Smyle

My addiction counselor has given me some homework to do and I am not really crazy about it.

I do trust her and she says I am ready to do this but I have my doubts.

I just cannot seem to get it together so I can get it done. I have not slept real well since the assignment and am worried I am going to let her down.

it is just sooo hard to hash up all the crap that goes with making myself better.

I am scared to do this because some things I just DO NOT want to think about !!!

I am really trying to believe in myself and this process but the doubts are there and I just do not want to open any wounds I can't close without using.

Man this is so hard and so scary....

aloneagainor

Hi Smyle,
Are you avoiding doing this assignment here? This gets right to the heart of DOING something about addiction. Perhaps consider it as an opportunity for insight, for change to begin. A positive outlook does help motivate. Curious why you're avoiding your assignment so.

Oh...an addendum...
The concern you expressed about letting your counselor down is interesting. You'll likely only let her down if you don't try. Your not doing this for her, it's for YOU.

earlybird

Perhaps this assignment was designed to test your motivation,...in which case, you have your answer.

Luckyv2

You know the only way to get free from everything is to face everything and recover (fear) or **** everything and run (fear) or false evidence appearing real (fear). I will tell you right now, that there is nothing that is so unique about you that one of us here at SR hasn't done. I know it is hard to face this stuff but once it is taken a look at, the power of it isn't as strong as it would be if we never looked at it at all. I am in counseling also, I have to start homework about my codependency and dependency. My relapses always happens when a woman is involved. I know how you feel, I know about not starting the homework, why, afraid of knowing the real us. Yes it is scary but we need to do it if we are going to stay clean. I will make a deal with you. YOU start yours today and I will start mine today

Love Vic

Phinneas

smyle - working though addiction IS HARD TO DO!

You CAN do it, though. Keep in mind that the 12 steps are there for that very reason. I, too, seek outside help. So, you go, girl. And remember, walking through the pain means that we DO get to the other side.

I believe in you. Keep walking, my dear. Miraculous things await. HONEST.

Smyle

Thanks you guys and gals.... I started it and it is hard but I going to get through it...i think ????

It is just hard to bring things out of the dark...you know....
But I guess once they are in the light they may be easier for me to see.
thanks and Vic your on.....

Luckyv2

Um I have a little indian in me so does that mean I am a indian giver

OK I will start mine also.

Love Vic

YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!!!!

2dayzmuse

To begin to heal, you have to face the pain. There is no other way to getter better. We need to find what it is that is causing us pain and seek resolve. We've all felt resistance about doing the work. I gotta tell you though, it was worth every second of it. It will get better.

Sugah

Today, I find it much easier to maintain and expand upon my recovery than to face the prospect of getting high. Getting what I needed to stay as high as I needed to be in order to avoid dealing with the hard work of recovery was exhausting! And without the work, I could never have stayed clean. Tried too many other ways to quit...easier, softer ways, yes, but effective? Dealing with myself was the last thing I wanted to do. But so long as I was only treating the symptoms of my problem instead of the problem itself (which was, surprise, surprise! me), I was only killing time till the next drink or drug.

Recovery is beautiful. Life not lived as a slave to drugs and alcohol is wonderful beyond words. If you've ever heard the expression, "anything worth having is worth working for," it truly applies in recovery. For me, the only way I got through the hard work of early recovery was to draw upon the experience, strength and hope of others who'd gone before me. They lent me some of their faith while I was building my own.

Maybe if you share the homework assignment, we can relate our own experiences of how we did similar things in our own recovery? Going to a meeting and talking about it is another great way to find support. If I wasn't able to look someone in the eye and see that they truly knew how I felt, I don't think I could have done it.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Smyle

I am a little reluctant to share and really not at a meeting...I grew up in a very volatile enviornment...from my parents addictions to those that cared for me turning me into a junkie and a prostitute. Saying No was never an option for me....and that obviosly followed into adult life and has caused problems with my recovery and my relapse. I had to make several different types of lists and I have finished one, regarding the 8 year old inside me that never had a voice. It was real hard but for the first time in a week I slept like ...well.... an 8 year old

Sugah

Smyle,

Though some of the details may be different and some have had a harder road than others, the one thing I can tell you, from my experience, is that the process of working through these things, acknowledging them and exposing them to the light of day, takes the power out of them. In working steps 4-9 of my program, really working them deep, the end result for me was that things I'd carried for years and years could no longer hurt me. The things I had personally done wrong couldn't be held over my head, and those who'd hurt me just because I was there, just because I was convenient, were given no more of my life, my head, and my heart to occupy.

Something that your therapist may be doing with you that helped me immensely was assertiveness training. I, too, had a very difficult time saying no. When we're conditioned that defiance means pain, humiliation, shame, we learn to be as compliant so it passes as quickly as possible. Our boundaries are non-existant.

I'm glad you got a good night's sleep. It will get better.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Smyle

Thank you sugah...you sound like my therapist....I am feeling better today and though I was apprehensive I am going to start on my other list.
I am assertive in all the wrong ways and she is helping me to work through this and realize the right ways to be assertive.
I have been seeing her for a year and am finally starting to see some progress on my part.

It is just wierd for me because well when I was using I felt like I could face anything but actually I was hiding from everything

Sugah

Something else that helped me immensely, something that I will do for you, is that a whole pile of people prayed for me. Consider yourself a constant in my prayers.

You can heal. You don't have to be a victim anymore.

Peace & Love,
Sugah