crazybug

My wife its been a reehab for 1 day and I think this great for her, but we have been having problems for years because of her drinking and other issues, such as infidelity, and I was always the enabler bacause I would get for her the drinks when she wanted it so she did not have to go and drink outside the house. 4 days ago we had a fight and kicked me out of the house then she called 2 days ago and ask me get her valium and I said no that she needed to go rehab center, again she yelled at me and told me I am the reason she drinks and she loves me as the father of our kids but is not in-love with me, then I called a family doctor who went to the house and convinced her to go to rehab. Before she left she left instrucyion not to let me in the house and not to visit her in rehab. I don't kno what to do I am going crazy sleeping in a friends apt. I love my wife so much and think I suffering from sepatration anxiety and I can control my nerves. I know she might be the for a few months and I don't know if things will change but I desperate and need lots of help. I know that I was always nagging her and I problaby made things worse. Can someone help me I am going crazy.

Thank you

michski

((( crazybug )))

Your wife sounds just like me before I went into rehab and then managed to stay sober. It's now been over 4 years since I've been hurting myself and others with booze/drugs. You've done the right thing by not getting her valium.. yes, my guy used to get me my booze too.

I am sure things will change for the better between the two of you as soon as she's sober for awhile. I'm so happy my husband didn't believe the mean things I told him while I was drunk or desperately needing a drink.

She should "come around" in this next week. I'm not sure who's keeping you out of your house but I'd go home if I were you.

crazybug

her family told me that the rehab center said it is best to stay away for a while but I miss my kids and my house and my kids told me to come home but I feel I feel I would be hiding in my own house. by the way thank you very much for you help.

michski

Yeah, I didn't see my husband for the first two weeks I was in rehab. How wonderful she is there. If it's like my rehab there will be family counseling and family days. You will feel less isolated then. Hang tight!

GeorgiaPeach

You need to go back home and be with your kids. There is no reason why you can't go home. It may not be a good idea for anyone to tell her that you are at the house for a few weeks but she has no right to tell you that you can't be home and with your kids. That is just the addiction talking and you will see soon that she didn't mean anything that she said. My AH is mean when he is using, verbally mean. I have just learned to ignore it for the most part.

I wish you the best of luck and GO HOME!

GP

BigSis

Crazybug...

You sound very "enmeshed" in her life. It sounds very much to me as though her life runs yours. Her wants determine your wants.

Separation may well be good for both of you.

Addiction/alcoholism makes us appear and act "crazy". And we take our family members with us to crazyland. So if she gets sober and comes home, she may not appear or act "crazy" any more.

But what about those of us who got caught up in the insanity? How do we get "un-crazy"?

I was crazy with my daughter's addiction. I lived my life totally FOR her, ABOUT her, and as NEAR to her as I could get to PROTECT her. And in the process, I stopped being ANYONE. I was no longer a mom who can push the baby bird out of the nest and watch lovingly while they learn to fly. I was not a good wife, because no one existed for me while my daughter was sick. I was a poor employee, because every waking minute was spent thinking about how to get my kid clean and sober. And I was not a good friend because I had NOTHING in common with other people anymore. I stopped all hobbies and interests and did not belong to any clubs or organizations.

I was crazy.

So my kid got well. She is clean and sober. Now, what about me?

I could choose to push my kid further away by nagging, spying, watching and waiting for the "other shoe to drop". I could set her up to test her willpower to reassure myself that she is REALLY clean "this time".

Or, I could go to Alanon and learn how to get my life back.

I played with the first response, and then when I saw where I was headed, I ended up in Alanon. I hope you can consider giving them a try - at least 6 meetings to help you learn what the program can do for you. It is powerful, but subtle.... and some of the HARDEST stuff I have ever done.

I wish you the best.

notsleepingwell

Crazybug....GO HOME Your kids need you more than you need to be appeasing an addict. Hang in there, prayers going up for you!!

mertyl

this is almost a given. anytime i have been under the influence, someone was getting kicked out of the house at the end of the night. But within a day or two, or even a week, i would want them back. WHy? the addiction talking. When someone bottles up their true feelings by using a substance, anything underneath needs to come out, a minute or hour or day at a time. I also used to say mean things like i dont love you anymore, you suck, just whatever i knew would hurt that person because of underlying issues.
Perhaps while your wife is away, you could talk to a counsellor about your feelings, and come to terms with your own reasons.
I can see you love her, and your kids do need you so you should be with them.

good luck
mertyl

crazybug

Let me thank all of you for your kind words, it has helped me alot. I am not big on talking to people so this a good outlet for me. I came home to visit my kids and decided to stay and they agree not to tell my wife or her family about it. The kids are going on sunday to visit her and I was thinking of sending her a get well card and a letter but I am not sure if I should or what would I say to her. like I said I have problems exprerssing my feeling and always feel like I say the wrong things to her. I will apreciate any imput on this and thank you all again.

mertyl

Just one thing crazy bug...
dont be afraid to express your words to her. A card is a good idea to me, because it lets her know you are there for her and right now she just might need an i love you and encouraging get well words. She may need some space for a bit, but dont take it personally. Its part of the recovery and she is working at giving up something that may create anger and resentment. If you only send a card, then she will not feel the need to respond, which eases the pressure until she is ready to talk, and she wont be able to lash out at you in her time of sorting out feelings.
good luck
and may some angels come your way to ease the anxiety and butterflies in your tummy
enjoy your kids
mertyl

GeorgiaPeach

That could be a good thing but did the doctors say no contact at all or just for you not to see her? If if was just not to see her then she may be feeling bad about what she said and then to know that you still love her and agree to give her the space she wanted may just show her how much you support her. Maybe you should check with her doctor first. Good luck & I am glad you are back with your kids!!!

GP

crazybug

I called her cellphone the day she went into rehab, she said I could call her but not to go visit her, but they took her phone away, she has called the house twiece since then( they dial for her ) to ask for some stuff ro be taken to her on sinday, didn't even ask about me, am taking too personally, I hope after I send her a get well card on sunday that she may be inclined to ask about me. In the mentime I can only wait, and wait and wait, may god help me, pray for me and her people.