lost in nj

as with many i am in the same boat,my husband is a major alcholic.we have been trying for a few years to get him to see that he has a problem.i thought we were close a couple times my husband attempted to go for help only to cause trouble an leave the hospital.the only time he claims he knows he has a problem is when he's falling down trunk,but if we agree with him he totally changes his tune.i'm afraid one day he'll hurt someone physically,he's already hurt everyone emotionaly with his degrading.what i'd like to know is do we stop telling him that he has a problem and ignore it or do we keep telling him.i know if we don't say anything then we don't care and if we do say something we are hounding him and degrading him.i feel like i'm in a no win situation here.

Live

Welcome, pull up a seat and make yourself at home, read around, the stickies at the top of the forums are a suggestion to start. There are a world of wise and wonderful folk here and more will be along soon.
live

Zoey

lost, I too want to say welcome to

teke

welcome lost in love, like the others said, stick around awhile and there will be others, in the mean time i will be praying for you and your family. in time, we would love to get to know you so hang on, help is on the way.

dollydo

Welcome, you are in good hands here.

Keep reading, keep posting.

Dolly

ASpouse

Degrading him? I think he's doing that to himself just fine! Ignore him, or detach from him for the time being. Perhaps some sort of support group like Al Anon or Therapy can help. Give it a try.

Janitw

The only person who degrades the alcoholic is the alcoholic. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it...the 3 C's. DETACH yourself fast. The rest will be his decision and his alone. Stay here and read all of our stories and we are here to help all we can. Together we can all heal.

(((hugs)))

Pick-a-name

lost in nj : hi! Glad you are here!

Good advice so far. I found reading has helped me start to "untangle" my life.what I can and can not do to make my life more peaceful.

Several bookk I have found especially helpful are "Under the Influence" by Dr. James Milam and "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. (You can read parts of GTS free online and the website of the same name). They are great starting places.

Stick around, read and post; Alanon and open AA meetings, etc. are all helpful. We all understand how you are feeling.their are lots of fine people here with help!

denny57

Hi lost in nj

Welcome to the site. I agree with the others. If you can give Al-Anon a try, I'd suggest it. One important thing you will learn there is that you can make changes - to yourself - and many times that leads to a change all around. The more knowledge you gain, by reading, attending meetings, coming here, the clearer it will be that his drinking is not something you can control.

Keep coming back and glad you are here. Hope you didn't get struck by those bad rain storms.

Cynay

Welcome to SR... We are glad that you found us.

I know you feel lost now, but the others are right. The more you learn about this disease the more you will be able to detach and let your Alcoholic Husband take responsibility for his disease. I have gone to theraphy and currently use Al-anon for support. It helps me alot to know Im not alone in this.

Pull up a chair and make yourself at home... the first post is always the hardest but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and its not a train.

lost in nj

thank you all,i know its gonna be a long process but i'm trying to get on the right track.i told myself that i was gonna let god take over.i know there isn't away i can help him with what he needs but i know i need to help myself and i am going to. i'm trying not to let him bring me down anymore.i'm really glad i found this place.i've read alot since i've been here an i would like to thank you all,i have hope which i almost lost.THANK YOU