tryingtohelp

i've been to many sites to see if my husband and i fit the definition of alcoholics. we always enjoyed social drinking, but now we do so more and more frequently. we never miss work, get sick or need a drink the next morning (neither of us has ever had a drink in the morning), but every weekend we have one or two nights of several (5, 6 or 7) drinks. about once a month we stupidly mix liquors or drink shots and have memory haze and sometimes memory loss. we never used to keep alcohol in the house but now we do and drink at home 2-3 nights per week. i stopped buying gin for the house (my drink of choice) because i lose track of how much of it i have had...much easier to tell with a bottle of wine. we tell ourselves we dont have a problem since we dont "need" to drink, but its the first thing we do if either of us have a bad day. we come up with reasons to drink through the week - bad day, celebrate passing an exam, whatever. we set a rule of not drinking through the week, but that lasted only 2 weeks. then, finally, on july 4th, we both drank so much that we didnt wake with the alarm the next day and were both late to work. i feel like we are spiraling downward, out of control. sometimes i just feel like our lives are out of control. i have decided that i want us both to quit or significantly cut back - my husband just wants to cut back. can we cut back and regain control or do we need to quit? are we alcoholics or just heavy social drinkers? my mom is an alcoholic and my husband's dad is one so we both have a bad family history. please help with any advice. i checked out AA but i'm not aligned with their spiritual philosophy and i am too embarassed to buy a book to help.

leviathon

Have you checked out this link? http://peele.net/lib/surprising.html

There is a lot of helpful information. For me, I don't classify myself as an "alcoholic" or buy into the addiction model. I do accept that I have a problem with drinking alcohol in that I have a general ability to over imbibe. Knowing that helps me to change my behaviour and work at changing my life.

Good luck.

Peace Levi

doorknob

It sounds like you are both headed toward alcohol dependence, but only you can decide if you have crossed that line. IMO, a good indicator is drinking more than you intended to, or losing control after having had a couple drinks. Blackouts are a good indication as well.

I feel the same way you do about AA. I'll give you some links to secular alternatives.

LifeRing Secular Recovery - http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm

SMART Recovery - http://smartrecovery.org/

Secular Organization for Sobriety - http://secularsobriety.org/

Moderation Management - http://www.moderation.org/

michski

Alcohol dependence DOES happen. Science says it takes 12 years to become totally alcohol dependent (shakes, siezures)... much much less if your brain is wired for it.

If you can't stick to cutting back you're gonna have a lot of misery and suffering to contend with. Best to talk honestly with your guy and express your fears.

daveagle

from as far back as i can remember i drank to get drunk-from my teens to now, father to two teenage children-but am i an a alcoholic or alcohol-dependent?-i think the latter but how soon before it becomes the former?

dave

PapaG

I would only say that if the alcohol in your life is affecting your well-being, your family , your work, your loss of interest in everyday things like going for a nice walk in the fresh air..then its a PROBLEM. Personally I hate the term ALCOHOLIC. It is a label pinned on us as heavy drinkers who are different from people who drink to have a nice little relax or wine with dinner etc etc. It is way way too difficult to categorise yourself when the complexities behind each of us depend on how we drink or do drugs or even gamble or commit crime obsessively or shop too much or even clean too much. Our parents mould us (or not), our school experiences , our social experiences are all factors and lead us down the paths we take. I'm rambling now, but from experience. Why not go to an AA meeting and check out the wealth of experience there, but go with an OPEN MIND. I've been, and I took out the good out it. I don't believe its perfect, there are flaws in its system, and it was started by one guy, who saw his light although he died from smoking which suggests he doesn't know everything about addiction...I don't believe its the only way, Allen Carr is a very very good alternative actually. but on a general level it is a good place to start if you fall off the wagon as I have so many times. In saying that, I think its important to take as much info as possible on addiction, psychology, cognitive behavioural therapy , neuro liguistic programming and find what combination of these things is best. Perhaps you suffer anxiety as i have and you need medication and therapy...one thing is for sure, if you have any problem with booze please please refrain from doing it...stay sober if you can..I know you can take as much support from these boards...there is the greatest wealth of personal experience here imaginable...

Peace,

Kevin

campsurf

The definition?

Two things come to mind, A problem drinker will change his/her behavior to meet their goals and an alcoholic drinker will change his/her goals to meet their behavior.


"The difference between a drug user and an addict is, for a drug user; take away the drugs and the problems go away. For an addict; take away the drugs and the problems are just beginning."

Try this:

1. If you think you have a problem, you have a problem.

2. If someone else thinks you have a problem, you have a problem.

3. If you don't think you have a problem then it will be easy to stop, won't it.

4. How bad does the problem have to get before you think you have a problem.


Campsurf

leviathon

All good stuff, just so you are aware, Mark will be monitoring the sight from time to time and will respond if he sees a question to be answered. This, may, however fall into an on going dialogue on the nature of addiction itself, rather than as a question.

Thanks Levi

bahookie

See, I just don't get this. I've seen people on here say their partners are alcoholic then go on to describe drinking patterns that could be considered normal.

Why does one person's opinion mean another is diagnosed with a serious problem?

J

leviathon

Bahookie, as said above Mark will be by shortly and will review your question. Til then please be patient.

The only person that can determine if you are an alcoholic is you. A doctor can tell you drink like an alcoholic and need to stop, but ultimately, IMO, only the person with the problem can determine for themselves if he/she has a problem.

doorknob

The original post is over a month old. I think it has been overlooked.

leviathon

Perhaps start a new thread with the question in it for Mark to review.