Just wanted to say an official 'Hi'
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: England
Posts: 9
Just wanted to say an official 'Hi'
Hi to all of you.
This is my second post on here and I wanted to introduce myself.
My name is Bill and I live in Wiltshire, UK. I'm 45, male and think I might be an alchoholic ( I guess that you all know that 'think I might be' means 'am' or I probably wouldn't be here, I suppose! ). I am married and have 2 fantastic boys, 13 and 15, and I love and am proud of them all.
I have been coming on here for 3 weeks, reading the posts and have found this site amazing and connect with so many people. I also think the support all of you provide is tremendous and I can see the difference is seems to have made to so many peoples lives.
Why am I here now? Well, I'm having problems maintaining the status quo in my personal/work and family life. This is not short terms problems, Its been going on for a couple of years or more. My work/life balance isn't working so well and is leading me to negative thoughts and then negative action at work, in particular, as a result. I have a pressurised job in IT ( though not well paid), managing implementation of networked computer systems in the UK. The timescales are tight, probably impossible, but I'm forced to 'try' and make them work. Add on my own regular and heavy drinking, which has increased over the last 15 years or so, but as I see it currently 'necessary' to 'escape' and you have a concoction of a downward spiral as I now recognise it. As I posted on my initial post, I am unsure whether my problems are 'me', my 'work pressures' or my 'drink'. Probably all 3.
Tonight is a good night in that I've drank 2 pints of beer and 3 small glasses of wine. Multiply that by 7 days a week and it's still too much. The last few months I've cut down and have had a number of days without drinking at all and generally felt better. But i'm not there yet or even sure if I need to be. Thats why I haven't yet stopped, I guess I'm in that 'moderating' zone. I've also resumed the fitness angle and am cycling again and walking in the countryside with the family at weekends ( 6-10 miles) which I absolutely adore. My children really open up and speak to us when miles from anywhere and anyone and with no computer games to hand. In some ways, that is why my general feelings are so hard to take right now, I want more of this, but my work/drink problems limit my expectation of such continued good times in some respect.
I guess I have some way to go to match up to some of the successes on here, but I am so pleased for all of you that have turned your lives around and those of you that are turning your lives around. I hope that this post is one step on the way for me.
Thanks again to you all, you help so many people and don't, for one minute, underestimate the importance of that for people that are in need.
Bill
This is my second post on here and I wanted to introduce myself.
My name is Bill and I live in Wiltshire, UK. I'm 45, male and think I might be an alchoholic ( I guess that you all know that 'think I might be' means 'am' or I probably wouldn't be here, I suppose! ). I am married and have 2 fantastic boys, 13 and 15, and I love and am proud of them all.
I have been coming on here for 3 weeks, reading the posts and have found this site amazing and connect with so many people. I also think the support all of you provide is tremendous and I can see the difference is seems to have made to so many peoples lives.
Why am I here now? Well, I'm having problems maintaining the status quo in my personal/work and family life. This is not short terms problems, Its been going on for a couple of years or more. My work/life balance isn't working so well and is leading me to negative thoughts and then negative action at work, in particular, as a result. I have a pressurised job in IT ( though not well paid), managing implementation of networked computer systems in the UK. The timescales are tight, probably impossible, but I'm forced to 'try' and make them work. Add on my own regular and heavy drinking, which has increased over the last 15 years or so, but as I see it currently 'necessary' to 'escape' and you have a concoction of a downward spiral as I now recognise it. As I posted on my initial post, I am unsure whether my problems are 'me', my 'work pressures' or my 'drink'. Probably all 3.
Tonight is a good night in that I've drank 2 pints of beer and 3 small glasses of wine. Multiply that by 7 days a week and it's still too much. The last few months I've cut down and have had a number of days without drinking at all and generally felt better. But i'm not there yet or even sure if I need to be. Thats why I haven't yet stopped, I guess I'm in that 'moderating' zone. I've also resumed the fitness angle and am cycling again and walking in the countryside with the family at weekends ( 6-10 miles) which I absolutely adore. My children really open up and speak to us when miles from anywhere and anyone and with no computer games to hand. In some ways, that is why my general feelings are so hard to take right now, I want more of this, but my work/drink problems limit my expectation of such continued good times in some respect.
I guess I have some way to go to match up to some of the successes on here, but I am so pleased for all of you that have turned your lives around and those of you that are turning your lives around. I hope that this post is one step on the way for me.
Thanks again to you all, you help so many people and don't, for one minute, underestimate the importance of that for people that are in need.
Bill
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome Bill and I think SR is an amazing place and I am always inspired when I come here.
