Thank You
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Thank You
I've been glued to this site recently and it's really been helping with the anxiety I've been experiencing. Thank you all for being here and sharing your experiences. I'm learning so much valuable information, you can't get it in a book or by talking to someone that hasn't lived it.
I am accepting that this process is going to be what it's going to be. Whether I like it or not, I can't control how fast things happen or what the results will be. I'm even accepting that my AH is probably going to be a crazing making, mean, moody, nut case for awhile... for awhile longer than I'd like him to be... regardless of how hard he tries to get sober or whether or not he actually succeeds. Meanwhile, I will take every opportunity to be happy.
Earlier today I was annoyed with myself because all my AH had to do was be a little bit nice and my attitude towards him immediately improved. I'm such a good little puppy dog, just pat me on the head and I'll wag my tail. But then I've always prided myself on being able to turn myself around quickly. That's me, little miss adaptable. Hmmm. But, if I'm going stick around long enough to find out how the story ends, I guess it really is a good thing to be able to let go of the anger. Although, I have to admit, occassional ranting/venting sometimes feels good. I guess it's important for me to able to be angry sometimes as well. Anger's helped me to make some hard decisions these last few months.
It's so hard to have a consistant outlook on things when AH is a differrent person everytime I talk to him. I swear, he couldn't be anymore unpredictable if he tried. It's even crossed my mind that he's doing on purpose to drive me insane or that if he isn't maybe I should try it on him. Each time we encounter each other, I could alternate between good angel and bad angel. All those improv theater classes I took in my youth could come in handy. It could be fun... evil fun.
Anyway, thank you again, to all you wonderful people, for being here.
I am accepting that this process is going to be what it's going to be. Whether I like it or not, I can't control how fast things happen or what the results will be. I'm even accepting that my AH is probably going to be a crazing making, mean, moody, nut case for awhile... for awhile longer than I'd like him to be... regardless of how hard he tries to get sober or whether or not he actually succeeds. Meanwhile, I will take every opportunity to be happy.
Earlier today I was annoyed with myself because all my AH had to do was be a little bit nice and my attitude towards him immediately improved. I'm such a good little puppy dog, just pat me on the head and I'll wag my tail. But then I've always prided myself on being able to turn myself around quickly. That's me, little miss adaptable. Hmmm. But, if I'm going stick around long enough to find out how the story ends, I guess it really is a good thing to be able to let go of the anger. Although, I have to admit, occassional ranting/venting sometimes feels good. I guess it's important for me to able to be angry sometimes as well. Anger's helped me to make some hard decisions these last few months.
It's so hard to have a consistant outlook on things when AH is a differrent person everytime I talk to him. I swear, he couldn't be anymore unpredictable if he tried. It's even crossed my mind that he's doing on purpose to drive me insane or that if he isn't maybe I should try it on him. Each time we encounter each other, I could alternate between good angel and bad angel. All those improv theater classes I took in my youth could come in handy. It could be fun... evil fun.
Anyway, thank you again, to all you wonderful people, for being here.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
gypsyrose, I read once what a sober A wrote in the Grapevine, about, "How it was, what happened and what it is like now". He commented "he was so many different people when he drank, he could have posed for a group photo"
I always remembered that!!
Sounds like you are finding some acceptance. Enjoy your vacation.
When do you leave.?? Have a good one.
I always remembered that!!
Sounds like you are finding some acceptance. Enjoy your vacation.
When do you leave.?? Have a good one.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
LOL! Thanks Clancy. I hope AH and I will be able to look back someday and laugh about things like that.
I leave on Thursday. AH doesn't leave 'till Friday so I won't have the stress of dealing with him on the plane (he has difficulty with transitions). I'll only have two children to take care of instead of three
I leave on Thursday. AH doesn't leave 'till Friday so I won't have the stress of dealing with him on the plane (he has difficulty with transitions). I'll only have two children to take care of instead of three
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Looks like my "good angel, bad angel" idea has taken root without my intending it to. AH came home being his normal moody self. We ended up having a fight over stuff I would usually ignore. Yesterday the "Serenity Prayer" was my friend. Today it's a distant memory. The man is officially driving me crazy. I don't even have my denial to protect me anymore.
