Benhikin

I'm trying not too hate myself...I'm trying not to hate others. it is a big part of my head right now. I've never been one to ever hate, but now rage fills my every fiber. I hate the way it makes me feel. I try to stop it, living each moment in the knowlege that I'm happy being sober, but also sad due to all of my friends are not around. I do have friends here, but not like I used to. Not like the ones out east. None of them used, but they were all good friends. Here everyone is isolated and cold. And I hate it. But what can I do?...I just go on living the daily life of an average joe, trying to put out the fire that burns inside

Anna

Hi,

It sounds like you've just made a move to a new location. I'd suggest doing volunteer work. Look around your community and you'll find all kinds of organizations that are in need of help. It will give you a chance to get outside of yourself and do something to help out. It's also a great way to meet new people and make friends.

Luckyv2

Hate is such a stong word. We don't have to like everyone but we do however have to love everyone. Huge difference.

aasharon90

Hi, Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Thanks benhikin for sharing how u r feeling today.

Sharing like that allows others to know that ey are not alone in the same exact feelings too.

I to "hate" things. "Hate" the way I feel. "Hate" the fact I left my support group back in Baton Rouge 10 yrs ago to move here to Houston. I "hate" that I am saying the word "HATE".

But it is a word. Maybe..... don't like something sounds softer. But we all know exactly how we feel.

ACCEPTANCE OF PEOPLE PLACES AND THINGS AS THEY ARE EXACTLY HOW THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO BE. SUCKS BIG TIME. RIGHT?

The "Average Joe"....na....Just SPECIAL. We are SPECIAL people chosen to live a Special way of life. CHOSEN TO CARRY THE MESSAGE OF, EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH AND HOPE TO THE NEXT ALCOHOLIC OR DRUG ADDICT.

I have been in a funk myself for the past week. I don't know what is wrong with me. You'd think at 15 yrs sober Id be jumping up and down living happy joyous and free.

I guess we cant all live on a "pink cloud" all the time.

I was sharing here for awhile, then all of a sudden i quit. Whats up with that? I asked myself. Then I came today and just picked out ur share, read it and decide to share my own ESH here. You know what? I feel a tad better.

But that still doesnt erase the fact i still feel low keyed, no friends just alone.

Im about to meet up with my family at a resturant to celebrate my sons 22 yr birthday. I am hungry so im looking forward to that. The family is fine. No one has a problem with alcohol or drugs like me. For that i am truely grateful.

But to be sitting there with my loving family not feeling TOTALLY CONNECTED to them because i am an Alcoholic makes me feel like an "outcast." That is the perception i have of myself. Sad to say.

Anyway.....I know today what my purpose in life is and that is to help others in recovery. I mean i dont have to do this, i choose to. Mainly because if i drink i will GET DRUNK, GO CRAZY OR DIE.

Ive been there done all that before without success. So my Higher Power is guiding me to do His Will today and not mine.

Today for me......THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

I have flames that burn today, but they are from scented oil candles that smell AWESOME. Try them they r GREAT.

Thanks for letting me share.

thickirish

Benhikin I understand exactly where you are coming from. I feel about the same as you do right now. I relapsed for the gazillionth time on Thursday and I still feel like drinking today and I totally feel like a fauilure.

This disease of mine is such a seductive and lieing wh@re seducing me with thoughts of pleasure and then betraying me at every instance. How I hate myself for believeing all of these lies. God please help me and everone here.

Thanks for letting me share.

the thick headed Irishman

2dayzmuse

Welcome. I hope you can start finding some resolve and peace inside yourself and get to the bottom of where your rage is coming from. You don't have to hate yourself. You are moving forward. Leave your past and it's pain behind. If you can begin to do that you can begin to except others for who they are and not see them as a point of frustration and hatred. Of course you know your uneasiness is not derived from others, but from within yourself. I wish you the best and peace be with you.

aloneagainor

Friendly greetings Benhikin,
As I recall from your previous thread (was just yesterday wondering where you went...good to see you here) you've recently relocated, though I cannot recall why. I do recall you're trying to get away from smoking, and THAT has a lot to do with connections both internal and external. So I can clearly see why you're frustrated, and it's expressed as anger. And how you're restricting yourself, trying to suppress what's going on inside you. Maybe suppression of self isn't what you want...maybe you know you don't have to live the daily life of an average joe. Maybe you know you can go deeper and farther than that. I don't get the impression you are an average joe. All that energy your expending in suppression and hate, imagine if you chose to turn it around and invest in growing yourself and contributing to others and fostering the positive that you can do. That you know is within you TO do.

My greatest frustration with myself is the way I've restricted myself from realizing my potential. So much energy in the suppression and escape and avoidance, amplifed and complicated through nearly 2 decades of use. I could choose to keep on hiding and suppressing and evading and avoiding that way. Or, I could choose to try to connect and share and be open and expressive and realize what I know I can give to others. Which will, in turn, I'm sure, come back in a positive way to me as well. If you emmante hate, you'll get hate back. But if you radiate caring and compassion and love, imagine what positives will come your way in return. It's so true, what goes around comes around. People might warm to you faster if you warm to them...