Cant find a way
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: bangor maine
Posts: 44
Cant find a way
Im feeling very depressed today. Last night my counselor and I were talking about positive things I could do for myself to help me cope when my AH is actively drinking, like hobbies, or classes, etc.
When he drinks, I feel totally crippled, stagnated, trapped. I know I cant control or change his drinking, but living with it is so depressing. I just cant find a way to do something creative, inspirational, focused, centered or anything that would be healing for me. Just cant do it, plain and simple. I don't feel that forcing myself to do something that I am not getting serenity from is not helpful. I don't want to leave the my home when he drinks. I have no where to go that would make me feel any better than staying right there. I'm so depressed that I havent found a way to start taking care of myself, that I continue to let his actions, moods control me. I just cant find a way to get beyond it, to detach. Just cant, just cant, just cant.
When he drinks, I feel totally crippled, stagnated, trapped. I know I cant control or change his drinking, but living with it is so depressing. I just cant find a way to do something creative, inspirational, focused, centered or anything that would be healing for me. Just cant do it, plain and simple. I don't feel that forcing myself to do something that I am not getting serenity from is not helpful. I don't want to leave the my home when he drinks. I have no where to go that would make me feel any better than staying right there. I'm so depressed that I havent found a way to start taking care of myself, that I continue to let his actions, moods control me. I just cant find a way to get beyond it, to detach. Just cant, just cant, just cant.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Yes you can.
Sometimes it is a matter of forcing yourself to take that first step.
I know what it is like to lose interest in the things I used to enjoy
prior to the alcoholic in my life. Once I let his problem take control
of my life I lost every thing about me. You can take back your life.
Try to remember something that you used to enjoy. Start to think
about it, imagine doing it...then do it. Force yourself at first,
eventually you will do it because you want to.
Your H is going to do what he wants if you are in the home or not.
You can do this.....I do not doubt it....put one foot in front of the other....
Sometimes it is a matter of forcing yourself to take that first step.
I know what it is like to lose interest in the things I used to enjoy
prior to the alcoholic in my life. Once I let his problem take control
of my life I lost every thing about me. You can take back your life.
Try to remember something that you used to enjoy. Start to think
about it, imagine doing it...then do it. Force yourself at first,
eventually you will do it because you want to.
Your H is going to do what he wants if you are in the home or not.
You can do this.....I do not doubt it....put one foot in front of the other....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
Yes you can and you will. You have the the strength, now get up, take a shower, feel good about yourself and find your strength to deal with this. Your strength and resolve are there for you, if you muster it up for yourself. Get moving!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
I understand, lizzy girl. Our situations are different since I'm not in contact with my bf, but I can sympathize with your feelings. Believe me.
Every day I force myself to do the things that are supposed to be good for me-- even when I don't want to. I don't necessarily ENJOY going to Al-Anon, I don't miss my bf or worry about his well-being any less, and frankly I feel more confused than ever since I feel I'm just starting to get to know myself, especially in therapy with a great new therapist.
But somehow, by forcing myself to go to those meetings, to share at them (only the positives, the good stuff I can take away with me), going to therapy, and keeping busy with and talking with my friends- who are great listeners and who give good advice with a slightly different bent- I DO feel myself getting stronger. And I see that as progress, even just acknowledging that this situation is not going to KILL me, and the comfort (and challenge) of allowing all of it to be placed in God's hands.
So, I'd suggest forcing yourself to do what's uncomfy right now. It does work for me. As they say, progress not perfection.
Every day I force myself to do the things that are supposed to be good for me-- even when I don't want to. I don't necessarily ENJOY going to Al-Anon, I don't miss my bf or worry about his well-being any less, and frankly I feel more confused than ever since I feel I'm just starting to get to know myself, especially in therapy with a great new therapist.
But somehow, by forcing myself to go to those meetings, to share at them (only the positives, the good stuff I can take away with me), going to therapy, and keeping busy with and talking with my friends- who are great listeners and who give good advice with a slightly different bent- I DO feel myself getting stronger. And I see that as progress, even just acknowledging that this situation is not going to KILL me, and the comfort (and challenge) of allowing all of it to be placed in God's hands.
So, I'd suggest forcing yourself to do what's uncomfy right now. It does work for me. As they say, progress not perfection.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by deax
So, I'd suggest forcing yourself to do what's uncomfy right now. It does work for me. As they say, progress not perfection.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Crazy Land
Posts: 37
I can relate 100%. Just this past weekend Friday night to be exact my A was out until 5.30am drinking and I was depressed as usual. When he does these all night things he always sleeps the next day away and I lay around lonely, sad, mad, depressed and my life and years are just passing me by.
Well Saturday somthing in me said enough..... I called a friend and asked her if she wanted to catch a movie. I went out to a movie and was gone for about 3 hrs that evening and I have to admit at first it was very uncomfortable for me. Its so stupid, why should going to a movie be such a difficult thing?? But I went and I ENJOYED it. I felt GOOD, I felt FREE for those 3 hrs, I went to bed that night feeling good that I FINALLY did somthing for me without him.
Im not saying it wasnt hard at first but like everyone else said the first time or two you may have to force yourself but try it..DO IT.. I sware it works..
Well Saturday somthing in me said enough..... I called a friend and asked her if she wanted to catch a movie. I went out to a movie and was gone for about 3 hrs that evening and I have to admit at first it was very uncomfortable for me. Its so stupid, why should going to a movie be such a difficult thing?? But I went and I ENJOYED it. I felt GOOD, I felt FREE for those 3 hrs, I went to bed that night feeling good that I FINALLY did somthing for me without him.
Im not saying it wasnt hard at first but like everyone else said the first time or two you may have to force yourself but try it..DO IT.. I sware it works..
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