And, I went through the moderation phase too. All I did was obsess about where and when would my next drink be, and I found stopping so much better. It gave me a huge sense of freedom.
I hope you keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
And, I went through the moderation phase too. All I did was obsess about where and when would my next drink be, and I found stopping so much better. It gave me a huge sense of freedom.
I hope you keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Bill...Welcome!Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking.
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
Both can be ordered from Amazon...
Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Welcome Bill glad that you are here. Yep you have to decide on your own if you are or not. do you have a AA Big Book? If you do go to Chapter 4 in the first paragraph and it will ask you two things to see if you are alcoholic and even if they don't apply you still could be a potential alcoholic.
Love Vic
Love Vic
Addict
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 131
Hi Bill,
I am also a relatively new addition to the SR community. It seems to be a common thing for people to "watch" and observe for a bit before they actually join. It's incredible how the caring and support shown here inspires others to join. I find it amazing how many people this site's members have inspired over time. I can't even imagine how many lives have been changed.
Glad to see you. I share in your doubt and self-reflection on addiction. But this site has helped me discover and learn more about myself every day.
Take care,
Jennifer
I am also a relatively new addition to the SR community. It seems to be a common thing for people to "watch" and observe for a bit before they actually join. It's incredible how the caring and support shown here inspires others to join. I find it amazing how many people this site's members have inspired over time. I can't even imagine how many lives have been changed.
Glad to see you. I share in your doubt and self-reflection on addiction. But this site has helped me discover and learn more about myself every day.
Take care,
Jennifer
Trying to do the right thing.
Join Date: May 2006
Location: London
Posts: 4,345
Bliyme, anonother Brit, Hey Bill, Glad you decided to post,im pretty new to the site aswell, and these folks, helped me realize that my drinking was not acceptable.
For that, I am eternaly grateful as I could of turned around n lost 10 more years of life.
Welcome to SR Bill
For that, I am eternaly grateful as I could of turned around n lost 10 more years of life.
Welcome to SR Bill
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Welcome to SR!!!!
I am with others on the part about YOU having to decide if you indeed are or are not an alcoholic. I personally am both an acloholic and addict. When I quit the drugs 2 years ago, I thought they were my only problem as I could drink myself silly one day, go all week without and then drink 3 days in a row in moderation, whatever I felt like but never felt it had a power over me. I recently discovered that little word DENIAL LOL and found this site. I havent drank since June 11th and feel so much better, I now realize a LOT of things that I hadnt for so long. I went to an AA site and took a test........WOW this test says Im an alcoholic! Well.... who are THEY and HOW do they get to determine this?! (More DENIAL) Then it hit me.........THEY are a group of alcoholics and THEY have been there, no fooling them, THEY KNOW!!!! So after that I decided it was time to get sober and find myself again.
Keep us posted on what you discover
Liss
I am with others on the part about YOU having to decide if you indeed are or are not an alcoholic. I personally am both an acloholic and addict. When I quit the drugs 2 years ago, I thought they were my only problem as I could drink myself silly one day, go all week without and then drink 3 days in a row in moderation, whatever I felt like but never felt it had a power over me. I recently discovered that little word DENIAL LOL and found this site. I havent drank since June 11th and feel so much better, I now realize a LOT of things that I hadnt for so long. I went to an AA site and took a test........WOW this test says Im an alcoholic! Well.... who are THEY and HOW do they get to determine this?! (More DENIAL) Then it hit me.........THEY are a group of alcoholics and THEY have been there, no fooling them, THEY KNOW!!!! So after that I decided it was time to get sober and find myself again.
Keep us posted on what you discover
Liss
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: home of the liquid sunshine-Florida
Posts: 294
HI there!! Welcome, I am relatively new to SR, you have probably been reading longer than I have been posting. But, I have found this place to be a vat of useful information. When I am frustrated and cant get to a meeting, I do the next best thing...I come here. People are gracious and obviously understand; they have been where we are and continue to fight the battle everyday as well. That is what is so great about AA and also SR it is people who truly long to live their life without alcohol working its horrible magic. I am sober 17 days and the people at SR have truly contributed to that; and I am thankful.
Star
Star
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 178
Hi Bill,
Welcome to SR. The people here are wonderful and will give you any help you need. You are the one who knows if your drinking is a problem. Does it ever affect your relationships or work?
Keep posting here and I'll bet you'll figure out the answer.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Carol
Welcome to SR. The people here are wonderful and will give you any help you need. You are the one who knows if your drinking is a problem. Does it ever affect your relationships or work?
Keep posting here and I'll bet you'll figure out the answer.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Carol
Trying to do the right thing.
