igfan

i think i'm gonna leave here for a while. I've become obsessed with this website and i'm not sure why. I think i've been looking for unconditional love and support from people who don't have the slightest idea who i am or what i'm all about. And to make things worse i take it personally when i don't get any response to my posts. I'm sorry, my life isn't full of drama, i'm not suicidal today, i'm not going to drink today, so i guess my posts go unoticed. I know, i sound like a baby, but i'm just tired of people pleasing. I should be spending my time doing more productive things, not surfing the net all day to see if anyone gives a sheet about what i'm upto or even notices that i'm not around. It's pretty sad, even in cyberspace i feel out of place.

Peace Out

Luckyv2

Don't go, that is your disease talking to you. You are just as important here as anyone else. I know sometimes I feel the same way, but I know that it isn't true. And I think that you know it isn't true. We are here for each other, I am sorry if I have been missing your post, I try to get to as many as I can, and then I have my own to keep up, work, Chance, : so just be patient, Don't leave, we (I) need you here just like everyone else.

Love Vic

Timmm

Hey please dont leave I did answer ur post as soon as it was posted I just have never used it .......I really wish i could have helped more Im so sorry,Can I help any other way


I will do whatever it takes you have helped me in my posts So im more than willing to help you right now Please dont leave We will miss u too much!!!!!!

Being without drama is gr8 Id rather have u here without than with !! You give out gr8 advice !!

Please stay ,

Your addiction to this site is because togetherness is the best way to beat the demon!!

Alone we tend to go on our own

Thanks
Tim!!

GeorgiaPeach

Please don't go. You always have such wonderful insight for others and you are right, we do get caught up in the drama a little too much but that doesn't mean that we don;t love & need you! Please stay at least a little bit.

c'est la vie

It's too bad you're feeling this way, but I completely understand. I feel the same way. I didn't post much for a few weeks because I just don't feel like I fit into any group and I don't have any earth shattering problem that can bring people running. I hope you at least check in now and then so we know you're well. At least you can say you've got 3 months sober time and you're making good progress. I'm happy for you.

Etimee

Hey!

I hope you're OK and you find peace that you need. Otherwise, check back, vent it, someone is bound to relate and continue your journey to that place you want to be!

You don't have to be here everyday if it's not what you need. You know that saying ... take what you need and leave the rest?

I have read so many times that people get obsessed with SR...I know I did. I needed it. I got it and I keep coming back not only because it keeps me grounded but because I am concerned about anyone out there who needs help. I leave every once in a while for a while, but I keep checking back to catch up with my HATZer's and others.

So whether your idea of leaving for a while is an hour, a day or a week. I am glad you said only for a while.

I don't know about you, but this board is the angel on my shoulder!

(Just that instead of just one angel, I have a whole crowd of people I have come to know sitting there on my shoulder keeping me company when I am faced with a challenge and they always pull me through.)

Etimee

PaperDolls

Cheryl,

I have days like this all the time. It really does stink. I know what you're feeling.....you just want someone to care, someone to notice you, etc. I promise you, people at SR DO. Sometimes you don't get an answer but it's not because no one cares. Some days are just like that around here.

I'm sorry you're feeling down. I hope you get better and congrats on your 3 months! That's awesome.

~doll

c'est la vie

I agree with PD. Sometimes the boards are so slow and boring and it makes me crazy because I sit here waiting for something to happen LOL. I need to get a life too.

Smyle

Those greeks sure know a thing or two about philosophy ....LOL
I wish I was greek most of the time...maybe then I would have the answers r at least the food I need ...
So you need to take a break .. I hear you on that /.......gets a little crazy around here....reminds me y I quit working and stay home with the kids...less drama some days...though they just threw down over the remote and I was craking up in the background ...thinking about my brother and me fighting over the same dam n thing.... 20 yrs ago... so in 20 yrs we will all be here giving our best and trying to figure it all out...and someone other than me will be laughing in the background,,,what do you think ??

michski

3 months IS awesome!!

I know how you feel about spending too much time on the puter, I feel that way too. It sure feels like another addiction but it does keep my head in recovery. I've re read a lot of your posts and you've come such a long way in these past couple months. We post here at SR sitting behind our keyboard and even though it may seem like nobody really knows us personally, it's amazing how much of ourselves we do reveal here on the message boards. Becoming "yourself" again isn't a comfortable process...It's got tons of ups and downs especially in the first 3-4 months. I always felt that it (early sobriety) was nothing more than a waiting game and if I waited long enough, and didn't pick up, my life eventually would improve. It did. Yours will too in ways you can't even begin to imagine. I wish for you to be aware of P.A.W.S and the unexplained emotional irritation that comes along with. You would be right in the most difficult time and it can/will rear it's ugly head up now and then at 3 months clean/sober.

I found that daily physical exercise really helped my head during those relatively awful anxious insecure first few months at the beginning of my new life sober. I sure wish the best for you in ALL the aspects of your new life.

ps. All of us take it personally when no one responds to our posts!

Etimee

Hah! I am 100% American! Just happened to be married to a Greek who appreciates my philosophy! Married to a Greek and able to enjoy AND cook this great food...ahh, now that's the life!

My philosophy about your post is that you already have it all figured out about the kids. That's all there is to it. Isn't it great to just be able to sit there and laugh about it?

Getting back to igfan, look at how many of us are just around you chit chatting away. We're gonna miss you! You'll be thought about!

