Lunch till 7:30pm?

Old 02-20-2003, 07:55 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Lunch till 7:30pm?

OK I know on the other thread I said I wanted an elephant because I am a Bama fan, but there were no elephants, so I will be the wizard. After all I am expected to perform miracles all the time.

Well he left at 1pm with a business associate (who was driving) and went to lunch. He (my husband) is self employed and works out of the house, thats why I would know what time he left. About an hour later my neighbor called and needed a ride from the mechanics back to her house. On the way to pick her up I pass the local bar that my husband hung out in all last summer. ( the one he said he wouldn't go to anymore) Low and behold there was the car of the business associate parked out front. Of course this came as no surprise, but as the afternoon passed by and it got later and later I was surprised to not receive a phone call from the other mans wife. Then I realized that my husband must have told him he could find a ride home and to go ahead and go. Well sure enough 7:30pm the front doorbell rings and there stands my husband (with a tall boy in his hand and swaying back and forth) and his LOSER friend (one that was at the bar, not the business associate) that brought him home. The both proceed in with their little brown bag and headed for the basement. (the pool table is down there) Mind you they had to walk past my 2year old (fresh out of the tub) and the 11 and 7 year old typing on the computer. I know my opion of the other guy is harsh, but what sober man with a family would come on in someones house where all the kids are and head on down stairs without objection or asking if I was sure it was OK? That man didn't say anything. He looked like an overgrown kid who was afraid of someones MOTHER! Anyway the loser is gone and my husband is passed out in the guest room down stairs.

I did great tonight, didn't call, didn't ask where they had been, no questions in fact. The kids and I played outside all afternoon since the weather was nice. Then we went to the soccer field to meet my sons coach. We really had a normal evening that was nice. So, will I be able to hold up tomorrow?

Please tell me I have the right to ask why he thinks he doesn't have a problem and why I am expected to be forgiving again and tell him why it is destroying our relationship. Just yesterday he commented on some friends of ours that he found out were divorcing. He couldn't believe that no one goes for counciling or help for addictions to try to save their families. These words came out of his mouth YESTERDAY, what changed today to make it OK for him to get drunk, spend money (that we don't have) and think that we can "work it out."

I was invited to go out with a friend to dinner tomorrow night and I wasn't going to go because he was having to keep the kids Saturday morning for me to get my hair done and I didn't want him to have to be "stuck here with the kids", but now why should I worry about him being here with them? They are HIS kids too, not just mine and not just my responsibility. Why do I always worry about his feeling and mine are only considered when it is convienent for him?

I know this was long, but I feel better. Sometimes just getting it out makes it managable.

Constant
constant is offline  
Old 02-20-2003, 08:36 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Constant

First I want to say I think you handled yourself remarkably well, you had every right to be upset with him.

There is nothing wrong with discussing your feelings with him - the trick is to keep it about you and how you feel and to keep it non-confrontational. JT has posted about saying "I'm not saying I'm leaving, but I am saying I don't know how long I can live like this" or something like that. It's hard to do without getting angry, but it's one of the lessons we learn. Sometimes planning ahead what you would like to say helps.

My A isn't my husband, although in his earlier years he was probably overly fond of a cocktail or 20. He doesn't drink today by choice, partly because he sees what damage can be done and also because he is diabetic and it's not a good thing for a diabetic to do.

But with my son, I had to learn to have decent conversations without them getting heated. I was the one who set the boundary of ending any discussion that got heated until we both cooled off. And I find that when I keep it about me and what my choices might be, he doesn't feel attacked and actually listens.

My prayers go out for you in hopes of happier days.


P.S. I LOVE your wizard!!!!
Ann is offline  
Old 02-21-2003, 03:18 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Morning has come, quit early I might add. It is still dark but it is morning. He decided at 2am to leave his comfy quarters downstairs and move to our bed. Yes he woke me! He was stumbling around and moaning then he landed in the bed and began to hick up. I did ask him why he didn't stay downstairs and he replied "uggghhhh hick up uggghhh, I don't feel good I have the hick ups, oh sorry hick up"

So needless to say I wasn't hanging around loosing sleep because he didn't feel well, so I moved to the couch. Not as comfortable, but much more quiet. Now however, I feel like I have a hang over from being up in the middle of the night and not sleeping well.

I feel more confident about talking to him this morning, but I'll wait until he arises out of the bed, Probably won't be until I get home from work. (lunch time I work 1/2 days) Sometimes I find I have to wait a whole day because he is "angry" the next day. I guess at himself, never really asked.

Thank anns, your always great at saying the right thing and being there at the right time!

Happy Friday to everyone,
Constant
constant is offline  
Old 02-21-2003, 04:48 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
lyn_blossom78's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
(((Constant))))

Remarkably well! I'd definitely say you handled yourself remarkably well! You showed great restraint. You are a very strong woman.

I learned a great deal just by reading your post and Anns. Awesome lessons here.

Take care of yourself.

Lyn
lyn_blossom78 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:21 PM.