Join Date: May 2006
Location: London
Posts: 4,345
I would just like to echo what mygirls_mylife just said, this site made me sit up and think again about my behaviour with drink.so stick around it works, if you want it.
Im an addict one is never enough, n a thousand not enough.
GooD LucK Bill...
Im an addict one is never enough, n a thousand not enough.
GooD LucK Bill...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Plainfield, New Jersey USA
Posts: 491
Hey Bill,
Welcome and keep coming back. There are a great bunch of people here who sincerely care and give their experience, strength and hope. I have seen the miracle take place here over and over again. There are many people who need this but is only for the one who want it and want it like a drowning person trying to get to air. I have you in my prayers.
Welcome and keep coming back. There are a great bunch of people here who sincerely care and give their experience, strength and hope. I have seen the miracle take place here over and over again. There are many people who need this but is only for the one who want it and want it like a drowning person trying to get to air. I have you in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Hi Bill a warm welcome to SoberRecovery, best gang around, so happy you found us, and happier you're looking to chose a healthier safer life.
Personally for me, I don't have the need to label myself to know I have a problem with alcohol, we sorta know as much as much as we try to deny it, good old denial..moderation for me? Nope never worked, what I did find out is how progressive it can be, and it's not FUN.
Wishing you all the best in your journey to sobriety....woohooo yippppeee to sobriety.
a warm welcome to SoberRecovery, best gang around, so happy you found us, and happier you're looking to chose a healthier safer life. Personally for me, I don't have the need to label myself to know I have a problem with alcohol, we sorta know as much as much as we try to deny it, good old denial..moderation for me? Nope never worked, what I did find out is how progressive it can be, and it's not FUN.
Wishing you all the best in your journey to sobriety....woohooo yippppeee to sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: England
Posts: 9
Wow, what a set of helpful responses. Thanks all for the welcome and replies, I read them all and take on board your thoughts. I accept totally that, I alone, am responsible for deciding if I have a problem. I have accepted it, but I think I have yet to accept whether total abstinance is the cure that I need. You'll understand that the fact that my circle of friends drink means that I wonder what I'd do with myself in social occasions if I didn't.
Can I ask one thing? The words 'progressive disease' came up a few times. What do you actually mean by it? I know that the more you drink, the more you will want to drink and more you probably can drink. But is there more of a meaning to this?
Thanks again, Bill
Can I ask one thing? The words 'progressive disease' came up a few times. What do you actually mean by it? I know that the more you drink, the more you will want to drink and more you probably can drink. But is there more of a meaning to this?
Thanks again, Bill
glad you found us.Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 307
Hi Bill,
I am in IT as well and am an alcoholic (with over a year sober now). I work with about 6 clients at the same time and am responsible for network upgrades, changes, and maintenance. I completely relate to the insane pressure we IT folks have to endure. My solution was to change jobs. I start the new one on the 24th. Not sure if the promises this new company are going to be true, but I will try them to see if the pressure is less. I will move on to another gig if it is not better.
Work has been by far the hardest part of sobriety for me to deal with. That balance you speak of is so hard to attain in IT and the constant worry it creates is sometimes overwhelming. I go to AA and am slowly working my way through the steps (my sponsor comes over tomorrow morning to work on step 8) and this has helped a great deal. The understanding I get from other alcoholics is something I find no where else.
My plan is to save money and if the pressure becomes too much, simply quit the damn job and look for another one. Not worth drinking over; that much I know.
My life is so much better even with the IT thing nagging at me. I enjoy myself now when not working and have a great time with my family when we are together.
Another thing is that i arranged 9 days off between the jobs. Great reason to move right there.
As far as the progressive question, all I know is that the longer I drank, the worse I felt in every way. Got to the point that I really didn't want to live much longer. That has completely changed. I enjoy life now (despite that damn job).
Good to have you here.
Jup.
I am in IT as well and am an alcoholic (with over a year sober now). I work with about 6 clients at the same time and am responsible for network upgrades, changes, and maintenance. I completely relate to the insane pressure we IT folks have to endure. My solution was to change jobs. I start the new one on the 24th. Not sure if the promises this new company are going to be true, but I will try them to see if the pressure is less. I will move on to another gig if it is not better.
Work has been by far the hardest part of sobriety for me to deal with. That balance you speak of is so hard to attain in IT and the constant worry it creates is sometimes overwhelming. I go to AA and am slowly working my way through the steps (my sponsor comes over tomorrow morning to work on step 8) and this has helped a great deal. The understanding I get from other alcoholics is something I find no where else.
My plan is to save money and if the pressure becomes too much, simply quit the damn job and look for another one. Not worth drinking over; that much I know.