Even if things go well in Maui, I'd only be letting my guard down again and setting myself up for disappointment. I keep thinking, if only I can make it through the next few months, then we have ski a lease all Winter so I'll only see him on weekends and by the end of that time... I'll know what to do. If at that time he's actively drinking and/or behaving the way he does now, I think I'll be intelligent to end this stupid game.
He called me stupid again last night and you know maybe he's right, 'cause look at what I've allowed him to get away with all this time. Usually, he doesn't actually call me stupid, usually he just implies it. I don't know how many times he's told me that if he dies he doesn't trust me not to blow the life insurance money on some guy. Of course I know it's ridiculous accusation but maybe it's based on a very real fact... AH conned me into loving him and look at all I've been wiiling to sacrifice for him.
Not so long ago, AH told me the real him is the one that is mean and when he acts nice towards me... it's just an act. I don't think he was lying about that. I believe it has become more and more true over the years. And like the frog in the pot of water coming to a boil, our relationship has been dying a slow death without my understanding what was happenning. But sometimes I wonder, was it all a con from the beginning, was he ever capable of loving anyone?
I keep hoping that AH will get healthy and we'll have a good relationship again, for more than a few minutes at a time, someday. But what if we never had a good relationship to begin with? What if it was all an act on his part and me seeing what I wanted to see on my on my part? Okay, so maybe he's a victim of his illness and not really as bad as all that. So? Doesn't really matter if I don't want to keep living this way.
Whatever! I have a plan. I'll try to stick to it as closely as possible. Meanwhile, there is a part of me that is already done playing this supid game.
From now on, he's on his own to figure it out what he wants to do and how he's going to do it. I've told him what I want. The rest is up to him and he'll do whatever he's gonna do. It's not in my control and it's not my responibility. I've done all I can to try to keep our relationship together and it's taken it's toll on me. I'm done playing. I am just a spectator now.
Time for a new game. From now on, it's all about me... and of course my children.
Even if things go well in Maui, I'd only be letting my guard down again and setting myself up for disappointment. I keep thinking, if only I can make it through the next few months, then we have ski a lease all Winter so I'll only see him on weekends and by the end of that time... I'll know what to do. If at that time he's actively drinking and/or behaving the way he does now, I think I'll be intelligent to end this stupid game.
He called me stupid again last night and you know maybe he's right, 'cause look at what I've allowed him to get away with all this time. Usually, he doesn't actually call me stupid, usually he just implies it. I don't know how many times he's told me that if he dies he doesn't trust me not to blow the life insurance money on some guy. Of course I know it's ridiculous accusation but maybe it's based on a very real fact... AH conned me into loving him and look at all I've been wiiling to sacrifice for him.
Not so long ago, AH told me the real him is the one that is mean and when he acts nice towards me... it's just an act. I don't think he was lying about that. I believe it has become more and more true over the years. And like the frog in the pot of water coming to a boil, our relationship has been dying a slow death without my understanding what was happenning. But sometimes I wonder, was it all a con from the beginning, was he ever capable of loving anyone?
I keep hoping that AH will get healthy and we'll have a good relationship again, for more than a few minutes at a time, someday. But what if we never had a good relationship to begin with? What if it was all an act on his part and me seeing what I wanted to see on my on my part? Okay, so maybe he's a victim of his illness and not really as bad as all that. So? Doesn't really matter if I don't want to keep living this way.
Whatever! I have a plan. I'll try to stick to it as closely as possible. Meanwhile, there is a part of me that is already done playing this supid game.
From now on, he's on his own to figure it out what he wants to do and how he's going to do it. I've told him what I want. The rest is up to him and he'll do whatever he's gonna do. It's not in my control and it's not my responibility. I've done all I can to try to keep our relationship together and it's taken it's toll on me. I'm done playing. I am just a spectator now.
