jackson123

I feel so strong sometimes and other times I feel like a total sap. The guilt is eating me alive.
Why in the back of my mind do I think things are going to get better? They only get worse. After months of sleeping on the couch he came to bed last night. I felt like he was invading my space. The smell of liquor in my room this morning made me sick. His boss called his cell phone and he didn't even answer it. He just slept.... Sometimes I hate myself for fantasizing about him never waking up. I know that sounds terrible and I don't really mean it. I just can't help wishing I wasn't in this situation. That his problem wasn't my problem.

jackson123

Is it possible? I was just curious how certain situations are handled. I don't think my boyfriend could ever be in a situation that there was social drinking without drinking himself.

(sorry this was supposed to be a seperate post)

laurie6781

Jackson, his problem IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

You are FREE to end the relationship anytime you want to.

Unfortunately for most of us, it takes going to the depths of H*ll with our alkies and getting so totally 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' before we become willing.

Have you tried Al anon. Its a wonderful program to learn about yourself and why you act and react the way you do, and how to CHANGE those actions and reactions, so that you may eventually live in peace and serenity, either with the alkie or without the alkie.

Just a thought but maybe its time for you to set some boundaries that he cannot cross, boundaries that are for YOU. ie, no sleeping in the bed if you have had ANYTHING to drink.

The thing with boundaries though, we have to be ready to stand behind them or then we are just 'quacking' like the alkie does.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Ask questions as needed. There are plenty here with the Experience, Strength, and Hope to help you, and we have all been where you are now, and some of us are where you are now.

Please TAKE CARE OF YOU. He needs to suffer the consequences of HIS ACTIONS. Some of the early things I did with my first alkie were:

If his clothes were not in the laundry hamper they were not washed. If he wasnt home when supper was ready, too bad. I left it in the oven (gas oven) and usually it was REAL DRIED OUT when he went to eat it. When he didn't show up for work and His Colonel would call, I would make no excuses. Would tell the truth to any question asked.

Later, he was banashed permanently to the couch. And eventually the locks were changed and I obtained an Order Of Protection.

Just do what you can FOR YOU today. Please remember the three C's:

You didn't CAUSE it,

You can't CONTROL it, and

You can't CURE it.

I truly hope that some of the above can give you some Hope.

Love and hugs,

StandingStrong

I have felt the many examples of guilt. Some was mine to feel - and some of it wasn't.
Finding the difference in the two is hard, but I think when I started to seperate "his stuff" from "my stuff" - I began to see things a little more clearly, and that in turn, made it a whole lot easier to not feel guilt for things that were not mine to feel guilty about.
Don't misunderstand though - I went through years of pain, hurt, and turmoil, just as you are feeling now. I, too, had my moments when I wished that AH wasn't there anymore - and like you, I felt guilty for those feelings as well. I was a guilt magnet!!!
As hard as it may seem to actually see it though - in reference to the part of your post that I"ve quoted above - YOU have a choice! You have a choice whether to stay in this situation or not. You also have a choice as to whether his problem is going to be your problem - it's only yours if you let or allow it to be.
Believe me - I had a hard time realizing that. I believed that my life was a mess because of AH - I thought it was all his fault! I realize now, I chose to allow it to be the way that it was and am choosing to allow my life to be the way it is now. While sometimes the choices are so very hard to see - and the choices are even twice as hard to make - the choice really is there and it's your choice.

(((jackson123)))