastered that she didn't like me going to bed, b/c I couldn't witness her behaviour and she reacted with threats, violence and went into self destruct mode. She left the house, off her face, and hitched a ride to a town 400 klms away. She rang and had no idea as to how she got there. This is really scary and dangerous behaviour. A friend of ours drove in from another town, 2.5 hours away and picked her up and she is staying with them for a couple of days.

I have spoken to mental health, ATODS, her GP and other relevant professionals and it seems, and I know this too, that until she is ready to help herself, no one can help her.

The problem with this, is, she has done all this before with some degree of success, but ended up with a councellor who put the hard word on her and she refuses to seek help again as this scared the crap out of her.

She has tried doing it again by herself, with not much success. She can go for about 2 weeks and that is it.

I need some serious advice, as her mother, and her dad, for what is the best way to help her. I have read and read about enabling her etc etc, but it is so hard to sit back and watch her waste her life to alcohol.

Her GP, today, wants to know if we would be prepared to do a home detoxing/rehab. I don't know if this is a good idea. The nearest rehab centre we have is over 800 klms away. GP thinks that with her and us we can achieve an outcome.

Please as a mum, trying to help her daughter, could you give me your wisdom on how to do the right thing by her - and us.

witsendtrying2

It would seem that I am in the wrong place. I am sorry to have bothered you. I will try to get the information from somewhere else. I am truly at my witsend not knowing anymore what to do.

Thank you.

minnie

Hi, hon. It's a bit slow around here at this time of day.

Why not check out the Friends and Family board a bit lower down this forum? There are loads of people who are in your situation who can help.

Have you looked into al-anon as well? I know it helped me a lot when I was dealing with an active alcoholic.

Please stick around here - this place is invauable to many.

witsendtrying2

Thank you minnie. I am just in panic mode at the moment, and after thinking about it I figured it is a matter of timing. It is 7.45 pm over here and I would dare say early morning there and in the US. She has me pulling my hair out with worry over here.

She has promised me that it is time to get a grip on things and reclaim herself and fight.

I have been reading many threads here and realise that it is going to be a tough battle for her. She is such a beautiful kid when sober, but this alcohol has and is destroying her life.

I actually teach other kids life skills and goal setting, but with my own kid, I seemed to have failed her. I know this is because I am her mum and it usually works this way, but I still feel it just the same.

She actually went to AA's for help and unfortunately went at a time when they bible bashed her and this turned her off. She went a couple of times and wont go back.

So it seems when she was most wanting help, she got hit on by a councillor, who was supposed to be a professional man and bible bashed by strangers. This is not helpful to anyone.

Lollipop

Hi Witsend and welcome to SR.

I am sorry that you and your daughter are going through this right now. you may also want to post in the friends and family forum here. There are a lot of people that are in the same boat as you and can share their experiences with you. Unfortunately, people are right, if she is of age, you really cant help her unless she wants to help herself. I know where I live, the only way would be to have a court find her mentally unstable and/or at risk of hurting herself or others before they would do anything, it is very unfortunate. Maybe finding a new therapist and different program would be a good idea. Also, there are programs that you can do to learn how to help your daughter. There is a wealth of info. here!

I am a firm believer of tough love in certian situations. I had a friend who's son was really into drugs, I sat with her many nights while she cried but she stood her ground and stayed strong in his presence until she was fortunate enough to get through to him and today, 10 years later, he is clean, but it was NOT an easy time. I wish you nothing but hope and better things to come, I am also keeping your family in my thoughts. Please stay strong and post away here. The support is wonderful.

Im sure others will be along soon that can give better advice, please stay strong!!!
Liss

Anna

Welcome,

Minnie's advice is the best. Take a look at Friends and Families forum if you like and seek out AlAnon. You need to help yourselves. You can offer support to your daughter, but you cannot do this for her.

NEEDTOBESOBER

Hi, I don't know what the answer is but i went thru the same thing with my son, who was on drugs and alcohol, but he was more into drugs and I am an alcoholic myself trying to quit and having a tough time . Back to my son, it ended very badly with me and him gettinginto a physical fight and so my husband called police and he went to jail and was charged with assault on a family member and my father decided to take over who is retired and home all the time and a very strict and strong role model this was abouta year ago and he is off the drugs and doing well living with my parents, he just got off of probation, went thru drug counseling and domestic violence classes, my son is now 18. But before this happened since he was about 13 he was on drugs staying out all night, getting violent , punching holes in doors and walls and he had 2 prior charges also breaking into cars and possession of marijuana, but his drug of choice was xanax and he would take way too many and that is how me and him got into our fight cause he stole my pills which were prescribed by my doc for an anxiety problem. I think the first step is your daughter has to admit she has a problem and then get her some type of counseling or treatment. Good Luck!

shockozulu

I really recommend you drop by Family and Friends of Alcoholics...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/



You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it,

Have you told her about SR? Perhaps she could make a small step by going to here, or reading about alternate recovery programs, for example SMART or SOS

Just remember the three C's.

I sent you a PM too, btw.