StandingStrong

I am tired of people's negativity trying to influence my thoughts and feelings. I am tired of other people's thoughts and feelings influencing my own thoughts and feelings. I am tired of people not listening to me. I am tired of some people making me feel pressured, intimidated, stupid, helpless, hopeless, and guilty. And more!!!

I can do whatever it is that I choose to do - my choice, my consequences.
I can feel as I want too - again, my choice and my consequence.
I can think whatever I want too - my choice!
And I can believe what and how I choose too - it's my belief system that works for me, not anyone else's.

IF I want to get along, be friends, spend the day with my AH or even sleep with him - that is my choice! IF I want to take him back, kiss his *$$, or even give him every penny I own, that too, is my choice. IF I want to fly off on vacation with him, or cancel the dissolution, or move him back into my home - it's MY choice!!!!!!!!!

IF I want to never have another serious relationship as long as I live - my choice!!!! IF I want to be a mean, hateful, spiteful, horrible person - my choice!!!!

I can feel like I want too - I can do what I want too - I can think what I want too - and I can be ME - the way I want too!!!!! And it's MY choice and I"m the one that will have to live with the consequences of my choices!!!!! ME - ME - ME!!!!! ALL ME!!!!

And today I am grateful that I realize that I do have those choices to make - I have the freedom, the will, and the absolute choice!!!

So, on that note, I leave you with this..........


Thank you for allowing this rant! LOL

FriendofBill

You Go Girl!!!

gypsyrose

Rant away. I hear you loud and clear. I'm even singing along and doing a little dance as well. We can only do our best to live and enjoy our lives while we've got the chance.

Shakur

"Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help."

Big Book, p.62 "How It Works"

Janitw

You're not ranting, just telling it like it is. You're healing and this strong feeling you have is just proof of it. You go girl.

osier59

SS,

I had the same sort of feelings myself this past weekend... and I really admire your Declaration of Independence.

For codies like us, the need to people please is a strong and ugly thing. Sometimes I think it's as difficult to control as the urge to drink or drug is for our A's.

The truth of the matter is that it IS our life. We are entitled to our feelings, our thoughts, and our actions. We are entitled to make our own choices and to live with our consequences.

For me, the problems arise when I turn to outside sources for my validation. My friends and family love me very much. When they see me making a decision or a choice that they think might be harmful for me, they often give me their opinion. Strong opinions sometimes. These are the same people who stood by me before I had recovery, before I realized I was codependent, before I knew about setting boundaries etc etc. These are the people who know my drama script by heart ... and many of them are "rescuers". They want to save me from myself, when the best thing for them to say to me would probably be: "Let me know how that works out for you..."

Again, I really enjoyed your declaration of independence. Let's throw a big dang party next week and celebrate our independence, ok?

Hugs
Barb

equus

YAY!!! It's a good feeling....

I think where I come unstuck is in enjoying other people's feedback and thoughts but NOT enjoying it when those thoughts are coupled with an overriding confidence that they know better than me!

It is my life and no-one else will ever know it as well as I do.

We have to live with the consequences without feeling resentment and anger, I believe the only way of doing that is to have had free choice and our own convictions.

I like this thread lots!

ICU

I was thinking the same thing. Where are the fireworks when you need them??

SS, I can relate....man, can I relate!!

ASpouse

SS, whoever gave you the idea that it wasn't your life and you couldn't feel what you feel? I think, once you answer those questions, you will have hit the root of your problems.

Janitw

Speaking about independence day - last year exactly on the 4th of July is the day when my husband left the kids and I and I have been lost all year but since I've met all of you guys I will feel very liberated this 4th. I'll probably still feel blue a bit but not as torn up as I have been. Thanks Guys.

Grasshopper

Yup i use to fall for the same trap,that i had set for myself,too.That ole saying when i point my fingers @ others i have 3 pointing back @ me.Darn it,,lol.But its true for me.I need to take responsibility for all my own thoughts/feeling about others.Truth is that its very rare that when i share how im thinking/feeling that someone somewhere wont try to put their ore in my waters,lol.Unless im clear and say please just listen,i need a sounding board.Even then i will sometimes,here a moan or grown from another.
You say that you are tired of other peoples thoughts and feelings influncing your own thoughts and feelings.From my own experience,i know that this cannot happen without my given premission.You say too,that you are tired of some people --making-me feel pressured..etc..etc..This again i do to myself.No one can do anything to me.Influnce,me,have me change my mind,have me question my thoughts and or action,,without my own premission,that allows them to do all these things.So they are not the problem,i am--yet again,lol.
If i were to answer A spouce's question,of whoever gave you the idea that it wasnt your life,,etdc.I would have to answer..its me,i have done this to myself...If i think for one minute that it others doing this to me,then i have no contol,here.But knowing that it me,how i feel about what others are saying,about me,then i can change my thoughts about how i feel about them and what they are trying to do.accept that yupper someone will say something,just like i have just done,,here,,,lol.This works for me.its not about others,its about me,my own thoughts/feelings about others.
Thanks for lettting me share,
God Bless,

ChildlikeFaith

Some people get so mad when we don't do what they think we should do.

You're your own person with control of your own destiny. Kudos

StandingStrong

OMG - truer words could not have been said!!!!!!!!!

Even when they may be right - it takes Me, as an individual, to process and realize the best thing for ME.
I may someday come to agree with them, I may regret my choices that I make along the way, I may even feel like a total fool. But again, I have to be the one that comes to that final decision, that choice, that will alter MY life forever.

Regardless of best intentions or what have you ----- it all comes down to ME, MY choice, MY decisions, and what's in MY heart and mind.