dtkrb5

My AH is carrying lots of change, coins, in his pockets. Does this mean anything? I asked him about it and he responded in a defensive way: you know questionning me questionning him. I was fooled by him for over 6 months of using cocaine and was completely clueless. He lied about the bloody nose - mold in his office, erratic behavior - sleep deprivation...I'm sure you have heard the same things. So I am really paying attention to things now.I knew that his drinking was out of control and we had an intervention in Feb.He stayed in rehab for 5 days. He is working on his sobriety but I don't think has achieved 3 weeks yet. But this handful of change thing is worrying me. Oh, this is not an accumaltion at the end of the day: he grabs a handful from a big change jar and leaves with it in the morning.

ASpouse

Instead of paying attention to what he is doing, why not pay attention to what you are doing and feeling? Do you like being a "mother'" to your husband?

So what, he's leaving with a pocketful of change? Besides his history, why does this bother you?

best

I don't have a clue other then vending machines or poker games.
No more drinking, so no more poker games for me.
The vending machines fill my sugar cravings (when i step out on what I should eat or shoudn't eat) If he is using, sugar cravings or munchies but I get them and I have been sober for a long time. Could be nothing ..just change used for the day.

cinderellawkids

My AH takes change to the liquor store for little bottles. We are broke and he feels if he's using change he's not spending bill money, however, everytime I go to the change jatr to take it in hopes for bread and eggs, theres no change left

Janitw

My AH husband did the same thing too...he bought beer with all the quarters..for some reason he only wanted quarters I guess the smaller coins were too much to hassle with...

MsPINKAcres

Not really sure what the change in the pocket means for your AH - but I can tell you what they told me in Al-Anon - "Everyone finds out what they need to know when they need to know it." I know how hard it is not to let everything the A's are doing to consume us, but for me to maintain any kind of serenity and peace of mind, I had to just Let Go and Let God - to turn the focus off of them and on to me.
When my sponsor first talked to me about it, I told her she was crazy if my AH relapsed then everyone was going to think I was a fool - she said "well who really cares what everyone else thinks, if you are really taking care of You." Does it really matter? - She suggested I focus more on my needs and my recovery and let my AH's recovery be his own business. It has worked for our home.
Just my E,S & H,
Rita

ASpouse

I'm sorry, my response was off base and uncalled for.

harleygirl92156

I don't think she is checking up on him or mothering him, so to speak, it sounds to me like she is just curious to know if there is a pattern or signifigance to this odd habit he has developed.

I know of nothing, only he knows and it appears he's not talking so there isn't really much you can do unless someone else knows something significant about this particular behavior.

Mine bought packs of gum, hundreds of them....why, I don't know and now that he is sober, he says he isn't sure either, but maybe to cover up the smell, but he knows it doesn't so isn't sure what he was thinking. I would find them in every pocket of his clothing (sometimes in the dryer if I missed one...talk about a mess!).

Sorry I couldn't be of more help, but please remember to take care of yourself and keep your self healthy. Gods plan is in action and only he knows the outcome.

harleygirl92156

Someone's recovery is showing, good job ASpouse, proud of you!

ASpouse

Oh HG ....... still making me laugh aren't you? and it's only Tuesday. It's got nothing to do with recovery, my response was simply rude and I apologized for it.

laurie6781

I'm inclined to agree with Best. In those early weeks and months I made sure I had vending machine money AT ALL TIMES.

When I cashed my check on paydays I would get a roll of quarters and pretty soon it was 2 rolls of quarters. When the cravings would hit, I knew to hit the soda machine and the munchie machine. Wasn't the best diet in the world but it sure helped ease the cravings.!!!!

And I was VERY DEFENSIVE with ANY QUESTION I was asked. I believe the defensiveness goes with the territory in early recovery. I mean it took years into sobriety for this alkie, to not panic when I saw a cop car, now its just "whew at least I know it isn't me they want this time." rofl

That's all I can think of that it might be DT.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),

ChildlikeFaith

HG, mine did too. Actually, still does. Before I even saw the signs or smelled them, I'd know he was drinking by the pack of gum on the passenger's seat of the truck. He never chews gum when he's not drinking. When he was at home, I'd find them everywhere. I quit washing his clothes with mine and the girls'

harleygirl92156

I thought that was part of recovery and I was just trying to be nice.

dtkrb5

Thank you Aspouse for apolgizing, but it wasn't necessary. I am doing alot of Al Anon and "I was taking what I like and leaving the rest!" I was really burned: foreclosure was 12 days away and I didn't even know. I had found a few items such as razor blades and corners of baggies that I didn't know their purpose during this time.so clueless, but I quess as Japic05 said that I knew things when I needed to know.So I didn't know if the coins served another purpose.He doesn't have a vending machine where he works and it would be more trouble to find one than to go to the convenience store.South Carolina doesn't sell mini bottles any more. But maybe in his way of thinking that if it coins then he really isn't buying beer! Yes, I am checking his pockets but it is when I do laundry so that washer isn't ruined. Thanks for all the repsonses, this is a great resource for me.

mallowcup

I'd be curious too. Just because we detach, we do not abandon normal curiosites. I think there are many pecualiar particulars once you start payng attention. How could we know what most of it means, alcoholics can be so creative. A few things that come to mind might be video poker, some bars have day specails for day drinkers where they sell draft beer for %0 cents each. He may be playing poker.

ASpouse

You see, I look at it differently. What they do and why they do it only inhibits my growth and my recovery. If I'm so busy being "curious" about someone elses "weirdness", I'm not dealing with my own. Let it go is my opinion.

ASpouse

Not everything I do or say revolves around recovery HG. Being rude to someone, as I was, quite simply deserves an apology. It's just plain old good manners, at least in my book.

Smyle

It was very nice of you to apologize...means alot and says alot about you...