Minx1969

OK this is too weird.

An ex of mine who I dated briefly (I broke up with him bc he is emotionally unavailable...he's an Ativan addict) just called to talk to me..I haven't talked to him in over 6 months..

He wants to give me some of his "stuff" since he's going to sell his house...

He is doing self-detox and refuses to go to rehab or therapy..

This is the second addict/alcoholic that has called me in a week..

Things come in threes..I'm expecting my ex to call me next..

prodigal

Not trying to sound overly-spiritual here, but I believe the being running this show does everything for a reason. When stuff happens like you are experiencing, there IS a reason, rest assured. I've had things happen to me that I've tried to dismiss by saying, "Nah, can't be," only to know in my gut that there was some message being sent my way.

Did you ever have any further contact with your first caller? This poor soul sounds as if he's in a similar predicament in attempting to white-knuckle it through his addiction. Perhaps these people are reaching out to you. Maybe you should do something, although I cannot discern exactly what that might be.

What do you think is going on???

Pick-a-name

I must admit; I had the same thoughts when I read your post.

More will be revealed................

Cynay

Ohhhhhh can I project for a moment..., Please????

OK... so Im hopeless, BUT

Maybe your higher power is giving you closures .... you know the ability to see it again and now see it for what it really is .... and maybe.....

He is doing it because he might be preparing you for the Next Right step with L????? Hurmm wonder if there is a huge question he might pop soon???

Ok I already said Im hopeless... just a romantic rambling here.

prodigal

You hit it on the head. Wow, talk about not seeing the obvious!!! This may be the time for Minx to have closure and make her final peace with the addicts of her past. What an opportunity if that is the case!

Minx1969

I'd agree with Cynay if I didn't already have closure on the relationship with J..We haven't dated in over 3 years and I really have no feelings (other then he's a human being and a friend).

I broke up with J after 4 months because he was emotionally unavailable..we stayed friendly (after a break of about 6 months no contact)..and I never wanted to be with him again..Not like C the most recent ex. after a period of time he told me about his Ativan addiction (I put him in detox once upon his request)..

R is just a friend from grad. school...

I do agree with you guys that there is some sort of message..

I've given myself closure over the years with alot of my A's (brother and other ex's in my life)..including the one who brought me to Alanon.

I just have a lot of compassion for the suffering soul...I cry during Hallmark commercials ...

Cynay

Boy do I get that.... I have been crying at the drop of a hankie all last week and this one, its weird. I watch the Princess 2 story and balled my eyes out. This is really weird for me.

Well maybe the last 2 were just practice for the #3 that might show up???? Could be... never know how this strange world works.

Minx1969

I think it is probably an opportunity to stick to my program and detach and not rescue...

Out of all the things I've learned in Alanon - this is the most important and the hardest..

I will only help people who want my help..

so I'm leaving the both of them to their HP..

Cynay

ahhhh alright. Yours makes sense

But I still like mine better

Minx1969

yeah..especially the ring part...

L seems to be showing more interest..asking questions about ring size, type of metal (Platnium for me etc)..

I'm just detaching from that as well..

If #3 does call I'm prepared..

prodigal

Minx - I'd say L asking about rings is a pretty good indicator of serious intent. On the other hand, he may want to give you a piece of jewelry as a gift (as in NOT an engagement ring). Hmmm .... men generally are pretty straightforward creatures and when that sort of question comes up, I think it's fairly safe to make the assumption. By the way, do you prefer platinum?

Minx1969

I know he will ask..we've been looking at engagement rings for a few months now...(like 6)

I just don't want to look anymore. No more trips to the jewelery store. he knows what I like..we've been dating for a year..it's up to him is how I look at it..he has the $ saved up..I think it is more to do with some of his internal dialogue and wanting to make sure I wanted it too..

I basically just told him this weekend "I'm just waiting for you to ask"..in the past I probably gave him some mixed signals but between premarital counselling and me seeing a therapist for my own fear of commitment issues I'm getting pretty comfortable with the idea of marriage and marrying L.

I like platnium because it's not yellow, it's a stronger metal (more precious) and i just like it...

oh..and he says that I've calmed down quite a bit since we first starting dating..I've worked out "the bugs" so to speak.

prodigal

Well, now I'm clear on the situation. I agree that after looking at rings for that period of time I'd have seen enough. Besides, they all start to look kinda the same after awhile. You've made it clear that the ball is in his court. Men can seem not to "get it" at times, but they can also really surprise you when you least expect them to formally propose!

When my AH proposed it totally blew me away. I was not expecting it when it happened. I didn't get the ring until six months later because he wanted to find just the right one and wanted to make sure he had enough $$. Thank God I didn't have to be dragged through every jewelry store at the mall! (I hate shopping unless it's the run-in-and-buy-it style). I got the ring in an unexpected way as well. I still get compliments on it. I was lucky because he gave me just what I had hoped for.

mallowcup

I think it's awesome progress to recieve these calls and remain composed and uneffected. There was a time I bet those calls left you shattered and shaking. Closure isn't sad. Closure is peace.

aztchr

Minx,
Would you propose to him?

I think the past reminders are of how far you have come along in your own recovery!

Minx1969

My sister proposed to her husband..but that's not me..

I'm not worried..I know L will propose..it's just a matter of when..I'm in no big hurry...it will happen when it is meant to happen.

My family is coming out in November to meet his family for Thanksgiving so I'm sure it will be before then...