Can anyone help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 16
Can anyone help
Hi,
I have been dealing with my husband and his drinking problem for the past eight years now. He has gone to rehab 5 years ago but quit after 4 days of it. We have tried going to marriage counseling but after finding out that he was already in rehab at their facility, and still has a drinking problem and denies it, she could only help me, and she wanted him to complete a 30 day program. When he heard of this he was very upset and said she didn't know what she was talking about. In 2004 his drinking became worse, and he also started to become violent with his drinking. I was pregnant with our second child at the time and I was very depressed and scared of what he was going to do next. By the end of the year he lost his job, got a DUI and was outta control with everything. In February I gave birth to our son, he was at a conference for work, I called and told him to come to the hospital, he drove 2-3 hours and show up drunk it was 6:30am. I was so embarassed, I made him take a shower in the room and get cleaned up. He helped with deliver the baby, but he was still a mess. Since then he has had 3 different jobs 2 that he was left go for. He was working out of state and while there got himself so drunk he had to go to the hospital and was in there for 2 weeks with pancretitis, heart problems and almost lost his life. Needless to say he had no health insurance and I was stuck 2000 miles away with 2 kids to care for all alone. I have no family close by and my friends dont come around anymore because of his actions.
I am at my wits end with this guy. I love him to death, but I cant deal with the ups and downs of being sober for a fews weeks then back to drinking till he has himself so sick he is not eating and cant control his body.
It is causing me serious emotional problems, stress with the children and I have no one I can talk to about our problems. I have a mentally disabled child which takes alot of extra time and hard to to raise and another little one who is getting to the terrible 2 stage of life.He boast about him working and bringing in an income so that I can stay at home with the kids. That I need help for my anger issues and he has been dealing with my anger issues for eight years., Well Hello, manybe I have a reason for these anger issues. I try to keep quiet most of the times when he is going off on me, but if I dont answer him he gets more upset.
He want to stop, but he doesn't want to go to treatment, he tinks he can do it on his own with out help or support. We have been thru the 12 steps programs, him going to church, and still he goes back to it.
Can anyone help me.
I have been dealing with my husband and his drinking problem for the past eight years now. He has gone to rehab 5 years ago but quit after 4 days of it. We have tried going to marriage counseling but after finding out that he was already in rehab at their facility, and still has a drinking problem and denies it, she could only help me, and she wanted him to complete a 30 day program. When he heard of this he was very upset and said she didn't know what she was talking about. In 2004 his drinking became worse, and he also started to become violent with his drinking. I was pregnant with our second child at the time and I was very depressed and scared of what he was going to do next. By the end of the year he lost his job, got a DUI and was outta control with everything. In February I gave birth to our son, he was at a conference for work, I called and told him to come to the hospital, he drove 2-3 hours and show up drunk it was 6:30am. I was so embarassed, I made him take a shower in the room and get cleaned up. He helped with deliver the baby, but he was still a mess. Since then he has had 3 different jobs 2 that he was left go for. He was working out of state and while there got himself so drunk he had to go to the hospital and was in there for 2 weeks with pancretitis, heart problems and almost lost his life. Needless to say he had no health insurance and I was stuck 2000 miles away with 2 kids to care for all alone. I have no family close by and my friends dont come around anymore because of his actions.
I am at my wits end with this guy. I love him to death, but I cant deal with the ups and downs of being sober for a fews weeks then back to drinking till he has himself so sick he is not eating and cant control his body.
It is causing me serious emotional problems, stress with the children and I have no one I can talk to about our problems. I have a mentally disabled child which takes alot of extra time and hard to to raise and another little one who is getting to the terrible 2 stage of life.He boast about him working and bringing in an income so that I can stay at home with the kids. That I need help for my anger issues and he has been dealing with my anger issues for eight years., Well Hello, manybe I have a reason for these anger issues. I try to keep quiet most of the times when he is going off on me, but if I dont answer him he gets more upset.
He want to stop, but he doesn't want to go to treatment, he tinks he can do it on his own with out help or support. We have been thru the 12 steps programs, him going to church, and still he goes back to it.
Can anyone help me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Welcome caracal, glad you are here
Your story is a familiar one, unfortunately. There is a lot you can do for yourself, though. You mention therapy and 12-step programs. Do you still go to therapy on your own? Are you attending Al-Anon meetings? I think now is the time for you to start focusing on yourself and what you can do to change your circumstances. By that I mean effecting some changes in your life and household which may have positive results.
