dink

Well I have been in recovery myself for about 4 months now, and have not had much trouble staying free from drugs and alcohol. My girlfriend on the other hand I feel is heading for a lot of trouble. Her use has seemed to go up after I quit. We started to have less and less in common. She would say she would stay sober for at least 4 weeks and never made it more than 4 days. Well this week she drank a lot and was snorting riddlin. I lost it when she stayed at her friends, who lives downstairs, and when I called to see when she was coming home she had them lie and tell me she was asleep. I packed up her stuff and took my key back. She says she is happy to be moving out and don't feel the same about me anymore. I know this will come back on her and she will regret this in the long run. We have a child together who is 3 and I have a son who is 7. All this is making me a little crazy. I still love her and yet I feel totally helpless to change anything for the better. I cant sleep I have nightmares about her. I am torn between wishing she was here with me and being glad she is gone. I find myself worrying about her a lot. About the drugs she will do, how much she will drink and the scum she will be hanging out with. I have done my best to protect her and now I'm at the end of my rope. We went to see a counselor once, it started out good then ended up right back where we started. She never went back after that. For her and our sons sake I don't want to give up on her but she hurts me a lot. I will always love her, I'm probably better off without her but I keep thinking of our kid and how our family is no more. I would do anything to keep our family together. I really miss the love we use to have for each other. I'm just kinda looking for some words of wisdom here. Anything will be appreciated.

teke

i am a recovering addict married 20 yrs to an active addict with 7 kids between to 2 of us, been clean 3+yrs now and i know how much pain you are in and i am so sorry. first let me welcome you to sr.

there a lot of caring and supportive people here with great wisdom. you may already know that until your gf is ready to quit, that there is not much you can do to make her. i almost lost my sanity literally before i realizes this.
the best thing that you can do for her is to take care of yourself.

you can start by reading the post at the top of the forum, find a naranon or aa meeting if you can, read all around the boards and pray, if you believe.
as much as it hurts, focusing on what your gf does with her life,does you and your son no good. if you can, read the book entitled codependancy no more and read, read and read so more, posting as much as you need to.

i am kind of new here too but please stick around and just hold on, someone with more experience will be along shortly, in the mean time, i will be praying for you and your family.

WantsOut

This is what comes to mind when I read your post: You only get one life. One. Are you going to spend your precious life chasing an addict around, or will you spend it making life good for you and your children?

No one on their deathbed wished that they had managed to control the addict they loved. They wish they had spent more time enjoying life and living it to the fullest.

Will you give your life away to someone else, or will you live it?

Zoey

dink, how are you doing?? Are you reading everything? Hope you found the one on enabeling. So much to learn. Keep coming back.

Don't let anything throw you, we all want our A's to get well, it is just that we cannot help them.
Did you go to treatment, or go to a group, or cold turkey?? Mind telling us??

Addicts seem to all be alike, but when it comes to how they get sober, everyone is different.

dink

I went through a Intensive Out Patient program that was in a group setting with a VERY good counselor. I have been to a handful of AA meetings but I didn't feel like I needed them right now. I did go cold turkey kinda. I had a little cross addiction for a minute but I have been clean and sober for over 4 months now. I don't miss it at all ! I feel so much better inside and out. I think I have been ready for this for some time. The fun of drinking and drugging has been gone for a long time. I got my 2ed DUI in 6 years and I just had enough. Enough of all the trouble drinking and drugs have caused me in my life. I just really wanted to make a change for my children's sake. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm making the right choices. It's just this who; relationship thing that hurts me. I can live without drinking and drugs I just don't want to live without my girl, but it looks like I don't have much of a choice in that matter. I will always love her but I have to get up and move on.

Live

I think packing someone out and tossing them is hasty, for me relationships are mutual and unilateral power isn't healthy; first we have the dialogue, then the follow up.

Keep in mind that you are shared parents.

But keep for yourself first, you

denny57

Welcome to the site, dink (that sounds a little weird!)

Congratulations on your recovery. I imagine you have a good perspective on the fact that your girlfriend will have to come to recovery on her own. I know that doesn't make it any less painful for you. Please keep coming back and sharing.

It's fantastic that the children will now have one fully present parent. Who knows what the future holds for your girlfriend? Try to take it one day at a time.

((()))

JessicaNAJ

((((((DINK))))))