Into Orbit - A Classic

Old 02-26-2003, 06:34 PM
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Ann
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Lightbulb Into Orbit - A Classic

Another Classis from "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie.

By the way, her books can be purchased at the SoberRecovery Store right here on this site, and it supports this site.


INTO ORBIT

It doesn’t matter if they’re hurting themselves. It doesn’t matter that we could help them if they’d only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER.
--Codependent No More

I think I can change him. Nobody’s ever really loved and appreciated him before. I’ll be the one to do that, and then he’ll change...She’s never been with anybody trustworthy before. I’ll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she’ll be able to love... . Nobody’s been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I’ll be the one to do that... Nobody’s ever really given him a chance... Nobody’s ever really believed in him before...

These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we’re thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.

If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone’s life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be fore someone, we may be in trouble.

This is a game. A deception. It won’t work. It’ll make us crazy. We can trust that. We’re not seeing things clearly. Something’s going on with us.

It will be self-defeating.

We may be “the one” all right – the one to wind up victimized.

The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.

Nobody in the past has really understood him.... Nobody has seen what I see in her.... It’s a set-up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from out path and often puts us in orbit.

Nobody has appreciated him enough.... Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do.... It’s a rescue. It’s a game move, a game we don’t have to play. We don’t have to prove we’re the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they’re the best thing that ever happened to us.

We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or “the one who will.”

The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.
----------------------------
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
----------------------------
Lord,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
--------------------------------------------

Last edited by Ann; 02-26-2003 at 06:41 PM.
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Old 02-26-2003, 07:44 PM
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Thanks for the reminder Ann

I need to re-visit these books.
Peace,
Gabe
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Old 07-07-2003, 05:14 AM
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Ann
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To the top for newcomers....
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Old 07-07-2003, 05:25 PM
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Wow! That's me when I'm in full bloom codependency! I am getting better at recognizing this behavior in myself. Whew! Thanks for sharing.
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