Smyle

I am jealous almost married a greek but i was not greek enough for his family... and see igfan.... WE NEED YOU TO INSPIRE US !!!!!!

Etimee

Sometimes, you are leaving one addiction and afraid of taking on another. The good thing is ... you recognize it, pull back, grab a hold and proceed with caution. You're recovering.

Etimee

I know the feeling. I love My Big Fat Greek Wedding. We made it through. You get that stuff in every family somehow.

You gotta take what you need and leave the rest, you know what I mean igfan?

ASH

Hope you decide to stay, SR is a better place with you here

Anna

I'm sorry you feel let down by SR Igfan.

One of the hardest things I've had to learn since becoming sober is to love myself and to not try to please others in hopes of gaining their love.

As someone who has been around SR for a few years - it has a LOT to offer.

nogard

hi igfan,

Stick around, its all part of the recovery process. I stay here and moderate my use of SR, but I won't quit SR as its part of my life and my recovery.

Kevin

MaryG

I read all the posts here, but I rarely post myself in response to anybody -- but a lot of time when I'm reading through thinking "Yes, EXACTLY!" This post, especially igfan.

I know what you mean by "looking for unconditional love and support from people who don't have the slightest idea who i am or what i'm all about." That is so me. Hence my uber silence here. Its something I do all the time that I really need to break myself of...because if I don't love myself nobody else can love me and I can't really love anyone else.

I'm just really trying to get a handle on my inability to stop at one, two, three beers -- and also my husband's recent sobriety, which has forced me to either "go with" or "go without." Obviously, his sobriety is the most important thing -- as is my own -- and as we both go through this, its showing me so much about myself and my other emotional/mental/etc. problems too.

I hope we can both hang in there -- and I hope you can too igfan.

FarTooMuch

Igfan,
I really wish you weren't leaving. I'm new here so I don't know you, but I can tell your a person I'd really like to get to know.

I'm wondering if after awhile, people really do form relationships and become "real friends" here, and if that will be possible for me. My main focus when coming here is to learn from people, and stay on the path. But another part of me also NEEDS to feel I belong *Blush*

If I don't drink, I won't have too many emotional issues coming up (I don't think) So I often won't have much to talk about. I'm worried that will keep me from being "seen" I don't think I'm unique in that feeling either, I'm sure alot of us have it.

If you feel like you need more attention, I'm sure people here will give it to you. I know I will. If you feel you don't want it here, and want to find it outside this forum, I understand, and think that could be a great thing (as long as your not thinking about leaving recovery)

It sounds like you have good solid reasons for leaving, and if you have a support system set up, OUTSIDE of here, then I wish you the best of luck. If you don't, then I wish you'd stay till you do.

I understand your frustration with wanting unconditional love. I think we all do.



Big hugs to you

aloneagainor

This thread is filled with such insight, good you opened this subject for discussion. Because it's not just about you, it's about ALL OF US. This past weekend I was willing to attend an outdoor NA meeting at a place I knew had an instant ESCAPE plan if or when I needed it. The meeting was held outdoors on a large acreage near a river, I could wander off to the river or into the woods to explore, free to do so, inconspicuously. It's always been my way to duck and hide...avoid. But the people there made me feel so welcome, offered me a chair around the bonfire, I was free to engage in conversation if I chose, or not. Encouraged to listen, to BE there with them, they appreciated the fellowship, every member welcome.

The speakers at the meeting directly addressed the subject of BEING there, how all these recovering addicts, loners, outcasts, hiding-sneaking-avoiding-deceiving addicts ALL, who would have never thought of actually PARTICIPATING in such a fellowship as this, were there gathered together, looking at one another eye-to-eye, openly, honestly, willingly. Exchanging stories and friendship and support and caring. Humbly recognizing that none of US could have done this alone. In the company of other addicts, both there at the meeting and here at SR, we are FREE to be open and honest and REAL, so to express our minds and emotions, and to SEE ourselves without fear of retribution or judgment. Amongst other addicts who can relate to us, despite the differences in personality, lifestyle, history, location, upbringing, etc, we ALL benefit from the fact that WE have this affliction of addiction in common, and in this we know we're not alone.

I never did feel any need to escape into the woods that night. Simply allowed to be there, quietly listening, or openly talking, my choice. No drama required. Actually, Igfan, I appreciate the thoughtful threads of individuals who demonstrate genuine WILLINGNESS to work toward recovery, who are actively DOING what is necessary to approach recovery, and be healthy, reclaim their life again. Those are the threads I most benefit from, those that help me and help others learn and see oneself through others.

Just last night while listening to the Bedroom Walls recent release I reviewed the CD cover and there, tucked away in a corner of the liner notes, is printed this:

"The whole of modern literature is like the autumn wind inthe chimney, moaning and groaning, "Oh you're so unhappy! Oh, your life is a prison." That's all very nice, but I would prefer a literature that teaches you how to escape from prison."

Know ALL who are writing here are, in some small way, contributing to the Whole...it may not be formal modern literature, but it is every bit as relevant. Certainly it is to those of US HERE.

I wish you well on your journey Igfan, whichever way you choose. That is the beauty of NA and SR, you are free to choose what you'll hear, what you'll say, what will become part of you, and part of the Whole to share with others.

...and so you know, you and your name comes to my mind often. I'm so trying to figure out what Igfan means...