ranae1221

i am really down today. my dad (who has been inpatient rehab for almost 2 weeks now) hasn't called in a few days. last time he called he was doing well and wanted me to charge his cell phone (the only charger he has is a car charger and his car is not there). I dropped it off that night and he said he would call tomorrow.

well he hasn't called. i left him 2 messages, one on Friday and one today (i am trying to not be pushy). Today was "visiting day" from 1pm to 4pm. Because he didn't want visitors last weekend, I didn't want to just show up. But he never called, so it will be another week till I get to visit him again.

I am happy he is getting help, don't get me wrong, and I want him to stay to complete the program.

I am just lonely, I guess. My roomate passed away in December, and my dad moved in a month after that. Despite his continued drinking, we got along and I liked having him here. I was getting to know my dad for the first time in my life. I guess being here alone just also reminds me that my roomate is not here.

This seems like a stupid thing to complain about, at least my dad is getting help. I need to keep reminding myself of that. I just hate being here alone.

cwohio

hey jessica - sorry you're feeling lonely. is there someone you can call and chat with or can you get out and go do something - even if it's just a walk? it's great that your dad is continuing his road to recovery and maybe it's just too tough for him right now - maybe he needs to concentrate on himself

i'm living alone after almost 15 years - my husband who was an alocholic, passed away 10 months ago. i am finally getting comfortable in my own skin and really don't mind my alone time.

take care!

StandingStrong

I can understand why you are lonely. You went from having a room mate to having your Dad there. Not much alone time in between there.
But I'm thinking that this is one of those times where you have to decide what you want and how you are going to get what you want. I've heard so many times about how it's said that it's "ME" that controls my feelings. What I take from that is this: I have a choice. Do I want to remain in the dumps or do I want to do something about it?
It's hard to make changes - hard to bring yourself to actually get up out of that slump and get out of the house - but I'm thinking that may be the exact thing you need to do.
In working your own recovery - you'll find that you won't rely on your Dad or someone else to be there to keep you company. You'll eventually like yourself enough and find your own happiness, or you'll get out there and get a life and enjoy time spent with others.
While I do understand why you feel the way you do - I hope that you'll start making some plans to get out of the house and ENJOY your life.

aasharon90

Hi Jessica.

Sharon an Alcoholic here.

I remember when i went thru rehab 15 yrs ago like as if it were yesterday. My family did an intervention on me because I couldnt help myself stop drinking or trying to end my life. They did for me what I couldnt do for myself. Today I am truely greatful for them and AA.

I do however remember the anger, disgust, shame, hatred I had for myself and family. But they didnt know what else to do with me after hitting bottom with my disease and not knowing what else or where else or who else to turn to for help.

I was scheduled to spend 2 weeks in rehab but because they knew i wouldnt stay sober one minute on my own they wanted to send me to a halfway house out of state. Of course i didnt want to because i was already away from my family long enough. So i talked them into letting me stay for the remaining 28 days and agree to attend an outpatiant aftercare program.

Ok, so im in rehab now. The first night was spent in the crazy ward because i had tried to end my life by taking pain pills that early morning. The intervention began with the police coming to my house to take me to rehab via a court order. So I was already pissed and humiliated towards my family for what they did to me.

While in rehab i didnt want to see my spouse but i did for my kids. Sure we had the family day and thunder roared outside as I had to SHARE MY FEELINGS.

FEELINGS....I SURELY REMEMBER THAT EPISODE. I HATED EVERYTIME THE COUNCILOR ASKED..."AND HOW DID THAT MAKE U FEEL?" It pissed me off each time they asked me that because those first 2 weeks ur trying to detox and get the poison out of ur system. There ARE NO FEELINGS...except NUMBNESS HATRED DISGUST and a long list.

