Very Weird
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
Very Weird
Well after 1 and a half years of no contact I finally saw him.
My story briefly...Married 23 years, he went to prision for 1 year DUIs. He got out in November. I moved on as the marriage was over long ago, mainly due to his cheating, drunkeness, and the fact I lost everything when he went to prison. We have 3 children 23, 21 and 19.
Anyway the County Fair was this weekend and my son entered his a car in the destruction derby, so I had to go.
He showed up with his new girlfriend and it was like I didn't even know this person. He was drinking. He came up to where my family was sitting while I went to the bathroom and just chatted as if nothing ever happened.
Later he approached me and asked if he could buy me a beer and discussed the kids as if we were still together, with the girlfriend standing right next to him.
I can't really explain the feelings I have. He is just in such a delusional state of mind. I mean you see someone you are married to for 23 years whom you basically destroyed their life and it is just business as usual.
I felt so sorry for the woman he was with, she doesn't have a clue. She was obviously annoyed at his drunkeness as I recognized the scolding he was getting from her about yet another trip to the beer booth. Oh I remember those days and so happy to just walk away.
I felt like telling her to run like the wind.
From what I hear she is extremly codependant and is in the trying to control stage. She is going to fix him, because you know I was the reason he drank.
I can't even believe I was ever with this person. After 23 years he is just like a stranger to me.
Well I am glad it finally happened, as I have been dreading the day when it would.
I am also relieved, as I often wondered how it would be to see him with some one else, although it was strange I was relieved that I was out of the situation.
Just a very weird day.
My story briefly...Married 23 years, he went to prision for 1 year DUIs. He got out in November. I moved on as the marriage was over long ago, mainly due to his cheating, drunkeness, and the fact I lost everything when he went to prison. We have 3 children 23, 21 and 19.
Anyway the County Fair was this weekend and my son entered his a car in the destruction derby, so I had to go.
He showed up with his new girlfriend and it was like I didn't even know this person. He was drinking. He came up to where my family was sitting while I went to the bathroom and just chatted as if nothing ever happened.
Later he approached me and asked if he could buy me a beer and discussed the kids as if we were still together, with the girlfriend standing right next to him.
I can't really explain the feelings I have. He is just in such a delusional state of mind. I mean you see someone you are married to for 23 years whom you basically destroyed their life and it is just business as usual.
I felt so sorry for the woman he was with, she doesn't have a clue. She was obviously annoyed at his drunkeness as I recognized the scolding he was getting from her about yet another trip to the beer booth. Oh I remember those days and so happy to just walk away.
I felt like telling her to run like the wind.
From what I hear she is extremly codependant and is in the trying to control stage. She is going to fix him, because you know I was the reason he drank.
I can't even believe I was ever with this person. After 23 years he is just like a stranger to me.
Well I am glad it finally happened, as I have been dreading the day when it would.
I am also relieved, as I often wondered how it would be to see him with some one else, although it was strange I was relieved that I was out of the situation.
Just a very weird day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I can imagine it was a surreal experience to see him after an extended period of time. But isn't it just like an A to act as if nothing is different, nothing has changed, and just behave towards a former partner like they were still buddies. That's the part of the disease that used to drive me nuts. After a totally insane situation, my AH would get up the next morning and proceed to behave just like it was business-as-usual. Feel sorry for his girlfriend - after all, you know better than anyone what she has got on her hands!
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I bet that was odd. THe good news is that you are outside the drama. You are no longer the one irritated with the trips to the beer booth!
Business as usual..that sums it up sometimes.
Going on with your life..now THAT my dear, is business as it should be!
Business as usual..that sums it up sometimes.
Going on with your life..now THAT my dear, is business as it should be!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
My STBEAH is probably going to do the same thing...we have been married for 22 and half years and I haven't seen him in 10 months either and next week on the 26th I have to see him in a mediation....I don't know what to expect but I would be willing to say that he will act as if nothing is wrong and it's business as usual also. I don't know what to expect because you just can't predict what will happen next with them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Sounds like you handled the situation very well.
Funny how nothing changes for the alcoholic.
It must have been a very freeing feeling to have
been able to walk away with it not being your problem...
Funny how nothing changes for the alcoholic.
It must have been a very freeing feeling to have
been able to walk away with it not being your problem...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
Yes Prodigal "Surreal" is the perfect word for it.
Looking back at the event it was a snapshot of my past.
Very good feeling not to be there anymore.
He just seemed so sleasy, I wonder if people saw him as that the whole time and in my state of insanity I saw him as this wonderful person when I was with him.
It is really interesting to be outside of the circle looking in. That has come in time.
I wasn't sure if no contact was a form of denial for me, but now I see it was a way for me to bring myself back to reality and heal.
I can now see the situation through a more healthier light and able to handle myself with dignity and respect. I must say it feels pretty darn good!
Looking back at the event it was a snapshot of my past.
Very good feeling not to be there anymore.
He just seemed so sleasy, I wonder if people saw him as that the whole time and in my state of insanity I saw him as this wonderful person when I was with him.
It is really interesting to be outside of the circle looking in. That has come in time.
I wasn't sure if no contact was a form of denial for me, but now I see it was a way for me to bring myself back to reality and heal.
I can now see the situation through a more healthier light and able to handle myself with dignity and respect. I must say it feels pretty darn good!
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