wife2alcoholic

Hello....I had posted the other day about my husband agreeing to go to rehab but it might be a few weeks....well more good news, the woman had called the next day and said that they had a guy not show up for one of the detox beds so she thought she could get him in and she did....he went in today..and it was one of the hardest things i've done....i know this will better him and us as a family but it was hard saying goodbye...i wanted to cry but waited till he couldn't see cause i didn't want to make it any harder on him.....he is allowed one 5 minuted phone call on saturdays and visitations on sunday from 1:30-4:30 but for the first hour we have to attend a education class with him and this is every sunday we go visit him and then get 2 hours with him....he is allowed 2 adults and all of his children on these visits so probably me and his mom and our 3 kids....he was still chipper about it even when they went to get in the elevator but i'm not sure if that was all for show for me...but he did seem very happy that he was going in to get this problem taken care of once and for all...they told us that he will be close to sedated for the first 48 hours and then they will wean him off of that slowly so he will be in detox for about 5 days so we wont get to talk or see him until next weekend....and i have a question they told me i'm allowed to write him but i'm not sure as what to say to him i dont want to seem too overly supportive or to lovey dovey so can anyone tell me about how i should go about writing him a letter.....what should i put or not put in there...i'm going to write him this weekend because i have to send him a phone card so he can call me next weekend...any opinions would be appreciated....thanks for all the support you guys are great....

Jessica

prodigal

One of the programs suggested I write him a letter that he would have to read in group. I declined. Why? I knew in my gut that he wasn't going to get sober. I was right. I, too, was so optimistic when my AH went into his first detox. He was drunk within a month of getting out.

Your husband may "get it" and really be willing to work a program. It is difficult for addicts. They have so much pain, unresolved issues, and guilt. I hope he makes it for his sake and your's. Have patience, realize that slips can occur, and get educated about this disease.

I am fortunate that when I visit my AH at his facility (about 200 miles from home) I get to have three hours of family counseling/education about this disease on both Saturday and Sunday, along with an Al-Anon meeting. That has been of tremendous help to me. Rather than just visiting with him I've been able to understand the physiology and psychology of this addiction. That has given me more peace of mind.

I didn't care for the "visiting times" in the other two rehabs. No counselors explained the mechanism of this disease, which consists of an allergy to alcohol, malnutrition, lack of certain brain chemicals, etc. This time I feel more positive because I have the knowledge to assess what is really happening in the mind and body of an alcoholic.

I hope your H is successful in his journey to put such a terrible disease into remission. Read all you can - Al-Anon publications are great - and if you can find Al-Anon meetings in your area, please attend. They are great support and help you deal with this illness too.

robina

Jessica - I hope for your sake that this rehab will take care of the problem for good, but alcoholism is very resistant to treatment, and relapse is common.

What I am saying is that this rehab may not cure him, and he may start drinking again.... if that happens, then you need to look into treatment for yourself.

Are are going to Al-anon meetings? I get a lot of help and support at my Al-anon meetings. It helps me to keep the focus on my own health and peace of mind.

God bless you and your husband. Let us know how things go with the rehab.

fartheralong

What wonderful news, Jessica! I'll pray that your husband's recovery is successful. Sadly, mine's wasn't. But that's another story. just know that it may take several times/tries. I had no clue. But wiht knowledge and more reading and SR and online support groups, I'm beginning to at least know the disease behind it all even if it's hard for me to understand. So read, read, read and if you're lucky enough to have Al-Anon in Pville (can't remember but maybe Clovis will have one), I'd go. keep us posted!

Best,
FA

Cynay

That is wonderful to hear, Im glad they thought to call you so quickly. Lets hope for the best!

On writing him, If it were me I would probably keep it light and polite... I would write about what is happening at work or home, how the kids are doing... etc you know the kind of things you talk about when you come home from work. You could also tell him how much you appreciate his efforts to become sober and that if there is anything you can do to support his efforts to let you know..... then drop it.

wife2alcoholic

thank you everyone for your replies....I was actually quite surprised that he went he always said that he wouldn't go to rehab that he didn't think he needed it....but something made him change his mind i never asked him why he decided to go....we both know he needs the counseling that's for sure...i know there is a chance that this might not work that he might get out and go back but i'm going to hope and pray that it does work....and i'm going to support him in any way i can cause if he thinks i dont support him that will help him relapse....i'm going to hope for the best and not expect the worse cause that wont get me anywhere....yes i have tried alanon before but i just can't commit to that right now....i have 3 children at home aged 4,2 and 3 months so i have to be here to take care of them....maybe after he gets out it's something i can look into again....but right now i've got to focus on my kids....well thanks for all the replies i really appreciate them...I will update again soon...

Jessica