Brother in early recovery, how can I help him?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: ST LOUIS, MO
Posts: 4
Brother in early recovery, how can I help him?
My older brother is in early recovery, but is recovery is day by day, hanging by a thread. He had a relapse on June 28th but sober since then. He goes to AA at least 1x day and has 2 sponsors. I told him I would be a sober support person for him. I am just not used to my brother calling me everyday, when in the past he would never call me...its just something I am not used to. He calls my Dad everyday also. He seems very needy, which is something that can start getting on your nerves, but I want to be supportive of my brother. Is it normal that the recovering person is so needy?
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR ..... we are glad you found us.
Congrads to your brother for making the step.... I can only say that from my experiences YEA they are needy, they are before recovery and Im sure that they are during the early stages.... hence the 90 meetings in 90 days and being around AA and sober enviroments... I have no doubt that its VERY hard.
To be supportive does not always mean you have to be there 24/7 though, dont forget that if your not taking care of yourself you are not alot of help to him. If he cant get hold of you it sounds like he has created a network that he can get hold of someone.... dont take on all the burden... after all this is probably your thoughts "not being there for him" its probably not his thoughts.
Maybe try going to some Al-anon meetings, this will give you the tools to be supportive in the very best way and it will also give you a understanding of not only the disease but will keep you from focusing too much on him.
I look forward to getting to know you, please read the stickys at the top and keep posting and coming back.... SR is a great place to get support as well.
Congrads to your brother for making the step.... I can only say that from my experiences YEA they are needy, they are before recovery and Im sure that they are during the early stages.... hence the 90 meetings in 90 days and being around AA and sober enviroments... I have no doubt that its VERY hard.
To be supportive does not always mean you have to be there 24/7 though, dont forget that if your not taking care of yourself you are not alot of help to him. If he cant get hold of you it sounds like he has created a network that he can get hold of someone.... dont take on all the burden... after all this is probably your thoughts "not being there for him" its probably not his thoughts.
Maybe try going to some Al-anon meetings, this will give you the tools to be supportive in the very best way and it will also give you a understanding of not only the disease but will keep you from focusing too much on him.
I look forward to getting to know you, please read the stickys at the top and keep posting and coming back.... SR is a great place to get support as well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: ST LOUIS, MO
Posts: 4
Thanks for the welcome, Cynay. I can tell this is a good supportive place. I like what you said about I am just one of the supportive people and not to feel I am the only support he has.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Yea ... I have an issue with thinking that Im the "one and only" as well, but the truth is that if he is serious about his recover and I hope he is, he will make sure he has a good support system and you will be a part of that yes.... but you have to remember his recovery is his responsibility.... not yours.
Its GREAT that you are there for him, Im sure its hard cuz he is probably feeling pretty humble today... but never take on the "burdens" because they are not yours to carry.
Its GREAT that you are there for him, Im sure its hard cuz he is probably feeling pretty humble today... but never take on the "burdens" because they are not yours to carry.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 318
Hi Redbird! I don't really have anything more to add, Cynay had some great advice, and I am kinda new to this whole "recovery" thing too. My dad, who is the alcoholic in my life right now, checked into an inpatient rehab 2 weeks ago. He had been sober for almost 2 years, however relapased about 1 year ago and finally hit rock bottom 2 weeks ago (at least I hope it was rock bottom!!!)
Right now, I am the only one in the family providing any kind of support. After over 20 years of drinking, he has burned many bridges.
This place and the people here have saved my sanity so many times I lost count. I am glad you found your way here and look forward to getting to know you!!
Right now, I am the only one in the family providing any kind of support. After over 20 years of drinking, he has burned many bridges.
This place and the people here have saved my sanity so many times I lost count. I am glad you found your way here and look forward to getting to know you!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: ST LOUIS, MO
Posts: 4
Thanks for your replies, Jennifer and Cynay,
I have 4 brothers and 1 sister. 2 of my brothers are alcoholic, 1 in recovery. I started to have a problem with wine, so I stopped last Aug 05, and still have urges for it. My brother said that my Dad and I are the only 2 people from out family that he can talk to about his alcohol issues and struggles. Although he does have 2 sponsors and attends AA at least 1x day, so that is good. We didn't have a lot of communication in our family growing up. We weren't encouraged to talk about our feelings or anything really and not feeling like anyone was on my side. Thanks for your encouraging words and responding to my post.
I have 4 brothers and 1 sister. 2 of my brothers are alcoholic, 1 in recovery. I started to have a problem with wine, so I stopped last Aug 05, and still have urges for it. My brother said that my Dad and I are the only 2 people from out family that he can talk to about his alcohol issues and struggles. Although he does have 2 sponsors and attends AA at least 1x day, so that is good. We didn't have a lot of communication in our family growing up. We weren't encouraged to talk about our feelings or anything really and not feeling like anyone was on my side. Thanks for your encouraging words and responding to my post.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Hi - welcome to SR!!
You know? It might be a real opportunity to get to know your brother better. I've been doing my share of that this year and it's really enriched my life - for different reasons he had been 'needy' and that's how I'd seen things but realising we know have such a strong relationship is ace!! Just a thought....
You know? It might be a real opportunity to get to know your brother better. I've been doing my share of that this year and it's really enriched my life - for different reasons he had been 'needy' and that's how I'd seen things but realising we know have such a strong relationship is ace!! Just a thought....
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