MawMawAngela

I'm new to this forum, so I hope I'm posting this in the correct thread. I need advice from those who've been through the process and hope you can offer some suggestions.
My 23-year-old son is an alcoholic and uses cocaine, pills and whatever else he can get his hands on. He's injures himself (ie. burns himself with cigarettes, cuts himself and is also prone to 'drunk injuries'), has been treated for depression but the medication makes him sick. He has insurance, but can't keep stop spending his money on alcohol and drugs to have the money to go back to the doctor to try other medications.
We had a crisis situation this weekend, during which he severely burned his hand lighting a fire with a can of gasoline, wrecked his motorcycle in my front yard and pretty much scared his friends so badly they went home. (I live in the woods and they were all here for the weekend.) My son lives in another county. However, instead of going home, he reached the decision to get treatment and is willing to voluntarily commit himself to an inpatient program. He knows an outpatient program will not work and desires a total alienation from any resources that will tempt him until he's strong enough and has the tools to succeed. He's currently on probation for DUI and we are going together to see his probation officer tomorrow to see what options she will even allow. He's paid up, but he hasn't done his community service and she's getting ticked off and may send him on to jail.
I'd rather have some options to offer for treatment than to have him incarcerated and take the chance he won't receive any treatment while in the system, especially considering the depression and the self-injury. He's been sober two days now (I live in a dry county and he has no transportation to get anything but through me right now). I let him sleep pretty much all day yesterday, but I'm making him get up and stay awake starting today to get on a normal routine. My questions are:

1.What can I do to help him physically recover? I'm encouraging and praying with him and doing what I know to do emotionally, but he's also very overweight and I just don't know how far I should help him with that right now. One problem at a time or tackle all the problems at once? They are all interconnected.
2. He is unemployed, but has insurance with some, but not great, coverage for treatment. Do we have a any chance at finding a program that will work with him financially? Most of the places I've found online are extremely expensive and don't cater to the working folk.

There are more questions I need to ask, I'm sure, but I'm working against the clock right now, not only with keeping my son on an even and upbeat keel, but also so I will have information to take to his probation officer. I live in Texas, but I would drive him anywhere he needs to go if there is a program that can help him.

Thanks so much for any advice you can give and bless you all in your recoveries.

mertyl

dear mawmaw,
I know i personally cannot recommend any places as i am in canada. But i just wanted to welcome you and to say good luck.
I know you are in a tough spot, as is your son and it takes alot to be in your shoes. I hope things work out and there are many people on this sitewho can help.
The only recommendation i have, and i may be wrong... physically, let him sleep. this is completely normal the first couple days. Plus, if he's sleeping, he is not a harm to himself or you. It is hard to be positive and upbeat the first while, and completely natural to be either bouncing off the walls or sleeping.
there are many posts and threads here to read through that will be helpful.


god bless and keep praying
mertyl

deedee

Hi MawMawAngela!

I'm another mom and wanted to welcome you to the forums. In the past, I made countless phone calls, looking for rehabs for my son. I believe the better thing to do is make a list of resources and phone numbers (if you feel the need to do something), but leave the footwork up to your son. My son always found his way into detox by himself and went thru several county-run programs as an indigent addict.

I would encourage you to visit the naranon forum (scroll down and you should see it) and read the sticky's at the top. There are a lot of moms here who know exactly where you're coming from.

hugs ~

deedee

MawMawAngela

Thanks for all the encouragement. So far, the day is going ok and I just got off the phone with the insurance company. Apparently he has better coverage than he thought, whatever "full coverage" means. They gave me the numbers to a couple of places where he lives where he can go be assessed, from which they decide what treatment is best. They also gave me the number for a center about 40 miles from where I live in case he decides to recover away from home.
We'll take it one day at a time I guess.
Thanks again.

Kellye C

I think it's great everything you're trying to do to help your son. I know that my mom was instrumental in getting me into AA and went so far as to look up the location, the meeting times and drove me to my first meeting. Family support is awesome. BUT he needs to do the footwork of dealing with his probation officer himself as well as making the calls to rehabs IMHO. He needs to take responsibility for his sobriety. I can't exactly explain why but something that you work for yourself just means more. Plus, it eliminates the tendency to blame you when things get tough (you got me into this, you forced me to come here etc. etc.) I'm not saying that will happen but we alcoholics and addicts are really good at blaming others for our stuff.

Please know that I'm not saying any of this to be negative to you and your efforts but more to offer my own views.

As far as the sleeping, I agree that it's normal. Thank God he CAN sleep as many of us can't! As for the weight, I'd leave that alone personally. First things first and that is to get and stay sober. It is entirely possible that he will crave sugar as he goes through withdrawals and early on in sobriety and that is normal too.

I tried to diet in the beginning (after all if I'm going to straighten my life up then I might as well straighten it ALL up right?) I almost drove myself crazy and put myself at risk of falling into the alcohol cravings because I wouldn't allow myself the sugar (are you aware that the body processes alcohol like sugar?) Anyway my sponsor made me stop dieting and told me I could deal with weight issues later that my primary focus right then was not drinking.

I live in Texas and a lot of people here in Houston go through a program called DAPA. Also, if you call your local AA intergroup they can probably give your son some recommendations of inpatient treatment too.

Best of luck to both you and your son!
Kellye

notsleepingwell

MawMaw...
Welcome to SR!!!!Many wonderful folks here with great advice. Read the sticky's on the top of the forum. Just wanted to make you feel at home. Post lots, people are very supportive here, and you will find comfort and ideas...most of all...take care of YOU!!!

dor51

My experience with my son is there's great treatment out there, but it's only as good as they make it. Treatment that costs thousands and thousands can be worthless if the user isn't ready to stop. I thought the last treatment my son went through was going to turn the corner for him because it was so great. He relapsed after 30 days. What a waste.

regrad

Not amount of rehab will work if he is not ready...

It may sting, but sometimes someone needs to lose enough to appreciate getting it back...

is there something in his past that is haunting him?
he needs proffesional help (not only for the drugs but mentally)

good luck and my prayers are with you...

NEEDTOBESOBER

yes he must be ready to quit and normally it takes a major tragedy, my son was the same way, he smoke pot, took pills like xanax, ecstacy, cocaine , crystal meth, drinking, but his drug of choice was xanax, in fact had to put him in detoc for 5 days for the xanax, which he wanted to and asked to when he was about 14 then he got out and started up againg w/pot and slowly slipped back into xanax and I had a prescription for anti-anxiey pills which is what xanax is for and i used to have to hide my pills but a lot of times he would steal them and money from my purse until me and him got into a fight - physical one night cause he stole my pills and he is 6'5 and I am 5'10 he punched out the glass in the storm door then we ended up in the garage fighting i landed on my back and he punched me inthe forehead anyway it landed him in jail for assault and he went to live w/ my parents for the last year to make a long story short he is living w/us now and he has been sober for a year , has a job and trying to get a better job, I think living with my parents helped plus he was on probation for the assault charge and had to go thru drug counseling and take a long anger management/domestic violence class which he told me that helped him out and made him see that he was an angry person, partially due to the fact he never knew who or met his real father.

someday

Good luck, and if you can find an AN-ANON in your area, you may wanna go to a couple of meetings yourself.