maximillion

I have been using coke for almost two years now and I mean alot!. At times I will sit and do it for days straight. I have a hole in my nose and have become a hermit basically.
I went from a outgoing person, high on life. To a recluse, drug doer. I am successful, intelligent and had confidence at one time. I have hurt those around me, lost true love, and all the typical stuff that anyone else has experience doing this. And yes, I said..."it won't happen to me."
So last night I used, alot again. With my nose bleeding and after a shower and cleaning up. I found you guys. I have thrown the stuff away only to buy it again four days later. Thing is, that is the time that I feel better and sort of see life the way I use to. Then BAM!! Right back to it and wondering how it happened.

I have been lucky so far. I have managed to keep my job and things. But that will end too if I keep going. I want to feel alive again, have my health back.
I just threw away almost 9 grams of coke. And now I am writing to all of you.....

laurie6781

Max welcome to Sober Recovery. Here you will find people with lots of Experience, Strengh and Hope who have gone through what you are going through or are going through it now.

As a suggestion to get you some 'local' support, how about calling the number in the phone book for Narcotics Anonymous? They can be local support and can give you some meeting places close to your home or work to get you started.

In the meantime keep reading here, especially the "stickys' at the tops of the different forums, forums like Narcotics Anonymous and Substance Abuse, and of course, the 'stickys' at the top of this forum.

Please keep posting, let us know how YOU are doing.

By logging on to here and posting, you have taken your first step on The Road To Recovery.

Again welcome. Hope to hear more from you.

Love and ((((((to all))))),

angelgirl

Hey max..

Welcome to SR!! So glad you found your way here to us!!

Boy do I know the dumping the drugs down the toilet, just to regret it later..
It's a sick process we go through. It seems we continue to go through it until we really reach out and get some help. It's not an easy thing to do, but you have already started Calling a local crisis number, or looking in the phone book for a list of NA meetings in your area would be a really wonderful thing for you. You'd be surprised at how great (and freeing) it feels to go to a meeting, and to be with a group of people that all share common problems.

There are alot of other forums here on SR.. I hope you will take time to read some of the threads that are here. There is a search bar at the top of the screen too.

Also, you might want to check out the substance abuse forum, and the narcotics anonymous forum.. They are really super great forums too..

I hope you find you love it here as much as we do.. I think you will see that there is alot of support. Although nothing really replaces those good old face to face meetings.

My prayers are with you,,

Love,
Becky

Max Oblivia

I call it feel like **** powder. You can learn to hate it. It is hatefull.
It makes liars out of good people it reeks havoc on the blinds at your house.
It wrecks so much of your life. I wonder sometimes after years away from it if I every recovered my brain cells. There was a time years ago that I did it everyday for two years. I hated it then and I still hate it.
I dont like the word hate. There are very few times I will use it.
I hate Cocaine. There is nothing good about it. I cant think of one positive thing it ever did for me.
My fellow Max friend this is a great place for support. Please stay here.
Please learn to hate that horrible drug.
When your tempted come here.
Sounds like you have alot going for you.
Sounds like you picked the right time to quit.
Sounds like you sound like I did at one time.
Learn to hate it cause you already do.
Max

maximillion

Thanks everyone. I have to tell you, the moment I walked away from the keyboard I felt better. I really did. I can not thank all of you enough. I am with you my fellow Max. You said it the best. I have started hating it already. It makes no sense what so ever and that appeals to my intellect right there.
I have served in our Special Forces for 11 years and done some of the hardest things I have ever imagined. If I were to lay them out in cartoon form they would be hard to digest, let alone reality. But this, was stronger than anything I have ever experienced. And with the guilt, and despair, worry and desolation. I can see how people can not handle it.

Angelgirl, I have already spoken with a NA person and I am on for tomorrow evening. This forum has helped me like you could not know and I have been here for all of a couple of hours.

You should see me right now. Smiling, and oh yeah I am hungry...oh look buffalo wings!!!