Dam
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: brandon man, canada
Posts: 258
Dam
Hello everybody.Jest thought i would check in.I,ve been having a bit of a problem lately with the weekends comming and then i get depressed and feel sorry for myself.That i dont have anybody in my life and with not drinking i sometimes think where else do you meet women then at a bar.Then i start doing some stupid thinking that maybe i should go out again and try controlled drinking and i know it may last for awhile but then i,m right back to where i was drinking everyday.Sometimes i think the longer we go sober we forget the way we used to be.I know going to meetings helps to see the way we were but i sometimes cant help but think that.Thanks for letting me vent.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,445
Hi Dave,
A good place to meet women is to do volunteer work. Give something back to your community and it will make you feel good about yourself, keep you busy and you'll make lots of new friends!
A good place to meet women is to do volunteer work. Give something back to your community and it will make you feel good about yourself, keep you busy and you'll make lots of new friends!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Hi Dave,
Your post calls to mind a brilliant line from a song by The Shins:
That's enough sitting on the fence, for the fear of breaking dams.
Get off the pity fence and go DO something where you'll find reason to engage in life again! We addicts get so wrapped up in our own best thinking, where it's so dark and seemingly hopeless, we forget there's a whole WORLD ongoing out there to invest ourselves in. Don't be afraid of the water, that only keeps you stuck sitting on the fence. Yes, a beach can be a nice place to meet people. And at the very least, you'll be breathing fresh air and soaking in sunshine engaging in life...
Your post calls to mind a brilliant line from a song by The Shins:
That's enough sitting on the fence, for the fear of breaking dams.
Get off the pity fence and go DO something where you'll find reason to engage in life again! We addicts get so wrapped up in our own best thinking, where it's so dark and seemingly hopeless, we forget there's a whole WORLD ongoing out there to invest ourselves in. Don't be afraid of the water, that only keeps you stuck sitting on the fence. Yes, a beach can be a nice place to meet people. And at the very least, you'll be breathing fresh air and soaking in sunshine engaging in life...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,229
................Sometimes i think the longer we go sober we forget the way we used to be...........
Hi Dave and thanks for sharing.
Im Sharon and I'm an Alcoholic. I havent had a drink of Alcohol since Aug. 11 '90 and for that im truely greatful.
The line i copied and pasted above from ur post hit a cord with me. For me I hope I NEVER FORGET WHAT IT WAS LIKE DRINKING. The longer I stay sober and the longer i share my Experience, strengths and hope with u on a daily bases, then there is no way i can ever forget what it was like when i was drinking. What it use to be like and what happened to me.
It was pretty sad if i should say so myself. I had tried so many times to quit drinking on my own and failed each time because MY WILL didnt work.
I came home drunk one night from a local club, hit a concret culvert sitting on top the ground and ended up in the hospital for 10 days with them removing my spleen or i would have bled to death.
That was in Feb 90. Then a few months later, in Aug 90, i picked up a drink after healing pretty well using pain pills. I took that drink and couldnt stop. The progression was extremely rapid that i tried to end my miserable life.
My family stepped in when my kids couldnt wake me the next day. The police came to pick me up using a court order to haul me away to rehab. There i spent the first night in the crazy ward to soon find out i wasnt crazy but rather i couldnt handle alcohol. So i spent 28 days in treatment picking up the tools of recovery to help me stay sober one day at a time.
Since then i have used those tools and 12 steps in my everyday life to help me live life much better than i ever had when drunk.
Sure there r lots of single people in those meetings. Sure i would have loved to connect with some of them, but i was married. Darn...lol And still married 24 yrs later. Only by the Grace of God we r still together.
There are lots of functions available for young people. Dances etc. Then when the AA Convention rolls around they r lots of fun too.
When u continue to suit up and show up u will begin to make lots of friends.
You will see those that keep coming back even if they still need to go do some control drinking. But like ive heard countless times....sobering up screws with ur drinking career.
It will never be the same again.
So hang in there Dave and just one day at a time.
Thanks for letting me share.
Hi Dave and thanks for sharing.
Im Sharon and I'm an Alcoholic. I havent had a drink of Alcohol since Aug. 11 '90 and for that im truely greatful.
The line i copied and pasted above from ur post hit a cord with me. For me I hope I NEVER FORGET WHAT IT WAS LIKE DRINKING. The longer I stay sober and the longer i share my Experience, strengths and hope with u on a daily bases, then there is no way i can ever forget what it was like when i was drinking. What it use to be like and what happened to me.
