MsPINKAcres

Prior to recovery, my life as far back as I can remember has been ruled by FEAR. Fear of disappointing my parents, embarrasing my brothers, that my friends would realize the horrible person I was and no one would like me.
I have never been pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, short enough, tall enough, etc. I have always had a fear of lack of money, job insecurity, my vehicle was going to break down any day now, my daughters hated me because I was a terrible mother, my AH didn't really have a alcohol/drug problem, he was just so miserable with me, he couldn't stay sober. Fear, Fear, Fear . . .
Get the picture - sound familiar . . .
Do you know what Fear stands for - False Evidence Appearing Real

Appearing Real????? - You mean it's not real?? no - it's only my disease making my perception to make it seem real -
I know now that the majority of my reactions and feelings are based on fear. I just have to get to the root of the fear - What am I fearing?

Step 1 - I am powerless over FEAR
Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than me can remove this Fear
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn this Fear over to the care of my Higher Power

I know that often our programs tell us not to get into the "What if's" and I agree with that - most of the time - but for me - when I am unable to really shake the uneasy feelings of fear - I have to ask myself - "What is the worse thing that could happen?"
Example: (by the way, I could give tons and tons of examples - I use this method almost daily)
Just found out that my office probably will be consolidated with another office within the next 5 years. I will either have to take early retirement, travel 2 hours one way to the new office, or transfer to another agency at a lower rate of pay. Hello Mr. Fear Monster!!!! What am I going to do - (see my fear is not always about the Alcoholics/addicts in my life) We just signed a new mortgage on a new home, I can't move 2 hrs away, blah, blah, blah - wait - stop - just breathe - First, that's within the next 5 yrs - who knows what could happen, and the worse thing is that I can take early retirement and find another job. I already work a second job as a tax preparer and they beg me to work more hours as it is. My HP has a second career already prepared for me. So no matter, what me and my HP will be ok - no wait - me and my HP will be better than OK!!

So that is how I deal with Fear - Unless I put it thru these steps, fear will control my life just like alcoholism controls an alcoholics and my life will be unmanageable.

I hope this helps those who are struggling with FEAR - most of our worse fears never happen and even if they do, all those precious hours we spent worrying about them didn't help us handling them any better.

Just my experience, strength, and hope on my way to being Happy, Joyous and Free,
Rita

ChildlikeFaith

Thank you Rita. I needed this today.

atalose

RITA, thank you. Yes fear has played a big part in my life, I needed your wisdom and strength and guiding words to shed light on something I keep forgetting to work hard on. False Evidence Appearing Real!!!!

LaTeeDa

Here is a link to a good post about fear by FormerDoormat. It helped me alot at the time.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ving-fear.html

ICU

So true! I still get bit by the fear monster from time to time. And when I do, I now remind myself that worrying about it isn't going to make it any better! I ask myself, "can I change it?" If I can, then I do so. If I can't, well then no need to worry myself about it. Although I admit it's sometimes easier said than done.

I have also found that when I did worry about or fear things, it kept my mind unavailable to the things that I did need to pay attention to! And because I was so preoccupied elsewhere, things in my life were neglected and became problematic as a result.

Good thread!

minnie

Fear. Was always a biggie for me. And somehow along the way I've conquered it. You know, I have lost count of the amount of people who said I was "so brave" to take the trip to the US that I've just been on. But brave doesn't apply. Brave is when you do something despite the fact you're scared. I just wasn't scared.

I think that concept of playing the tape to the end is a big part of how I deal with things. Not catastrophising - that just sends me into a place I don't want to be. Just playing through the possibilities, calmly figuring out how I would deal with the different scenarios. And most of all, knowing that, whatever happens, I'll be OK. I trust in myself and my abilities. And that's enough for me.