I didnt want to be there but i knew i had to in order to save my family and get back to them as quickly as i could. I also felt abandoned because NO ONE in my family understood me and my behavior and my own parents esp. my mom who thought it was just in my head.

anyway...i still harbored resentments toward eveyone who loved me outside rehab. Even when i went home i kept my distance with my spouse and took care of my kids and myself continueing on with my recovery.

Im still in recovery 15 yrs later doing exactly what was suggested to me early on and using the tools of recovery to guide me each day at a time staying sober.

Today...I still feel alienated from my family because i choose to keep walls up to avoid being hurt anymore. To avoid having to continuously explaining WHO I AM. I AM WHO I AM and that is...

Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Give ur dad time and dont blame urself if he is not as receptive as u would want him to be. I cant take his inventory so im not sure exactly the kind of person he is....If he is anything like me...An Alcoholc then hopefully he will embrace this program to learn how to live each day by sharing his own Experiences, Strengths and Hopes with others so he can learn how to live HAPPY JOYFUL and FREE.

Thanks for letting me share.

ranae1221

thank you everyone for your replies, it did give me alot to think about. i am able to realize today that most of my "complaints" really have to do with me, not my dad. they are my issues (fear of rejection, abandonment issues,etc), and in reality have little to do with my dad, but my preception that he is rejecting and/or leaving me. These are issues that I thought I had moved past on, however I am beginning to see that I still need more work on this. Thank goodness I am still in therapy!

I also always thought I would be ok living on my own, and I am finding that it is harder emotionally than I thought it would be.

Sharon, I appreciate very much you sharing your story, I am sure that was not easy for you. However it did give me some insight into what my dad my be going through.

Thank you again to all, and if you find me having a "pity party" again, please give me a slap or two. Sometimes I need a reminder that the world does not revolve around me!

aasharon90

Hi Jessica. Sharon here.

Isn't it nice to have a place to come to for support. A place to learn how to take care of yourself. You will have to do that you know?

I learned in early recovery that when one person in the family is sick then the rest of the family is affected by the disease as well.

That is why there r support groups for ACOA..Adult Children of Alcoholics, or Al-anon for spouses of an Alcoholic and Al-ateen for little ones.


When i was in treatment my family had to learn a few things to prepare themselves for when i came home. Of course i had two little ones 4 and 6 so they didnt fully understand how sick i really was. But for my husband who has been supportive of my recovery from day one took the advice freely given to help himself for my return.

He removed all the alcohol from the house so that i wouldnt be tempted. Even when i had my highs and lows and didnt think i could make it...the alcohol was not there. No wine glasses empty souviner bottles etc. that would be constant reminders of the good drinking times i had.

When i left rehab I had the tools of recovery in hand to help me stay sober.

I was still extremely angry when i was picked up from rehab but was glad to be out of there. I will say today that Im glad i was given those 28 days to start my recovery. Im not sure what would have happened if they let me go in 2 weeks....well it was to a halfway house which im glad i didnt have to experience that. Rehab for me was a safe controlled inviroment . Im very greatful for my time there.

Anyway....as angry as i still was towards my spouse, it didnt stop me from wanting my sobriety. I went to meetings read my Big Book, Prayed, called my Sponsor , baked for my meetings and took care of my family to the best of my ability.

Each day sober one day at a time eventually added up to one month, 2 3 12 18. and at each month I went to pick up my CHIPS. It was a token to let others know i was still on the path and to give others hope. I see that now but then i was just going thru the motions.

Thats all u can do...bring ur body and the mind will follow.

Jessica....just be the loving person that u r for ur dad. Be supportive of him and take care of urself. No matter what happens remember its not ur fault that ur dad is an Alcoholic. U did not cause him to become that way.

hopefully he will learn more about himself and the disease of alcoholism and help others down the road by sharing his own ESH with other. Like what happen to him while drinking, what got him where he is today. And how recovery is saving his life and family.

Hope this helps. please feel free to message me anytime if u need help.

God bless you and ur dad.

Janitw

You guys these are very touching stories - we are all so lucky to have each other....Sharon - you are awesome...