It was pretty sad if i should say so myself. I had tried so many times to quit drinking on my own and failed each time because MY WILL didnt work.
I came home drunk one night from a local club, hit a concret culvert sitting on top the ground and ended up in the hospital for 10 days with them removing my spleen or i would have bled to death.
That was in Feb 90. Then a few months later, in Aug 90, i picked up a drink after healing pretty well using pain pills. I took that drink and couldnt stop. The progression was extremely rapid that i tried to end my miserable life.
My family stepped in when my kids couldnt wake me the next day. The police came to pick me up using a court order to haul me away to rehab. There i spent the first night in the crazy ward to soon find out i wasnt crazy but rather i couldnt handle alcohol. So i spent 28 days in treatment picking up the tools of recovery to help me stay sober one day at a time.
Since then i have used those tools and 12 steps in my everyday life to help me live life much better than i ever had when drunk.
Sure there r lots of single people in those meetings. Sure i would have loved to connect with some of them, but i was married. Darn...lol And still married 24 yrs later. Only by the Grace of God we r still together.
There are lots of functions available for young people. Dances etc. Then when the AA Convention rolls around they r lots of fun too.
When u continue to suit up and show up u will begin to make lots of friends.
You will see those that keep coming back even if they still need to go do some control drinking. But like ive heard countless times....sobering up screws with ur drinking career.
It will never be the same again.
So hang in there Dave and just one day at a time.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern New Jersey
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by dave
where else do you meet women then at a bar.
Thinking back, i have never, ever met any female of any esteem in a bar or nightclub. Furthermore, when I went to bars and nightclubs to meet women, I was not looking for women, women are everywhere, I was looking for other women who drank and got high to HAVE SEX WITH. This is quite normal for a male of any age, but what was unhealthy was the fact that I then believed the only women in existence who would in fact sleep with me, drank and got high.
The reason one believes all women live in bars is because one has spent all of one's life in bars. If you live in a cave, that's where the world is, those who say otherwise seem crazy. Furthermore, in early recovery, all of the old voices scream at me "RUN RUN RUN RUN". I am defying 9 years of behavioral programming. For 9 years I drank like Ernest Hemingway and drugged like Sid Vicious
What's remarkable is how familiar this thinking is to me. Due to this thinking i became homeless on the streets of NYC, had several heart attacks due to overdoses, and attempted suicide. Once I put the drink and the drug down, and just surrendered, things began to improve.
Women are not the answer to my problem today. People come and go in my life, but I am responsible for me, for my happiness. No sex, no matter how good, nor any relationship, no matter how loving, is endless and permanent or ultimately fulfilling. Spirituality fills that emptiness for me. People will fail you, as they are fallible. Conditions change. The answer is in the Steps, The Fellowship, and The spiritual path of your choice. We have a choice today.
Congratulations to anyone who stayed sober and clean today, thanks for your share Dave, good luck. You're not alone.
Be Well,
Joe
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern New Jersey
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by dave
where else do you meet women then at a bar.
Thinking back, i have never, ever met any female of any esteem in a bar or nightclub. Furthermore, when I went to bars and nightclubs to meet women, I was not looking for women, women are everywhere, I was looking for other women who drank and got high to HAVE SEX WITH. This is quite normal for a male of any age, but what was unhealthy was the fact that I then believed the only women in existence who would in fact sleep with me, drank and got high, and that drinking and getting wacked was all that one could do in this Godless, empty, meaningless thing called life.
The reason i believed all women lived in bars is because I spent all of my life in bars. If you live in a cave, that's where the world is, those who say otherwise seem crazy. Furthermore, in early recovery, all of the old voices scream at me "RUN RUN RUN RUN". I am defying 9 years of behavioral programming. For 9 years I drank like Ernest Hemingway and drugged like Sid Vicious
What's remarkable is how familiar this thinking is to me. Due to this thinking i became homeless on the streets of NYC, had several heart attacks due to overdoses, and attempted suicide. Once I put the drink and the drug down, and just surrendered, things began to improve.
Women are not the answer to my problem today. People come and go in my life, but I am responsible for me, for my happiness. No sex, no matter how good, nor any relationship, no matter how loving, is endless and permanent or ultimately fulfilling. Spirituality fills that emptiness for me. People will fail you, as they are fallible. Conditions change. The answer is in the Steps, The Fellowship, and The spiritual path of your choice. We have a choice today.
Congratulations to anyone who stayed sober and clean today, thanks for your share Dave, good luck. You're not alone.
Be Well,
Joe
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