palpalpal

OK - a few weeks ago I took my friend to an AA meeting at her request, she had been drinking and her husband wanted her out of the house. She called me and I responded. I told her that night and again the next morning, as she spent the night at my house, that if this were to happen again, I'd take her to a treatment place. She has two small children and she stays home with them. I got the call this week that she needed to go. I promised her I would take her and tried to get her to a place. The system is working against us and she is still waiting to get in, but she is with a family member until she is able to go into a program. She is the child of functional alcoholics, went through a program seven years ago and was 6 years sober. I can't believe how torn up I am about this and how much I feel that I need to help make it better. In the meantime, I am feeling mad at the husband, who needs sympathy and help, as he is now working full-time and his caretaker is gone. He also (see the anger) did not talk to me after the other incident and drinks in front of her. I was hoping we could put together a game plan on how to deal with it if/when it happened again.
I don't know what to do or how much to get involved or more involved than I already am. I do not want to enable her, but am now wondering if I was played by her because she knows that I would do what I said, which I thought was not enabling her, but now I am not so sure....
Ugh....she will be gone for 30 days and her life will be upside down when she gets back. How can I help her stay sober?

prodigal

First and foremost, you cannot help her stay sober. Forget it. You were not born with the ability to control what another person chooses to do or not to do. If you want to know how to keep her sober, I'm afraid nobody here will be able to give you that answer. Why? Because it is impossible to do so.

Why is the "system" working against her? Does she have any health insurance? It sounds from your post as if her husband doesn't care if she stays drunk or gets sober. However, he's been through living with a drunk. It may be that he is more concerned with the children than enabling her. However, if he has an insurance plan that could get her into a rehab facility, he should by all means give her that assistance.

You have done all you can do, and I admire your tenacity and loyalty to help a friend who is in trouble. As you will see on many posts here, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. That is up to her alone.

palpalpal

Thank you for the directness. I have read quite a bit, but most are from those in the house with the party, so as an outsider to the home, I'm not living it day-to-day. They have insurance and family willing to pay, hopefully she will be in tomorrow.
I don't have experience with this, so your words are very powerful and ring so true. Thank you for telling me to shift my thinking because I cannot control what she does, only she can.