Speaking for myself...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Speaking for myself...
I have come to use this word more and more lately.....
Speaking from the word I....as I can only speak what I
think or I feel....how on earth can I possibly know what you think
or feel for that matter.......just a thought I wanted to share here.
Speaking from the word I....as I can only speak what I
think or I feel....how on earth can I possibly know what you think
or feel for that matter.......just a thought I wanted to share here.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Me, too, Patty. I think I have gone overboard with it because I spent so much time being told what I think, who I am and what I want. Arrrgh!
I hope this is just a phase - if everything else I've been going through is any indication, it is, but it's hard to remember that when I'm living it.
I hope this is just a phase - if everything else I've been going through is any indication, it is, but it's hard to remember that when I'm living it.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
LOL
I know what you are saying. I believe I spent so much time being told what was happening instead of believing the facts and my instincts, that I was eaten with such doubt, so much pain etc, I began to not feel or think for myself. I had to rely so much on others opinions, advice, etc.....what's more, I put my life in the hands of an active alcoholic. Let's just say, to me, that is the craziest part of all, LOL.
I know what you are saying. I believe I spent so much time being told what was happening instead of believing the facts and my instincts, that I was eaten with such doubt, so much pain etc, I began to not feel or think for myself. I had to rely so much on others opinions, advice, etc.....what's more, I put my life in the hands of an active alcoholic. Let's just say, to me, that is the craziest part of all, LOL.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: still looking
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Originally Posted by sunshine003
LOL
I know what you are saying. I believe I spent so much time being told what was happening instead of believing the facts and my instincts, that I was eaten with such doubt, so much pain etc, I began to not feel or think for myself. I had to rely so much on others opinions, advice, etc.....what's more, I put my life in the hands of an active alcoholic. Let's just say, to me, that is the craziest part of all, LOL.
I know what you are saying. I believe I spent so much time being told what was happening instead of believing the facts and my instincts, that I was eaten with such doubt, so much pain etc, I began to not feel or think for myself. I had to rely so much on others opinions, advice, etc.....what's more, I put my life in the hands of an active alcoholic. Let's just say, to me, that is the craziest part of all, LOL.
Here is a really simple example...but small steps, right?
Over the weekend I was on a road trip with my mom and sister. On the way home my mom asked where did we want to stop to eat. Normally I would have not said where I preferred, just let someone else pick, because I want THEM to be happy, I don't care about me. Instead, I FORCED myself to make a choice of what I really wanted, and to voice it. If we had stopped somewhere else I would not have been upset, but at least i did voice my preference. Seems silly, but for me it was at least a step in recognizing my own wants and needs, rather than only other people's.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Great job - voicing your opinion LNF - small steps in recovery are better than no steps at all!!
Geez - learning to hush the all the voices in "Ritaville" so that I could hear what I was truly thinking was a tough task to master!!
But I think I'm begining to get it,
Rita
Geez - learning to hush the all the voices in "Ritaville" so that I could hear what I was truly thinking was a tough task to master!!
But I think I'm begining to get it,
Rita
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Sunshine
I believe I spent so much time being told what was happening instead of believing the facts and my instincts, that I was eaten with such doubt, so much pain etc, I began to not feel or think for myself. I had to rely so much on others opinions, advice, etc.
This is me.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
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It's a hard thing to change, I'm learning slowly.
I still find myself letting others tell me what to think and feel at times.
TG, perfect examples that always left me confused are times when ah would mess up. I'd tell him he did this or that and he'd say things such as "you don't believe that" or "you know I'd never do that" when in fact, I DID believe it and I did NOT know that he'd never do that. I'd let him determine my reality when I was capable of forming my own.....I just didn't know how to voice it and stick to it. Sticking to it is hard also because I came to doubt myself so much. Besides, him acting so hurt that I thought such things was too much for me to bare, so I'd end up taking it back or ignoring my own feelings/instincts and realities. It's such a tangled webb.
