Hope

Anytime I get money, it has been triggering urges. I don't act on them but they are still uncomfortable and unpleasant. I was wondering if time would help decrease the intensity of my trigger? After continually making the right decision time and time again, maybe I will condition myself to not be triggered?

I always have a plan and I have someone to hold me accountable so I don't screw up.

I am really having horrible trouble with mental fog now and maybe it is PAWS which is pretty rough.

But I am still clean and sober!

GeorgiaPeach

Stay strong! Just think of how far you have come in such a short time! Could you get a bank card (check card) or something like tht , then you wouldn't have cash on hand. My 2 cents.

GP

Hope

I'll only be holding the cash today. Tomorrow, I have to give it to a family member so she can pay a bill for me. That will be that.

I just feel so guilty for even thinking some of the thoughts that I've had. I let them pass- I do not even sit and meditate on them because that would only add to the problem.

I won't be using/drinking today. I'm actually really wrapped up with studying and so much other positive stuff. I am not throwing the monkey-wrench on my plans.

I have made so much progress and I am determined to not go back to where I started.

I usually try to avoid having cash on hand at all costs.

I am 100% sure that I am not gonna be blowing it on stuff that it isn't supposed to be spent on. NOT TODAY. Afterall, it is the 24 hour plan which I can definitely do.

Smyle

i am triggered by having money ....be it cash or extra money in the bank...

It is hard for me to make a suggestion here because I am the same way...I wanted to use today and had started planning etc..So I took the kids and went for a walk to the park...came home... made lunch and laid them down for a nap...My H will be home in an hr so it is impossible for me to get drugs at this point ......I made it and I just have to keep making those kinds of choices !!!
Just like you do !!!!! Stinking PAWS !! I hear ya on those !!!!!
I am not using today ...
HUGS TO HOPE !!!!!!
~B

Done_With_It

With time it's gotten easier for me. Actually the better off money wise I get the further away the thoughts of using for me go. My prioritites are bills and paying off any money I owe, before I used to think about getting a bag and then paying rent, bills, etc.......

Don't use no matter what.

Hey Oprah is about that girl who was addicted to meth and went to rehab, it's her follow up.

Luckyv2

Hey Cheryl,

WOW you know I am right there with you. After relapsing in February, I continue to use, and on paydays OMG, I would run right down to the HOOD to get my dope. Well last month the month of June, I did the right thing with my money, yes it was really hard to do, but I did it. Now when I got paid this month, I thought about doing dope but it wasn't a urge or craving this time. It left pretty fast and I just did the right thing and paid all of my bills. Well now I am almost broke, but I feel good that I did the deal. I know when I had more sobriety, it didn't really enter my mind. So I guess that WE are right where we need to be.

Love Vic

GeorgiaPeach

Don't feel bad about having those thoughts because you didn't act on them. You did good!!!

GP

pabloswife

i understand what you are saying because at my six months point i had some hard feelings but i also had a good friend that still used and knew when i did it was a big distrutive process for me any way they where reall high and i just so happen to go over to their home whene i noticed they where high i asked if she could score for me and she said no and that she would not help me because i was doing so good. well days later she was crashing and her and her husband where fighting and because of the help she provided me with i returned it by listening to her and then my husband invitted them over for dinner ( he cooked T-bones) she later said we where good for one another. since then though i just try to keep myself away from certain situation like so with money. so i do know what you feel. all i can say is good luck and you are in my prays.

Hope

Thanks guys!!! I've been trying to refocus my mind on other things. I will be so relieved after I get the bill paid. That will be a HUGE relief!!

Maybe it is also because I'm 4 days away from a milestone too. That could be playing a part of the urges too. I'm not worried because I know what I have to do to NOT use. I have my toolbox... but that still doesn't make the urges any better. LOL!!

Yep, we are right where we are supposed to be!!

Anna

Hang in there Hope! It sounds like you're doing everything right.

michski

Yes, having money is a trigger for me too. I find myself doing a little "retail therapy" once in a while, but it's still tons better than drinking/using!

Lollipop

Hope!
I can soooooo relate!!!!!! There is nothing worse then having some extra cash and passing a bar/liquor store/grocery......whatever it is.........I have been there!!!!! When I first went clean off the drugs, I had to hand over my credit cards, bank card and cash to my Mom so that I wouldnt be able to satisfy the urge...... I always made sure I had ONLY what I needed for groceries or what-not before I left the house, this lasted for a few months, now I can do whatever and Im fine, time helps, and doing what your doing is a good thing............holding yourself accountable!!!!! WTG!!!!!
Love Liss

Hope

OMG you guys....the most AMAZING thing happened!! Ok, I called the person who I was supposed to be giving my money to in order to pay my bill and I made myself ACCOUNTABLE for that money and all of a sudden, the whole urge is GONE.............***Completely!!***

That thought was driving me crazzzzyyyy earlier but now it is gone!!

I'm such a happy hope now, LOL!!

hector

Thanks for sharing, hope. Glad the urge is gone.

Money was and is an issue for me too. I read somewhere about a year ago, "Money is how and why the world works." I added, "You don't have to like it but you're a damn fool if you don't accept it!" For me, whenever I had a little money, I bought a new pair of shoes, (can you ladies relate?) whenever I had a lot of money I'd buy a new car. It took me 10 years or more to identify that pattern. After I divorced my second wife, I started to get way ahead financially. I put away a lot in retirement savings, and took a nice holiday every winter.

About a year ago I went through a minor crisis. I realized that if I liquidated my assets to cash, moved into a cheap hotel, and set out to drink myself to death, I'd be dead long before I was broke. I think that's when I admitted to myself I've got it made in the shade financially. Then my back trouble put me off the road and on disability. Now I have to budget carefully again.

Oh well. When I'm concerned about money I have less time to worry about trivial things.

nogard

hey Hope I am glad you sorted out the money thing I am finding that there is always some new challenge often to merge with old ones (like milestones) and that they are there as a chance for growth.

Big Hugs.

Kevin

Hope

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I did get rid of the money in the way I was supposed to.....on my bill. I feel really good now that I have that taken care of. Of course, today the thoughts have reappeared but I know that this will pass. It will probably take a few days though for it to pass. It usually acts up for a few days around anytime that I have a milestone.

But I'll be alright!!

TexasDawn

Good for you Hope4life!

I know how you feel - it seems like EVERYTHING is a trigger right now for me. But I can remember (vaguely) that when I had more sobriety time that it did become easier over time. Well that's what I keep trying to remember and tell myself..........that it will get easier. It has to get easier...it can't get harder can it?!