Time for a new game. From now on, it's all about me... and of course my children.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
From now on, it's all about me... and of course my children.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
gypsy, Sucks, they have to be such idiots when something is planned.
Something you wrote made me think of another tidbit.
In the newspaper the lady went to a psychiatrist, she asked, "Dr. should I always try to make my hubby happy? Dr. said, "No, some people like to be unhappy and find fault, THAT is their happiness" SMILE
So mine came in one day, and I had done something really stupid, so he started in. I said, Oh!! good I fooled around here and made you happy.
You like to find fault and I fooled around and made your day!
He sorta growled an ugh! End of conversation. He had to think about that.
Mine was a controlled heavy drinker, he never said he was alcoholic, so I cannot say that.
Wish I would have learned to say "You might be right, let me think about it"
I think he would have dropped it again???
Hope things go smother now till you can get gone. hugs
Something you wrote made me think of another tidbit.
In the newspaper the lady went to a psychiatrist, she asked, "Dr. should I always try to make my hubby happy? Dr. said, "No, some people like to be unhappy and find fault, THAT is their happiness" SMILE
So mine came in one day, and I had done something really stupid, so he started in. I said, Oh!! good I fooled around here and made you happy.
You like to find fault and I fooled around and made your day!
He sorta growled an ugh! End of conversation. He had to think about that.
Mine was a controlled heavy drinker, he never said he was alcoholic, so I cannot say that.
Wish I would have learned to say "You might be right, let me think about it"
I think he would have dropped it again???
Hope things go smother now till you can get gone. hugs
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by gypsyrose
Not so long ago, AH told me the real him is the one that is mean and when he acts nice towards me... it's just an act. I don't think he was lying about that. I believe it has become more and more true over the years. And like the frog in the pot of water coming to a boil, our relationship has been dying a slow death without my understanding what was happenning. But sometimes I wonder, was it all a con from the beginning, was he ever capable of loving anyone?
I keep hoping that AH will get healthy and we'll have a good relationship again, for more than a few minutes at a time, someday. But what if we never had a good relationship to begin with? What if it was all an act on his part and me seeing what I wanted to see on my on my part? Okay, so maybe he's a victim of his illness and not really as bad as all that. So? Doesn't really matter if I don't want to keep living this way.
.
Sorry you are feeling this way.I understand completely. I was just thinking about this (again!) and posted it on another thread. I think that it is about progression of the disease. Hard for me to admit that it is not just a "bad day he is having"...it is addiction. Addiction directs B.'s thoughts,actions, words.everything. No wonder he doesn't act like "himself" he...the one I love, the one I married.is not himself.he is under the power of the drug/s. I try to relate to the guy I know (who breaks out from time to time.in fact, I see him try very hard at times to still be that person) but usually the guy who answers me is the addiction......it doesn't like me and I don't like it and the way it talks and acts to me,either!
The angry guy that is trying to be nice.....at least in B.'s case is the addiction,too. But, that IS who in charge of him at least for now.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by Clancy46
gypsy, Sucks, they have to be such idiots when something is planned.
Something you wrote made me think of another tidbit.
In the newspaper the lady went to a psychiatrist, she asked, "Dr. should I always try to make my hubby happy? Dr. said, "No, some people like to be unhappy and find fault, THAT is their happiness" SMILE
Something you wrote made me think of another tidbit.
In the newspaper the lady went to a psychiatrist, she asked, "Dr. should I always try to make my hubby happy? Dr. said, "No, some people like to be unhappy and find fault, THAT is their happiness" SMILE
Haha.before mine got worse (when he could still take a joke!) I used to say.Lucky you....a ready-made source of reasons to be ticked; think of all the energy and I work I save you..hahah!!!
You said:Wish I would have learned to say "You might be right, let me think about it"
I think he would have dropped it again??? In my case.and I did say that some time.he got confused and sometimes ticked-off...like the wind went out of his sails....his fight was over before it started. I half expected him to argue against what I agreed with but didn't give him the opportunity!
No wonder it is so tiring! haha
"
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