new start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: netherland
Posts: 4
new start
Hi Again,
I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for replying and taking the time to read my posts. I want to try and start again because I feel like there are some people here who's knoweledge and experiences I can benefit from hugely and I feel like I got off on the wrong foot, so here goes
My name is Suzanne and basically I have been going through a traumatic breakup with from a long term relationship. Because of this bad feelings sometimes make their way to the surface. I do have issues I want to talk about both connected to this relationship and independant but think that they should be saved for a therapist from now on! I want this place to be somewhere positive for me. The main things that I have to come to terms with, that I've known for a long time now and haven't admitted to myself is that I don't have a relationship with myself anymore, I want to concentrate on that from now on and I have HUGE codependancy issues. I don't want to be a controlling freak anymore that either scares people away or pushes them away. So here's what I've done, I have an appointment on Monday to see the doctor and hopefully he can refer me to a therapist asap to start working on these things. I have managed to leave my ex completely alone for 2 weeks now, maybe none of you understands how hard this was but then maybe you do? I haven't called, or emailed, or shouted, or visited, or called his family or anything. The only times we have had any contact are when HE has contacted me. Its been really hard to do nothing, really hard at times to resist the urge to say what I think right at that moment but I think I'm starting to learn that with a little bit of time my anger or impulsiveness passes and that doing nothing is the best thing I can do, for me and him and my little girl. I feel like I'm starting to realise that there is possibly such a thing as an independant life for both of us....
Just an afterthought...who ever thought that doing nothing would be so difficult?
thanks for your patience
I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for replying and taking the time to read my posts. I want to try and start again because I feel like there are some people here who's knoweledge and experiences I can benefit from hugely and I feel like I got off on the wrong foot, so here goes
My name is Suzanne and basically I have been going through a traumatic breakup with from a long term relationship. Because of this bad feelings sometimes make their way to the surface. I do have issues I want to talk about both connected to this relationship and independant but think that they should be saved for a therapist from now on! I want this place to be somewhere positive for me. The main things that I have to come to terms with, that I've known for a long time now and haven't admitted to myself is that I don't have a relationship with myself anymore, I want to concentrate on that from now on and I have HUGE codependancy issues. I don't want to be a controlling freak anymore that either scares people away or pushes them away. So here's what I've done, I have an appointment on Monday to see the doctor and hopefully he can refer me to a therapist asap to start working on these things. I have managed to leave my ex completely alone for 2 weeks now, maybe none of you understands how hard this was but then maybe you do? I haven't called, or emailed, or shouted, or visited, or called his family or anything. The only times we have had any contact are when HE has contacted me. Its been really hard to do nothing, really hard at times to resist the urge to say what I think right at that moment but I think I'm starting to learn that with a little bit of time my anger or impulsiveness passes and that doing nothing is the best thing I can do, for me and him and my little girl. I feel like I'm starting to realise that there is possibly such a thing as an independant life for both of us....
Just an afterthought...who ever thought that doing nothing would be so difficult?
thanks for your patience
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello suzy, glad you decided to stick around
Sounds to me like you have a great plan, and that you are doing a great job in taking care of your needs. You mention co-dependency issues, have you looked at our "Friends and Family" forum on this website? There's lots of great resources over there on the subjects of co-dependency and relationships.
Were you able to review the online resources I mentioned? You had asked about online meetings for adult children and the one at
http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html
is my favorite.
As far as leaving your ex completely alone for 2 weeks, yeah I understand, I'm fairly co-dependent myself. Your being able to stick to your "boundaries" for two whole weeks is pretty impressive.
It doesn't sound to me like you are doing "nothing", it sounds like you are doing a lot of healthy and positive things for yourself, and for your child.
Keep posting and tossing out questions, that's what we're here for
Mike
Sounds to me like you have a great plan, and that you are doing a great job in taking care of your needs. You mention co-dependency issues, have you looked at our "Friends and Family" forum on this website? There's lots of great resources over there on the subjects of co-dependency and relationships.
Were you able to review the online resources I mentioned? You had asked about online meetings for adult children and the one at
http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html
is my favorite.
As far as leaving your ex completely alone for 2 weeks, yeah I understand, I'm fairly co-dependent myself. Your being able to stick to your "boundaries" for two whole weeks is pretty impressive.
It doesn't sound to me like you are doing "nothing", it sounds like you are doing a lot of healthy and positive things for yourself, and for your child.
Keep posting and tossing out questions, that's what we're here for
Mike
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Hey sweetie....
Just want you to know I understand EXACTLY how hard that is....
You have to remember our disease is just as strong as their disease.... so that you could refrain for two whole weeks is pretty darn impressive. Took me 5 months to even start to do what you have.
Sounds like a plan you have going. I tool hope you check out Friends and Family.... lots of understanding over there.
Just want you to know I understand EXACTLY how hard that is....
You have to remember our disease is just as strong as their disease.... so that you could refrain for two whole weeks is pretty darn impressive. Took me 5 months to even start to do what you have.
Sounds like a plan you have going. I tool hope you check out Friends and Family.... lots of understanding over there.
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