You say "I love him to death." That took on a whole other meaning for me when our doctor told me I was going to wind up dead if I didn't start taking care of myself. The stress of living with an alcoholic can be overwhelming.
Please read all you can - here, and elsewhere - about the disease of alcoholism. Keep posting - you will get some wonderful insight from the people here who have been through it all.
Keep coming back!
Your story is a familiar one, unfortunately. There is a lot you can do for yourself, though. You mention therapy and 12-step programs. Do you still go to therapy on your own? Are you attending Al-Anon meetings? I think now is the time for you to start focusing on yourself and what you can do to change your circumstances. By that I mean effecting some changes in your life and household which may have positive results.
You say "I love him to death." That took on a whole other meaning for me when our doctor told me I was going to wind up dead if I didn't start taking care of myself. The stress of living with an alcoholic can be overwhelming.
Please read all you can - here, and elsewhere - about the disease of alcoholism. Keep posting - you will get some wonderful insight from the people here who have been through it all.
Keep coming back!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Caracal,
Welcome to SoberRecovery - hope that you will find the help and fellowship that we have found. I also suggest that you find an Al-Anon group in your area - that has been my life saver -
Glad you're here and hope you keep coming back,
Rita
Welcome to SoberRecovery - hope that you will find the help and fellowship that we have found. I also suggest that you find an Al-Anon group in your area - that has been my life saver -
Glad you're here and hope you keep coming back,
Rita
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 16
I know what I need to do it is just very hard to do sometimes without any support. I have not told my family about his illness, but his family knows. His brother and sister have pretty much wiped their hands clean of him and his mom and dad are both drinkers themselves, both elderly and have health problems, and do not need to be subjected to me telling them about their son and his short comings. His mom knows a little what is going on and said she prays everyday for us. She wished we lived closer so she could help. He is in the process of starting a new job in another state, which we will eventually all be moving there. He says things are going to be different, but I know that unless he gets help things are going to be the same, and I am going to have to start all over again looking for support help and dealing with his issues. I have always been the one helping everyone one else out with these problems and telling them just to leave and now I am face with making those same decisions.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Yes, caracal, you are right about that. Moving to a new place to start over, where things will be "different," is called doing a geographical. Many alcoholics do it over and over, thinking their problems are causing the drinking, instead of the other way around.
You will get plenty of support if you start doing some things for yourself - like therapy and/or Al-Anon. There you will find many people who do understand what you are going through. If Al-Anon is not for you, there are plenty of support groups out there. I found family and many friends just did not understand what was going on in my life.
I know right now you think the answer is in him getting help, but the answer lies with you. You do not have to make a decision to leave, but you can make a decision to start putting the focus on you.
Keep coming back.
You will get plenty of support if you start doing some things for yourself - like therapy and/or Al-Anon. There you will find many people who do understand what you are going through. If Al-Anon is not for you, there are plenty of support groups out there. I found family and many friends just did not understand what was going on in my life.
I know right now you think the answer is in him getting help, but the answer lies with you. You do not have to make a decision to leave, but you can make a decision to start putting the focus on you.
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Birthplace of Rock & Roll, Home of the Blues
Posts: 233
Hi Caracal!
Well, the good news is you are not alone. Many of us have dealt with, are dealing with or will deal with some of the same issues you have.
Al-Anon is a great place to get face to face support. Here is a good place to get 24/7 posted support. SR is open all the time. Feel free to post, vent, whatever (without hurting others here) you need to do to keep you sane.
Good books are "Codependent No More" and "Getting Them Sober". Now, I'll admit, I balked at "Getting them Sober" but found it to me more like getting me sane.
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. The only one you can change is you...
Welcome!
Well, the good news is you are not alone. Many of us have dealt with, are dealing with or will deal with some of the same issues you have.
Al-Anon is a great place to get face to face support. Here is a good place to get 24/7 posted support. SR is open all the time. Feel free to post, vent, whatever (without hurting others here) you need to do to keep you sane.
Good books are "Codependent No More" and "Getting Them Sober". Now, I'll admit, I balked at "Getting them Sober" but found it to me more like getting me sane.
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. The only one you can change is you...
Welcome!
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