When I catch myself giving into old habits, I remind myself real fast, LOL.
I still find myself letting others tell me what to think and feel at times.
TG, perfect examples that always left me confused are times when ah would mess up. I'd tell him he did this or that and he'd say things such as "you don't believe that" or "you know I'd never do that" when in fact, I DID believe it and I did NOT know that he'd never do that. I'd let him determine my reality when I was capable of forming my own.....I just didn't know how to voice it and stick to it. Sticking to it is hard also because I came to doubt myself so much. Besides, him acting so hurt that I thought such things was too much for me to bare, so I'd end up taking it back or ignoring my own feelings/instincts and realities. It's such a tangled webb.
When I catch myself giving into old habits, I remind myself real fast, LOL.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
No kidding Minnie-- speaking for myself that is!!! 
I find that I'm questioning my own self and my judgement lately. I guess I'm really paranoid and so avidly determined NOT to repeat the same mistakes. Just as I believe you said once and my wise friend said (who has no "recovery" experience), "there are no 'stupid choices' just "choices." Ok--- sorry to be OT Patty!
I find that I'm questioning my own self and my judgement lately. I guess I'm really paranoid and so avidly determined NOT to repeat the same mistakes. Just as I believe you said once and my wise friend said (who has no "recovery" experience), "there are no 'stupid choices' just "choices." Ok--- sorry to be OT Patty!
Naps are good.
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ohio
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Good thread!
It has got me thinking....
I still seek too much approval from others that's for sure; but I'm working on it.
Yes the thread took a bit of a turn. But I agree with the first post - it's a good idea to use "I" statements as much as possible.
((((TexasGirl))))) - nice name!
It has got me thinking....
I still seek too much approval from others that's for sure; but I'm working on it.
Yes the thread took a bit of a turn. But I agree with the first post - it's a good idea to use "I" statements as much as possible.
((((TexasGirl))))) - nice name!
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Albuqureque, NM
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Haha!!!! That's a good one! I've gotten to the point when I conversate with hubby and feel the need to express my opinion or views on something, I have to start out with, "It is my opinion" - otherwise, he'll shoot me down and say, "That's not true!"...as if my feelings and opinions are not true (i.e. Me: 'what you did hurts me' - Him: 'that's not true' - ugh!). They're sure true to me!
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Derailing a thread is disrespectful in _any_ online forum. It is also discouraged in group therapy settings and such. As far as SR it's listed in the rules here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...gulations.html
See rule #8
A thread on the subject already exists, it is here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ng-myself.html
Talking _about_ people is just plain rude.
Avoiding cross-talk is done simply by starting a new thread.
None of the above has anything to do with any 12 step group, although 12 step groups do follow similar principles.
Whadya think?
Mike
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...gulations.html
See rule #8
A thread on the subject already exists, it is here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ng-myself.html
Talking _about_ people is just plain rude.
Avoiding cross-talk is done simply by starting a new thread.
None of the above has anything to do with any 12 step group, although 12 step groups do follow similar principles.
Whadya think?
Mike
I guess I'm still confused!!!! LOL
Cross-talk as defined by Al-Anon means directly commenting on another's share - at least in my meetings that is how it is defined at the beginning. That goes on here all the time.
I have noticed a recent trend that certain posters seem to get called on it more often than others. My observation is it has been arbitrary.
I just wanted to share that. Thanks for the reply.
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Originally Posted by denny57
Cross-talk as defined by Al-Anon means directly commenting on another's share - at least in my meetings that is how it is defined at the beginning. That goes on here all the time.
If we followed Al-Anon here we would be using the "Thank you" button all the time or the smily faces....as a nod can't be seen over the net!!!I have noticed a recent trend that certain posters seem to get called on it more often than others. My observation is it has been arbitrary.
I have to agree with that too!!!!
I just wanted to share that. Thanks for the reply.
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