I came here to vent...
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I came here to vent...
and as I was typing out my vent - I remembered a post that I read here. So I deleted what I'd written and I went in search of that post. And here it is:
And really, no matter how much I vent or feel frustrated...no matter how much I try to figure out why AH does the things he does, etc.......I think that Jon's post truly just reminds me of why Ah is the way he is.
So while I needed Jon's post tonight....perhaps also, a new member who has not read it yet will get to read it and learn as well.
May tomorrow be a better day for all of us as we choose to continue on in our recovery - even if that means that we have to leave the addict behind to find their own way.
Addiction sucks!
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
So while I needed Jon's post tonight....perhaps also, a new member who has not read it yet will get to read it and learn as well.
May tomorrow be a better day for all of us as we choose to continue on in our recovery - even if that means that we have to leave the addict behind to find their own way.
Addiction sucks!
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Thanks for posting this again SS. When I first read it a couple of years
ago it helped me to understand my ex and to not take everything
he said or did personally. Today when I read it, it still impacts me as
much as it did the first time I read it...very powerful.
ago it helped me to understand my ex and to not take everything
he said or did personally. Today when I read it, it still impacts me as
much as it did the first time I read it...very powerful.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
Wow, thanks, SS. I needed this as I was again second guessing myself on whether I made the right decision or not. I know I did, I just wish there was another way. But things like this remind me not to forget the bad. Not to focus on it, no, but to understand that until the addiction is dealt with, nothing else matters, at least to them. Why I needed reminding of that simple statement, I'm not sure, but I do/did. And you're right. addiction majorly sucks.
FA
FA
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I, too, printed out that post about two years ago. I read it many times, particularly when my AH would kick his addict-behavior into high gear. It reminded me that I was dealing with a sick person and it did wonders to help me detach by enabling me to leave the house, start a chore, do extra homework, whatever.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Kathy actually pointed me in this direction.....SS you have been so understanding and so "on point" with much of what is going on with me. Once again, I think you read my mind...unfortunately for me, I let things go this far before I actually realized what "Jon" is talking about. But I'm getting it.
I do have this posted somewhere on my fridge, but I think it blended in. I'm going to find it and put it on top. Thanks again!!
I do have this posted somewhere on my fridge, but I think it blended in. I'm going to find it and put it on top. Thanks again!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I'm glad that it's served as a good reminder to those that may have needed to read it - and helped a few that hadn't seen it before.
I had come here to vent about something that I'd vented about before, something that always tends to rear it's ugly head here. AH's lying! And it was while venting that I realized that this tends to be an ongoing issue and it's obviously not going to change. And then I remembered Jon's post as I was thinking about so many other things that continue to be the same as well as just the lying issue.
Guess as much as I've accepted that this is the way it is - it does sometimes still surprise me as it's over the stupidest things. But then again - it's what he does so I really shouldn't be surprised at all. If that makes sense.
I had come here to vent about something that I'd vented about before, something that always tends to rear it's ugly head here. AH's lying! And it was while venting that I realized that this tends to be an ongoing issue and it's obviously not going to change. And then I remembered Jon's post as I was thinking about so many other things that continue to be the same as well as just the lying issue.
Guess as much as I've accepted that this is the way it is - it does sometimes still surprise me as it's over the stupidest things. But then again - it's what he does so I really shouldn't be surprised at all. If that makes sense.
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