sadface

Update on AH. Yesterday, he called to say he wasn't going to be able to pick up my son because he had no car; I could hear him breathing like when one is walking. The car that was loaned to him; the owner requested it back. Today, he called me. I wasn't going to pick up the phone but I didn't recognize the number. It turns out he lost his cell phone, so he was calling from a pay phone. He says somebody has it because it was answered than turned it off. He borrowed some money and he lost it. My son took the bus to his place. I realize some of it maybe lies. But things can't be that good that he is looking for pity. There are times I feel sorry for myself thinking he is enjoying life with OW while I am working so hard to make ends meet, taking care of the house and just plain stressing. Well maybe he isn't enjoying life as I though.

teke

hi

sorry that you are going through this, if your addict is still active and or is not working on recovery, i am sorry, i can't believe that he is happy. seems like even though you think that thing are bad for you, he don't sound like everything is all gravy for him. i pray that things get better for you and i believe that it will, you are gonna make it with gods help.

i have come so far and i had to raise 6 kids of my own and his son from a previous relationship mostly alone, while he is in and out the home for months at a time and at times for yrs. we are moving forward if only but a little and as far as i know,my ah is still just that. thanks for allowing me to share this, i hope i did not jump subject on you. i just want be apart of your support team

prodigal

Believe me, he feels miserable. Just the sheer chaos of his life that you have posted tells me that this guy is completely out of control. How does your son feel about visiting his dad? Does he realize his dad is in pretty bad shape? Would he prefer to simply stay home rather then go visit? Your children are, I'm sure, you're number one priority. Forget the alkie - his problems are his responsibility. I just hope your son is not being exposed to addict behavior - not a positive role model at all.

sadface

Hi Teke,
Wow, you have your hands full, but you sound like a strong person, and it is that determination of going forward that things will get better. Thanks for sharing it is nice to hear we are not alone. I pray for you too. I have been separated from my AH for over a year. He looked like he was getting better. I was his support and I stopped all communication because I believe he is seeing OW. He got worse that he was admitted in a HWH. When I saw him I almost didn't recognize him. He looked like a stranger off the street. My heart went out to him. He says he is in recovery but I don't believe him. Because things are not getting better, he is secretive and I think he still lies. As I mentioned, he calls to tell me how bad things are. I wonder when will he understand in order for things to get better he needs to change. He used to say, if his destiny was to die like a dog alone, so be it. And yet he says he is frustrated because things are so bad for him.

sadface

Prodigal- AH is out of control and doesn't understand why. Regarding my 14 yr old son. He loves his dad so much. I have suggested we concentrate on ourselves and maybe give dad time to himself. My son got upset and said I was not going to stop him from seeing his dad. If his dad is late, my son will wait for him and now has started to call him. I have taken my son to a few alanon meetings so I feel my son understands his dad is sick. My son is on medication for depression, is seeing a counselor, has appt to see a therapist and nurse practitioner (sorta psychologist- I am told but cheaper). i will continue with alanon. I feel if I demand my son to stop seeing his dad, my son will rebel, get upset and stressed out. You are right...AH is not a good role model, and I hope my son will soon understand that with the counselinghe is getting. This will have to be a decision for my son to make.

teke

SADFACE:

even though my ah is not the best role model, i believe that he won't deliberately do any thing to hurt the kids, they had supervised visitation and as they got older, they began to see for themselves and decided most of the time to pass up visitation. i too made sure that they knew the desease concept and i thought that helped in a lot of ways.

i imagine that it is kind of hard on your son, i lost my dad at a very young age, i think that he too was an alcoholic, from what i understand, this may be part of the reason he did not survive our house fire, i sure wish that he was still around somewhere, sober or drunk. i think that as long as your son is equipped with the knowledge about this desease and that he does not have to live in this on a daily basis, then he may just be okay. now this is only my opinion, he may understand more that you think and i pray that he'll know when it is time for him to back off. i pray that god will keep him, protect him, be a father to him and guide him and i pray for your strength and guidance too. you seem to be a great mom, who only trying to protect her young.

sadface

This caught my attention. AH lost his dad at the young age of 8 yrs old because of alcohol. When we were together and AH got drunk, he would talk about his dad and how he wished his dad was around. Being drunk, AH would cry and at times would talk to his dad as if he was alive. This has also made me understand how strong a love for their dad is. If something was to happen to AH, I don't want my son to say he didn't see or know him because of me. Thanks for your input and prayers.

megamysterioso

Sadface- I have found that people get back what they put into the world (for the most part). It is not shocking to me that your AH is really struggling, just as is doesn't shock me that my AH's options are dwindling- one right after another. Karma is a bitch, but it is just and that's why I like it.

Cynay

I have to agree... at 14 years old he is able to take care of his basic needs even if the A is not doing his part... (cooking etc) I dont think kids should be completely removed from the presents of the A parent as long as the child is not in danger.

My daughter still sees her father, grant it only about once a year.. his choice and hers now. She has a very clear picture of who her father is and I have heard her say that she does not do drugs/drink cuz she does not want to be like him... Now I do know that she has had drinks and we have talked at length about how this disease runs in both sides of her family... She is very aware of it.

I know with my ex-abf he would always say how good he is doing, even if he was not doing good at all but then again I have a MUCH different view of what good is. Maybe he is working on his bottom... I will keep you in my prayers.