My life is so much better even with the IT thing nagging at me. I enjoy myself now when not working and have a great time with my family when we are together.
Another thing is that i arranged 9 days off between the jobs. Great reason to move right there.
As far as the progressive question, all I know is that the longer I drank, the worse I felt in every way. Got to the point that I really didn't want to live much longer. That has completely changed. I enjoy life now (despite that damn job).
Good to have you here.
Jup.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Hi Bill....how you doing?
I agree with what Jupiter said about progression, also I can add to it....for me it's been major isolation..continuous black outs with every binge, getting hurt bad and still continuing with the insanity, feeling there is no hope...the I really don't care about anything anymore kicks in. But WE know it doesn't have to be that way, there is a solution, which I really hope you work hard at, and find what ever works for you.
Peace and light......Denise
I agree with what Jupiter said about progression, also I can add to it....for me it's been major isolation..continuous black outs with every binge, getting hurt bad and still continuing with the insanity, feeling there is no hope...the I really don't care about anything anymore kicks in. But WE know it doesn't have to be that way, there is a solution, which I really hope you work hard at, and find what ever works for you.
Peace and light......Denise
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I understand the meaning of progressive personally. Years ago I liked to drink. That turned into being a heavy drinker. I don't know when it was I crossed the line, but I went from functioning to dysfunctional very quickly. I barely knew what hit me. I lost 3 jobs in three years. That left me unemployed for 2 years giving me more time to drink. The disease takes control of your life. I drank from morning until night and started the whole process the next day. The disease becomes so powerful. Even though I felt enslaved to the disease and hated what I was doing I couldn't stop. I needed help.
The word progressive should alarm you because no matter how bad your drinking gets and you think it can't get any worse, it does and it will. I have no doubt about that. Stop the insanity and don't test the waters. I have lived through the progression and I have watched many go through it as well. It is very real, but it doesn't have to go any further. Good luck on your sober journey. There is a solution...
The word progressive should alarm you because no matter how bad your drinking gets and you think it can't get any worse, it does and it will. I have no doubt about that. Stop the insanity and don't test the waters. I have lived through the progression and I have watched many go through it as well. It is very real, but it doesn't have to go any further. Good luck on your sober journey. There is a solution...
Addict
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 131
Thanks to everyone for the posts on this thread. Bill put a great question out there, one I didn't really think too deep about until now. I greatly appreciate it, because it spurred some enlightening memories of my own as well as the answers from others on SR with us.
It's absolutely ridiculous to me that I used to think nothing was wrong with me and how I was living. When I came to SR, I wasn't abusing near the amount of drugs (types of drugs) that I have in the past. But here I was, still abusing. I think back to the times when my drug use was out of control, even the most recent abuse, and it took so long for the danger of my behavior to set in. Even when I was blacking out every time I drank, passing out, throwing up, driving home and not remembering it, finding out things that happened during my blackouts, not finding out things that happened during my blackouts... it finally took several hardcore binges on amphetamines, mixed in with prescribed (and taken regularly) psychotropic drugs, for several months that knocked it into me. I know we've all got different situations, but that's kind of how it went for me... it didn't matter what drug, I took it. Alcohol included. Whatever made me "go away" and "escape" my life. For years I went like that. I thank God every day for the ability to recognize my issues and know where I can head for help, support, and understanding.
Sorry, I went off on a tangent there... it's what happens when I am sober and off the mind-numbing dope I guess.
Bill, good luck, thanks for joining us, and I hope you are successful in your life and, if necessary, recovery.
Thanks everyone. Take care!
Jennifer
It's absolutely ridiculous to me that I used to think nothing was wrong with me and how I was living. When I came to SR, I wasn't abusing near the amount of drugs (types of drugs) that I have in the past. But here I was, still abusing. I think back to the times when my drug use was out of control, even the most recent abuse, and it took so long for the danger of my behavior to set in. Even when I was blacking out every time I drank, passing out, throwing up, driving home and not remembering it, finding out things that happened during my blackouts, not finding out things that happened during my blackouts... it finally took several hardcore binges on amphetamines, mixed in with prescribed (and taken regularly) psychotropic drugs, for several months that knocked it into me. I know we've all got different situations, but that's kind of how it went for me... it didn't matter what drug, I took it. Alcohol included. Whatever made me "go away" and "escape" my life. For years I went like that. I thank God every day for the ability to recognize my issues and know where I can head for help, support, and understanding.
Sorry, I went off on a tangent there... it's what happens when I am sober and off the mind-numbing dope I guess.
Bill, good luck, thanks for joining us, and I hope you are successful in your life and, if necessary, recovery.
Thanks everyone. Take care!
Jennifer
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