Blondie

The other night my husband worked late and came home smelling like smoke and when he burped, he smelled like beer. He was a bit giddy all night until he went to bed. The next day he seemed to have a hangover.

I didn't give him the "third degree" or anything. I didn't say a word. I figured that if he is going to try to hide his drinking or think I am stupid and don't realize he is drinking, he will do what he wants to do anyway. This seems to be the pattern. He starts drinking--again. Just once a week ("oh, I can handle it" or "it was just a few" are ALWAYS the excuses) and then it turns into two, three, four nights, etc. The other times we went through this we "had a talk" which did absolutely no good. This time, he is on his own as I have given up my co-dependent ways. I really think he is "trying the water" to see my reaction, but I am no longer playing lifeguard as he has to learn to swim on his own, so to speak.

I am tired of being his "anchor" as he puts it! He says that I keep him steady and he needs somebody like me to depend upon for good sense and good judgement. He always says he NEEDS me! As a co-dependent, I used to love to hear that--but now it makes me feel sick in my stomach. That is a lot of pressure to put onto another human being.

I know that HE has to hit rock botton himself (of which I thought he had with the DUI and my leaving him one night, but I guess bottom for him is much deeper then that). When I feel that I have had enough (and that is soon, very soon), I will leave and not come back no matter what he promises. He must go through with his promises of going to AA and getting professional help (he has been told he needed by counselors) for at least a year before I would even CONSIDER coming back. It won't be blackmailing him into changing--because he will have a choice. I just need to protect myself and our children from the pain and hurt of his alcoholism. I can't help him, he has to help himself.

lyn_blossom78

I know how you are feeling. We live the same life. Isn't it funny that they think we are so stupid we don't know they have been drinking? My husband accused me of coming out to the garage and kissing him just to find out if he has been drinking! I told him I can tell by the way he walks, but he doesn't believe me. He takes on a different "attitude" after half a glass. Of course, I didn't tell him I can also tell when he comes in and gets half a glass of Pepsi, and then mysteriously has to get in the back seat of his truck for something--everytime!

I know you are frustrated. But you are right--you can't change him. You don't have control over the alcohol, and neither does he.

Take care of yourself today. Do something nice for you--and your kids. Spend some quality time with them. Take them away from the alcohol for just a little while--even if it's just playing a game in the family room or watching a movie together.

Hugs,
Lyn

Hangin' In

Blondie,

You are an inspiration! Sounds like you've 'gotten it' and are working your program, setting your boundaries and have great resolve to follow through.

So let me be the first to congratulate you. Your tone and determination sound great. You are doing what you need to do to protect you and the children. And that, my dear, IS the right thing to do! (In my humble opinion, anyway...smiles.)

I'm proud of you. Wanna come sit by me and share some of that recovery you are so excellently demonstrating?...

Hugs,

Hangin' In